Chapter 10: Time for a change

A good master is a guide for the apprentice to learn from. A great master is the one that is also able to learn from their apprentice while teaching. Kylo Ren was trying to apply those principles. He was almost a decade older than Rey, which is not much in terms of trajectory. Sure, he had trained in both sides of the Force and had been pupil to both the strongest Jedi and Dark Side user at the time. In spite of that, he was still doubting he was the right person to teach Rey.

Long gone was that stupid sense of confidence—arrogance— that came from a position of superiority. The more they trained together, the more he realized his own flaws. The limits of his own power. He hadn't reached the end of it yet, but it was only a matter of time before it happened. Would she eventually overpower him? If so, what would she do with such tremendous power?

In the Sith Order it had always been a matter of strength. Only the strongest could prevail, meaning that the apprentice had to find a way to overpower their master or die attempting to do so. Masters enjoyed a life of devotion until their very end. The most powerful ones died at the hands of their own creations or completely consumed by the Dark side, as no mortal body was capable of resisting it.

But then again, he was no Sith. While Kylo had always admired their work and their history, he also recognized the major flaws on their philosophy. Instead of becoming one, Kylo had used their knowledge to grow into the Dark side without ever attempting to bring back their ancient ways. Sure, he appreciated their tactics, as they had succeeded in conquering the galaxy for a whole generation. But as much as he admired them, they had to be analyzed under a critical eye to learn from their mistakes.

As for all he admired his grandfather, he couldn't understand the devotion he had developed. Perhaps it was a symptom of his greed-consumed soul, only ever fulfilled by power. Just recently Kylo had begun taking real interest in the other side of the story. On the man behind Darth Vader. The break on Anakin's story was still unclear. How come an orphan from Tatooine became the most powerful Jedi known, and then one of the most powerful Dark Lords? What could have possibly dragged him to the Dark side?

Regrettably, the missing pieces of the story were extremely difficult to find, since most witnesses were long dead. Dead, or gone no contact with him. Luke might have known more, since he was the one who made Darth Vader finally turn back to the Light side on his final moments. For reasons Ren considered rather uncanny.

His mother was the other person who would have known. The twins used to be very close during the times of the revolution against the Galactic Empire. Until eventually they parted ways as Leia had to assume her role as leader of the New Republic and Luke decided to create a new Jedi academy for young prodigies in the Force. She settled down with Han Solo, founding a new family that neither one of them ever really had the time to care for. And she rarely ever spoke about her past. The memory of Alderaan had always been too painful to talk about. So was the thought of Padmé, the biological mother she never met. And the father that only ever reached to her while they fought for different sides of the same war. Not exactly an ideal father-daughter dynamic.

It seems family issues were inherited, even if they hadn't experienced generational trauma in the same way young Ben Solo had. Family. It seemed more like a liability than a source of strength. His own family had been the very reason he fell into the Dark side in the first place, even if none of them ever taught him anything about it. They kept so many secrets from him, fearing he would turn. Ironically, that very same lack of trust pushed him farther. Would things have been any different had they been honest about Anakin's story? Had they ever tried to dig deeper into it?

The thoughts plagued Kylo's mind like a nest full of buzzing wasps. He tired to channel his anger into his training that morning. He grabbed the lightsaber so hard it left blisters on the palm of his hand just from the pressure applied to hold it. Then he proceeded to punch the training droids until his knuckles bled. The pain was somehow comforting, a reminder of the present. The one thing he liked the most about physical training was that he could put his own mind in auto-pilot and just focus on the moment.

Later he stripped himself naked and stepped into a cold shower. His muscles were sore and throbbing. The medical droid had bleeped insistently, pointing out that he should take some rest days before continuing. Kylo never did. He had always trained through pain and exhaustion, only ever stoping when the wounds were life-threatening.

His skin was a canvas crossed by colorful hematomas in different stages of healing. Including some more recent ones on his neck and shoulders, where his dear apprentice had taken the habit of leaving marks with her mouth. Another more-than-welcomed type of pain, even if he complained every time she left them. The newest ones had developed yesterday, not without consequences for her. He had grabbed her by the neck with one hand. Not forceful enough to choke her, just to pin her to the wall.

Her eyes had widened in surprise, but not in fear. She wasn't afraid of him anymore. Kylo supposed it was a good thing that she was finally trusting him. Except for the fact that he couldn't control her through fear anymore, as he usually did with those around him. No, she even had the audacity to lick his thumb as he pushed it into her mouth. The image of her defying gaze as she sucked was imprinted into his mind.

