"Regina, this isn't pizza." Emma frowned at the menu in her hands. Regina, ever so stoic, sat with a smirk on her face. Emma, unaware of this, prodded on with an unamused tone. "Like, homemade nitrate-free pepperoni and sulfate-free organic sun-dried tomatoes?" She pointedly glared at the woman next to her who sat with her back to a brick-oven stove. This place was supposed to be one of the best places to eat, off Thayer by Brown in Providence.
"Pepperoni and tomatoes should not have the words nitrate or sulfate before them! What's wrong with greasy pepperoni and, well, I would never have tomatoes on my pizza." Emma emphasized her last point with an annoying, high-pitched voice and her hands in the air. "This stuff is just too healthy to even taste good," Emma stated, exasperated, dropping her Flatbread menu down on the wooden table. She got that the place was supposed to be hip and cool where vegans and wannabe health enthusiasts, such as her girlfriend, came for a relaxing but mellow dinner. It was the beer and specialty drink list that tipped Emma over the edge, "Babe, they don't even have normal beers. Who drinks organic beer?" She pointed to herself, "Not me." The red flannel she wore matched her flared cheeks. It was evident that Emma wasn't thrilled to eat organic and fresh pizza, to say the least
"What? Is my darling daughter not letting you have pizza up there in Maine? Does she have you on some health food kick?" Cora spoke from across the table with an amused smirk that spoke wonders. "She's just like me. I used to do this to her father." Cora mused on.
The mention of Henry, however, made Regina flinch. Emma knew that while she had started to hurt less, she still grieved the death of her father. How could she not? It was too sudden. There were no last goodbyes, and I love yous, or hugs. That was the hard part. Emma couldn't even begin to register in her mind what it would be like to lose her mother or father in that way. Not to mention, it was just a few weeks prior that everything felt as close to perfect one could get. To have that all ripped away, well it just makes you see how fragile life is.
Last week, Emma walked in on Regina playing old VHS tapes from her teen years. One home video, in particular, struck a chord with Emma. It was circa 1995 when Regina was fifteen. She was a brace face with poofy, permed hair and chubby cheeks. In her awkward teen years, Regina wasn't exactly a Chelsea Clinton or Kelly Kapowski from Saved By The Bell. She was more like Tai from Clueless, post-makeover. Awkward, but still underneath all of that, she was beautiful. Emma couldn't say that about herself. When she was fifteen, she was a jock that always had her hair up in a ponytail and did little to rectify her overall appearance. She digged the baggy t-shirts and bootcut jeans. It was the style back then, which thank god fashion changed, and so did she. Emma couldn't imagine not wearing makeup. She hardly ever wore her hair up now; maybe it was all of those years with her hair slicked back, tightly held up that reminded her it wasn't attractive.
In the video Regina was watching, it was later in the evening on the Fourth of July. Henry sat relaxed in a lawn chair with the most dapper outfit, for the time at least. Had he worn it when Emma met him, she'd think the guy needed Garanimals (labeled clothing for children learning to dress themselves), but fortunately, he had evolved with the times like she did. Henry, of course, sat with a cigar hanging out of the side of his mouth. He looked the same, except his hair wasn't the color of his cigar ashes, but rather it was with rich in pigments of dark browns. There were fewer wrinkles about his face, and his voice was smoother, less gravelly, than she remembered. After twenty something years of smoking, it had really worn out his voice.
Regina's parents were having a cookout with a bunch of random people Emma didn't recognize. It was just a normal home video. Mostly boring, but it was when Regina sat in her father's lap with a sparkler laughing that pulled at Emma's heartstrings. Her young, lighthearted laugh sounded like her mother's wind chimes on their back porch, back home in Florida, being carried in the wind with the salt and sand. It was transfixing, and the more Emma looked back, the more she loved the woman next to her. Seeing her as a teenager made Emma fall more in love. She couldn't imagine life now, without her. And, she was all the more thankful for that salty old man and Cora, without them she wouldn't have the love of her life. She felt forever in debt to them, and while she missed Henry, it would never be nearly as much as Regina did.
Her girlfriends incriminating voice echoed from next to her, "She had pizza last week with Graham. Something healthy won't kill her," Regina said, while still studying the menu, unimpressed by Emma's child-like annoyance over the restaurant.
