AN: Sorry for the long break. School hath begun again. And I was/am tired, and have taken the full time job of complaining now. I'm sorry some of you thought that Chapter Eleven was the end- but I'm not that cruel! No, this story still has a couple more twists in it. Thanks for the reviews, and any direct questions can be mailed to Enjoy!

Chapter Twelve

"WOO!" exploded a voice. Pounding feet in the dorm room.

Go away. Severus woke up suddenly, wondering where he was. Everything was very dark.

"Hey! Look at Snape's drawer. Looks like he had a little trouble."

"Blimey, I've never seen it look so messy over there."

Feet clattering around his bed.

"Oi! Oi, Malfoy! Check this out. I think Snivelly's dead."

Boots tapping across the floor. Severus wrapped his arms more tightly around himself.

A small snigger. "Snape isn't deceased, stupid. Have you been dead for the past six years we've roomed with him? Really, Johnson, Severus is merely moping."

Snape distinctly felt someone trying to turn him over with their toe. He rushed up to his knees, hair falling in his eyes. His face blank and peaked, he stared up into Lucius Malfoy's face.

"Get away from me," he commanded in a contemptuous snarl. He didn't want to deal with people right now. He didn't want to think about anything. Nothing was important.

"Ooooh," mocked Johnson and Goyle, staring down at him from either side of Malfoy.

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Boys, shove off, if you don't mind." Muttering, they obeyed. The blond boy strolled forward, intrigued. "Snape, mind telling me what you're doing there?"

"I told you. Just…go," Severus choked out. His head was spinning.

"Darling Snape, this is the first time you haven't at least tried to give me a worthy comeback. What happened? If you will not tell me," Lucius said in sing-song," I'll snoop."

Severus buried himself deeper in his cloak. He could hear Malfoy stepping over him, but he did not care.

"You look more terrible than usual, you know?" Lucius clucked. "I wonder what you've been up to."

Snape groaned. Why can't they all just go to sleep?

"It's nearly one," Malfoy announced. "I'd just love to delve into the oddity that is your mind, but I really should sleep. Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow, you and I are going to have us a little chat."

Fine. Anything. Just go.

"Tomorrow."

"Said just fucking go," growled Severus. The tears upon his face were burning.

-,-

"Hello, lovey," voiced Malfoy smoothly, placing an arm around Severus' shoulders. It was around four PM. The day had been a positive haze for Snape, who had been in the common room all day. He stared blankly from the studying table out at the couch where he had nearly ravished Lily the previous afternoon. His hair hung around his eyes messily. He had not eaten all day.

When Lucius touched him, he merely made a small grumble of protest and turned away. Nothing to make right what I did. Dad was right- bloody fuck up. Believe some flighty slut and declare my love for her. Lily Evans. Love. Ha. What a word. Lily Evans.

Seemingly taking Snape's incoherent muttering to be an invitation to sit, Lucius pulled out a chair and joined him. "Here, I brought you tea."

"I'm not thirsty" was Severus' dark response as he pushed away the cup.

"Tsk! How rude. Oh, well," Lucius shrugged and took a dainty sip. "I admire the way you can immediately plunge yourself into the depths of despair. It's remarkable."

"What do you want from me?" Severus croaked, feeling dizzy. Sex was supposed to be beautiful, and for a few hours, he had agreed. But like everything else in Snape's life, sex had become a terrible memory. Something to loathe, to be humiliated over. He felt as though something had been stolen from him- something that he would never see again.

Lucius lowered the cup and stared him in the eye. "I want to help you. You look suicidal."

This answer made Severus stop what he was thinking. Was he suicidal? No, he decided. Because I'm all ready dead.

"I'm not," Severus said curtly.

"Well, then, okay. But I still want to know what's driven you to this unworldly state. Just because we've haven't spoken for a few years does not mean I don't care for you!" Lucius sniffed haughtily, but it was not the delivery that mattered to Severus. It was the words.

Severus glared grimly. "You? Care?" He attempted to sound disbelieving, but his heart hung onto the hope that perhaps Lucius might still be concerned about him.

"But of course," Lucius drawled, patting Severus' hand. "Come now. I've stolen the key to the Prefect Bath from Narcissa. We can go there and talk- it's private. You need to unravel and I need to know what Sev's been up to lately."

Snape shook his head. "Not now." He wanted to sit and brood. He wanted to work out all that had happened.

"If not now, then later. Nine PM. Meet me in front of the baths." With that, Malfoy turned on his heel and left. A few moments passed, and he sidled back in. "Sorry, forgot my tea."

-,-

It was eight fifty five. Severus had never been late. Late was rude. Yet when paired with the events that were on his mind, being late and even skipping a meeting with anyone seemed tame.

