Blink Blink

Eighteen reviews? On a twelve hundred word prologue? Not too shabby! There will probably be more by the time I post this too. As I've said, life is shit so I write a comedy. To those who are annoyed by the "Dear reader" parts… eh.. I don't care. Sorry! Ya didn't complain when Carrotglace addressed the readers. (I think he did. It's been a while.)

Materia-Blade's Mood: "Depressed."

Materia-Blade's Marital Status: "Single and Looking"

Lol. Do any single women out there read my fics? Heh heh. Oh well. I probably won't date for the next year anyways… I am rather lonely nowadays though…

But that's why I first started writing anyways. So here ya go! Hope you enjoy it!

Operation: Love! Bonding the Tigress and the Lily!

Chapter One: No One Knows How Close it Came

Ranma awoke early as he had ever since Saffron. Not as early as Kasumi, or even Akane for that matter, but he still awoke early enough to avoid being awoken by a bucket of water. He walked into the bathroom as Akane was leaving, her eyes weary, yet still surprised at seeing him awake in the early morning once more.

Few people noticed it but the events on Mount Phoenix really had changed him. He was now a little bit more aloof. A little bit more mature. A little bit… better than he used to be.

His clothes were slightly more sophisticated as he had taken to wearing the white Chinese shirt instead of the red one. He would run a comb through his hair every now and then, and while it didn't do much, it did give him a little bit of a more mature look with his hair not flying in all directions. When he was a girl in made him look downright elegant, almost no matter what he wore.

All in all, Saffron had made him a much more serious and down to earth person. Able to stand in the face of danger with a cold smile instead of the childish smirk he once wore.

"Eeeeeeek! C-c-cat!"

…

Or not.

Ranma came barreling out of the bathroom in stark terror, plowing over Akane, who had been blearily walking down the stairs almost at the bottom, knocking her flat on her face in his eagerness to escape.

"Ranma, you idiot!" She moaned, pealing her face off the wooden floor to see Ranma's retreating form, and a small curiously purple cat chasing him.

"Get it away from me! Get it away from me!" came his anguished wails.

Akane glowered. "Why you… pervert!!!" She screamed realizing that he had been alone in the bathroom with the cat, that she had not seen when she was in the bathroom.

Of course, dear reader, as you must know, Akane Tendo is also a martial artist of great caliber. There is no way that Shampoo could have been in the bathroom while she was there without her sensing it meaning that she must have come into the bathroom through the window to rendezvous with Ranma alone.

…

In her mind at least. Though it is quite obvious that, while Miss Tendo has infinitely more brain capacity than a certain several members of the Kuno clan, she is not without flaws.

Withdrawing a Kunai that was curiously placed right beside the staircase she stood and began the chase, deciding that this would do instead of her morning run.

Nabiki sat on the couch watching in amusement as her coffee began to take effect. It had been some time since Ranma had been chased by a cat. Even if it was Shampoo. It was much more fun when a completely normal cat chased Ranma. It made it all the more humiliating for the poor boy.

Now, as you know dear reader, Nabiki is a rather cold person. Manipulative at the very least, and down right heinous at her most, she did still have emotion though. Her heart went out to the boy Saotome. He was single handedly the most unlucky person she had ever met. Not to mention one the most kind and honorable people she'd ever met. If a little stupid.

But, if kind and honorable people made her money like Ranma did then she'd use every one of them!

Meanwhile, outside, Ranma was halfway to the school wearing only those unusual pajama shorts and tank top that he always wore. He ran along the fence desperately looking back to see the cat bounding along behind him on the fence. A tiger chasing him. That's what Shampoo's cat form seemed in his eyes anyway.

Behind them Akane was yelling some nonsensical blurb about how Ranma come back and take the punishment of her divine retribution.

Ranma didn't listen to her. After all dear readers, would you listen to a loudmouthed girl if there was a tiger chasing you? Even if you loved the girl?

Splash!

The ladle lady chuckled as her target sped by though she did it silently. It wouldn't do for the young folks of the town to find out she was Xianghua, of the Lucid School of Tactics and Ninjetical Training. Then she would probably be brought into the mess, and that just wouldn't do. Ranma Saotome, ever since she'd first discovered his unusual affliction to water, had been the most entertainment she'd had since she'd tossed a young girl in China named Cologne into a well some two hundred years ago!

Cologne was still on the lookout for the one who did it! Ha! Served the snot-nosed child right!

But back to Ranma, dear readers.

Ranma was nearing the school, not having actually noticed that she had changed forms when she slowed. She had lost Shampoo a little while ago, and Akane was missing too. Perfect in her opinion.

She felt the odd weight on her chest and looked down to find herself female…

Wearing practically nothing…

Standing in front of the school…

Where the upward side of four hundred boys were staring at her tank-topped bra-less chest.

"Why in the heck did I end up here?" She asked the Kami as she crossed her hands over her chest in embarrassment.

