I want to give a most heartfelt thanks to my wonderful friend Evening Falls, who always helps me with the grammar and spelling in my chapters.
---ooxxoo---
Day 15
It was early in the morning and before leaving my room, I threw a glance at the silent corridor. It was empty. I didn't understand the source of my fear only that I was feeling it. I was hiding from John. Yesterday I didn't leave my room for anything… well, almost anything. I spent the whole Sunday reading and studying, doing my best to avoid any thought of John to no avail. Was I hungry? There was no doubt about it while I listened to my protesting stomach. I was behaving like a little girl with the silliest crush that I've suffered… and perhaps it wasn't so far away from the truth. Something I didn't know existed inside me had awakened. It was a sensation like no other, disturbing me and having not the slightest idea on how to deal with it. Neither was I sure of how I felt toward John.
Yesterday I had the most peculiar chat with the Professor that maybe helped me somehow…
'Rogue.'
It was disquieting to be called like that; I already had a choir of voices inside my head to add the Professor's.
'Could you come to my study to have a small talk?'
He called; you obeyed. I entered the study with my heart in my throat.
"Good afternoon, Rogue." He greeted me, a cup in his hand.
"Good afternoon, Professor.' I sat on a chair near his desk.
"Tea?" He offered me.
"No; thanks." I declined while making a slight movement of my head.
"I'm glad to know that yesterday you showed an amount of control over your mutant power."
The professor was a man to never go hitting around the bushes; he would go directly to the point in discussion. I didn't ask him how he knew. He always considered it his responsibility to be aware of everything that happened in his school.
"I'm also glad." I repeated not very convincing.
"Aren't you?"
I would swear to have seen his eyes shining with a playful mischief; eyes that could see the bottom of your soul.
"Well, it wasn't the most conventional way to find out… besides I haven't tried it with anyone else."
"The mind is a very powerful tool and sometimes fear can control it."
"I know." I whispered remembering John's words.
"Would it be so terrible to have only one person able to touch you? Someone close to your heart?"
I watched him in silence for some seconds. What could you answer to a question like that one?
"John isn't close to my heart."
What in the hell was I doing lying to the most powerful telepath?
"What are you scared of, my child?"
Yes, what was I scared of? I haven't dared to dwell in my feeling, fearing that maybe they were deeper than I granted them to be. It was frightening to let myself be vulnerable again and to make a horrible mistake with John. I sensed that the feeling I didn't want to acknowledge would overwhelm me if I allowed it to.
"Perhaps if you knew how I found out about John…"
I raised my glance to the Professor, very interested in what he had to say.
"John was in a juvenile center when I decided to bring him to the school. A friend who worked in the center contacted me when he noticed that John was 'different.' When Ororo and I went down to the center to look for him, he was only a twelve almost thirteen year old boy. He had gone trough physical and emotional abuse. From what I could read from his file, his father was an alcoholic and had beaten John on countless occasions. He needed medical attention after many of these assaults."
I closed my eyes, horrified.
"We decided to speak with his mother, looking for some approval for the recruitment of John to the school. The woman, for misfortune of John, was a religious fanatic. She thought that John's mutant abilities were demonic manifestations and all he needed was a preacher to exorcise him. He was mistreated physically by his father and emotionally by his mother. I took it upon myself to fight for him; I asked for John's custody rights in a court and the rest… you just know it."
My eyes filled with unshed tears. How was possible that someone knew of suffering and pains at an age so young?
"I'm confiding all of this not asking of you to have pity on him, rather than to help you see John's enigmatic personality. Inside of him is this good person, one that he constantly hides behind this image of nonchalant indifference. Bobby's friendship helped him to find his way back but still he continued living with this perpetual bitterness and rage… until certain girl arrived at the school… could we say an 'untouchable' girl?"
I looked carefully at the Professor.
"Maybe… but now his interest lies somewhere else." I doubted his last words.
"Ah, our mischievous Katherine Pride! Isn't she?" He said with a big smile.
"If that's what it's called now…" I grumbled in a low tone of voice, not very convinced.
He laughed.
"Rogue, when you grow old in years you are going to look back at this time and laugh at it."
I wanted to reply back 'whatever' but kept my mouth shut.
"I will only say this; there are times in life when it gives us false images. We are sure that things are as we see them…until everything gives a drastic turn. Just think about it."
The next day I was still thinking of that cryptic message. I walked down the hallway on my tiptoes while I looked left and right making sure that nobody saw me.
"What are we hiding from?" Said a peculiarly hoarse voice at my back.
I jumped and clasped a hand over my mouth to muffle the scream.
"St John!" I exclaimed turning around to give him a hard stare. "What the heck were you doing, sneaking up on me like that?"
"I was only helping in whatever it is you're doing." He gave me a mocking smile.