She played me. It was the tenth time he had thought that since eight. He did not want to leave the confines of the common room. He was so afraid he would see Lily. What would she do? Apologise? Ha, no. Laugh in my face? Spit in my face? That seems a bit more probable. She probably finds me to be some kind of sadistic bastard.

Aren't you?

You pulled her hair, nearly ripped off her hand and pushed her, nearly to the floor!

I didn't mean-

But you did.

It runs in the family after all.

Severus blanched and felt sick. And what was worse was his next thought:

I am rational. Would I have done that without reason? She deserved it. Lying to me, making me think she wanted me. She just wanted to make a fool of me. She deserved it.

He bit his tongue, and tried to accept this as an answer. A reason for why he had snapped. Certainly, he must have had good reason.

"I steal my poor dear's key and you're just sitting here?" came a raw tone from the doorway. Severus let his gaze drift, where he took in the elegant Malfoy standing in a silk bathrobe. "She trusts me more than she trusts herself. Do you want my relationship to be on hiatus?"

"Let me be, Malfoy."

Lucius stalked into the room. He pointed in direction of the dorms. "Get up, get ready. We're having us a bath, damn it!" he barked.

Severus hated to leave, but he really did not long to be part of Malfoy's wrath. He got up and slowly started down to the dorm.

-,-

"Ah, there you are," Lucius commented, as Severus emerged through the hallway door clutching a towel. He made a grumble of response and followed Malfoy into the Prefect Bath.

It was actually quite nice. Severus looked about in interest at all of the tubs, which were very nicely kept and had so many dials.

"Guess you've never been in here. Shame," Malfoy said, locking the door. Snape did not wish to ask why Lucus had. "This one is the best," he announced, pointing to a tub which was more like a small swimming pool. He bent down to adjust the settings. Steaming water erupted from the large spout, as did heaps of forest green foam from another spigot. "Because I remember your worries about anyone seeing you naked," was his explanation.

Yeah, well, those were the days. Now someone has, and she'll probably tell everyone how ugly I am. That is, if there was anyone absent from the little show in fifth year.

Severus looked away while Lucius slipped out of his robe and into the water. Quickly, he pulled out of his night shirt and copied the Malfoy, drifting into the boiling tub. They sat across from each other, Lucius pulling his leg up in some sort of exercise.

"So." He switched legs. "What has Severus Snape been up to these days?"

"Not much, really," Snape declared, staring at his dirty fingernails.

Lucius laughed rudely. "Oh, be sincere! Last night, you were, as Johnson put it, dead. You should have seen yourself. You were like the Gryffindor's image of Snivellus. Snivelly, the action figure- comes with trench coat and book of angry poems!" He stopped smiling and then said: "Really, I saw you and I was worried. I've seen you down and out, but never like that. What were you thinking about?"

There was a question. "What wasn't I thinking about?" Severus exclaimed. "How much I hate things, my life, school, certain people…" Lily, Lily, Lily.

"Which certain people?"

Fuck him for being so quick. Severus shrugged.

"Now, Snape, I know that a girl was somehow involved. I told you- it was so unlike you to leave the study areas and actually have a life. Who was she?"

"How can you be so damned sure?" snarled Severus. "You don't know! You haven't spoken to me in years!"

"I know that you've always wanted a girlfriend. You never really said who, but I know this time there was someone in particular," Lucius simpered, though miffed.

"You just don't know that, do you?"

"What else would you be ejaculating about? Not about school."

"STOP BRINGING THAT UP!" Severus roared in anguish, slapping the water. "Why can't I like someone? Why does it have to be such a fucking joke? Why should it be your business?"

"Because whoever you liked must have really upset you last night," Lucius said calmly. "But, if you won't talk now…" He trailed off. "In time."

Yeah, sure. Severus rolled his eyes.

"Narcissa and I are to be married shortly after school," burst out Malfoy, and Severus had known that it wouldn't be long before this changed to his conversation. "As far as shortly, I mean, perhaps a year or so."

Severus stared at him, thinking momentarily of Potter and Evans. "Congratulations," he voiced dryly. Fuck you, he thought.

"Do not give me that," Malfoy shouted. He looked extremely angry. "Like it's a good thing."

"What in the hell do you mean? It's always Narcissa this, Narcissa and I, Narcissa and Lucius. Always sucking face between class."

"Yes, well, sucking face, as you so gracefully put it, and getting married are two very different things. Especially since this entire ordeal was set up by our parents in hopes to get Pureblooded children."

Severus let the words sink in. Lucius Malfoy as a father. It was not a good idea. Not a good idea at all.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry- I thought you meant you asked her, or-"

"It couldn't be normal, could it? My father and mother just had to intercept. And all because they wanted more awful little horrors in the world. I hate children," he said softly. Severus had heard that utterance so many times before.

