A big thank goes to Evening Falls, who besides helping me with the gramar in this chapter, also encouraged me to post it as it is. Thank you so much.
Song: In The End by Linkin Park
----xoxo----
Day 12
Five days passed without any new event; no other gift, nor messenger or flower. It seemed that everything was taking its normal course. The day of the concert has arrived; John and me were waiting for our turn to come inside the stadium. Mr. Summers had taken the liberty to drive us to the city in his car.
"When the event ends, give me a call and I'll come to pick you up." He said before wishing us to have fun and leaving.
The professor and the faculty of the Institute encourage us to have as normal teenage life as possible. And here we were, waiting to hear one of our favorite bands. He had my gloved hand between his, almost adopting a possessive attitude. This didn't bother me at all. Good friends behaved like that, right? What really took me by surprise were the strange thoughts that overcame my senses and my mind began to wander through a dangerous path. What would it be like to be loved by John? I scolded myself, telling me that John already appreciated me as a good friend should. But even so I kept watching that mouth with that cute pout… What would it be like to be kissed by those lips? I jumped, frightened at the unexpected desire.
"What is it?" He asked as he looked around us trying to find the reason for my strange behavior.
"Nothing." I answered ashamed.
"Are you tired? We can sit in the ground if you want."
"No. I'm alright."
Those beautiful eyes looked at me not really convinced that anything happened to me.
"Are you nervous because of your skin?" Was that a smile on his face? A real smile? "You don't have to be. I'll make sure to find us a place were nobody bother us."
"Thanks." I said touched by his gesture.
With a smirk in his lips, he said, "You're welcome."
With an air of laziness, he placed his arm over my shoulder. Shyly, I encircled his waist with my arm and rested my head on his shoulder. We gave the image of a couple in love waiting to have a good time in a concert. Again, I surprised myself by wishing it to be true.
---oooxxooo----
After almost two hours of incessant shouting and jumping with the band's music, they went backstage. I stood on my chair, screaming for them to come back. John watched me with that smirk of his. I had the most wonderful night; we loved to listen to its music in the dead of the night at the basketball court. I used to lie down on the cold ground and John did the same, his head hardly touching mine. We watched the black star covered sky while listening to the portable CD player not far away from us, its volume turned up to the highest level. I joined in the scream of pleasure from the public; the band came out one more time. The singer took the microphone. I knew his name like a good fan should, Chester. He was so hot; at least that's what I thought.
"I believe we forgot a song, don't you think, Mike?"
"Yes, In The End." I whispered. There was no other song that described my feelings toward my mutation and the fact that Bobby never understood me, never took the time to do so.
"I don't think we have, Chester." Mike answered.
"You're right. We've decided to save the best for last and with some changes in it because it was requested from me as a dedication. So, if you're here, this is for you, sweet and beautiful southern dame: In The End."
While I listened to the first accord of my favorite song, I looked at John, perplexed. He just stared at me, his brow arched. I directed my glance again to the stage.
"You truly have the man going crazy for you." I heard him say.
To tell the truth, I was a little nervous and somewhat excited. Why had my secret admirer chosen my favorite song to dedicate it to me? The singer began the song:
(It starts with rhyme.)
And then Mike took it of:
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
(All I know)
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
(It so unreal)
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
(Watch you go)
I kept everything inside and even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it meant to me
Will eventually be a memory of a time when
(I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter)
Oh God! My heart just wanted to get out of my chest, its beats becoming faster with every verse of the song. I didn't dare to think… much less to harbor; it couldn't be. No way, it was impossible.
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
(In the end)
You kept everything inside and even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it meant to me
Will eventually be a memory of a time when
(I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To loose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all of this
There's only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all of this
There's only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To loose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
Because all I want is you)
Breathless, I turned around to look at John. My heart stopped beating completely; those amazing eyes had taken the hue of the darkest blue. Someone was trying to send me a message; someone close to me…
"Johnny?"
He eluded my eyes, glancing sideways.
"Tell me Rogue; is this admirer of yours being successful?"
Getting down from my seat, I tried to find something hidden in John's voice. The people around us began to leave and I heard someone muster, "That southern dame is really a lucky girl."
"Johnny?" I called him again.
He gave me a cautious glance; the blue had already disappeared, leaving behind some blue flecks in its deep emerald. Maybe he was thinking about Kitty. Yes, that's what it. The song made him remember what he had lost.
"Would you like to get something warm to drink?" He asked with indifference, as if nothing passed between us, "We don't have to go back so early; maybe take a small walk through the city."
"I would like that very much."
Taking my hand in his, we walked to leave the place. My head was a complete mess and for the first time it wasn't because of the foreign voices trying to take control. I couldn't accept the thought that was fighting to resurge from all my doubts, I was scared to believe. No' it couldn't be… or was it true? I didn't dare to believe it; a couple of weeks ago I was fooled in the most cruel way. I gave a quick glance to his impassive face; definitively it couldn't be him.
----oooxxooo----
Lying down in my bed that night, I recalled the walk and the hot chocolate we drank with donuts. A magical night, in which John gave me the opportunity to meet another side of his peculiar personality. He was very kind with me, almost tender and in several occasions I caught his eyes shining like if they were hiding a very deep feeling. Was John my secret admirer? Carefully analyzing the song, it convinced me more of that possibility.
I thought back to the time when John created the ball of fire for me and Bobby ruined it. I remembered other small details that I never cared about until now.
Trying to hold on but didn't even know, wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart…
They were almost insignificant, not noticing them; I only cared for Bobby attentions… and now, I see what Bobby was trying to do. Never were for me, it was only to feed his already overgrown ego. How many times did John look for my favorite dessert after dinner? Yes, I was a complete idiot. Just after a week of arriving to the mansion and John already knew which one were my favorites. Did Bobby know? I hardly doubt it.
