Chapter Twenty-One
Georg quickly stood up and moved to Maria's side. She didn't seem to be upset anymore, or frightened, just resolved. "You remember?" He had to verify what he just heard.
Maria nodded, "I uh…I went to lie down upstairs, and I fell asleep for a little while, but when I woke up, it all seemed so clear to me."
"Tell me," Georg pressed. "Tell me who it was, I'll make him pay, Maria."
"Georg, promise me you something," Maria said firmly. "Promise me before I tell you anything you won't lay a hand on him. It'll only make it harder on me and the family. Promise me. Your word, Captain."
Georg couldn't believe what he was hearing. Maria knew the identity of her attacker, she had remembered who it was yet she was protecting him, she didn't want any consequences for him.
No, that wasn't right. She didn't want any more consequences for herself. If he did seek any type of vengeance and was taken to task for it, it would do more harm than good. Still, how was he to let this anger, this hate for a still unknown man out of his body. To keep it locked inside when there was a person he could lash out at, a person responsible for making Maria suffer so much…
He found himself doing it anyway, doing what she asked, "I promise, Darling. Not a hand on him."
Maria took a deep breath, "It was the smell, well the odor, that I couldn't get out of my head. He smells like that all the time, a sickly sweet kind of odor. First at the party, I was distracted by it for a minute, it was so overwhelming I didn't realize that I didn't like him at first, then that night…" Maria shut her eyes.
"I had to clear my head," Maria continued after a moment. "I had to just be alone and think about what I wanted to do. Herr Mueller had been so kind to me, and I think he loved me a little bit already, but I didn't love him back, I couldn't ever love him back like he deserved, my heart already belonged to you."
Georg tugged gently at Maria's hand, guiding her to sit beside him. He just wanted her to blurt out the name, to solve the mystery, though from her description and her actions earlier, he merely needed her to confirm his suspicions.
When Maria was seated, Georg took her hand and held it between both of his encouraging her to go on. "And mine to you," he assured her briefly before she continued.
"I almost accepted his offer to go courting," Maria confessed. "I knew I didn't belong at the Abbey and I didn't think you could ever want me, I'm so simple and…not of your class as the Baroness would put it, but I couldn't lie to him or to myself any more than I had already. I couldn't come home so shaken, you would have read so much more into it and taken off on him, and I didn't want that, I had led him on after all."
Maria took a deep breath, Georg continued to be as patient as he could but couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of anger at himself, at Heinrich Mueller, at Maria, at everything as he waited for her to finish.
"I went up to the Untesberg to think, to that section where we picnic, where you found me. As I was walking, he grabbed me, pulled me down over that hill's edge. I fought him, I hit him as hard as I could and I kicked him…but I missed my mark and my shoe flew off and down the rocks. I must have made him angry because he shook me, and I think part of my head hit the cliff."
Maria reached up to touch her head where she'd felt it hit as if it just happened. "I smelled that awful odor emanating from him, I don't know what it is. The Reverend Mother said sometimes you can smell the demons when they approach, and I suppose you can. I never smelled anything like it before the party, before he came and talked to me at the party."
Maria was starting to shake as the memories of that horrible night flooded her mind again. Georg felt the rage simmering in his breast, if he didn't let go soon he was going to explode. A few deep breaths calmed him for the moment but it wouldn't last for long.
"When he came up to me today, that's when I smelled it again and it took a little while for me to work it all out in my head," Maria said in a disassociated way, as if she was telling someone else's story instead of her own. "I took a nap when we got home and when I woke up…I knew, I just knew…I knew it at the party that he was…He was in my space, he made me nervous and that's how I ended up dancing with Herr Mueller. He came and took me to dance to get me away from him. It was Herr Braun, Georg. Jakob Braun is the man that raped me."
Georg stood up and started to pace the room. He had known since Maria mentioned the odor that Jakob Braun was her attacker and now, she told him he was right to assume that. Still, the only thing he could focus on in that moment was the party. He had approached her as early as her time at the von Klauss party.
Braun had approached Maria and scared her, made her so uncomfortable she went to dance with another man to escape and this was the first he heard of that.
More anger rose in his breast until he could no longer contain it, then he exploded.
Georg turned sharply and with fiery blue eyes looked at Maria. "Why didn't you tell me?" he thundered. "Why didn't you tell me immediately!"
Maria was confused, "Georg, calm down, please, Darling. I did tell you immediately, it only all made sense just now…"
"I mean about the party?! Why didn't you tell me he approached you at the party?! Why didn't you come and tell me that you were afraid?!" He ran his fingers through his hair and kept walking back and forth. "All of this…all of it, I could have done something! I could have stopped it! You should have told me!"
Maria shut her eyes. She hurt to see how much pain was behind Georg's anger. She had been the victim of the assault, that was true enough, but he was in this too, he was all in. "What would you have done, Georg?" Maria asked him softly. "If I came home that night and told you that a man with a terrible smell made me feel shy and off balance at the party, but did nothing wrong other than be in my space when I desired otherwise, what would you have done? Nothing, because it was nothing then."
