Chapter Nine

"And Malfoy was knocked so hard, he nearly fell off! That would have been painful!" cried Professor Slughorn in uttermost angst. "His brother could have blocked that easily, but there you are!"

Lucius made a distinctly livid glance, and took off, having once again regained his composure. Sheila O'Flaugerty, one of Gryffindor's beaters, had mauled him and mauled him well. Lucius Malfoy was like Sirius Black in the sense that it took a lot to make them look bad.

Severus snorted with laughter. It was the one amusing thing that had happened all morning. Since five AM, how very depressing. Still, this moment was truly worth it, although every second he had checked his watch. At lunch, which was pure lunacy (fights over turkey sandwiches, which were decidedly fun, at least that was what Slughorn described them as), Severus had spied upon Lily eating with the Marauders, but no words had been exchanged.

What's she thinking? Is she excited? If I don't see her soon, I might go mad. But, of course no one would really notice. I can't believe it's after lunch and we've only gotten through one game. That makes me want to pray for sweet death.

Snape checked his watch again. 12:49.

Good enough.

Without wasting time, he climbed out of the stands and hurried down the stairs. When he reached the entry gates, he checked his watch again. 12:52.

Shit, I'm more athletic than I thought. Cool.

He tapped his foot impatiently, wondering how his breath smelled, how his hair looked… He'd used some sort of mints and had attempted to charm his hair to be smooth, but one never really knew. The only thing Malfoy would be good for right now is a mirror. He has like ten in his school bag. Fuck, I hate him.

12: 56.

I really do hate him.

12:56.

What? NO time passed? God DAMN it.

12:57.

Okay, that's better. Maybe if I sing a song…

"Severus!"

"Lily!" Snape exclaimed, a little more blaring than was needed. "I was afraid-" he stopped mid-sentence.

She stopped walking, now beside him. Her auburn hair was pulled into a sort of ponytail that wrapped around and rested upon her left shoulder. She was wearing her school uniform, sans robes. He swallowed, so amazed by her beauty.

She made a face. "You were afraid I wasn't going to show up? Sever-us!" she declared, hand on hip. "I wouldn't pass this up for anything. Who else would get to see where the enemy does their homework?"

"Ha, ha. Good."

They began to walk, talking a little about the match. Severus wanted so much to touch her, but he felt a strange sensation in the space between them. Of course they could not show their affection in the hallways of school, though… He wanted to.

Pathetic, pathetic. PERVERT.

He tried to focus on what she was saying until they reached the dungeons.

"Ooh, creepy. How can you even sleep down here? I guess I didn't think about it until now," Lily cried, astonished.

He laughed. "It isn't too bad when you're an ugly serpent who hates the light."

She nudged his arm, making it tingle pleasurably. "Oh. Yeah. I forgot."

They approached the doorway at the end of the corridor with a painting of a sour looking count.

"You're a Slytherin now, Lily. And the password is cadaver," Severus muttered to her.

"Surprise, surprise," she smirked. "Cadaver," she said.

"I say!" hyped the count. "Saying it just like she belongs to our house! Disgusting! Why, in my day-"

"She said the password. Just let us in," Snape sighed.

"The things children do these days. Let just anyone into Salazar's common room, absurd!" bantered the painting, swinging open, begrudgingly letting them through.

"He wouldn't tell, would he?" Lily asked quietly.

"Him? No, he's just a fussy old man who's full of hot air. None of the other portraits even listen."

They continued down the murky steps. Severus was worrying that perhaps she would be put off by his common room. It was, as she stated, creepy, at least for someone who'd never seen it.

"Sad!" Lily exclaimed. "How much further is it down?"

"One floor. But then, the dorms are another floor down." Severus caught his mistake, and blushed, hoping she had not noticed.

Lily smiled. Nodded. "Oh," she said, and it was hard to tell what she thought.

Clearing his throat, Severus tried to change the subject. "So, when I first came here, I was a little put out at being thrust underground at night." Lily chuckled. "Then, I got to liking it. It's pretty private."

"Yes, because the rest of us are too freaked to try and break in! I'm excited, though," she added. "James and Company would kill to get down here."

Snape was silent. He wanted to say that this would be the most horrible occurrence that Slytherin had ever seen, but he refrained. "Here we are," he stated, and opened the door.

"Oh!" Lily breathed, stepping into the dimly lit common room. "It's actually really beautiful!"

"Really? Thanks!" Severus said, as though he were responsible. It was quite a nice room- dark wood with emerald everywhere and touched of glittery silver in between. The black leather couches and chairs were stationed together in the central area, while a study area a bit further back provided a table and slightly more practical chairs.

