1997.09.23

Entry 5:

September seems to be dragging. Classes drag on all day and the work seems endless sometimes. I get everything done with enough time to help Harry and Ron, but I'm exhausted. I've taken a sick day today, told the boys to keep out too.

I must say I wish I hadn't told them to stay out all day. It got lonely after around the middle of the day. I woke up early and got all my school work done then I got my Head Girl duties done and then I was stuck with nothing to do. I read a lot and when dinner rolled around I wish I hadn't taken a sick day, as I wanted to go down and eat with the other students.

I suppose I should've written in here, there are so many things that have happened. Let me think, Lavender Brown has stopped chasing Ron, which we're all thankful for. She looks a little sad though; it did spread around the school that he wouldn't go out with her. It did not, however, spread around the school that he pushed her off of him, showing that Susan really is a good person. Any one else would have whispered that to every open ear, but not her.

What else has happened? Lucius Malfoy was arrested the other day! Ron's father raided his house and found everything, all the dark arts things, everything! He's been sent to Azkaban, but Dumbledore laughed angrily at that, saying the dementors are practically running to join Voldemort as it is. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, and I have placed bets on when he escapes. I think Harry might win.

So, I've gone over Lavender and Malfoy, what more is there that I'm not remembering? Oh, well, Ron's rather shy around Susan, it's very cute. I've said that so many times, it's horrible, I need to broaden my vocabulary. It is, however, cute, he stutters around her and she blushes. I'm very glad that it's going slow, because rushing into a relationship is never good. I sound like psychiatrist! When can I just be a seventeen year old girl?

Ok, what else is there? Harry's scar hasn't hurt him since that day two weeks ago, but I think that's what led to capturing Malfoy, even if he won't tell me. Still I am catching him biting his lip every so often, and it drives me insane. Not a bad insane, but not a good one either. My heart sort of flutters when he does it, which is more annoying then him actually biting his lip.

Other than the heart flutter, Harry still looks like normal Harry, even if he bites his lip and occasionally looks up at the ceiling oddly. Harry still acts like normal Harry, Harry still is normal Harry. Nothing else has really changed about him; I've always felt weird tingles when we touched, so that's nothing new. So, okay, I'm not getting a stupid crush on Harry, which is good, because he really is just Harry.

Oh, there's Harry knocking now.

I didn't think he'd come over, I did tell him I wanted to be completely alone, I am glad he stopped in though.

: The knock sounded through the room loudly, causing Hermione to jump, even if she was happy that he hadn't walked in without knocking again. "Come in," she yelled as she closed the book, shutting the quill inside.

Harry emerged from the passageway with another old piece of parchment in his hand. Hermione smiled at him and walked over to the couch, waiting for him to sit next to her, but he didn't. He sat on the arm rest of the couch facing her.

Hermione looked at him oddly but he didn't reply as he held his arm out, the note in his hand. Hermione took it and looked down at it, wondering why Harry was being so strange. He hadn't said anything when he walked in, she actually missed his usually, "Oy, Hermione," and he hadn't sat next to her.

Hullo Lils!

Leave me alone James.

Can't!

Do not start that again!

Start what?

You know exactly what I mean, just leave me alone, Potter.

No, Evans.

Potter, do you attempt to be a big-headed jerk, or is it natural?

She looked at the bottom of the note, wandering if James' reply had been ripped off, but it hadn't. She'd got him to shut up, maybe she hurt his feelings.

Hermione looked up at Harry. He just looked at her, not saying a word. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a maroon ribbon. He handed it to her and took the note from her outstretched hand.

Hermione glanced at the ribbon then looked back up at Harry. She held her hand back out to him, waiting for him to take it back, but he didn't. "No, you keep it," he said before getting up and walking over to the open passageway, "see you in the morning," he added before disappearing. :

Being glad he stopped in is different from being completely confused by his visit. He was acting so strange, he gave me a ribbon; I think it was his mothers. It could just be a ribbon he found in the room, but it seemed more sentimental then that. He's never given me a ribbon before, who gives someone a ribbon? It is just a ribbon after all, but to Harry, it seemed much more.

I think I'll tie it in my hair tomorrow, he'd probably like that.

He let me read another note from his parents; Lily was pretty mean to James. I suppose she wasn't that mean, I mean, he did bother her non-stop. I suppose you have to look at it from both points of view. If I was Lily, and didn't like James, I would have said the same thing. If I was James, I'd have been hurt.

If I'd been James I might have given up. But, maybe even then he knew Lily was the one for him. Maybe, no matter how hurt he was at the end of the day, he knew she was the one he'd love forever, that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the only one he'd spend the rest of his life with.

I wish I could meet them, James and Lily. I know Harry does too, of course he does. It's sort of the same thing; I just want to know who they are. Lily because she was a muggleborn and James because he never gave up on Lily, the best love story ever.

I wonder if Sirius ever fell in love. He was attractive when he was young, better looking than James, but not Harry. I wonder if he was one of those boys that hop from girl to girl to girl, or if he had one great love. If he did, I bet James' and Lily's death ruined it. I wonder if she'd have believed the lie, believed that Sirius killed his best friends.

I hate Peter Pettigrew. I know Harry hates him more, but if I could go back in time, I'd let them kill him. We could have simply used the body, couldn't we have? If we had the body then we'd have our proof, and then Sirius would've been free, and Harry could've had at least two full years with him.

Harry couldn't do that though. He couldn't let someone be murdered, and I suppose I couldn't have either, in the end I'd have known it was wrong, but would it have been for the best? No, because when we looked back on it, we'd think of it as murder, cold blooded murder. We wouldn't years down the line know that if Pettigrew had lived, he'd have gone on to help Voldemort rise to power. We wouldn't know that and then we'd think it was just murder, cold blooded murder, but I sort of wish we'd have done it.

Maybe Percy would be alive then; maybe he wouldn't have left home. Maybe a lot of things, but what if' don't do anything but bring up more questions. What is matters. Pettigrew is alive, Voldemort is back, and I still want to know more about the past. More about the Marauders, more about Lily.

I wonder what it was like, the Marauders and Lily raising Harry, even if it was just a year. I wonder if he rode a broom before he walked, I wonder if above his crib flew a snitch-mobile. I bet Sirius held Harry thousands of times. I bet he looked down at him, planning adventures for him, mischief for him to get into. I bet Remus held him just as many times. I bet he looked at Harry dreaming of what he could teach him.

I wonder what James thought about when he looked at Harry. He probably looked down at the button nose that was his, and the black hair that was his and the chin that was his and the dimples that were his and the emerald eyes that were his wife's. Did he dream of his son becoming Head Boy like he had? Did he dream for him to get into trouble? Did he dream of him defeating the darkest wizard of his and our time? He knew about the prophesy, so did Lily, and Sirius and Remus and Peter.

They knew, so they went into hiding. They should've come to Hogwarts! They should've used Sirius as their Secret Keeper! They should have lived!

I bet Harry feels the same way, maybe even worse. They were his family after all, people he never got to know. I'm not going to feel sorry for Harry, I'm not going to think "Poor Harry". He hates that and I will not do it. I don't pity him. He's my friend; I love him, as a friend of course.