Build Me Up, Margerinecup
By a.j.
Classes weren't hard. God, but they were easy – almost too easy, but then not every kid that went to a public school was meticulously schooled in subjects such as European History before they were six. It had only been a week and already he was bored to death and had memorized how many dots were on the ceiling tiles.
It didn't help that Freddy was nowhere to be seen half the time, and the other half of the time he was growing increasingly rude to Zack. They still ate lunch together, meeting every day inside the cafeteria, Zack with his pizza-bread and fruit cut and Freddy with his burger and fries. They would laugh and talk shit about their classes, make rude jokes about their teachers, and talk about girls. At least, Zack pretended to be talking about girls, the hot ones, the skinny ones, and desirable ones. The sad thing was he knew Freddy wasn't kidding, not when he was talking about girls and not when he was telling Zack that he was so much of a fucking fag sometimes and he needed to be more hardcore.
And then, thirteen days into the new school year – Zack had counted – he came to school, waited for Freddy in their usual spot, and he kept on waiting. And waiting. Until, twenty-one minutes later – Zack had counted – Freddy showed up, sauntering down the sidewalk, a pretty, brown-haired girl at his side. Her hair was long, pulled back into a high ponytail, framing her face in a dark halo, her legs impossibly long for her petite frame and covered in a cobweb of fishnets, large boots covering her feet and half of her legs, a red skirt clinging to her thighs, a red Ramones t-shirt encasing her seemingly swollen breasts. And as they walked up the steps to the school, he could see that her Satan-damned hands were in Freddy's back pockets.
And Freddy didn't look at Zack for another sixteen days – he was counting - until band practice when he walked in, started drumming, and smiled at the group.
"So are we playing?"
…………………
The first thing he registered was the sound of the bell signaling him to go to class slowly breaking through the muffled barrier his ears had set up, the sound of the hyena-laughter still ringing. The second thing that registered in his brain was the fact that he was suddenly grabbed from behind and dragged into a nearby closet. A hand covered his mouth, a body pinning him to the wall, and a ragged voice whispering in his ear for him to be quiet. Zack immediately started fighting against the body, enraged and annoyed; he was no match for Freddy, who had either been working out and had some store of muscles hidden somewhere or really wanted Zack where he was and nowhere else. Eventually, he just gave up and stood limply, listening first to the sound of the crowds pass by, then the bell ringing, then the utter silence as everybody was in their classrooms. They waited a few moments, Zack worried about the school police catching them in the closet and what that would look like, how his father would be called, how he would be expelled from school for being gay, how he would be stoned in the street…
"Don't worry, the school police don't check the closets. They're too stupid to think of that."
Zack pushed Freddy, who had finally let his guard down, managing to put a good foot between them.
"Fuck you," he spat. Despite the fact that he could barely see anything, he was still able to catch the anger and fire that flashed in Freddy's eyes.
"What the fuck? Fuck you Zack! I didn't do anything!" His voice was an angry whisper, which reminded Zack of where they were. Still, he couldn't help but raise his voice more than that, his anger boiling over.
"Oh yeah, nothing except abandon me for your stupid, fucking friends."
"I didn't abandon you for my friends!"
"You laughed at me with them! You stayed with them!"
"You didn't give me a fucking chance to go with you, shit-face. If you had stayed around, you'd have heard me tell them to fuck off and we could have walked off together."
Then, silence hit the closet, the only sounds being the short, shallow breaths from both of the boys. Zack stared, not believing what he was hearing.
"But I heard you laughing, I saw you with that girl, I…"
"Well you heard and saw wrong, stupid. I want you, not those idiots. I want to meet your friends, be with your people, be with you."
The foot of space was still between them, but the words flowed over Zack as though there wasn't even a breath's space that distanced the two boys.
"I don't have any friends."
This confession came out before any coherent thought could stop him. He tried to cover his mouth, as though this would bring the words back. It was as if saying it made it suddenly true, made him realize it for the first time, and suddenly he remembered how completely alone he had always been feeling.
"What? No. You have friends. What about that kid I saw you with a few months ago?"
"James? I haven't talked to him in a year, not since he and I, uh-" Zack stopped his speech just in time, keeping back those two words in his brain.
"You what?" Freddy paused, then Zack could sense his mouth dropping, his body temperature rising. "Oh my God. You two broke up." Damn. "That means you were together. That means you were Together." Fuckfuckfuck, shut up. "You two fucked. You fucked that piece of shit?" Wait. "He wasn't even hot! Did he break up with you? The fuckwad! I'll beat him up. Do you want me to beat him up for you? I'll-"
And before he could hold it back, Zack burst out laughing, his chuckles breaking through the wall of tension inside the room. Within moments the distance was closed as Zack stepped forward, took the other boy's head between his hands and placed a thousand hot, tiny kisses all over the face.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he breathed in between kisses. "I should have trusted you…"
"Damn right," Freddy agreed, and Zack felt his hands come to rest on his own lower back. He pulled back and looked at Freddy, stopping the barrage of kisses for a moment.
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
"Do you forgive me?"
"Mmm. Maybe."
Zack smiled, sensing the dare and the question hanging in the air between them.
"What do I have to do?"
"Tell me about that stupid, fuckwad James."
Zack bit his lip, letting his hands fall from the face and onto the other boy's shoulder.
"I don't know what to tell you…"
"Were you dating?"
"Sort of." Which was the truth. It wasn't as though they had exchanged vows or even fucking told each other that they liked each other.
"Did you fuck?"
Zack blushed, memories that he had spent the last year trying to hide flooding into his brain. He knew the hesitation gave it away, but at the same time he didn't want to say it out loud.
"Jesus. You two were doing the horizontal tango every day, weren't you?"