I tried so hard and got so far but in the end
It doesn't even matter I had to fall
To loose it all…
I left my bed to get a small jewelry box that I kept in my closet. There I saved all my small possessions, which were of a sentimental value and I found what I looked for. It was a picture that Jubilee had taken of me with Bobby and John. I had my arm around Bobby's, but he seemed to keep a prudent distance from me. While John had his face near mine, a minimum of space existing between the both of us.
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then…
With the picture on my hand, I went back to my bed. I retrieved the military tags from underneath my sleeping gown, the ones Logan gave me as promise of his return. How much I missed him! I wished to be able to sit down and talk with him. I was sure he would definitely know what to tell me of the whole situation. Heck! He only had to smell one of my gifts and he would certainly know who was giving them to me. But I couldn't continue depending on Logan. I had to learn to grow and to think by myself.
And me? What did I feel about all this? Did I want it to be John? I was afraid that my feeling for him was taking a strange turn. Could it be him? But, what about Kitty? I'm sure he still felt something for her… Besides going crazy, was I going delusional? I didn't trust myself anymore. Bobby was a good example of it. How sure I was of his 'true feelings' for me. Yeah, so sure that he went for my ex – best friend, John's girl. Yes, she is John's girl. Why else would he ask me not to speak of her anymore? Maybe the song reminded him of his painful feeling for her. After all, I'm only the girl with the poisonous skin. I dropped my head to my pillow. Why did it hurt me to think that John still cared about Kitty? Holding the picture to my heart, I fell asleep.
Day 13
"I'm trying to study, John." I demanded without any success, even I could hear the laughter in my voice.
It was Saturday afternoon and I was sitting at the kitchen, taking small bites from an apple while I read a book. John was distracting me with his antics.
"I still don't understand why you are wasting a Saturday to study."
"Because if I wish to have good grades I must study, Saturday or not. Now, stop bugging me and let me keep on studying." I tried to send him a threatening glance.
He just arched his eyebrows and snorted. Ignoring him, I lowered my head to read my book. Oh God! What would I do? I felt like if everything was changing in me toward him, all my inside was flustered because of his nearness. Unexpectedly, he sat on the table his feet on the chair next to me. Bringing himself close to me, he began to play with one of my white stripes. He kept twirling it around his finger to let it loose and then repeated the action. Unnerved by his closeness to me, I asked him:
"Did you lose your lighter?"
"Like if I would." He answered with his usual cockiness.
He took me by surprise when he lowered his hand and caressed my cheeks with his fingertips. It was like the tickle of a feather and my mutation didn't have time to react.
"Don't play like that." I scolded him with a hoarse voice, scared.
"I'm not playing."
I backed away my head abruptly; he raised his hand again to reach my face.
"What are you afraid of?"
"Leaving you in a coma like the first boy who tried to kiss me." My voice was full of sarcasm.
"Everybody gets scared the first time our powers manifest. We don't understand what is happening to us and much less the source of that manifestation. But as soon as we understand what we are, slowly we begin to lose our fears and learn to control it… And perhaps that is your problem."
"My problem?" I didn't know if he noticed the change in my voice. What in the hell did he know about absorbing all the memories and personalities of another person only by a simple contact of your skin?
"I'm sure you heard me right. How can you be not sure that is only your fear of being touched what doesn't allow you to touch?"
"You aren't inside of me to know what I go through." I closed my book forcefully giving him a murderous glare. How dare he?
"You're right; I'm not inside of you. But sometimes someone who isn't in the thick of the things can see things from a different perspective."
I was furious but deep inside I knew he was right. I lived in this chronic state of panic; always running away from any type of contact. Stubborn as I am, didn't want to acknowledge it. I decided to stand and walk away but John was faster. He grasped one of my arms.
"Oh no! You won't get away from me this time."
"Let go of me, John." I was terrified.
"Look at me, Rogue."
I wasn't aware that I was evading his eyes until he asked me to. I stopped breathing; they were like pure jade, shining like the precious stone.
"Do you trust me?" He asked.
My body was leaning against his, feeling all that heat that was a unique trait of John. I was melting, feeling all that firm body and all my inside became liquid fire.
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes." I answered him with all the certainty of my feelings, an uncontrollable desire overcame me. I wanted him to touch me. It didn't take much to fulfill my wish. With tender gentleness, he touched my face.
"I always dreamt that you were this soft." He whispered.
Nothing happened to the slight stroke of his finger. Could it be true what he said? And perhaps the paranoia that people felt around me also contributed to that fear. Sensing John assuredness and that he didn't feel fear of my skin gave me the confidence to allow him to touch me. This time he lowered his lips and softly touched mine. It was pure delight.
"So sweet." He said over my lips.
He took my lips in a searing kiss. I felt myself weaken while that kiss obliterated all my senses, never experiencing anything like it. As I was filled with his sweet mint taste, I corresponded with the same intensity and raised my hands to hold myself to his jacket.
"What in the hell…?"
I jumped, regretful for leaving John's arms. Bobby and Kitty had entered the kitchen and looked at us in stunned awe. Suddenly I was shy. I took the book I dropped from the floor. I wanted to flee from the place. Whispering an "excuse me" I passed through the newcomers and I got mad at their stupid reaction. They almost ran away from me. Didn't they just see me kissing John? I heard him cursing and calling my name. I didn't stop and continued running to my room. I needed to be alone, to assimilate what just happened. Taking my fingers to my lips; still couldn't believe it. What truly fascinated me was the magic that sensuous lips awoke on me. My wish had been granted; now I knew what it was to be kissed by John.