Ron, Harry and Hermione had decided to come down to breakfast early this morning and were dawdling down the enchanted stairs when they heard it.

"SASUKE UCHIHA IS GAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Ron, Harry and Hermione stared at each other.

"that sounded like Naru--" stared Hermione, but she was cut off by another scream.

"SASUKE IS GAA---AAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Hermione, Ron and Harry's eyes snapped over to the double oak doors just at that moment when they burst open and Naruto came sprinting out of them.

"GANG WAY!" Naruto shouted, waving his arms frantically.

Harry, Ron and Hermione jumped out of the way just as he zoomed in between them.

"SASUKE-KUN! STOP!"

Harry, Hermione and Ron saw a positively fuming Sasuke zoom past them in a blur.

"SASUKE IS GAAAAAAYYYY!" shouted Naruto to the school again, laughing like a lunatic, only just keeping out of reach of Sasuke as he ran.

"does that dude have a death-wish?" gaped Ron, watching Naruto and Sasuke run up the stairs so fast he could only see a blond blur and a black blur.

"he always does!" sighed Sakura exasperatedly, helping Hermione to her feet.

the four of them watched Naruto and Sasuke do three rounds of the stairs until Naruto decided to make a quick escape.

the ran down the last set of stairs, closest to the oak doors which lead out to the grounds.

"OH NO YOU DON'T." roared Sasuke, jumping off the last few steps and launching himself at Naruto.

THUD

"AAAHHHH! HELP MEEEE! RAMPAGING HOMOSEXUAL! HE'S GONNA RAPE MEEEEE! HAAAAAALPPPP!" screamed Naruto, kicking and screaming as Sasuke started bashing the shit out of him.

five minutes later, Naruto was still screaming, Sasuke was still punching, nearly the whole school was watching, and no teachers had so much as arrived to figure out what all the noise is about or tell them to stop... yet.

"ENOUGH" roared a strong female voice.

everyone froze, including Naruto and Sasuke.

the crowd parted and Tsunade was standing there in her usual attire, though her hair was a little messy, no doubt, she just woke up and had to throw her clothes on really quickly, Tonton on her shoulder and Jiraiya looking over her other shoulder.

Naruto and sasuke looked at her, looked at each other, then looked back at her again.

Tsunade walked through the crowd and she stood over the two boys.

Sasuke had a bleeding lip and looked rather miffed. Naruto had a blood lip and quite a few bruises.

"what the hell happened!" she growled, tonton oinking in approval.

Sasuke kept silent, a hand tightening around Naruto's throat.

Naruto squirmed, unsure wether to tell Tsunade or not.

'if i tell her, Sasu-teme will kill me... if i don't... she'll leave and Sasu-teme will kill me... urgh!' growled Naruto in his head.

"i..." Naruto started, Sasuke's eyes snapping over, silencing him.

Tsunade looked at them both for a second, then growled exasperatedly, yanking both of them to their feet, pulling them apart and glaring at each of them in turn, a firm grip on the backs of their necks.

"well!"

"... i yelled that Sasuke is gay to the whole school and he attacked me." Naruto said simply, Sasuke immediately twitching and clenching his fists.

there was a round of snickering around the audience, but as soon Sasuke turned to them, his eyes bloodthirsty and filled with malice, there was immediate silence.

Tsunade yanked Sasuke's head so he was facing the way he was before.

"... you... called Sasuke gay...?" Tsunade asked slowly, pursing her lips slightly to stop herself smiling.

Naruto nodded. Sasuke glared. Tonton oinked and Jiraiya started making notes in his trusty notebook. next edition of itcha itcha paradise has a gay couple, perhaps...?

Tsunade kept her grip on the two boy's necks and looked around for pink.

'pink... pink... pink... pin--oh. there's sakura!'

"OI. Sakura. get over here." called Tsunade to the pink shock of hair in the crowd.

Sakura made her way through the crowd and stood at the edge, looking at Tsunade. "yes...?"

"did Naruto really call Sasuke a homo?" Tsunade asked bluntly, causing Sasuke to shudder, Naruto to stuff his knuckles in his mouth to stop himself laughing and another round of snickers to begin around the audience.

"... yeah, Naruto did." Sakura nodded.

"aww, Sakura-chaaan! you're supposed to stick up for me!" whined Naruto, earning himself a glare from Sasuke.

"whazz goinnon?" came a drowsy voice behind Tsunade.

Ginny weasely, of whom had been watching the whole thing, looked over Tsunade's shoulder to see Kakashi... only in a pair of black pants. he had his mask on, the same with the bandages over his eye... but dude... he was topless.

there were a few swoons from some of the girls who were in the audience, and one girl fainted.

Tsunade turned to Kakashi and blinked.

"what's going on?" Kakashi repeated, rubbing his uncovered eye.

"Naruto called Sasuke gay and Sasuke decided to kill him" Jiraiya said simply, still writing in his notebook.

"aah..." nodded Kakashi, walking over and reading Jiraiya's notes over his shoulder.

Tsunade sighed softly and looked at the two teens in front of her.

"right. detention for you both."

instant explosion.

"WHAT! I DIDN'T DO A THING, TSUNADE-O-BAA-CHAN!"

"IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! NOT MINE!"

"SILENCE!" roared Tsunade, tightening her grip on the backs of Naruto and sasuke's necks, blood dribbling down their necks.

". . ."

"good. detention. tonight. and, no. i don't care if it's the first day of term." Tsunade said shortly, shoving the two away from her and wiping the small amount of both the boy's blood off her fingers onto her shirt.

Naruto growled and rubbled his neck, Sasuke just standing there and glaring icily at Naruto.

"well, everyone!" called Kakashi, raising his arms to get everyone's attention. "time for you all to get some breakfast, get ready for your new lessons and--"

"if you're going to be in one of Kakashi-sensei's classes, don't expect him to be early." grinned Naruto.

Kakashi gave Naruto a look tinted with annoyance, then sighed heavily, jabbing a thumb at naruto, looking back at the audience of school students before him. "yeah. what he said."

((TBC))