Rey might be a virgin, but she wasn't that clueless. He couldn't fight the hard-on it gave him. But he was playing the game by her rules. He would wait until she allowed him to fuck her. For now, he would just tease her. Even if it left him with blue balls and a hurt ego every time. He wanted to make her scream, to beg for his touch. To call out his name. To brand her as his.

It was impressive how often she occupied his thoughts, basically living in his mind rent free. Both literally and figuratively speaking, as she was a constant presence in the back of his head. So strong he could almost swear he felt her on his brain. Perhaps one day they should scan their brains to find out if it actually had some impact on their neuronal connections. The bond grew stronger every day. Sometimes they could even send a thought through the bond without the need to be physically close. And to feel through each other's senses beyond just physical pain. Sometimes he could feel the soft slide of the fabric as she dressed in the mornings, or the sweetness of a fruit whenever she indulged into it. It didn't happen all the time, though it was very distracting every time it did.

What he was most curious about was the feeling of her power. Her raw strength in the Force. So alike his own, yet different somehow. The Light singed for Rey, enveloped her and flooded her senses. Whereas for Kylo the Light presented as some insistent insect pestering him, trying to find the slightest crack to get in. Waiting for a moment of weakness.

The Darkness always surrounded him. It felt almost like drowning, but rewarded him every time he spiraled down deeper into it. And he willingly let himself be dragged by it's claws. However, for Rey it was more like a intrusive thought that occasionally won over. It tempted her, but she mostly ignored it until it found release. He felt her enjoying those scarce moments of freedom. She liked the rush of power just as much as he did.

Kylo Ren had taken Rey—Kira—as his apprentice only temporarily. They would work better together as complementary parts in the future. It meant loosing control of her, but at the same time it reduced the chance of her having to kill him to prevail as the most powerful one, were the Darkness to claim her one day.

But they were still an imperfect dyad, not fully synced yet. The problem resided precisely in their inner struggle with their respective dual nature. While Kylo had fruitlessly tried for years to let the Light inside of him die, Rey was struggling to keep the Darkness at bay. They couldn't make things work until they found balance, meaning one of them should turn in order to unlock their limitless potential.

The dyad-bond was so rare that there was barely any information available on the subject. It was unseen for such a long time… and Kylo often wondered why them? They couldn't have been more different if they tried. Had they always been tied or were they just predisposed to be linked with one another? It was very hard to tell, since Rey had only awoken in the Force about two years ago.

Kylo tried to remember more details about the first time they tied their minds on that interrogation room. Back when both of them were just two strangers completely oblivious about her heritage. If he had known back then, would it have been any different? Perhaps if he had taken the time to seduce her into the Dark side, she might have fallen easily. Without any training, vulnerable and naive. Desperate for human contact.

Kylo knows that if there was a choice, he would choose her again. Even with the tremendous struggle it meant being tied together. He wouldn't have it any other way. She filled a void, a hunger that had always been there. Out of loneliness or actual need to complete the dyad, he couldn't tell.

The next couple of weeks went by quite smoothly. His Generals and counselors got used to the presence of Kira Ren, who spends most of the time listening and ocassionaly makes an intervention, a question more than an actual suggestion. And she's a fast learner. By now she already knows the ranks, who is who in the board and, unnervingly so, who are more vulnerable to mind probing.

Kylo had to stop her when she tries to read into the commander who had been assigned to investigate her as Rey. He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the room before she does something stupid. They argue on the corridor before he brings her to the training room, to scream at her for being so tremendously irresponsible. Reading a mind does not simply go unnoticed. It could inadvertently reveal her identity. Because why else would Kira Ren need to know about the scavenger?

Most tripulantes thought the Jedi girl was dead, after Kylo had finally stopped making them chase after her and the Resistance.

And speaking of the rebels, the Resistance nowadays was flying under the radar. Not a single communication interfered, no unknown ships reported in the perimeter. Perhaps loosing their last Jedi had finally pacified them. But Kylo knew peace wouldn't last forever. There was no way her friends would stop looking for her until they found her, either alive or dead. And General Organa was still alive. Hanging on by a tread, for sure, but alive. It was all they needed to hold on. After all, Leia was the very symbol of hope for the rebels.