My heart just stopped in my chest while I looked at those stormy sea eyes and that beautiful face. God! I was definitely going down a bad path to be thinking that his face was beautiful… but couldn't deny it either.
"Here, you must be hungry." He showed me an apple.
My eyes must've shone with pure delight. With no hesitation on my part I took it and gave the delicious apple a big bite. I never have tasted anything so gloriously good.
"Yesterday I came by to your room with some food thinking that you would be hungry since you stayed there all day… But you didn't care to open the door for me."
"Oh! I didn't hear you." Was I becoming a pathological liar?
"No?" Those eyes looked disbelievingly at me to add in a huskier tone of voice. "I missed you."
Without me realizing it, he has cornered me against the wall, both of his hands beside my body and not allowing me any way of escape.
"John…" I implored, fearful.
"Why are you hiding from me?" He demanded.
"I'm not hiding from you." Yes, definitely I need psychological help for this new trait of mine, I have to be careful or it will become into one big bad habit.
"Rogue…" He growled, reminding me so much of Logan.
"Marie." I gave myself this mental kick; what in the hell made me say that?
"Is that your name?" His eyes took on a greenish hue.
"Well, it's really the short for Marian, the same name of Robin…"
He silenced my nervous chatter with a kiss that made me surrender to the delightful sensation that it awoke in me. I wasn't the most experienced in the kissing field, but… did he kiss oh so good! He approached his body to mine and with reluctance on my part I allowed him to pull apart his lips from mine.
"Good morning, Marie."
Oh, God! I never heard my name like that before, almost like a sensual caress.
"Good morning, John." I replied back to his greeting. His finger lightly touched my face and I reclined my head in his hand, savoring the somewhat rough texture of its skin. For me it was a miracle to be able to feel another human skin outside from mine. As in a trance like exhilaration I saw him undo my gloves from my hands. He interlaced my hand with his. My hand looked so small next to his.
"We better leave right now. Doctor Grey doesn't like anybody arriving late at her class." He said while he pulled me gently by my hand.
I felt nervous; if someone saw us walking through the hallways, our hands intertwined, would that imply that we shared something? Was it what he wanted? I didn't have the nerve to ask him. While we walked together, he turned his head toward me. A tender smile appeared in his lips.
"You look pretty when you're properly kissed." And then he smirked at me when my face turned on the deepest shade of red.
With a completely red face, we made our entrance into Dr. Grey classroom.
----oooxxooo-----
"Why didn't you tell me?"
I looked up at Jubilee.
"Tell you what, Jubes?"
"Don't dare to play that silly game with me. You know well what I mean."
I was sitting down at small table in the dining room, eating a sandwich. Jubilee sat down but didn't give any attention to her sandwich.
"Where is he?"
I decided not to act as fool again knowing it would only make Jubilee angrier.
"John is in his Physics class."
"Good, it would give us some time to talk."
I prepared myself to what was coming my way.
"Is it true?" Siryn barged in, giving me a small reprieve.
She sat down; her whole face was shining with sheer expectancy. I just restricted myself to give a secret smile.
"Arrrgh!" Jubilee exclaimed on the verge of loosing all her sanity.
"Calm down, Jubes. Nothing is going on… we're just friends."
"Friends with some benefits?" Her ironic voice hurt me a little.
"Does it mean that we no longer need to keep looking for Rogue's secret admirer? John got to be the secret admirer."
"Just because he's been manhandling Rogue doesn't mean he's the secret admirer. I have this major suspicion that he hasn't said anything on the matter… or am I wrong?"
"He doesn't manhandle me, Jubilation Lee." She made me angry. What truly angered me were her true words, he hasn't said anything. "He only took my hand."
"Yeah…" She wasn't very convinced, "And another question; why didn't he fall to the floor like in a total state of a coma because you touched him?"
I gasped at her mean words.
"Whoa!" Siryn decided to interrupt in that precise moment. "Time out. Why are you being so disagreeable with Rogue?"
Jubilee crossed her arms over her chest. She pursed her lips. Heck! I could almost hear her clenching her teeth. "I do not trust John."
Then I understood what was bothering Jubilee, she was worried for me.
"Jubes, do not worry about me. I think I'm big enough to handle the situation."
"Do you? You just left behind a painful break up. What has John say about his feeling toward you?"
Both pair of eyes settled on me. Even I couldn't answer that question. Aside from baby or Marie, he hadn't said anything else. A sinking feeling began to worm itself in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly my sandwich didn't look that appetizing…
"I knew it." My prolonged silence answered her question.
"What am I supposed to do?" I protested. "A Southern lady doesn't ask that kind of questions. He should be the one telling me what he feels."
Jubilee covered her eyes.
"Please, someone tell me I didn't hear her correctly." Letting her hand fall from her face, she gave me what I called 'the set down' stare. "Sweetheart, let me give you some update. This is the twenty first century and we women no longer follow those old fashioned ideas. Haven't you heard about the fight for feminism rights?"