Emma snapped her head to the side in shock, "How did you know that?" What, did her girlfriend suddenly have spidey-senses? It was creepy.
"You left the evidence," Regina stated, matter-of-factly.
"Nuh uh," Emma said, her brow furrowed in confusion because there was no way. She was better than that. Perhaps she'd been on leave from work for too long? She knew better than to leave evidence in plain sight.
"Then why was there a leftover pizza box in the trash can?" Regina asked her girlfriend with a perfectly sculpted brow so highly arched it almost touched her hairline.
"Damn it," Emma cursed herself. It was three weeks prior when Regina had challenged Emma to go a month without pizza. It was a challenge hard to rise to, but Emma did nonetheless, just to prove she could do it. Apparently, she was weak and failed miserably. Emma scrunched her face, "Wait, how'd you know I was with Graham?"
Regina shrugged. "The next morning Jeff mentioned you guys went out for drinks and pizza. You know, for a former investigator, you're not that sneaky or good with covering your tracks."
"I didn't think you'd catch me," Emma said in her defense with her lip pouted out. Being caught sucked. "So this is what, your form of punishment?" Emma's inquiring mind wanted to know. "Because, I'll have you know-"
"It's not. I honestly thought you may like this place." Regina looked over at Emma with a side-ways smile.
"Oh," Emma said. Feeling guilty, she picked up the menu, and for the sake of her girlfriends feelings, picked out a pizza.
"So Emma, I see that you're making friends. Have you got a job yet?" Cora asked from across the table.
"Actually, I decided not to take the gig at the Portland Police Department. I'm just not ready to jump back into work at the moment. I know it's there when I'm ready. Graham works there, and I think he's great, and I know he wants me to take the job soon. It's just, the move and all, it's been stressful and I just want to get familiar with the area and fully settled before I start a job." Emma was thanking her lucky stars that this wasn't the first 'meet the parent' moment. She wouldn't be making the best impression right about now. Cora, on the other hand, had spent several weeks with her in Maine and got to know her and vice versa. Emma hoped that was enough for the woman to know that she wasn't some lazy leech sucking money and, well, things from Regina. That wasn't Emma. It was killing her not to have a job, but she knew after losing her last job, Henry, and the move that it wouldn't be smart to dive head first into a new job.
Regina jumped in, and Emma supposed it was to help defuse any further questions from Cora. "How are your classes going?"
"Oh... Pish posh." Cora dismissed. "It would be fine if I had a second person. The department is having a hard time finding an associate to work with me. My lectures are structured for two people teaching the class. It was overwhelming the first week, but now I've gotten a handle on it. They shouldn't even bother now." She dismissively said.
"I'm sorry to interrupt guys, but can I go ahead and get a flatbread in the oven for ya?" A blonde, girl with dreadlocks and a septum piercing asked. Emma rolled her eyes. If her kid ever so much as even considered piercing her nose like that she'd rip it right out. Anything, but that piercing. She could even handle tattoos.
They all ordered their food and Emma, reluctantly, ordered an organic beer, which she was sure would taste like tree bark.
Emma looked across the table to Cora, it had been almost a month since she had last seen her and well, this wasn't exactly what she expected; she was rather put together. Her hair was nice, her clothing wasn't wrinkled, her skin didn't look blotchy or swollen from crying, it was all very….strange. It didn't add up.
Regina picked up her napkin and unrolled it from her silverware and responded to their earlier conversation before they were interrupted. "Well, they know what they're doing. Finding the right candidate sometimes can prove to be difficult. How are other things? Are you getting out much?" Regina asked.
Emma was extremely curious. She just seemed too put together. Had she lost Regina, she would probably have gained fifteen pounds from eating too much pizza and ice cream. Her skin would look like crap, and overall she'd just look like the walking dead. How the woman in front of her managed to look like the same old same old Cora with a slight glow to her was questionable.
"I'm doing fine, Regina. You shouldn't worry so much about your dear old mom." She said, trying to deflect the unwanted attention.
"I do, though, and you're all alone here in Rhode Island." Regina argued.
"Oh hush, I have my work," Cora said, holding her tan Burberry scarf closer to her chin. "It's really fine. I've had my hands in several projects around town and I've been getting out some." She said.