Kylo didn't know what to make of that knowledge. Killing Han Solo had only torn him, not given him the strength to kill the last humanity in him. He didn't know what killing his mother would do to his mind. He couldn't do it, even if it was the last blow it would take to dismantle the Resistance. She was the only other person in the universe he couldn't kill, apart from Rey. He still resented his mother deeply, for all of the misery he had suffered from a very young age. But he didn't hate her as much as he wanted to. He was weak and flawed, holding on the attachment to a person who didn't care about her own child.

Rey brushed a soothing touch to his mind at that thought, despite being still pretty pissed at him for scolding her. Since they were surrounded by other people, they can't be physical in the same way they usually are in private. He's thankful for the mask, knowing full well he cannot master his face to be emotionless.

Kylo couldn't wait for their training session. They recently switched their routines to train together in the afternoon, leaving the earliest hours of the morning to use as each saw fit, and then attend the Final Order's issues. He feels her annoyance through the bond, and looks forward to meet her sword on the training room. It's way more fun when she goes wild.

Rey senses his intentions and flashes him a memory of the time she kicked him in the groin hard enough to make him fall on his knees. It's gonna be a rough session for sure. Now that she is growing stronger, they can actually fight each other without weapons. But his unbeatable favorite is still lightsaber training.

Rey had been working on constructing her first lightsaber for a while. The structure is almost finished by now. The only missing part is the kyber crystal. Kylo had been looking for a planet that still had some left to mine. Most of the known reservoirs were emptied to build the massive destruction weapons of the ex-First Order. The Supreme Leader ordered a expedition of geologists to search for it on the unexplored regions near the Outer Rim.

There is one big known deposit left. The problem is that it is located in Exegol. He's not getting any member of his Order near that place any time soon. Much less when they are working on a mission that involves Rey. He had forbidden both getting near and communicating with anyone on Exegol. Not fully satisfied with his command, the Supreme Leader also had the technicians block all possible channels of communication near Exegol and encrypted their own messages. Taking every possible measure to protect their data too, since they couldn't risk having any leaks. Fighting the Resistance with their outdated technologies was one thing, but confronting Palpatine and his fleet was a whole different matter. Kylo did not underestimate him.

Never in his whole life had Kylo Ren imagined he would have to hide from the last Emperor. It felt surreal. Not only had he stopped persecuting the Resistance, but cut any potential allegiance with the resurgence of the Sith as well. However, he knew there could only exist one big galactic organization at the time. It was either the come back of the Empire or the rise of the Final Order, not both. He was absolutely sure that Palpatine had tried to trick him into joining causes. There was no fucking way the Emperor would willingly give up the control of the galaxy.

But the Emperor was weak. Barely kept alive by the multiple machines that replaced his vital organs in function. And the smell… ugh, whatever that body was made of was rotting, necrotic beyond repair. Kylo figured out that if he and Rey were to kill Palpatine, it had to be while he was still weak. And preferably alone. Battles were a matter of number. Palpatine had amassed an obnoxious amount of followers in the time he ha remained hidden. They had to get rid of them. And destroy the lab that grew the reservoir of clones of the Emperor.

The idea of just blowing up the planet had crossed his mind many times. The Final Order had massive destruction weapons to do so. But he had to make sure the Emperor actually died this time. Along with his followers. The Sith needed to disappear for good. With such great numbers any idiot powerful enough in the Dark side could amass them once Palpatine died. Including the bunch of imbeciles that Ren called his Knights.

It was time for a change. The galaxy had seen enough fake heroes and fanatics rise in the last decades. It needed order and discipline, as well as union. Under the reign of only one greater entity. The New Republic had utterly failed to fulfill that purpose after the fall of the Empire. It was so unorganized in its anarchical structure that the First Order had to put little to no effort to replace it.

What Kylo couldn't piece was how had Palpatine controlled them all through Snoke for such a long time without anyone noticing? Well, Kylo himself had his mea culpa moment. Letting an artificial genetic construct be his master for such a long time. Sidious had been clever enough to hide his identity as well as his Force-brand. And his beliefs. He could have easily restored the Sith in the public eye, but that would have drawn the attention of the remaining Jedi at the time.

Kylo was worried about teaching Rey what he learned from his master for the very same reason. He would be directly teaching her the ways of Darth Sidious. Making her a weapon for the Sith. He wouldn't allow it. And most importantly, she needed to know it in order to avoid falling for the trap.

