So It's been a year and I haven't updated this darn story and it's all my fault. Anyway I was looking through fan fiction stumbled over my own and thought 'Hey ppl prolly think that I deserted this fic and they're right'. But I know how disappointing it is to get a good story going and then watch it die so I picked it back up. To all you angry readers out there I'm sorry.

This time is different though because now I have good news. Knowing that I would prolly do the whole late update again to you all I sat down (with some doujin I bought in Japan last summer) and wrote like the devil had possessed me… and I finished it.

Haven't done warnings in a while so… WARNINGS: Slash (boys kissing boys and such), lots of angst cus come on it's Seifer, and lots of healthy other bad things like violence.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the world this is set in.

Chapter 6: Truth and lies

Zell awoke to a pounding in his head and the sight of his bathroom floor. Since his stupid stunt the night before he hadn't ventured from the bathroom. It wasn't that he was scared, just cautious and feeling like a major jackass.

Zell cracked open the door to his room and found it blissfully empty. While changing clothes he thought about Seifer and the new developments between them. Sure the other man was vulnerable and in need of a lot of love but that didn't mean Zell had to be the one to supply it. And these feelings he had for the other blond man had nothing to do with his heart and the way Seifer had of pulling the strings. Sure Seifer's body wasn't as hot as before but with a little work the man could easily make it scream to be touched and licked… okay wrong train of thought there.

Now that he was free of the sorceresses clutches he had a couple of options involving his psyche. Continue to languish in his depressed state or go back to the old Seifer. Both of which had their ups and downs.

They'd all changed so much from the war. Zell's own mother had told him that she barely recognized him. His features and body had become hardened and sharper. His personality and perspective on life had also taken a bit of a turn.

Sighing Zell outlined his strategy for the day. Avoidance. Sure it was only a temporary solution but it gave him some time to think.

Whistling Zell set off to find the commander. Now that they were on better terms it might be time for a talk.

Seifer smiled into his coffee as Selphie bounded around the room excited at the news.

"So he finally gave into his feelings." The cowboy sat across from him and was obviously thinking much more rationally about the situation than his girlfriend who was jumping around saying something about video cameras.

"Yeah but I think it freaked him out a bit. Right afterward he hid in the bathroom and locked the doors." Seifer sat his mug down and stared into it letting the feelings of confusion, happiness, and sadness all run through him. Only Zell was able to make him feel all these conflicting feelings at once.

"Well I imagine so. Just think about how you treated him before the war. He was kind of a target to you and your thugs."

"It doesn't matter. They both have some strong feelings towards each other so it's time."

"Time for what hon."

Selphie who had disappeared a moment to her bedroom came out decked out in a pink dress with a heart shot with an arrow in the center. "Time for Matchmaker Selphie of course. Whenever love is in danger because people are truly in love but refuse to admit it, I'll be there."

"You've been watching anime again haven't you." Irvine watched amusedly as Selphie started to blush.

"Maybe just a little Sailor Moon but that's it."

"Okay just go put something else on." Irvine turned back to Seifer, a small smile on his face. "Seriously though I think we could help out. He trusts Selphie a lot and she can be very persuasive when she wants too."

Seifer shot Irvine a questioning glance, "Really? I'll have to ask her about that sometime."

Irvine blushed and looked away. Seconds later Selphie came bounding out and dragged the two men to their feet. They were going on a Zell hunt and were hopefully going to resolve a few things.

Zell stood outside the large metal door and fidgeted. Sure he had made up his mind to confront Squall about what had been going on but he really didn't know what to do. In his mind he had it all planned out. He'd go in there sit across from Squall and ask what the hell had been up with him. Then Squall would pour his heart out and it would all end in them becoming friends again. Of course being realistic he knew that Squall would never pour his heart out and may not even want to have this conversation. Steeling himself he walked through the door.

Squall looked up from his desk, obviously surprised by his unannounced visitor, and regarded Zell for a moment in silence. A guarded expression came over Squall's face for a second before he schooled his features and waved towards a chair. "Have a seat."