"Maybe you should get a companion dog. Those King Charles Spaniels are very loving dogs. Why don't you get one of those?" Regina added.
"I don't need nor want a dog, Regina." Cora now annoyed dropped her designer scarf from her hands in complete exhaustion with this conversation. "That would be too much hassle."
And there it was. Emma's eyes bugged out of her skull, but before she could say anything Regina was going on about something else, "Okay, well how about I get you one of those-" Emma cut her off.
"Cora what happened to your neck?" Emma's voice was thick with worry. The older woman's scarf had fallen slightly lower down her collar line exposing blue and purple markings on her skin. Emma watched as Cora shifted nervously from her side of the booth. She carefully brought her scarf up to her chin again, trying hide the bruising.
"Oh, that's... nothing." Cora winced. Her lie was obvious.
"Mother?" Regina questioned. "What are you hiding behind that scarf?"
"I don't like repeating myself. I'm fine." Cora tried again. She didn't look annoyed, but Emma could tell she was hiding something. You don't hide something from Regina. May the lord bless their future children's souls, because they'd never be able to hide anything from their future mothers.
And just as Regina was about to ask another set of questions, the blonde dread headed waitress appeared. "I have one Vermont artisan goat cheese salad."
Cora raised her hand, saved by the food and visibly thankful for the distraction.
"And I have a chicken, antibiotic free maple sausage, and fresh mozzarella pizza." The over enthusiastic waitress said towards Regina and Emma.
"That's me," Emma said thoroughly not excited. The paper thin pizza placed in front of her looked like a disgrace to whoever invited pizza.
"And I have one last salad, which must be for you." A leafy green salad, minus the Vermont artisan goat cheese, was placed in front of Regina. "Alright, your beer is coming right up, is there anything else I can get you guys?"
"No this looks great," Cora told the waitress with a sideways smile. Emma could tell that she didn't want her to leave knowing she was about to get asked a hundred and fifty-two questions.
Shoving a fork full amount of salad in her mouth, Cora looked as if she thought the subject was dropped. As if that would ever happen. Emma just sat back and waited for what she knew was going to happen next.
"Those bruises looked really bad." Regina pried after she caught a glimpse of the markings on her mother's neck.
Cora huffed. "Oh, would you just drop it, Regina. Nothing good will come from this-" Cora was cut off. The bickering had finally begun. Emma took a bite of her thin pizza, and to her shock, it was flavorful.
"I will not drop it. If something is wrong, I would like to know rather than find out that you were sick and tried to hide it from me." Regina argued. She was a bit...unhinged, and for the right reasons. If Cora was hiding something, Regina was going to figure it out. God forbid she was sick or something.
"Regina." Her mother dared her not to ask again.
Emma's beer was sat in front of her, and it's dark amber color looked slightly normal. She picked it up and sniffed it first. Then stuck the tip of her tongue in it to find that it wasn't bad either. Taking a real taste, this time, she took one rather large sip thanking God that she got a dark beer that had a higher alcohol content. She surely was going to need it considering the spitfire between the mother and daughter fight raging beside her.
"No, don't 'Regina' me. I have a right to know!" Regina snapped back, though it was more like a whisper. She was, at least, trying not to call attention to them. "Are you sick or something, because you better tell me right now!"
"Do you hear yourself right now Regina? I didn't raise you to speak to me like this. You should know better." Cora hissed like a snake. "It's my business."
"Not if you're hiding something from me. I refuse-" Regina's words were silenced by the sound of silverware clinking against the wood of the table.
Cora finally snapped. "Oh for Christ sakes. I can't let anything slide past the two of you. I'm fine. If you must know, I have a boyfriend." She said, knowing this wasn't exactly what Regina or Emma expected. "It's a damn hickey." She further clarified by holding her hands up. "Since when did this turn into an inquisition." She looked at the two women in front of her.
Emma turned her head between the two Mill's women drinking more of her beer. It was Regina's tightened jaw and fierce grip on her knife that alarmed Emma. "Since when do you have a boyfriend, mother? It's been a month since dad has been gone. How could you?" Her voice was thick with hurt.
