Once again, I adore you all for the amazing FB. And :Hugs: to Kodiak for the beta.
He knew he was dreaming but John couldn't shake himself out of it and into conscious awareness, leaving him with no other alternative then to watch the dream play out. Both a captive victim and audience to his own demons.
He was in the gateroom, the event horizon shimmering in all its puddled glory. Standing before it was Lt. Ford and he was holding Elizabeth hostage. A mirror image of when the Genii had come to Atlantis and Kolya had tried to take her through the gate. John knew what to do. He fell to one knee, his P90 held to the ready, eyes narrowed and scoping out his target. A clean hit to Ford's shoulder and Elizabeth would be freed. But he would offer Ford a chance to do the right thing first.
"Let her go, Lieutenant!" John ordered.
"Can't do that, sir," Ford replied. "We both know that. It's never that easy...John."
Hearing Ford call him John made him tense. He huffed out a slight breath to relax, finger easy over the trigger. "Let her go, Aiden," he shot back, making it personal between them. Because it was personal. "Then we can all go home." Wherever home happened to be.
Ford shook his head, looking apologetic. "Can't do that, sir," he replied again. Then he took a step back, dragging Weir with him.
John knew he couldn't hesitate. He knew that time had run out. So he took the shot, aiming for the shoulder. Only Ford knew it was coming, knew it like he was in John's head. He moved like a blur, pulling Weir in front of him and the bullet found its mark. Straight into her heart.
"Nice shot, sir!" Ford called out, a grin stretching across his face as he dropped Weir's limp body to the floor. "Got her in one."
"No.." the word was barely a whisper but it hurt to say, grating on every nerve as John stared at the blood pooling around Elizabeth's body.
It was time to wake up now.
He jolted upright in bed, body shuddering and heart thudding against his chest, his pulse racing so fast he could feel it at his pulse points in wrists, neck and temples. Nausea surged through John as the image of Elizabeth's dead body refused to dissolve from his mind. He bolted out of bed and made it to the bathroom in time to empty his stomach into the toilet.
By the time he was gagging up bile, John felt weak and dizzy and that was while on his knees and clinging to the toilet. He was finally able sag back against the wall and he slumped there, eyes closed, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He reminded himself it had only been a dream and that Elizabeth, though missing, was still very much alive. It didn't help, though, that Ford was another demon John had to deal with. He didn't know if the guy was dead or alive, though he continued to choose to believe that Ford was out there somewhere, very much alive.
After what felt like hours, John was able to climb to his feet. He avoided his reflection in the mirror as he brushed his teeth, then he stepped into the shower and spent a few long minutes letting the hot water soak away the ache in his body. He felt better by the time he got out, dried off and dressed. The headache that had become his constant companion was still aggravating enough that John was willing to risk a pit stop at the infirmary to get some relief.
After strapping on his thigh holster, John was ready for the day. He stepped out of his room and headed for the infirmary. Half way there he bumped into Zelenka, literally, catching the smaller man by the shoulders to stop him from slamming into the wall. "You okay?" John asked, once they were both steady on their feet again.
"Yes yes, fine." Zelenka waved a hand at him. "I am sorry I was not watching where I was going, but this is fortuitous meeting. I was looking for you, Colonel. Rodney and I have need of you in the chair room, to download the shielding schematics if possible."
"I can do that," John allowed. So long as he had time. The Daedalus would be arriving soon and John had every intention of stepping through the gate to go in search of Elizabeth, as soon as he could hand things off to Caldwell.
As if on cue, John's radio beeped and a tech informed him that the Daedalus had arrived and Caldwell was on his way.
John clapped Zelenka on the shoulder. "I'll contact you when I'm ready to get in the chair," John told him, then he was sprinting off towards the Gateroom. He got there just as Caldwell materialized at the top of the stairs.
"Colonel Sheppard." Caldwell was moving to greet him even as John made the last step.
"Colonel," John replied, nodding at the man who was his superior officer. And, for once, John was grateful. "Glad you could make it."
Caldwell almost smiled at that. "Looks like we've got a lot to do. Still no word on Doctor Weir?"
John shook his head carefully, mindful of the ache in his temples. "Nothing yet." He moved to the tech closest to him and asked him to contact the senior officers for a meeting. "We'll be in the conference room," John stated, then he guided Caldwell in that direction.
It didn't take long for everyone to show up. John was grateful for that. Making small talk with Caldwell wasn't easy and until everyone arrived so the meeting could take place, thereby getting Caldwell updated, there really wasn't much John had to say to the man. In fact, the moment the conference table was filled by McKay, Beckett, Lorne, Caldwell and himself, John let the Colonel have the floor.