It did not help when one of the boys made a wolf like whistle.

Indignantly she turned and started back towards the Tendo household. It was far to early for this nonsense. Why was Shampoo in the bathroom?

Why…?

"Fair tree borne kettle girl… dost something trouble thy beauteous self?" Came the voice of one Tatewaki Kuno.

Ranma sighed. "This is gonna be a baaad day…" She murmured. "Come on, Kuno… lets just get this over with…" She sight dejectedly as she turned and set herself into a stance.

Another whistle came from the crowd of lusty boys standing, for the most part, behind the tall fence surrounding the school grounds. Her movement made her chest bounce, and is was a cold morning, if any of you readers catch that implication.

"Nay… I woulds't know the reason for your state of dress… or lack there of?" Kuno questioned. His eyes drifted to her breasts as well.

Ranma abandoned the stance, crossing her hands over her breasts once more… It was too early in the morning for this… Seven O'clock and she was still going to be late!

"Ah well, tis no matter. I shall see you again, my tigress. Your discomfort is obvious. Be of good cheer, till we meet again!" Kuno said lightly as he turned and began to walk towards the school.

Ranma blinked. And blinked again. "W-wait what?"

Kuno continued walking, confusing Ranma even more.

"Hey Kuno! W-what are you doing?" Ranma asked, still confused as his lack of… well… attention.

"I am going to this fine estate of learning. Is there a problem? Do you require assistance?" He asked, politely.

Ranma was rightfully freaked out now. "No no! I'm fine! Uh… see ya!"

"Oh wait!" Kuno said just before she could make a run for it. She stopped, though why she wasn't quite sure.

"Do not fear, my tigress, about your love for the lily of my affection."

Ranma blinked. "What?" She asked, confused.

"I approve, my Oh pigtailed one. I would not frown on your love as that foul cur Saotome would. Alas, you are still under his spell and I seek recompense this fine day. So till we meet again, I bid you adieu." Kuno made a grand bow as he finished.

You see, dear reader, that Kuno even does not know what he means. He had truly not expected to meet with his pigtailed girl or Akane Tendo on this morn, which explained his reasons for being at the school so early. So, in saying that he sought recompense, he was simply making up a sentence worthy of getting him away from his goddess. Much as it pained him.

"Uh… yeah…" Ranma replied just before she dashed away almost as fast as when she'd been running from the cat. Something was just… off… about Kuno today.

"Give my finest to the fair Akane, as well, Pigtailed one! Tell her I'm sorry I won't be able to grace either of you with my presence today. I shall be leaving early, for I have urgent business to attend to. Fare thee well!" Kuno exclaimed after her retreating form. Then he turned and entered the school gate.

Ranma slowed as he began and was halted by the time he finished. 'My day just got… better?' She thought.

An ill-foreboding rang throughout the city. Animals fled and children began to wail with the unusual sixth sense that they seem to hold. People all across Nerima began to feel cold-chills as Ranma's day… got… better…

Ranma too felt the foreboding.

"I'm gonna die." She sighed, knowing this thought for true, and began to walk towards the Tendo compound with the gait of one who had accept the snake eyes that the dice of life had dealt them.

After walking home, her face heated from the comments she received during the walk, she began to open the gate only to see Akane running back towards him from the other direction.

"Hey Ranma! Shouldn't you be dressed?" Akane teased. Apparently she had cooled off since earlier. Mayhap she realized that Shampoo had really simply been waiting for Ranma?

Ranma glowered at the comment, her cheeks turning redder still.

"How far did you go? You looked like you made it all the way to the school!" Akane laughed cheerfully as they entered the gate together. "Bet that was embarrassing."

"I… didn't make it quite that far… but Akane. Did you feel something really weird just a little while ago? About ten or fifteen minutes?" Ranma asked, more to change the subject, but her curiosity was wondering too. Especially curious was Akane's anger. Or lack of anger. Again Ranma felt the foreboding.

Akane however, looked bewildered. "No. What are you talking about?"

You see, dear reader, that while it is true that Akane may be a martial artist, she in truth has as much ability to sense danger as a brick. That being, not much. So therefore, said bad-feeling of foreboding, slid over her like water sliding across a windshield.

"Well… I just got rid of Kuno… without… hitting him." Ranma stuttered, not quite sure how to explain the strange phenomenon.

To say Akane was shocked was to say that a hurricane was a little breezy. Now that it was thrown directly in her face, fear began to wash over her. She shivered more than enough to make up for the sense of foreboding that she complexly missed.

"W-what happened! Did… did he kiss you?"

"No, stupid!" Ranma shouted. "What was 'zat supposed to mean!"

Akane shrugged, feeling a little bit stupid herself for that one. "Just a question…" she put in meekly. "So what did happen?!" She shouted her fire returning instantly.

"Well, I was just slowing down because I'd finally lost Shampoo when…"

And so, the short story of Ranma's unusual run-in with Kuno was rehashed to Akane. Then the better news, of Kuno being gone for today was given to her. Her shivering increased tenfold.