It was baffling, really. How could Cora, who seemed so in love with Henry just move on like that? Did she not love him as much? Were they having problems? It was head spinning and confusing to Emma, who respectfully kept quiet. This, however, wasn't Emma's place to step in and chip in her two cents on Cora's private life.
"Don't look so shocked Regina. Your father and I had an open relationship." She shoved an olive into her mouth, nonchalantly, as if that wasn't a loaded statement. She chewed it and smiled too slyly. "You know, we were swingers back in the seventies." She laughed a little sadistically. "We got in all sorts of kinky trouble. When we had you, though, we tried to live a domestic lifestyle. Kept a lot of that hidden from you. As you got older and moved out, we went back to experimenting." She laughed at a memory. "There's just so much in this life. So many people and hell, I want a taste of every flavor."
Emma, whose mouth was full of her organic pizza, fell open.
"Close your mouth dear, has Regina not taught you better," Cora amusingly scolded Emma, who quickly shut her mouth and washed her food down with beer.
Regina winced. "Why would you tell me this?" She visibly shuddered. Emma had to admit, Regina's parents had no filter when she met them with all their sex stories and jokes. It wasn't shocking, but honestly, she had no desire to know their sex lives. And, Emma knew that Regina was on the same page.
"Listen, Regina, I didn't want to upset you. No one could replace your father. He's, well, my soulmate. Only Henry could put up with the likes of someone like me. But, you see, your father and I made promises to one another long ago, which I intend on keeping." She sipped her water and licked her upper lip. She sighed out and explained. "If one of us died before the other, we'd keep on keeping on, like that Curtis Mayfield song. I'd see other people just as he would if I had passed. I'm not over your father dying. I just don't see any reason for me to be just sitting at home grieving his loss, because that's not what he would have wanted. Do you understand that?" Cora asked.
"No. Honestly, I don't. I've never understood the two of you. If something happened to Emma." Regina paused to interlace their hands. "I'd feel extremely lonely, and I don't think I'd ever move on. I couldn't see someone else. She's the one and only for me." Her words caused Emma's heart to swell with pride. "So no, I don't understand. I can't fault you for who you are. I'm not shocked you were…. Swingers, but I am shocked that it's been a month, and you have a boyfriend. It's just hard to wrap my head around." Regina truthfully said.
Emma could tell Regina had lost her appetite. She didn't blame her. She could understand how Regina was upset. It was a lot to take in so soon after her father's death.
"Claudio is a nice man. I think you both would like him." Cora carried on trying to get them past the awkwardness. "He's a stud. Drives a red Corvette." She blushed as she took a bite of her Vermont artisan goat cheese salad.
"Don't say stud." Regina told her mother. "And I'd like it if we didn't talk about…. Claudio." Regina admitted.
"My darling daughter, I didn't mean to upset you. I tried to hide the hickeys with my scarf. I'm just choosing not to dwell. I want to be happy. It's what your father would have wanted. He'd be a tiger out there on the streets if the roles were reversed. It's who we are Regina. We're passionate people. Don't think for two seconds that I don't miss him. I do. Sometimes I walk into his closet at home, and I can still smell his cologne on his blazers or smell the polish he'd use on his shoes. It makes me miss him ten fold. But me crying and moping about won't bring him back."
"I didn't say it would. I just think it's too soon for you to be dating." Regina said back in response.
"Regina, I'm allowed to have a little fun. Sex-"
"No, please stop." Regina held up her hands. "I don't have any interest in hearing about anything involving you and sex."
"Well, you both pushed me." Cora huffed. "At any rate, I think you should meet Claudio."
Regina sighed and rolled her eyes. "I have no interest in meeting…. Claudio."
"That's a shame. He's a standup kind of guy. We actually met at a meetup for those with recent lost loved ones looking for companionship. His late wife, Barbara passed away from breast cancer a year ago. Seemed to be a lovely woman. Neither one of us wanted anything serious. So if you are worried I'm going to re-marry, I'm not. Besides checking in on dear old mom, why else are you girls visiting me?" Cora cut to the chase.
Regina sat with her back more upright now and looked at her mother. "Well, we're here for Emma actually."
"I see," Cora said. "And why's that?"
