Standard disclaimer applies.
Hehehehehehe...this fic is a complete delight to write. I have one more chapter...it'll probably go up tomorrow or the next day...no more than 48 hours. Likely tomorrow. Please review, if you would...I greatly enjoy the feedback.
Enjoy.
Hakkai could hear the rain. He cursed the innkeeper who had decided to give them an upstairs room. Somehow, with the lights out, the rain was even louder than if they were on. Maybe it was just the solitude. Sanzo and Goku had gone out to get food, and Gojyo had left to visit the bar. Hakkai supposed he could turn the lights on, but the darkness seemed more suited to his current mood.
He had heard that some people liked the rain. He had never understood such people. How anyone could like the rain was completely beyond him…the rain brought darkness, and too often the rain brought death.
Goku had once told him that he liked the rain because it gave life. Hakkai had smiled and nodded at the time, but he couldn't disagree more. The rain killed as much as it saved. Even if it did save, Hakkai couldn't care less. To him the rain would always be darkness; it would always remind him of that night when he had lost everything.
Tonight was another rainy night, and the irony of it did not escape him. Tonight would be another night for endings; Hakkai knew it. He could feel it in his bones that something would end tonight. Something important. Hakkai rubbed the fingers of one hand together, idly producing a small spark of chi and snuffing it out. He didn't want this to end.
What he and Gojyo had was very special. He had never had a friend like Gojyo…ever. The closest thing he had ever had to a friend was Kanan, and she didn't really count. She was his sister—they were naturally attuned to one another. But Gojyo…he and Gojyo couldn't be more different. Gojyo was an extrovert, and he enjoyed confrontation of the recreational sort. He gambled; he drank; he enjoyed women in the fullest sense of the word "enjoy". One could always tell exactly what Gojyo was feeling by the expression on his face. Gojyo was simple; you never had to worry where you stood with him…Hakkai's lips curved in a small, sardonic smile. Until now.
That was what bothered him so much about all of this. Hakkai wasn't an extrovert. He didn't enjoy being around people; he would rather be by himself or with one other. People to him were…objects, to be used and discarded as necessary. He would seek them out in all their noise only to drown the voices of his own ghosts. Because of his dislike for people, he avoided recreational confrontation whenever possible; he didn't want to get involved with them and didn't particularly care what they thought. Hakkai was utterly disinterested in most individuals. He avoided gambling, though he was an excellent gambler; didn't drink much, though he could hold more alcohol than almost anyone. As for "enjoying" women, Hakkai had never done so. Kanan had been the one and only woman he had ever had sex with, and he had no intentions of loving another.
Gojyo didn't seem to understand this. He would constantly attempt to get Hakkai to come along with him on his little expeditions, despite the fact that Hakkai repeatedly told him that he wasn't interested. He could never give his heart to another woman.
But Gojyo…Hakkai swallowed. He had to get the man to understand somehow. Gojyo was sometimes too dense. Hakkai was the master of subtlety. He never said something when it could be said without being said. Gojyo…he didn't think Gojyo would understand this. He didn't think Gojyo would understand how he felt. Hakkai swallowed again. He didn't want to hurt him. He didn't want their friendship to end. But he had to say it.
He rose from his chair by the window, opened the door to the room and began walking downstairs.