She walked toward one of the couches. "May I?"

"Of course. I didn't invite you here to make you stand." He watched her intently as she got comfy upon the couch, spreading her legs a bit in the process. No underwear was seen, but still, the skirt billowed a little, and besides, with her thighs open like that… Don't, he warned himself, trying to stand very still.

Lily looked at him with a small smile. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Okay, then get over here!" she told him.

He meandered over and sat next to her, though quite a measurable distance away. He kept thinking about her legs. This is crazy. I am so stupid. Why did I invite her here?

"You could at least pretend we know each other," she said sullenly, and scooted closer to him. "You're hard to read, you know?"

"I try to be," he replied.

"Why?" She leaned back and looked at him.

No one had asked him that before. He struggled to answer. "I guess- I guess there are a lot of things that go on in my life that I'm sort of ashamed about, and I suppose that I feel like if I told anyone, it would lessen their views of me. Which is completely thick, because I don't think many people at this place have much of an opinion of me anyhow."

She put her hand upon his and squeezed. "Don't be daft. Like I told you before, everyone thinks you're so mysterious and smart, and strong, actually-"

"Strong?" He rolled his eyes, but gripped her hand with his own. "But mysterious… I guess that's what I like to be."

"Does anyone know about your home life?" she questioned softly.

He sighed. "One person. At least one person did, though he probably told everyone. And besides, he only knows a little- fuck, I can't stand him!" Snape let his head fall back against the cushiony couch.

"Who?" she asked, and massaged his fingers. "Baby, who?"

Snape was astonished at her words. Baby. She called me 'baby'? Like I'm innocent, or sweet? But it gave him a strange feeling. A good feeling. Like she cared.

"Lu-Lucius Malfoy," he stammered, feeling very vulnerable suddenly. "I thought he and I were best mates, but by fourth year, he was onto better things. Better people. He started to mock my clothes, my life, my house…"

"He's so scary," Lily whispered. "Severus, you cannot let him get you down like this! He's manipulative and mean. He-"

"He was supposed to be my friend!" Severus burst out bitterly. "I thought he understood. He has problems of his own, but suddenly, he just accepted them. Like he wanted them. And like I was stupid for complaining about my father's temper, and-"

Lily's eyes were wide and sad. "Your father has a temper. How bad? What does he do?"

"I- I can't."

"You have to talk about this, Severus. Get it out in the open. And I care. I would never repeat this, do you hear me?"

Severus inhaled slowly. "I believe you," he avowed, and looked down at his lap, at the floor, anywhere but at her pleading eyes. He knew he needed to speak about this, and suddenly, he wanted her to know.

Abashed, he thought about where to begin.

He exhaled and closed his eyes. "My father has the worst voice," he murmured, and when he noticed she was not speaking, not laughing, he went on.

"It cuts right through me. He's always so loud. Always fucking yelling. Yelling at my mum. Yelling at me, yelling at my sister, until she left. Screaming. Bloody shouting at the top of his lungs, you know?" Severus' own voice was trembling. "And… he says the most awful things. It would be different if he were a drunk. Not better, but more understandable…. But the truth is, when he does drink, he gets better. All of this insulting, screaming- he does when he's sober…" Severus' voice was raising, Lily was leaning in closer.

"And- that bastard! My mother works so fucking hard, and when she gets home, she has to deal with him, sitting there on his ass all day, thinking of terrible things to say her. My mother is smart. Mum is so smart, and he takes advantage of her! And she's so tired that she lets him. Lets him scream at her! Lets him scream at me! Hell, she watches him scream at me, and then tells me afterward not to complain. 'He's your dad, Severus. He means well. It makes you stronger. You need to be stronger.' "

Severus' voice broke. "I used to think she wasn't evil like him, but now… The last time we were all together-" Severus gaved a forced, hateful laugh-" he called me a disappointment, for the thousandth time. She agreed. They sat there-" he breathed in- "belittling me together. Like it was some kind of game."

"What did you do?" mumbled Lily.

"I did what I always do. Pretended like I didn't give a shit. But," Severus gave that horrible, stomach-turning laugh again,"I suppose that really wasn't the best tactic." He began to breathe in and out furiously, his shoulders shaking violently. "They-" his voice rose-" kept yelling at me. I felt like my ears would burst. My father was enjoying it so. Fuck up, I think he said, too. I kept telling him to stuff it, he doesn't even know me- how could he, I never talk to him, he never talks to me. He said-" Severus' voice cracked again-" that no one would have to know me very well to think those things. Then I… I told him I hated him, and said he was dragging mum down, too. And he looks at my mother and screams.

