Out of Mind, Out of Sight (Cordelia's Version)

Disclaimer: See chapter one

We reach a mop closet, Buffy opens the door and turns on the light. I can already feel the hives breaking out on me.

"If you ever tell anyone that I changed in a mop closet…" I leave the threat hanging in the air.

"Your secret dies with me." She looks around. "Looks okay. But hurry."

"Okay."

I close the door and begin to get changed. I can already feel my subconscious blocking out this horror of an experience. Meanwhile Buffy is talking to me through the door like we're bosom buds or something.

I come to her once for help, and she latches on to it, acting like we've got anything in common…puh-leez. I'd kill myself the day I found anything in common with her.

"You know what you were saying before? I understand. Somehow it doesn't seem to matter how popular you are when…"

"You were popular? In what alternate universe?"

"In L.A. Th-the point is, I did sort of feel like something was missing."

"Is that when you became weird and got kicked out?"

It's a valid question, one that I deserve to ask, especially if I have to listen to her sob story of her glory days when I'm the one suffering.

And then, I get attacked.

"Okay. Can we have the heartfelt talk with a little less talk from you? Cordelia?"

Unbelievable! My bodyguard is outside talking about her poor self, when I'm getting attacked inside the mop closet.

I try screaming, but my mouth is covered with some dirty, germ laden cloth. Great, so if I do by some chance get out of this alive, I'm going to have a disease. This is all Buffy's fault.

The next thing I know, I'm being pulled through the ceiling. Not that I'm heavy or anything, but I'm still surprised at her strength.

Finally, Buffy crashes through the door…a little too late if you ask me.

"Buffy!"

I wake up inside the Bronze to find myself tied to the May Queen chair, and my bodyguard tied to the other. Great help she was.

Finally she wakes up and looks around in confusion.

"Buffy? You're awake?"

"Yeah."

"I can't feel my face!"

Oh god, what if she paralyzed my face, for like, ever?

"What do you mean?"

"My face. My face is numb. What is she doing?"

"I don't know."

And why did I come to you for help again? I could've got captured all by myself, what did I need you for?

That's when I see the curtain, it has 'learn' written on it.

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know."

Why am I not surprised?

Out of nowhere this tray wheels itself towards us, I'm guessing inviso-girl is pushing it.

"Uh, I'm disappointed. I'd really hoped you guys had figured it out by now" says fresh air…aka…Marcie.

"Well, why don't you explain it? C'mon , Marcie, what are we supposed to learn?" asks Buffy.

"Yeah, what do you wanna teach us!"

I hope Buffy is going somewhere with this, 'cause I don't want to anger the invisible girl holding me captive without a good reason without some sort of escape plan.

"You don't get it. You're not the student. You're the lesson."

"What did you do to my face?"

"Your face. That's what this is all about, isn't it? Your beautiful face. That's what makes you shine just a little bit brighter than the rest of us. We all want what you have. To be noticed, remembered. To be seen."

Enough with the psycho-babble.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I'm fulfilling your fondest wish."

She pulls off the cloth covering the tray, revealing several surgical instruments. I gasp when I see it, all of a sudden things are starting to click into place.

"I'm gonna give you a face no one will ever forget."

"Marcie, you can't do this."

Yeah, tell her tied-up-girl!

"What are you gonna do? Slay me?"

Yeah! What?

It's like I can only understand every second word that comes out of her mouth. Guess that proves I'm not of the psycho variety, whereas Buffy seems to understand everything she's saying…

"Marcie, you know this is wrong."

She's psycho, of course she knows this is wrong, that's where all the fun comes in you idiot. Why didn't I hire a real bodyguard, like Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard?

Marcie punches her.

Hey, that's my bodyguard, if anyone gets to punch her, it's me!

"You shoulda stayed outta my way. Y'know, I, I thought, I thought you would understand my vision, but you're just like them."

Just so long as we're clear that she's nothing like me…Oh god, is that a scalpel she's swinging in front of my face?

"Please don't do this! Nooohoho!"

"You should be grateful. I mean, people who pass you in the street are gonna remember you for the rest of their lives."

Yeah, okay, except that's not how I wanna be remembered 'oh look, there goes scarface' is not going to help me break into showbiz you psycho-freak.

"Children are gonna dream about you. And every one of your friends who comes to the coronation tonight will take the sight of the May Queen to their graves."

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Buffy attempting to reach the tray of torture instruments which leaves me to distract the Invisible-Mauler. I struggle to think of something to keep her busy, mostly so she won't cut up my face, and also to give Buffy a chance to rescue us.

"Wait!"

Okay, yeah, that's gonna work. Dammit, why can't I think of something? Probably because there's a knife floating in front of my face…

"No, we really have to get started. The local anesthetic's gonna wear off soon, and I don't want you to faint. It's less fun if you're not awake."

Uh…uh…can't think…can't…oh god!

"Let me see. I think we should start with your smile. I think it should be wider."

Uh, what's her name again…Martie? Marsha? Marcie!

"Marcie, I know you think I don't understand, but I do!"

"Yeah, I'll bet you know how I feel. I'm sure you can just be with all your friends and feel so alone 'cause they don't really know you. You're just a typical, self-involved, spoiled little brat, and you think you can charm your way out of this, don't you! ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU THINK!"

Marcie swings the scalpel and almost slices my whole face off. I think I'm about to black out.

"I see right through you."

