This doesn't really have anything to do with the story, just a little musing on Ryou's part. In Italics is a song I made, it describes the day I had today.
Disclaimer: Don't own YGO, so depressed.
Chapter 11
Reflections
Ryou heard the song on his Walkman and started to sing quietly, remembering how he had felt a few months ago, how it had all begun, and why he felt so depressed. He didn't care anymore, he couldn't.
I blabbed a story, I didn't even know
I said something that everyone already knew
Ryou thought back to when he heard Anzu talk. She'd told him something and then yelled at him for telling it to a friend although everyone knew it. The reason her hair was short was because she wanted to be a dancer. It was stupid, but that was her excuse
She called me a fucking bitch
I acted like I didn't care
But I felt something, that shouldn't have been there
space
She wanted me out of her life
She told me to die
She wanted me to commit suicide
She called him a fucking bitch, told him to leave her alone and said to just die. He pretended that he didn't care but the curious pangs in his soul hurt. Ryou had replied that he'd always wanted to and she screamed at him to go ahead and do it, the world would be better if he wasn't there
Is it really worth it
Should I stay alive
I don't know how to bear it
When I barely know how to survive
space
My heart hurts, my eyes stings
I'm becoming weaker
Is this how you punish me lord
For being such a bitch
space
I went to a carnival today
To lift my spirits
But I was early, I looked for a phone
My mission failed, I had to go home
How many people told me to go away
How many times did they treat me like a stinkin stray
He'd left to go to the movies to lift his spirits, but he needed a phone to tell Bakura that he was going to be a little late. He couldn't find one so he looked desperately until the Yugi-gumi all told him to go home. Reluctantly, he left, worse off than before.
I cried on the way home
I don't know why
But something tells me I shouldn't stay alive
space
I don't want to know how this feels
I'm becoming weak, I can barely stand it
What's the matter with me
He'd cried while he walked he didn't know why. But he couldn't help but try to hold it all in. Maybe he shouldn't be alive. And that's when all the plans started forming. But when he cried, he felt weaker and vulnerable. What could he do?
Is it really worth it
Should I stay alive
I don't know how to bear it
When I barely know how to survive
space
I got home, cried my heart out
Banged on the piano
I almost cut myself for the very first time
Now I'm covered with self inflicted bruises
My skin's all red and aching
space
Life's been cruel for a season or more
I don't want to stay in
But I'm too scared to go out
That's why I wrote this to rid myself of doubt
When he got home, he sobbed, glad that Bakura wasn't there. He banged on his piano and when he was done, walked into the kitchen. There he grabbed a knife and held it to his skin and pressed. Unluckily for him, it was blunt, and he chickened out. Instead, he hit himself, bruised himself. He despaired for life was cruel to him. He wanted to die , but he was too scared to go alone. So he made a plan, so that he could take those he cursed with him.
Is it really worth it Should I stay alive
I don't know how to bear it
When I barely know how to survive
Ryou sang the last verse quietly, knowing that there wasn't much time left. He only had a month.
And still, the young man watched the past, knowing that he couldn't ease his pain, but if he understood, maybe, just maybe he would live again.
My day in a nutshell, Someone I thought was a friend called me a fuckin' bitch because I told my REAL friend why she kept her hair long. She wants to be an actress. Honestly, everyone knew that. She never even said it was a secret. She told me to leave her alone and told me to just die. I told her, I confided in he, that I had wanted to commit suicide. She told me to do it, stop being a coward.
Then when I went with my friend to a carnival, I had to leave before it started, leaving me more depressed than ever. I went home in tears as so many people I knew told me to go away. I thought I was becoming weak.
When I got home, I cried my heart out, then I grabbed a knife and almost cut myself before I decided it wasn't worth it. I actually got scared. Anyway, so I hurt myself, etc. and now I'm not sure I want to live cause my life's been terrible for a while.
I don't know why I wrote this, I guess I wanted to pour my soul out. I wish I was faking this whole thing, trying to gain sympathy, but I'm not, unfortunately. Good bye
Please Review.
Thank you Dreamer of Dragons, Sami Ryou's Hikari, and Dark Magician Girl Hikaru. God bless you every one that reads. (I don't know why I put that, alright?"