Zell sat and was about to launch into question or small talk, whatever came to mind first, when Squall surprised him by taking the initiative.

"This is about my recent change in feelings toward you isn't it?"

Zell nodded glad that his old friend new what was going on but didn't say anything.

"I was an asshole." The admission shocked both of them but Squall had already new this meeting was coming and had put considerable thought into what he was going to say. "I just want a chance to tell you why I was being an asshole. It's not a lot but I hope it answers a few of your questions."

Zell nodded again not trusting himself to speak in case he threw Squall off his current rant and never found out anything he needed to know.

Squall sighed an sat up further in his chair. "Well I'd like to start with the first time you truly met me. What did you think of me?"

"Well I thought you were way uptight and too standoffish. I can clearly recall that the first time I met I immediately thought 'This guy needs to get laid'." Zell blushed slightly at that admission but since they were going to be truthful they might as well get it all out.

Squall's eyebrow raised slightly at that but that was his only change of demeanor. "Well as you say I was very uptight and I had an issue with trusting people. I thought that being on my own I was strong. No one was there to pull me down. No one was there to be used against me. I thought I was almost invincible. Then we all got together and I learned something very important. That trusting other people, while hard, is what gives so many people strength."

"It's not easy for me to admit this but the bonds I formed with you all were some of the most important things ever. We came to depend on each other and give each other the strength to succeed. Before I start to sound like a complete idiot I want to tell you the point of all this. I trusted you, something I haven't done too often." Zell nodded at this understanding that Squall was having a hard time with this. He wasn't one to often speak his mind.

"This all sounds so stupid now but at the time it made sense. I felt betrayed by you." Zell opened his mouth to speak but Squall held up his hand. "I had trusted you more than most people in my life and then you'd been holding this big secret from me. I realize now that I made a huge mistake and I can admit that. You being gay was not the problem then and it still isn't."

Zell looked at him and chewed on his lip in thought. Okay so Squall had been an idiot but at least he'd apologized. That had to count for something. A small voice in the back of his mind told him he should be attacking Squall right now and then sorting out his feelings later but he quickly shut it up.

Zell stood up and walked around the desk to stand over Squall, neither of them knowing how Zell would react. Zell leaned over and hugged Squall close smiling as the relieved commander reciprocated the hug. "I forgive you this time but if you ever do that again I reserve the right to kick your ass."

"Deal. Now about Seifer."

Zell grimaced slightly but immediately put on his trademark grin. "Sorry commander gotta go." With that he fled the office thoughts of Seifer following him.

"I can't do this." Seifer sat down heavily on Irvine's couch and shook his head.

Looking up from his book, Irvine stared thoughtfully at the blond across from him for a few moments. It was kinda understandable that the Ex-Knight was scared shitless. The man he'd loved for years finally showed an interest and then ran like hell in the opposite direction. "Why can't you do this Seifer?"

"He hates me."

Irvine inwardly groaned. He'd thought that they'd gotten that piece of self doubt out of the man's mind but now he guessed Seifer hated himself a lot more then anyone gave him credit for. "He doesn't hate you."

"Then why is he acting the way he is?" Sefier felt and probably looked very much like a two year old but his insecurities were creeping back up on him. What if Zell really did hate him. Or even if Zell didn't hate him could they ever really have a stable relationship with what they'd been through. Shit the Sorceress had turned him into such a wimp.

"Because he's afraid. He hasn't had the best of times after the last guy he loved died and now you come back a little on the broken side and he finds out you're in love with him." Irvine gave him an exasperated look. "But you shouldn't be asking me these questions you should be asking him and making sure he answers them. He's running scared and he's not gonna stop any time soon. When you two are alone just be you. Not the asshole you or the scared and broken you, but the true you."

Seifer glanced up at the cowboy in front of him. "How did you ever get so intelligent. I was told you were a lady's man who couldn't shoot for shit and now your suddenly my relationship counselor."

A sad smile graced Irvine's lips as he considered the blond. "I've been in Zell's shoes a bit. Repairing a broken person is a big responsibility for both people involved and the question is if both of you are ready for it?"