Yeah, ditto you freak!

Finally Buffy gets her legs free and kicks the instrument tray into Marcie, who then stumbles back into the curtain. Buffy uses this opportunity to free her hands and gets out of the chair.

"Oh, my God! Get me out of here, please!" I shout in panic

"Hold still!" she shouts back.

She takes so long that Marcie gets back up and kicks her away. I'm pretty sure I'm screaming full throttle right now…it's probably the insanity creeping in.

"Uh, huh, huh, oh, my god!"

Buffy starts to get back up "y'know, I really felt sorry for you. You've suffered. There's one thing I really didn't factor into all this. You're a thundering loony!"

Yeah, tell her!

"Buffy, are you okay?" I ask.

Before she can get back up, Marcie kicks her back down.

"Oh, my god! Oh, my god!"

I watch as Buffy gets knocked down a second time, this time into the chair.

"Buffy!" I scream.

She tries to get up and falls off the chair, tipping it over herself in the process. I'm reaching the conclusion that she's not at all good at this bodyguard thing.

"Buffy! Oh, my god!"

She gets up again and takes a blind swing.

"Hey, moron! I'm invisible!" She knocks Buffy down for like the millionth time "how are you gonna fight someone you can't see?"

"Oh, my god!"

"Cordelia, shut up."

"Okay."

Hey, I'm hysterical otherwise you would never find me agreeing with her.

So Buffy closes her eyes, I'm guessing she's trying to sense Marcie, or something equally as stupid…but hey, if it helps get me out of here, then I'm okay with it.

Marcie must be moving around her or something, 'cause the floor creaks and Buffy spins around and lands a punch right on target.

Marcie stumbles back into a banner which wraps around her.

"I see you" taunts Buffy, before punching Marcie again.

That's when the side door opens and several FBI Agents come in…a little too late if you ask me.

"Everybody stay where you are" commands one of them whilst the other two run over towards Buffy and Marcie.

"FBI! Nobody move!"

One of them holds his hand out towards Buffy to keep her back "Okay, we'll take it from here now, ma'am."

"Take what from where?" demands Buffy, obviously also miffed at their late timing.

"I'm Agent Doyle, this is Agent Manetti. We're here for the girl."

"Well, where were you ten minutes ago when she was playing surgeon?"

They have Marcie now, and she seems to finally realize the kind of trouble she's in "Oh, my god!" she mutters to herself, 'cause nobody else is caring.

"We'll take it from here on" continues Agent Doyle.

"C'mon" the other Agent says to Marcie.

How come they're all acting like this in normal? And did everyone forget that I'm still tied to a chair…in hysterics?

"You can cure her?" asks Buffy.

Enough with the interrogation, get me out of here already!

"We can rehabilitate her" answers Doyle.

"In time she'll learn to be a useful member of society again" continues Manetti whilst Marcie is led out of the Bronze by the other Agents.

"Where are we going?" she asks.

To a mental institution you psycho! And you'd better stay there if you know what's good for you!

Yeah, I'm angry, who the hell wouldn't be after being sliced and diced by an invisible psycho freak?

"Very useful" repeats Doyle.

"This isn't the first time this has happened, is it? It's happened in other schools" accuses Buffy.

Yeah, make the Federal Agents angry…maybe you can get kicked out of this school too!

"We're not at liberty to discuss that" answers Manetti.

"It would be best for you to forget this whole incident."

Are you crazy? How the hell do you begin to forget about the time your face almost got cut off?

"Do you know that you guys are very creepy?" States Buffy, and I have to say that this is one time I totally agree with her.

"Thank you for your help."

"Oh, and, uh…have a nice day."

Buffy watches them leave, which I'm sure is fascinating and all, but…still tied up here!

"Can I get untied now?"

So I was up all night, what with the excitement of the coronation, and the re-living or the kidnapping and I decided that weird or not, Buffy did help me out, so I guess I do owe her my gratitude.

It's hard though, swallowing your pride to say thank you to someone you don't like, and have probably never really been nice too, but if nothing else, I always pay my debts, so here goes…

"Hi"

She looks kinda surprised, but greets me back "Hey!"

"Look, um, I didn't get a chance to say anything yesterday with the coronation and everything…but, um, I guess I just wanted to say thank you, all of you."

Well I'm nothing if not gracious.

"That's funny, 'cause she looks like Cordelia."

Buffy elbows Xander in the chest, which is good 'cause it saves me from commenting, which normally I would be more than happy to do, he's just too easy to insult, but I am trying to be grateful here, and I don't think my heartfelt thanks coupled with a few insults would really go down well.

"You really helped me out yesterday, and you didn't have to. So, thank you."

There, I'm finished, and relieved that, that ordeal is over! Now I can get back to more important things, like Queendom!

"It's okay" replied Buffy.

"Listen, we were gonna grab lunch in a minute if you wanted to…"

"Whoa, whoa. You're not hangin' with these losers, are you?"

Mitch! Oh great, see where being nice gets me? Caught in the act talking to these freaks, how the hell am I gonna explain this and get away with my reputation intact? Dammit!

"Uhhh!"

Gotta think quick "Are you kidding? Heh!"

I grab his arm and lead him away, desperately thinking of a reasonable excuse.

"I was just being charitable. Helping them with their fashion problems. Heh." Which is partly true, 'cause they could really do with a fashion overall. "You think I really felt like joining that social leper colony? Puh-leeease!"