Caldwell started by asking Lorne about the search for Weir. John let Lorne's reply wash over him. He felt it was pretty much summed up by she was missing and they hadn't found her yet. Then Caldwell asked Rodney for an update on defenses. John paid attention as McKay talked about the chair and the shielding aspects for Atlantis. He caught Rodney's eyes and nodded, imperceptibly, letting him know he'd be down there later.
"Colonel Sheppard has contributed the most to our efforts," Rodney stated, once he had explained everything they had to date from both a defensive and offensive point of view in regards to the chair.
"Can the chair give us what we need to defeat the Wraith?" Caldwell queried, looking impressed perhaps in spite of himself.
John watched Rodney make a face and he decided to speak up before McKay launched into a long-winded diatribe. Because, apparently, Caldwell didn't know better than to ask for the impossible from Rodney without him getting pissed off about it. They didn't have time for ranting right now. "We're still figuring out what the Chair has to offer," John interjected, sending a glare of warning in Rodney's direction, before focusing on Caldwell. "We were kind of hoping you might have some ideas for us," he prompted.
Caldwell leaned forward in his chair, forearms resting on the tabletop, hands clasped. "We might be able to offer a better defense than the last time, and we have a bit more firepower, but not enough to wipe out three Hive ships. But the Chair defenses sound promising."
"They are!" Rodney snapped, pointedly ignoring John's glare. "And if you don't mind I'd like to get back to work. Somebody has to save our collective asses around here!" He was out of his chair and heading for the door before he'd finished speaking.
"He gets cranky when he's scared," Carson offered, as if in apology.
John decided to focus things in another direction but Caldwell beat him to it.
He offered John a grim smile then said, "You've done a good job here, Colonel. Doctor Weir would be pleased."
"Thanks." John was surprised by the praise and he found he felt a bit proud of it, but he shrugged that off for now. He could bask in it later. Right now Caldwell had offered up an opening and he was going to take it. "It's been fun but now I'm more than happy to hand things over to you, Colonel. I'm eager to join the search for Doctor Weir. If anyone can find her, it's Ronon...but I'd like to be there."
"I'm afraid that's not possible, Colonel," Caldwell countered, and his tone was as sharp as his expression.
Carson jumped in on the bandwagon. "The Colonel's right, Colonel," he said, then he looked a bit stymied at how that sounded before shaking his head. A finger followed, waving in front of John's face. "I haven't yet cleared you back to off world status."
John glared at Beckett. "You know I'm fine, besides which this isn't about me. It's about doing everything possible to get Doctor Weir back."
"It's a moot point, gentlemen," Caldwell firmly interjected. "I've been in contact with General O'Neill and he's given me the official order that you, Colonel Sheppard, are to remain in charge of Atlantis for the duration of Doctor Weir's absence. I am to take over as Military head during that period."
"You're not serious?" John hissed. At least he hoped Caldwell wasn't. But one look at the man's face and he knew it was true. To say he was stunned was an understatement. John appreciated O'Neill's faith in him, but it came at a bad time. Still, there were always ways around any scenario and John knew a way around this one. He locked eyes with Caldwell and said, "Fine. Then my first official order is to put you in charge of Atlantis with Lorne as head of military for the time being." John figured that would free him up to join the search for Elizabeth.
But Caldwell was shaking his head. "That's not going to happen, Sheppard. I won't go against General O'Neill's orders."
For some reason John wasn't the least bit surprised to hear him say that. But he had one last shot at changing Caldwell's mind. Appeal to the man's ego. "We both know you're better qualified to run Atlantis."
"General O'Neill believes otherwise," Caldwell countered, which spoke volumes. The man wanted to take his offer, John could feel it. But before he could push his case in point, Rodney piped up from the doorway.
"I agree with O'Neill," he stated as he entered the room and scooped his laptop off from the table where he'd left it. "Besides which we need you here, Sheppard. In the chair." Rodney glared at him, blue eyes blazing. "Or did you forget that the Wraith are on their way?"
John glared right back at him. "No, I haven't forgotten but --"
It was Beckett who cut him off. "No buts, Colonel. I won't clear you for gate travel and you know it, so accept the fact that you're stuck on Atlantis. Like Rodney said, we need you here. All the more so with Doctor Weir gone. She may be the figure head, laddie, but most people consider you the heart and soul of Atlantis and they'll be looking to you to save her again."