"I could have…" Georg began suddenly feeling tired and out of breath. "I could have…" He felt like there was an elephant on his chest and his throat ached with the need to cry. He hadn't cried in years, and all of a sudden, he felt like he was about to burst.
"I wasn't your fault," Maria said emphatically as she stood up and started to close the gap between them. "I know I blamed you once when I was hurting and angry, but I know the truth. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't this baby's fault. The only person responsible for this is Herr Braun and he will answer for it before God, I know he will."
Maria slid her arms around Georg's waist and held on tight, laying her head against his chest. Georg slowly wrapped her in his own embrace and let the pain flow out of him. His breath came in hitches, deep wracking sobs made his body shake as Maria simply stood with her arms wrapped around him like a life preserver.
"There was nothing you could have done, my love," she whispered. "Let it go, I'm here, I'm with you. Let it go…"
Georg's legs seemed to collapse underneath the incredible weight he was carrying inside of him. He had to avenge his wife, he had to make this man pay for his terrible misdeeds, only he'd promised her. On his knees, Georg sobbed in Maria's arms. First came his anger at her for not helping him to protect her, though he knew it was foolish. Then came his anger at himself for being such a coward and not trying harder to let Maria know how deep his love for her was before all of this happened. As his sobs died down to whimpers, his anger at Herr Braun came to the surface and his grip on Maria became almost painful as he rode that wave.
Maria was crying too as she held Georg in her arms. It was always there in the back of her mind, was she his because he wanted her to be or was she his because she was pregnant by another man and he felt responsible for that?
It was cards on the table time, he couldn't get any more upset than he already was, so she bit her lip the asked him, "Why did you make me yours?"
Georg sniffled and pulled back, his beautiful eyes swollen and red from his tears. He looked at Maria like she was from a different planet. "What?"
"I need to know, while we are airing things out, why did you make me yours? Why didn't you just send me somewhere or have the doctor see one of those women in the hills?" Maria asked as she continued to make soft circles on Georg's back.
"Because I love you," Georg replied. "I've loved you for a long time and even if this didn't happen, even if there wasn't a baby, even if that animal didn't…" He had to stop and swallow the bile in his throat just thinking of the man.
"Even if he didn't hurt you, I'd like to think I would have gotten over myself and told you how I felt. I'm sorry every day that I didn't, but know this, I would not have married you even for the baby's sake, if I didn't love you and even if there were no baby, I would still love you."
That was what she needed to hear. Maria pulled her arms back and reached up to caress Georg's cheek. "I want to truly be yours, Georg. I honestly, deeply do want to truly be your wife in all the ways I can be, but I still need a little more time."
"I told you, Darling, that doesn't matter," Georg replied pushing himself up off the floor and gently helping Maria to stand. "I want that too, but if we can't then it's all right."
"We will," Maria whispered. "I want to, I want to know what it feels like to make love, to really and truly make love. I want to try, after the baby is born, and I've healed, I want to try."
Georg kissed her temple, "After the baby comes and you're well, we'll see how things go. I don't want to plan it; I don't want to put a time frame on it. If it happens, it happens, and it will be special no matter what."
Maria leaned up to kiss Georg on the lips, a firm, deep kiss that held the promise of her new resolve. "Are you all right now, my love?" he asked. "You're feeling better?"
Maria nodded, "I still have some pain in my back, but yes, I'm feeling so much lighter inside, like knowing who it was took the fear away just a little."
"That's good," Georg replied. "I have some business to attend to in the city and I wanted to be sure…"
Maria raised her eyebrow, "Georg, you promised me."
Georg shut his eyes, "I promised I wouldn't hit him Maria, and I won't. I won't lay a hand on him, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let him get away with it without him knowing that I know…"
Maria pressed her hand to her back and made a little grimace as she was about to argue the point further. Georg moved closer to her. He put his hand on her back in the same place she had been massaging on and off. "Is that pain getting worse?"
"No, not really, when the baby kicks it presses," Maria explained. "It feels like a cramp."
"You need to lie down again," Georg told her. "I'll have Frau Schmidt fix you a tray while I'm gone." He began to move toward the door to arrange the meal.
Maria took a few steps closer to him, but she understood his need to have this out. He had given her his word he wouldn't lay a hand on the man, and she had to trust in that.
Maria put up her hands, then dropped them back to her sides as if to submit him in this thing. "Just remember you promised me, Georg. You won't lay a hand on him."
Georg bit his lip and looked at Maria. Her eyes were wide, and her face flushed. Georg moved closer. Suddenly, he felt like staying with his wife was more important, at least for the time being. "This can keep," Georg said softly. "Why don't we go upstairs for a little while, take supper in there tonight, just the two of us, hmm?"
Maria sighed. She leaned her head on Georg's shoulder, thankful he had changed his mind about leaving her right now. She didn't want a confrontation between Georg and Jakob Braun. She didn't see how that would help anything, but if Georg kept his word not to lay a hand on him well…She could always hope he would let it go and not go off half-cocked, but how could he just let it go? How could he?
A/N: Well, there you have it. Jakob Braun is Maria's rapist and he will get his, don't worry about that. No hints though.