"Well what about What's-Her-Face? You fucked her, right?"
"Duh. But this isn't about me, this is about you." Freddy paused, frowning slightly. "Christ, I knew you were kissing too good for me to be your first or any shit like that. Not that, uh, I wanted to be your first or anything girly like that, but you know. Anyway. James. We're talking about James. What were you doing with James? I thought you wanted me?"
"James was actually speaking to me." Zack knew his voice was angry, but he guessed that was kind of what happened when months and months of pent-up anger and sadness came out. Still, he felt bad after he could feel the hurt in the other boy's body.
"Ouch, Zack. I'm sorry. I guess I forgot that up until a few days ago we weren't talking. Uh," he paused. Freddy smacked his lips a few times, obviously thinking. "Well. Uh. How did you two meet?"
"Freshman English. He sat in front of me."
"Gotcha. Love at first sight?"
"Hardly. More like we both knew the other was gay, we were both lonely, so we hung out and made out all the time."
"Oh. I guess I was hoping for something all romantic comedy or some shit."
"Because our courtship was so romantic. Oh yeah, I can see it now, a movie poster, our names on it, a beautiful sunset in the background, fucking Julia Roberts and all."
"Yeah, but she'd have to play you."
"Fuck you."
"But you're so damn pretty and all!" Freddy laughed, his voice almost a high cackle. "She could cut her hair. But not too short, your hair is so fucking long I don't know why you don't just braid it and get over with it."
"Fuck you!" Zack smiled, knowing Freddy was just teasing him.
"Yes, please." The smile melted away from Zack's face to be replaced by an open mouth as he felt the other boy's hips grounding against his suddenly, the response immediate. Zack flushed and felt the blood rushing to his groin, especially since Freddy's hands had suddenly migrated south a few more inches.
"We should fight more often…" he heard Freddy whisper into his ear, sending chills down his back. "We always end up making out in some confined space afterwards."
Zack took his mouth then, his hands moving once again up to Freddy's head, this time to grab at his hair and pull him closer. Before he realized what was happening, their positions were reversed, and Freddy's hands were underneath his shirt, digging into his back.
"What's it like?" he murmured as he made his way down Zack's neck, who was wondering how he could manage to have questions at a time like this, let along string together a coherent fucking sentence.
"What's… what like?"
"Fucking. A boy."
Zack tried his hardest to think, trying to come up with an answer. Finally, he settled on a word.
"Hot."
He felt the laugh against his collarbone, and felt the mouth coming back up until once again they were kissing, and the tongue was in his mouth, and no they weren't fucking – yet – but yes this was definitely hot.
"Show me," Freddy moaned when they finally broke apart for a few seconds. It took a few moments for the words to finally sink in, and when they did Zack laughed a bit.
"What?"
"Fuck me," Freddy gasped as he rubbed their crotches together.
"We've been boyfriends for less than two days. How easy do you think I am?"
They broke apart suddenly, and Zack thought it was just because Freddy was going to laugh at his joke. However, he looked, well, unreadable, and that was what worried Zack.
"Boyfriends?"
His breath caught in his throat. Fuck. He'd fucked up again. Shit, now Freddy thought he was girly, that he was stupid, a fucking retard…
"I… I kind of like the sound of that."
Zack could only watch as Freddy came closer again, hands reaching up to hold his head in place, face coming in closer, lips touching his. This kiss was different, in so many stupid, poetic, girly ways that somehow all said that now they were really together and it wasn't just about sex, and even if it was girly it was kind of true. If nothing else, it was gentler, slower.
And then the bell rang. Zack tried to pull back, but Freddy pulled him in closer, kissing him that much harder to keep him there.
"Freddy," he gasped, trying to speak before his mind melted again.
"You're gorgeous."
"The bell rang."
"I know."
"We should go to class."
"We should also still hate each other, but…" Freddy took this opportunity to slip his hands down the back of Zack's pants. "For some reason, I like you. Way more than I've ever liked anybody."
So apparently Freddy was pretty fucking good at getting what he wanted.
…………………
It was risky, and both of them knew it, but thankfully they were both able to sneak out of the closet right before the bell rang signaling the end of the day, letting them ride the waves out of the building as the crowds rushed for freedom. Freddy wanted to walk Zack home, but since they lived in opposite directions from their high school he declined. Still, before they officially parted they had to, of course, sneak behind the local AM-PM for some goodbye-kisses and tongue-action and groping. Because it's what people do, right?
He hoped so, anyway.
So when he got home he wasn't particularly thinking, especially since his mind was kind of focused on the fact that he'd just spent a good portion of the day making out with his new boyfriend, who agreed that they were boyfriends, who he had wanted to be boyfriends with for years and years, and he kind of felt like jumping on the roof and screaming that he had a boyfriend, God dammit! Which probably led him upstairs, to where he laid on his bed and turned on the stereo and snuggled into his bed, smelling the Freddy that was still there from when they had made out the day before prior to dinner and prior to the tent and prior to the long make-out session in the tent as well. He kind of worried that every time they were alone they were immediately making out since it wasn't like gay teenagers were stereotyped as being sexpots anyway, but they stereotypes be damned, Freddy was fucking hot and it took every ounce of strength in him not to just take him every time he saw him. He knew Freddy was willing, and he knew it would be great, but he also felt like maybe he should hold out for a few more seconds at least, for the sake of mystery or some shit like that. And the thought of "why buy the cow when you could get the milk for free" came into his mind, thanks to his mother's conservative Christian upbringing, and he laughed, picturing himself as a horny cow.
So it was all of these thoughts that were busy swirling in his mind before he clicked the button on his answering machine and heard the dozen threats from Freddy's old friends that awaited him. So, uh, holy fuck.
him angry.