Perhaps that was the reason why Palpatine wanted Kylo to be the one to find her. Because he was his apprentice as well, unknowingly so for such a long time. What a better way to make sure that Rey Palpatine followed his path? Whatever he was planning to use her for could only be an atrocity.

What Palpatine hadn't considerated was the raw strength of their bond. Of course he knew that their minds were bridged, but he didn't know just how powerful their union was. How extremely rare it was. Not even they knew at the time Kylo encountered the late Emperor. The best thing they could possibly do was keeping it hidden until the time came.

Kylo is sweating like crazy by the end of the training session. His shirt sticking to his torso, damp enough to fill a bucket if he squeezed it. He removes the shirt, rejoicing in the feeling of the cool conditioned air over his hot skin. He also takes desperate gulps of water from a metallic bottle, not caring about the streams that fall from his mouth down to his neck.

After a minute or so Kylo notices that Rey is weirdly quiet. When he looks at her, her gaze is fixed on his naked torso. Her lips are slightly parted, her arms crossed over her chest. He doesn't need to read her mind to know what she's thinking. In response he just smiles and contracts his abdominal muscles and pectorals, if only to give her a better view of them.

She averts her gaze, but Kylo is far from over it. Rey is already on her way out, grabbing a jacket and her mask when Kylo catches her. She doesn't turn around. His hands softly caress her arms in an up and down motion. She sighs, melting into his touch.

Kylo places one hand over her hip and uses the other to push her hair aside, leaving her neck uncovered. She places her hands on the wall for support as his mouth starts trailing kisses from her shoulder to her neck. He licks and sucks a spot on her soft freckled skin. She tastes salty, covered by the streams of sweat that fell from her hair.

Rey is trembling, and not precisely because of the cool conditioned air. She leans back into Kylo's torso, until she feels him hardening against her lower back. Kylo grabs her by the waist and turns her around. Her gaze now more predatory than curious, fingers itching to grab him.

—You can touch whatever you want—he whispers into her ear.

And so Rey places her hands over his pectoralis major, pressing to feel the hard-gained muscle. Kylo is fascinated by her concentrated stare as she travels across his scarred skin. She tracks the pale skin of his chest where her scar used to be. And the place where the other scar she left when she stabbed him used to be. She kissed the now imaginary line from his cheek down to his neck and then his chest. It's the first time he's actually glad to have had them, as her hot tongue leaves a tingling feeling whenever she slides it over his skin.

Her hands travel down to his abdomen, over his defined muscles. It feels fucking amazing and yet like torture at the same time. Her fingers trace the shapes with the same delicacy of a feather carried by the wind. They eventually find the trail of fine dark curls that cover his lower abdomen from the navel down. The feeling almost driving him crazy. His pants feel tighter, more constricting. She notices, looking rather curiously at the bulge beneath. To his great surprise she grabs him by the belt and pulls him closer.

Kylo happily indulges, bringing his head down to kiss her. He lets her feel him on her abdomen as he presses her against the wall. She moans into his mouth. Damn, this woman was driving him crazy. He takes the liberty to grind against her body. She grabs his arms for support as they continue kissing, pressing her nails into his biceps. When their mouths part there's a saliva trail left. Rey licks it from his lips. He wants to take her right there and then.

—Maybe we should take a break?—she pants, fully aware of his intentions.

—Are you alright?

—Yes, it's just… too much right now.

—You didn't seem to regret it though.

—I don't…—she chuckled.

—But you really prefer to leave things here?

Rey nodded her answer. That was the end of it. He absolutely dreaded that choice, but accepted it anyways. He owed her respect at the very least. It was tiring, getting fully turned on only to stop a few minutes later. But he was growing used to it, hoping to advance just a little bit further every time. As much as she would allow it.

Besides Kylo really wanted to learn how to touch her properly. He would never admit it, but he was actively searching techniques for when the time came. He wanted to give her a good reason to scream his name.

—Remember what I told you about taking things slowly?—she smiled in an apologetic manner.

—I do remember, don't particularly like it but I respect it.

—Good.

Kylo actively avoided getting physical for the next week, until Rey openly confronted him about it. He hadn't expected her to take it as an offense. He needed some time apart from her intoxicating presence in order to get his shit together. To clear his head from her presence, only if for a short time. Without the raging hormones that screwed up his mental wiring. He knew a big part of his impulsivity during the last couple of weeks was intricately related to that very kind of attraction. Kylo didn't like the fact that his primal brain sometimes won over his most advanced neocortical one. He wanted to go back to that normality for a while.