Seifer was certainly ready to get rid of that Sorceress bitch and her influence over him.

"Alright our earlier hunt didn't go so well but Selphie got a phone call and should be back any minute now. Get in the closet." Irvine herded the taller man into the very spacious closet and wondered if this plan was going to work. He didn't have a lot of time to worry though as seconds later Selphie came through the door a reluctant blond martial artist in tow.

"So I told Rinoa that my blue sweater would so look good with her pants and she thought I was crazy so now I have to find the sweater and make her try it on so we can see who's right."

Zell gave Selphie a confused look. "And why do I have to be there?"

Selphie looked at him a second and then shook her head as if disappointed. "You're a gay guy and gay guys always give out their true opinion when seeing women in clothes. That's why we shop with you silly. Our boyfriends wouldn't have the guts to tell us the truth."

Looking like he slightly resented that remark Zell passed by Irvine and went in the closet to begin the sweater hunt. Seconds later Irvine heard a gasp and Zell's shocked voice. "Seifer is that…" Zell was firmly cut off by the closet door being slammed and locked.

Zell sat back against the closet door and glared at the smirking blond across from him. He was glad they at least locked him in Selphie's closet as it was the biggest in the entire Garden.

Seifer sat perched on a box in the corner his smirk firmly in place. "So lets get this started." He sauntered over to Zell and dropped down on his knees in front of the small blond. Leaning forward and letting his breath ghost over Zell's ear, Seifer whispered, "Chickie."

Shock, anger, confusion, and a thousand other emotions all battled for dominance in Zell's brain. This was definitely a more assertive Seifer and he was both exciting and alarming at the same time. Deciding logic would probably be the best course of action and ignoring his bodies burning desire for Seifer to capture an ear in his teeth, the martial artist gently pushed the other man away.

"We should talk about this."

The anger in the Ex-Knights eyes at that statement were not at all what Zell expected. "Why? So you can convince yourself you don't have feelings for me? I've been waiting for this for years and it's been tormenting me for too long."

"Goddamn Seifer that's not fair. How was I supposed to know. You did nothing but attack me before the war and afterwards I find you a broken mess. What am I supposed to do? Just turn my feelings around?"

"Then why did you kiss me?"

Zell had been dreading this moment since this morning. He truly had no idea why, but he couldn't tell Seifer that. With face set Zell looked into the taller man's eyes, "To comfort you."

"Bullshit."

"No really…"

"Bullshit. Anything that comes out of your mouth right now is complete and utter bull shit. You don't know do you?" Zell dropped his eyes and shook his head no. "You can't even admit that you have feeling for me can you?"

Zell glanced at Seifer and frowned. Sure he could admit if he had feelings for the other man but that couldn't be what he was having. It was panicky and quick and he could logic it away if he had enough time alone without everyone bringing Seifer up and interrupting his trip back to sanity land.

Zell needed a list of why he could not have any feelings for Seifer.

Strange animalistic desire to rip the other mans cloths off. That was just lust, he really needed to get some.

Desire to protect. Definitely instilled from his mother. Absolutely nothing to do with Seifer's vulnerability and Zell's own fierce need to protect those he loved, because this was obviously a list of reasons he COULDN'T love Seifer.

Strange weak kneed feeling whenever they made eye contact. Latent fear. The blush from the weak kneed feeling had to be latent fear as well because what else could it be.

Then Seifer leaned in, eyes locked on Zell's, and the small blond knew he was screwed. As soon as their lips met rational thought fled and Zell forgot all the reasons he couldn't have feelings for Seifer and even though he knew that he couldn't possibly be in love with Seifer there was something there and even if it was just a need for raw animalistic sex he'd go with it.

Just as Seifer's tongue slipped passed Zell's lips and a handworked it's way under his shirt,the closet door flew open and Selphie stood there video camera in hand. "Oh my god Irvine you have to see this! This is so fucking hot!"

Well hope that tides you over till next week when I'll post the next chapter. And again I apologize for losing the writing spirit.