Emma felt herself become nervous, but despite her nerves, and thanks to her tree bark organic beer, she steered the conversation, "When we were at Sunday River over Christmas, Henry talked to me about connecting me with a surgeon. He, um, told me to think it over. I was wondering if you knew anything about that, by any chance? I mean it's fine if you don't I was just wondering since I wanted to take him up on the offer he made me." Emma said, fidgeting with her paper napkin. She knew Cora well enough to feel comfortable talking about, well, anything. There was no barrier or filter with the older woman. She was shameless, and that did make this easier for Emma.
Core smiled at Emma with a knowing look twinkling in her eyes. But before she could respond, Regina spoke, "Emma just talked to me about this. Did you know this person that dad was talking about?"
"I thought you'd never ask." Cora leaned over into her black, Prada purse and rummaged around for her wallet and pulled out a white business card. "His name is Dr. W. Hale. Wynn, he's a good friend. Sent his regards after Henry passed. I had a nice talk with him and he's expecting your call." She slid the card across the wooden table towards Emma, who stared down at the card committing every edge, every letter, and every number to memory. This was it. This was the start of her new beginning.
She looked up with heavy eyes, "Thank you." She looked Cora in the eyes. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
A weight had lifted off all of their shoulders at the much lighter, uplifting, change of topic.
Cora had an amused smile spread across her face, "You said the same thing to Henry. He told me, you know, after that day on the mountain. We had a nightcap, and Henry said your face just shined when he told you about Wynn. Henry, he knew from the start that you were going to fit right in with our family. He would want you to be happy, Emma. Call Wynn."
Emma nodded and picked up the card. She looked down at the 617 number and address. "Boston. He's in Boston?"
"Yes, Boston is known for their reputable research and health services. Wynn went to Harvard Medical; he's got a brilliant mind and a compassionate soul. He's been doing these surgeries for some time now. I remember he did this cosmetic procedure not too long ago, it was, uh, a face transplant. It was astounding really. He's remarkable. He practiced at Brigham and Women's before opening his own practice."
"Cora, I… I don't know what else to say…" Emma faltered.
"You don't have to say anything dear. You're a part of this family and, Henry and me, well we'd do anything for you."
Emma nodded mindlessly. Here she was sitting in a really shitty pizza joint, okay maybe not exactly shitty, but regardless, here she was drinking organic beer solely because the love of her life picked the place. In the palm of her hand, quite literally, sat an opportunity for her to have the surgery she didn't fathom a possibility for at least another year. While the lunch wasn't what Emma envisioned, Cora talking about her new boyfriend and all, it was one she'd always remember. It was the turning point to the pages of her story, this was where she felt like her life, the way she wanted, was finally starting.
"I can't believe she has a boyfriend. I mean, it's been one month. One fucking month." Regina yelled as she swerved her tiny car in between lanes heading north on I-95 out of Providence at eighty miles per hour. "What was she thinking? How could she?" She raged on, the vein on her forehead was fully popping out. "And, what the hell, they were swingers?"
"Babe, how does that surprise you?" Emma reasoned. Because come on, they teach sexuality.
"It doesn't." Regina huffed. "I just…" She paused. "Okay, how about you imagine your parents telling you they were swingers."
Emma's eyes grew larger, "Okay, Nuff said. You don't have to say anything else. I get it's not exactly what you want to picture when it comes to your parents. The important takeaway is that she's happy, right?" Emma tried to go with there's a bright side to everything, expect this was just all too awkward. She had to admit, Cora having a boyfriend named, Claudio, of all names, was just a tad creepy.
"I suppose," Regina said letting her foot ease up on the gas paddle. Emma visibly relaxed next to her now that they weren't driving like they just robbed a bank.
"It's exciting that I have the information for the doctor now," Emma said, knowing Regina would shift moods instantly.
Regina smiled. "If anything, that was the best news." She took her right hand off the steering wheel and placed it on Emma's thigh. "I love you." She quirked a smile. "Do you want to call and see if you can schedule an appointment now?"
Emma bit her lip. She looked out of the car window at the dead, snow covered trees. It was hard to believe after all this waiting; she was just one phone call away. She could feel her heartbeat pick up and the happiness swell in her stomach. In her hand sat her iPhone and she took a deep, shaky breath before dialing the number. She looked over at her girlfriend and smiled.