"Akane do you know what this means!" Ranma cried just after she finished the tale.

Akane nodded solemnly. "We're gonna die."

Ranma nodded as well. "There's no way we could be that lucky without dieing the next day."

They looked at each other… and sighed.

"Nice knowin' ya Akane-chan." Ranma murmured.

"You too, Ranma…"

With that they entered the household.

"Oh my! You missed breakfast Ranma-kun! I'm really sorry, but it was getting cold so I gave your plate to Akane when she got back. What took you so long?" Kasumi said simultaneously with the shutting of the front door.

Ah. There, dear reader, is why Akane lost her anger. She had found a way to hit Ranma harder than mallets and kunai.

Ranma glared. "Why you! Whad'ja do that for!?"

Akane just smiled innocently. "Well, like she said. It was getting cold…"

Akane walked away, swaying her hips just so and exited the living room heading down the hallway.

Ranma's eye twitched. "Uncute tomboy!" She shouted. No answer came.

Ranma threw up her hands and ran up the stairs.

"There's hot water on the burner for you Ranma-kun!" Kasumi shouted after him.

Ranma sighed, in relief this time. "Thanks Kasumi!" She shouted back down the stairs.

She entered the room she and her father shared and began to get dressed for the day.

She sighed. She, or he depending on the situation, had gotten along much better with Akane lately. Not… much better. But better at least.

"No one knows how close I came to losing her…" Ranma sighed. She knew. And so did Akane. They weren't really making much progress but… they did try to get along better. They both knew now that the other meant… something to them.

Neither was quite sure what; Ranma did know that he or she would feel utterly empty if Akane died or left. If that meant anything.

The snoring panda grunted. He was sleeping in abnormally late this morning.

Putting her previous line of thought into the back of her mind, Ranma suddenly quirked a devious smile and withdrew a bucket of freezing water.

"Hello Mister Panda…" She cooed as she tiptoed forward ever so slowly.

Tatewaki Kuno, The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, Rising Star of High School Kendo Clubs Across Tokyo, Age seventeen, Upperclassman, felt like crap.

"Why! Why must It hurt me so! It is much to rare that my tigress is able to be graced with my presence! O why! Why must today be the day of my scheming!" He exclaimed as he walked away from the school.

"Hmm, it's probably because you picked today to begin, sir." Sasuke breathed. He was carting the Kuno around in that unusual wagon that Tatewaki rarely used. The one that made him feel like a pack horse. He really did hate his job.

"Silence Sasuke! I must think. I will find any crevice in this, most secret of plans, and fill it!" He exclaimed, to the world.

A passing okonomiyaki chef heard of this, "most secret of plans" and decided that it warranted a small bit of eve's dropping. Secret plans were most entertaining!

"The pigtailed girl and Akane Tendo must be brought together, but they have shown signs of dislike for each other at times. I have seen them bantering angrily at one another... Still this does seem like it will work. For what more could two women want?" Kuno mumbled.

The okonomiyaki chef's eyes widened. Something was unusual here.

"Dah! Ha hahah! My plan is fool-proof! I can find no flaw!" The crazed kendoist exclaimed.

The okonomiyaki chef felt happy for the insane man in the wagon. He wished him well in his crazed "secret plan." He turned and began to walk away feeling content pushing his cart along, on his way towards Juuban. He'd heard tell of a blonde who could eat with enough fervor to keep him comfortable for years and he intended to find her.

Meanwhile, Kuno was still ranting. "I must first be on my way. Urawa has a large enough place to suit my needs."

It was true. Urawa was a large city that was a significant distance from Tokyo by foot. It held exactly what he needed.

"To Urawa Sasuke!" Tatewaki shouted.

"Yes, master Kuno." Sasuke sighed, wondering dejectedly why Kuno couldn't just take one of the family limousines.

As it turns out, dear reader, Kuno's plan was not necessarily doomed to fail. Had he been trying to make any other two women fall in love, it truly wouldn't have been that bad an idea.

At least, it wouldn't have been doomed to fail… if anyone other than Kuno were the one carrying it out.

But again, Tatewaki Kuno is, for lack of a better word, retarded.

So… who knows what could happen?

End Chapter
Whew! That was fun! Heh. Hope you had as much fun readin' as I did writing! I been writing constantly today! Heck I might start continuing on chapter two now! I got a good what... five hours before work? Why not!? Oh, but while your at it, please "Leave A Review!"

I know the questions seems like a "Be Kind Please Rewind" sign at blockbuster that no one EVER payed attention too, but still. I like them. They are cool. Even if you think it's complete and utter bullsh.

And One more thing. To those who commented on the "Dear Reader" parts. No offence meant by what I said above. I mean I really don't care if you don't like them but don't take offence from it. Okay? Please? Thank you and sorry. Have a good afternoon!