The problem was that now that he had been living with her for months, he didn't know how to spend his days without her. As lame as it may sound. Sure, he was perfectly capable of keeping up with his work and training, he wasn't fully dependent nor was he her siamese twin. After so many years in isolation, he had no problem doing everything solo. But something was missing. It felt somehow lonelier than ever before.

Kylo was beginning to contemplate paying her a visit when he heard the knock on his bedroom door. He felt such incredible relief in Rey's presence. Like drowning and suddenly having the chance to breathe again. But he knew she was pissed. And maybe, just maybe, he was being a bit petty.

—Kylo, look at me—Rey demanded once he let her in.

—I am.

—You barely do so, you've been avoiding me.

—I'm not avoiding you.

—Then what do you call this?

—Look, I need some space, time alone to figure some stuff.

—I know it has to do with what I told you the last time we kissed.

—There's nothing to discuss.

Kylo was about to leave when Rey suddenly trapped him by putting one leg on his way, foot firmly pressed against the wall. She rested her back on the opposite wall of the small corridor that leaded to the exit.

—When I said going slow, I didn't mean no contact at all.

—I know, but it's getting really hard to stop every time things get heated up. It's almost impossible to think straight about anything that involves you.

The confession seemed to strike something in Rey as well, as her gaze softened.

—I miss you… I really miss you…—she said.

Rey took one of his hands and placed it over the side of her face, leaning into it. Damn him if the gesture didn't mess his brain chemistry as well. Sometimes he almost forgot how deeply deprived she was from human contact, specially for affection. Now that she had it for so long, the sudden lack of it was like cutting off a drug. And he was also feeling quite deprived. Oh, he really longed for her as well.

—Please don't shut me out. We are together on this… on everything actually—she chuckled.

—Are you worried about our bond? I know we can't scape it, but we still have a choice about what we do with it.

—I'm worried about the fact that it physically hurts to be apart from you… I know it's only been a few days, but I still miss you and I want to go back to how we were before we had that talk.

Rey opened her mind to Kylo, inviting him to take a look into it. Just one glance was enough to know where this was going. The ache in her chest during the nights he had not visited her and actively avoided opening the bond had been a nightmare. As it had been for him… damn it, they surely had screwed one another. What specially broke him was the night that Rey had cried herself to sleep, silent tears rolled down her face as she crawled on the bed while hugging a sweater. One of his sweaters. The memory was tainted with pain, anxiety and also shame. For needing him, for being so pathetic that she couldn't stand being alone again. For that day inevitably linking to other bitter memories of crying herself to sleep back in Jakku while waiting for her parents… for anyone to come back for her.

—I'm sorry… —Kylo started.

—I don't want an apology. I want you to stop being a jerk and go back to what we had… I know that I hurt you too. But know that I do want to be with you, I never wanted you to think otherwise.

—No, I… look, I still stand by the fact that I needed some time alone. I'm not used to doing this, to caring for someone else, to actually needing someone else… but I might have gone too far… and for that I am sorry.

—Wow… you do realized this is the first time you have apologized to me… twice?

—Don't get used to it.

—Can I at least record it?—she smiled as she pushed him in a playful manner.

—Absolutey not. I still have a reputation to keep.

At night everything came back to normal. Or at least the new normality they had stablished. The Force seemed balanced once more, the universe in a rare state of peace. Kylo held Rey specially tighter, spooning her. He really had missed her. Sleep didn't come easily, but at least they were together again, content in each other's presence. He felt a peculiar sensation in his chest, quite similar to that feeling one gets after laughing for a long time. Not that he could remember the last time he did, but still had some notion of what it had felt like. Light and slightly fluttery. He didn't give much of a thought to it, not wanting to ruin it by over-rationalizing it. Just enjoying the tingling feeling and the way Rey's body molded into his. So petite and yet holding the last of his sanity. But who gives a damn about it anyways? He was done with following an external guidance, were it a master or just the Force. No, he was determined to do whatever he felt like doing, after so much time depriving himself from simple pleasures like this. And for the first time in years of his existence, he was actually happy.

A/N: hello! Big thanks to all of you who have written reviews!

Just so you know, from next chapter on the story is changing to rating M. I'll be leaving a warning at the beginning anyways. Next chapter will be uploaded soon, since it's already finished and just needs some retouching.

Thank you all for reading and don't forget to review!