"Dr. Hale's office, how may I help you?" An elderly voice asked.
"Uh, hi, yes, I wanted to call and schedule an appointment."
"In what regards?"
There was a stagnant pause. Emma froze and she for whatever reason was at a loss for words. She had dreamed of this moment her entire life and she choked. It felt like a million cotton balls had been shoved down her throat with no way for her to speak. Her senses were heightened, and the heat blasting from the vents at full force on her face made her too acutely aware of the gravity of the situation.
The elderly voiced asked, "Ma'am, are you still there?"
Emma shook her head and tried to shake her sudden turn of nerves.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Regina asked trying not to take her eyes off the road. Before Emma could respond, Regina hastily grabbed her phone and answered, "Sexual reassignment surgery."
"Ah, alright then, when would you like to come in." The woman didn't realize it was a different person talking to her.
"When's the next available appointment?"
"Hm, let's see." Regina held the phone away from her ear and put the receptionist on speaker. "I have March eleventh free for a morning and an afternoon. Before being seen you need to have some forms filled out and psych evaluations done."
"That's not a problem can you email all the information?"
"Yes, I can what's the email?"
"Regina. R, Romeo, E, for echo, G, golf, I, India, N, for November, A, alpha. Period separating names and Mills, M, for Mike, I, India, L, Lima, L again, for Lima, S, Sierra. At MillsCorp dot com."
"Got it, so that's Regina dot Mills at Mills Corp dot com?"
"That would be correct."
"Alright, morning or afternoon?"
"Afternoon."
"How's one?"
"That works."
Emma just stared at her girlfriend who had taken control of everything. She couldn't believe this was finally all happening. In two weeks, she'd have her first appointment, and then, maybe she'd get to schedule the surgery.
"I will send a confirmation email for your appointment on March eleventh at one. Attached will be your instructions for the forms, the forms, and then requirements for the referral letters we need from two separate physicians."
Regina cleared her throat, "Actually, it's for my girlfriend, Emma. Emma Swan. I will be accompanying her."
"Oh, thanks for clarifying. We shall see you both in two weeks don't forget the paperwork or she can't be seen."
"I understand. Thank you."
"Have a nice day."
Regina ended the call and looked over at her girlfriend. "What happened?"
Emma shook her head in disbelief, "I have no idea. I think I just got overwhelmed. I can't believe this is real. I'm excited, don't get me wrong. It's just… whoa. Ya know? I mean, think about it, I have dreamed of this moment for so long, and I just can't believe it's finally happening I'm over the moon in excitement, and I'm just... in shock I guess." Emma explained. She then looked out the window again; she could almost feel the bitter coldness from outside waft through the crack in the door, "I have to do a lot of psych evaluations. I feel like I'd do fine, but so many people don't. I mean I have a pretty positive outlook. I have you and my family, my friends. I have a potential job, and I guess a support system that so many don't. I have a pretty positive view about things. I mean I'm a pragmatist, but who isn't who was born when we were. Given everything, I know it will be okay, but part of me feels bad for all those people like me who aren't as fortunate. It's not everyday people have the support that I have or the resources." Emma acknowledged. It was true, she was incredibly fortunate. Not just with having Regina and her parents providing her the resources, but the support system. So many transgender people never make it or struggle to find peace with who they are.
"Well, maybe you should remember that when everything is all said and done. I'm a firm believer in giving back."
"Regina, how am I supposed to give back?"
"Many ways. You could always volunteer at youth centers specifically related to transgender youth or maybe even be a camp leader at the camp I donated to. The possibilities are endless."
Emma nodded, Regina had a valid point. She could always do volunteer work with youth. After all, Emma could relate to them, but she just felt like she got it too easy. While she struggled, it held no candle to so many others.
"You should be excited!" Regina joyously said from beside her. "Tonight, we'll celebrate."
Emma smirked, thankful for the change. "Oh? Should we now?!"
"Yes," Regina said, turning on the radio. Music filled the car and the two women who had a rollercoaster of a lunch danced in their seats together. Because despite Emma feeling bad for what others didn't have, she was thankful for what she did have. She had a family, a support system, and she was embarking on the start of something new.