"Hey! That sort of thing about a Southern lady has its merit. Sometimes we should try to be one." Siryn tried to defend me.
"And this isn't one of them. Don't you see what John is trying to do? Like trying to make someone totally jealous…"
I'm sure all blood left my face seeing how Siryn looked very concerned. No… it couldn't be.
"John is my friend; he wouldn't stoop so low as to use me like that."
"Do you honestly believe it?" Jubilee countered.
"Excuse me, could you please allow me some privacy with Rogue?"
The three of us watched at the intruder. What now? I looked defiantly at Bobby, not being in the mood to speak to him.
"Whatever you have to say you could say it in front of my friends."
"It must be in private."
"Did you ask Kitty for permission to talk in private with your ex-girlfriend?" The acid question came from Jubilee.
"That is any of your business, Jubilee."
"It does when it concern my best friend."
"Jubilee, please." I looked at her sternly. She was in this confrontational attitude and if I didn't stop her, sparks would begin to fly all over the place. And I mean it literally. "Let the man have some 'private words' with me." I gave both my friends a meaningful look, giving them the message with my stare that I would tell them later all about it. Jubilee stood up and gave Bobby a dirty look. Siryn pulled her by the arm and just before leaving I heard Jubilee harrumphing indignantly. Bobby sat in front of me, twisting a napkin between his hands, nervously. I waited for him to begin.
"Why can John touch you?"
Gee! How long did it take for Bobby's hurt ego to kick in?
"Thanks to the confidence that exists between us and the security his friendship gave me."
"Didn't I offer you the same?"
"Did you get to touch me?" I know, I know; a question does not answer another question. But I couldn't help being sarcastic with him.
I had my uncovered hands on the table and apparently, Bobby found them too tempting because he took one of my hands. In seconds, my mutation reacted to his contact feeling the familiar pull.
"Are you crazy?" I exclaimed furious as I snatched my hand away from his, feeling all his memories flooding my head.
Furious and confused, I left my chair. What was the problem with men? I didn't understand them. Bobby knew how much I disliked the upsetting sensation of absorbing another person psyche. I took my books and ran away from the dining room. I hated the confusion it gave me. Over my hasty escape, I ran into someone, practically toppling over him…
"Johnny!" I turned my glance sideways.
"What happened?" He asked me worried. He tightened the hands in my arms as he watched something or someone behind my back. I didn't have to turn around to see who he was looking; Bobby must have followed me.
"What in the hell are you looking for, Drake?"
"I… I just wanted to be sure that Rogue was okay."
"Why shouldn't she be okay?" The question was very threatening for my own peace. John looked at my face intently, trying to find an answer. Then he gave this challenging look at Bobby.
"She isn't of your property, Dyce."
What?! Oh, no! Something snapped inside of me while John put me aside to confront Bobby. Was I only a plaything, an excuse so they could both get at each others throats? Jubilee's words were getting at me. How could I tell that John was itching for a fight with Bobby… just because of Kitty?
"Stop it the both of you!" I shouted very angry.
They looked at me with this surprised expression all over their faces. I would have laughed if this was another situation… but this was beyond serious to me.
"You!" I stabbed my finger at Bobby's chest, "Who do you think you are? Did you already forget your precious little girlfriend? You have no right to be fighting over me; you no longer having this 'territorial claim' or do you need me to tell Kitty so she can help you remember?"
It was almost comical how he moved fiercely his face from side to side.
"Leave, then. Now!"
He walked away briskly. I turned to look at John; I nearly slapped his face. He was smirking and for the very first time that stupid smirk of his infuriated me.
"And for you, Allerdyce… leave me the hell alone."
"What did you just said?" His voice was harsh and devoid of all emotion. But those eyes betrayed him, changing in to the deepest blue I've ever seen.
"You heard me right, mister."
At that precise moment nothing mattered to me. I was so confused, what if Jubilee was right? Why didn't he tell me how he felt for me? If he felt something… anything for me.
"Is that what you want?"
I looked at him, wishing to be far away from his disturbing presence. No more kisses, no more holding hands. I wouldn't allow another boy to take me for an idiot.
"Yes. That is what I want" I answered.
"Fine by me… Rogue."
I didn't understand myself. If that is what I wanted, then why did I feel this wrenching pain in my heart as I watched him walking away?
---ooxxoo---
A/N : For many years I've been reading X-men comics, being Rogue my favorite female character. And for those years I wondered about her name; I wanted to know it so badly. Now I have three names to choose from. We all know that in the movie her name is Marie; in the comics her name is Anna Marie and recently in the Ultimate X-men, she revealed her name to be Marian. In case anyone is wondering about it. It was so cute how she said it to Gambit; I wanted to do the same with John.
Next chapter is the last installment. Yes, ladies and gentleman, you'll finally get to know who is Rogue's secret admirer.