'ELAINE'-"

Lily jumped, startled.

"'ELAINE, YOU BITCH! IS THAT THE TRUTH?'" Severus' teeth were clenched, his voice had darkened, deepened. The volume lingered everywhere. On the walls, floating in the air. In his mind. "And she looks at me like- like she wants to throttle me, and she says no. No. I just died," he said. "They had a row for all of two seconds, where my father hit her across the face until he was satisfied that she was being honest. And then, he just-" Severus pressed his face into his hand-"came after me."

"What-"

"Beat me good the last time," Severus whispered," He threw me against the wall, just clobbered me. My nose was bleeding- I was trying to hold him off, but… He had his hands around my neck, soon and he held on until I was almost suffocated. Then he laughed. I don't care about him, though," Severus said defiantly. "But… when I was on the floor, trying to breathe and trying to get up, I looked above me, and I saw Mum. Just watching. And then, she went into their room and shut the door."

He whimpered, feeling like an idiot, though he couldn't help it. "She didn't stop him. I don't know why I was surprised- she hardly ever has, except- every time I just keep hoping she'll choose me and not him."

He stopped talking, afraid to look at Lily. Ashamed at what she'd think.

Lily shifted beside him. "Severus, I never thought it was like that. Never. I'm so sorry-"

"Please don't be sorry," he demanded.

And suddenly, he simply collapsed onto her, sobbing quietly. He hadn't spoken of his home life for years, and the impact of hearing his own words aloud made him realise how very much he had been keeping a secret.

"I'm so scared," he said into her hair. "Because every day, I look into the mirror and I see him. Why couldn't I look like my mum?" he screamed. "And I'm getting his voice, listen to me! I'm so scared I'm going to grow up just like him."

"Shh," Lily comforted. "You won't."

She held him there, stroking his dark locks and burying her face into his neck. They sat there for what seemed like hours.

Finally, Lily said," I wish they knew!"

When Severus pulled back questioningly to look at her, she made herself very clear. "James, Sirius, everyone! I hate what they've done to you- torturing you and bullying you while you go back home to get the very same- I wish they knew-"

-"I don't!" Severus shouted. "They would have more to laugh about! Have more reasons to fuck with my head! I don't want anyone to ever take power over me! And if they knew all of that, they'd be powerful, Lily! If you say anything-"

"I won't!" she promised. "I wouldn't ever!"

"I believe you," he said again.

They sat quietly. Snape was uncertain of what to do or say. Great job. Kill the mood. Kill the day. She thinks you're a little weak prat, now. Snivellus. You certainly are Snivellus. Holy Salazar. How pathetic.

He put his head against the arm rest.

Lily examined him as though she thought he'd shatter. "I can leave you, you know. Let you be alone. I didn't mean to push you to tell all that, though I'm awfully glad you did. And you may not think you're strong, but I think so. I think so! You go back there every summer and take it, don't you?" She turned away. "Anyhow, I'll go, if it makes you feel better."

"I don't want you to leave me here," Severus said hoarsely. "But you can if you want."

"Not a chance," she told him and gripped his shoulder.

He turned around and studied her. She really was concerned. It was more than he could say about anyone he'd ever talked to or met. She gazed back at him, her eyes wanting to read him. He thought of every time she'd ever defended him, helped him, and stood up for him in front of her friends. And for the moment, he felt like everything was okay.

He leant toward her. She closed her eyes, moving her face to meet his more easily. Their lips pushed together perfectly, this time. It seemed a perfect fit. Severus was, crazily enough, so much more relaxed than the prior incidents. His fingertips grazed her cheeks, he held onto her face lightly and she grasped his chest.

I can trust her, he thought.

She took her lips off of his, holding him tighter. She bent forward once more, bringing her lips to his, and this time, sneaking in her tongue. Severus accepted it willingly, returning his own. Before they knew it, Lily was lying down upon the sofa, and Snape was hovering above her as they snogged.

In an instant, they pulled away from one another. Seemingly, each had noticed how very serious this was becoming extremely fast.

She sat up, and Severus tried to be sensible, knowing this was not going to go any further and that it was all over. Finished. He felt a bit embarrassed that he'd ever imagined that it would amount to anything more, and he did not want to deal with any more disappointment. He thought about what he should say to keep himself from sounding too hurt.

"Well…" Lily began before Severus could think of anything to say.

He looked at her. She's going to tell me this can't go any further. She's done with me and now she wants Potter.

She smiled. "Weren't you going to show me your dorm room?"