"What about me?" Rodney snapped, looking both irritated and scared to death. "I may not look the part of the hero but I'm the one who keeps saving us. Time and time and time again!"
"Of course you do," Carson said, consolingly.
Rodney didn't look mollified but, for once, he let it go and focused on Sheppard. "I need you in the chair, Colonel. The ability to shield Atlantis is going to be our best defense."
John rubbed at his temples for a moment, uncaring that Beckett was eyeing him with concern. A part of him knew that everyone was right, that he was needed on Atlantis. But another part of him wanted to run through the gate, find Elizabeth and bring her back home. Ultimately, he had to focus on keeping Atlantis safe and whole so that Elizabeth would have a home to come back too. Coming to a decision, one he hoped like hell he wouldn't regret in the long run, John looked at Rodney and announced, "We can do better than that." The startled look on Rodney's face was priceless and John wished he had a camera handy to capture it for posterity. Or better yet, blackmail purposes. But he shrugged off such thoughts and explained what he meant. "I think I can tap into a new weapons system. I'm just not too sure what it does yet."
"What the hell do you mean a new weapon's system?" Rodney demanded. "And why didn't you tell me about it?"
"I just did," John pointed out, hoping to avoid an argument. But, no such luck.
Rodney shook a finger at him. "Before NOW! Do you realize how important this is?"
John grimaced as pain stabbed his temples due to the sharpness of Rodney's tone. "Yeah, I do realize how important this is," he drawled. "And don't ask me to explain what type of weapons or anything along that line because I can't explain it to you. I'll just have to show you."
"Fine!" Rodney huffed, then he gestured to the door. "Let's go. Tick tock, Colonel. Tick...tock."
"Dr. McKay has a point," Caldwell stated, before John could respond. "Sounds like you have a lot of work to do, Colonel."
Heaving a sigh, John pushed out of his chair. He felt like he had revealed too much, that he had offered too much hope. He hadn't had a chance to explore his findings further. It could all mean nothing in the end, just wishful thinking on his part. Although John doubted that Atlantis would mess with him like that. He also knew that Rodney was going to give him hell for not sharing this info earlier, but he hadn't considered it worth mentioning until he understood what it meant for them. Only now it looked like he was going to have to pull a rabbit out of a hat. If he didn't, Atlantis wouldn't survive the imminent attack. John wasn't going to let that happen.
He made to follow Rodney only to remember something. He turned to Caldwell. "Since you're taking on my job, keep me informed about doctor Weir, and if you have any thoughts on how we can find her faster, let me know."
"I'll do that," Caldwell allowed.
"Let's go already, Sheppard!" Rodney grumbled, snapping his fingers.
Only to have Beckett glare at him. "Colonel Sheppard will catch up with you, Rodney," Carson stated, and his tone brooked no argument.
Apparently Rodney got the hint and Beckett's glare made its point because he nodded sharply then fled.
John was about to protest, only Caldwell and Lorne were beating a hasty retreat as well and a heartbeat later he was alone with Beckett. John knew he was in trouble by the way Beckett was eyeing him. He thought maybe he could charm his way around it so he smiled at the doc.
"Did you eat?" Carson questioned.
"I was going to but then the Daedalus arrived and I got sidetracked," John explained. And that was close enough to the truth for him to feel comfortable with the lie.
Carson did not look convinced. "Did you sleep well?"
John shrugged. "Not bad. Better than I have been." That was fairly close to the truth as well. Between nightmares he'd gotten a few hours of sleep.
"How many pills did you take?"
"Just one." Why John felt compelled to lie about that, he didn't know. But there it was and he was stuck with it for now.
Carson studied him for a long moment then nodded. "Make sure you eat, Colonel."
John grinned. "Sure thing, Doc. I'll grab something on my way to the chair room." John felt relief wash over him that Beckett was letting him off the hook so easily. He turned towards the door and was almost through it when Beckett called him back. He scowled then erased it from his face before turning back around. He was surprised as hell when Beckett tossed something at him. Instinctively John caught it, staring at the bottle in his hand. A small bottle of Aleve. A genuine smiled curved John's mouth. "Thanks, Doc."
"Just be forewarned that once things settle back down again, I'm running a bunch of tests on you, Colonel," Beckett stated.
"Whatever you want," John promised. He could figure a way out of them later. If there was a later. A thought that wiped the smile off his face. He pocketed the pills, sliding them in next to Elizabeth's necklace, then he headed out the door.
He had a city to save.