I'm an early riser by nature, but when Edward wakes me earlier than I normally get up, I'm a little cranky. He explains that if we make good time, there's another surprise in the wings. While I'm getting ready, he runs out for coffee and pastries, and we eat quickly before we leave. The drive to Ojai is just under three hours, so it's going to be a full-day affair. Luckily, tomorrow's activities are closer, so we won't have to be gone all day.
While we're driving, I text Jake to check in. He tells me to have fun and that he's ready to talk when I get back. I'm not sure what he's decided, but I'm ready and willing to listen to him. I've also made a few decisions of my own.
"So, I've been thinking," I start as Edward and I cruise up the 101.
"You thinking is either very productive or I'm about to get a lecture." Edward chances a look at me, winking.
Slapping his thigh lightly, I laugh. "No lecture. I was thinking that if Jake isn't ready to leave, I'm not going to make him. He needs to have a timeline, but I won't push him out if he isn't comfortable being alone. That isn't fair."
Edward hums in response. "Have I mentioned lately that you're a good person?"
"Not specifically. Go ahead, enlighten me."
He laughs. "No, I'm being serious. You and Jake, for all intents and purposes, broke up. Your friendship ended, but here you are fully supporting him. You're a good person, and I think, regardless of anything else, you're making the right decision."
"What do you mean regardless of anything else?"
"I just mean that you always seem to choose to see the good in people when they haven't always shown it to you. Me, Jake … who else?" He shrugs a little, and I sigh.
"Am I a doormat?"
Edward laughs lightly before reaching for my hand. "I don't think so. I think you love deeply, and you want people to be the best versions of themselves. You didn't want me to change for you; you wanted me to be better for my benefit. I think that's just how you are with everyone."
He's right. When Edward and I went through everything, I didn't specifically want to be with him, not how he was. He was a disgusting, slightly misogynistic man-whore who used women and didn't recognize his own feelings when they literally slapped him in the face. I just wanted him to be honest with himself; I would have gotten over him. In fact, I was moving on and dating someone else.
"I knew you were worth it. Just like I know Jake's worth it."
Edward squeezes my hand. "That's just one of the things I love about you."
His simple statement catches me off guard. We've said things like this before, but in this context, in this moment, it feels like more. If Edward senses my hesitation, he doesn't let on.
"We have two options at this point. Ojai and spend the day there, have lunch and go to Bart's, and then head back to the hotel in Corona and find a spot for dinner." He glances over at me to make sure I'm paying attention.
"Or?"
"Or, we change freeways, head to San Simeon, and go to Hearst Castle, then back down to Ojai, Bart's and lunch, and back to Corona." He squeezes my hand. "But you have about ten miles to make up your mind."
I've always wanted to go to Hearst Castle. It's definitely a bucket list item for me, and the fact that Edward remembered means so much, but I have a whole idea planned out for that trip. "Let's save Hearst Castle for another time. You know I have plans for that trip."
"Winchester Mystery House and Hearst Castle in one weekend, right?"
God, I love this man. Wait …
"Uh, yeah. That's it. Ojai is a long enough drive as it is. We can fly up to San Jose and rent a car the next time." I tell him, trying to collect myself.
Edward agrees and continues on as I sit in the passenger seat, trying to manage my thoughts. It just hit me, even though I thought I might be coming around to this sooner rather than later. As I get caught up in the passing scenery and my own thoughts, time passes, and we pull into a parking space in downtown Ojai.
As we climb out my car and stretch, Edward walks over to me and lightly kisses my lips. "You've been quiet for a while. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, sorry. You know I get sleepy in the car sometimes if I'm not driving." I shrug but grab his hand.
"Do you want to drive a little on the way back?" he offers, but he stares at me intently.
"I'd love to. It'll give you a break. C'mon!" We walk around the town and spot a place to potentially grab lunch before hitting the bookstore.
Bart's Bookstore is a large, mostly outdoor bookshop in the inland empire. Shelves and rows filled with new and used books line almost every surface and bookstore cats sun themselves wherever they can.
Edward and I wander around, and he's so supportive as I take it all in. When I find a glass case full of well-loved and pristine first editions, he humors me as I negotiate with myself about what I could do without in my life if I purchased one of these.
After an hour or so and several books from my childhood under my arm, we head to a pizza place down the street for lunch. Once we're seated and ordered a pie to split, Edward turns on me.
"What's up with you? You've been really quiet all morning. Are you sure you're okay? Was it not what you expected?" He's holding my hands across the table, and I sigh.
"I'm sorry. This is great, Edward. Thank you so much for bringing me here. I'm just … I'm just processing through some feelings. I'm not ready to share them with you, but I will be. I'm sorry; I'll be more present. You planned this weekend for me, for us. I don't want to ruin it." I slide out of my side of the booth and into his.
He wraps his arm around me. "You aren't ruining anything. I just want you to have a good time." Hugging me to his side, he squeezes me. "Whenever you're ready to talk about it, you let me know. I'll be here to listen."
Yup. I love him.