"Impregnating her won't be so hard, I believe," Lucius continued, and Snape cringed at how he phrased it. Impregnating her. I wonder what Lily would think of that. "It will be enjoyable, I think. I can imagine it's something like mounting a broom-"

Severus snapped to attention. Malfoy hasn't had sex? That's… impossible? I have something on him, now! I have something on him, and it's what started the worst moment of my entire life. Great.

"What?" snarled Lucius. "What's that look? Like you know what it's like, for Salazar's sake. As I was saying, I just don't want children. Narcissa is so beautiful, but you know what children do? They make women fat and ugly. And after those obnoxious, filthy little things are born, that it what your life is devoted to."

"HA!" Severus stared Malfoy in the eye. "Maybe in some people's houses, but not mine. It's not true, for you either, and you know it. Perhaps Narcissa will be devoted to it, but with that attitude, and with your history, you will never be around."

"You're right," Malfoy stated slowly. "I'm sorry, Severus. I really was just on a rant, but you are correct. I do not wish to be a part of any child's life. It's not what I'm supposed to do. My only worries in life are about me. That's why I am afraid."

"Afraid?"

"I don't wish to be like them. But I am. And I will be. I will procreate for the sake of the Pureblooded baby that they wished for, and then I will treat my own child with such disdain because I just don't want one."

Severus was in shock. This was nearly the exact thing Severus had worried about, except not about children. About a wife, a home, a life that he would surely ruin because of his inherited temper.

"Maybe…" Snape began," maybe you will break the cycle. You could, you know. Maybe you will love this child and be there for it, and then you won't be repeating the way you were raised…"

"I won't!" Lucius yelled, his voice cracking. "I know that I won't!"

"I know, too," Severus said quietly. Lucius as a father. Lucius Malfoy as some poor little fuck's Dad. Horrifying.

Lucius stared into the water, cold eyes blinking rapidly for a moment's time, blinking back tears, Severus observed. It may have been a shock to some random Gryffindor, but Snape had observed this on many occasions- only not recently.

"What about you?" Lucius whispered.

"Me?"

"Your father. Are you afraid, too?"

Severus and Lucius made eye contact. "Yes," he affirmed, and sighed.

Their home lives were distinctly different. So different, yet they understood each other. Understood the abuse.

"I've missed talking to you about this. Nobody else really understands."

Severus looked up at these words. Lucius was speaking with complete seriousness.

"I know. I've missed it as well."

Lucius smiled briefly, and shrugged. "Sometimes, I think back to first year, second year and all. We had some fun."

"Some weird fun," Severus put in.

"Remember when we used to play that game?"

Severus' stomach gave a twinge. "Lie Backward," he whispered. He hadn't thought of that in forever.

"Yes, now I remember," Lucius answered, just as quietly. "Were we really disturbed or was it just me?"

"We were."

They stared off for a moment's time, and then Malfoy gave Severus a desperate look. "I want to do it again," he told him.

"Okay," Severus responded, just as urgently.

"We're older now, so don't strangle me or anything."

"I won't."

Lucius walked out to the middle of the tub, toward Severus. Slowly, Severus pushed Lucius backward into the water, until the boy's face was completely submerged. Then, Severus pressed his hand tightly over Lucius' mouth, so that he could not breathe.

One second. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Twenty was Lucius' record, as Severus remembered. He held on, feeling Lucius convulsing beneath his grasp.

Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.

Complete control. Complete trust.

Fourteen, fifteen.

Lucius' arms began to flail a bit, and instantly, Severus pulled him out of the water.

"Sixteen."

Wheezing, Malfoy gripped Severus' shoulders, his pale face extremely pink.

"What a high!" he raved when he had collected himself. "I love that. So close to death."

"Me now," Severus exclaimed. He wanted to be as close to death as he possibly could.

Lucius repeated what Snape had done to him. Once underneath the water, Severus calmed his senses. He allowed himself to be limp. He tried not to count- that was the trick. Lily, if only you could see. Look where I am. Look where you put me, you horrible, stupid slag. I don't care. Go marry that jock. See if I give a shit. I'm here, with my best friend, and everything is going as it should.

Severus felt Lucius pulling him up.

"I- had- much more- in me," panted Severus, leaning against the side of the pool.

"Twenty one," Lucius smirked. "You were always the show-off."

They chortled together for a second, and Severus could not quite explain his feelings.

So much was happening in such a short time. Just a day ago, he'd despised Lucius and loved Lily Evans. Now he was sure he and Lily would never speak again, and Lucius was treating him as though nothing had changed. He'd lost his virginity and it had been wonderful. But now, it seemed so far away. Far away and terrible.

"Imagine," began Lucius," what they all would think if they saw this. Maybe then they'd leave me alone." He snorted. "Not quite the family men, are we?"

Severus grinned, yet he fought away a feeling of desolation.