Star Trek/Battle Star Galactica

The Long Way Home

Chapter 29

Grief of Loss

March 4, 2023

They were a few days away from Earth and Picard had let them all speak with their families over subspace. James' parents were thrilled to see him with his mother clinging on to his father crying uncontrollably. James was an only child so the loss of him last year was almost unbearable for her. Marie had poked her head into the call with a sweet smile on her face for a brief moment to say hello at the urging of James but wanted to give them privacy so she left not long after.

Karen had introduced Max to her parents, and grandparents during her subspace call eagerly wanting them to know she had met the most wonderful man while away. He was red-faced embarrassed with how much she talked him up to her family, but they seemed to take a shine to him quickly asking him all kinds of questions about himself.

Max then introduced Karen to his brothers and his mother, but their conversation was much more suited due to them informing him of his father's death while he was gone. He had died in a shuttle testing accident; he had been a test pilot for the new class of shuttle. Needless to say, those shuttles had been placed back on the design board after the accident that took three lives.

Marie for her part spoke with a couple of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, she was happy to see that her family had continued to grow and be happy since she was now a great-great grandmother with the newest edition to the family being only three weeks old little Marie whom had been named after her. After talking with her family, she had to talk with Lt. Snow's family to inform them that he was alive but taking his bothers death very hard and had shut down completely. She had set it up for them to meet the ship when it returned to Earth in a couple of days hoping that it would draw him out of his cocoon of sorrow.

Marie worried for Lt. Richard Snows, he had become reclusive ignoring any and all forms of communication with him over the last couple of days. She had the computer monitoring his location and reporting to her where he was every couple of hours. Her husband James was worried about him as well but had noticed a change in Marie too. She was spending hours on the Holodeck doing only God knows what because she wouldn't tell him. He knew whatever it was had left her irritable and very aggressive at times.

Currently Marie was walking with James to meet with Karen and Max to have lunch with them. "Commander Marshall, Lt. Snows is currently in Shuttle Bay one." the computer sounded off at the corresponding time.

Marie instantly touched her com badge. "Commander Marshall to Lt. Snows." no response. "Catch up." She said over to James before taking off at a run. Her stomach had bottomed out, she had a very bad feeling about this. Richard had no business being in the shuttle bay. As she darted into the shuttle bay, she noticed that the Farragut crew was unconscious sloped over railings and control panels, but Richard was standing directly in front of the open bay doors.

"Computer deactivate force..." Richard began saying.

Marie sprinted across the bay tackling Richard to the floor. "Computer belay that order, lock out all computer functions for Lt. Richard Snows. And close bay doors." she said as she rolled him over pinning him to the floor, he was breathing but looked so lifeless. "Damn...Medical team to Shuttle Bay one! Counselor Troi to Shuttle Bay one." she said taping her com badge as she sat back on one leg leaving the other over him in case, he got any funny ideas.

"Marie..." James said breathlessly as he came into the Shuttle Bay. "What's going on?" he asked as he started over to her.

A security team sprinted into the room with the Captain of the Farragut and Captain Picard not far behind them. "Everyone stay where you are." one of the security officers said with phasers drawn and pointed at Marie, Richard, and James who was only about halfway over to them.

"Oh, relax the problem's been taken care of. I've got a medical team on the way for the Farragut crew and Counselor Tori for Lt. Snows here." Marie said with a dismissive wave at the security team then looked over at Captain Picard with a frown.

"What's going on Captain?" Tori asked curiously as she walked into the room then over to Captain Picard.

"I just arrived. Commander Marshall will have all the answers." Picard said, motioning to Marie who had returned her attention back to Richard. The Medical team arrived and began tending to the unconscious crew as the two Captains and Councilor were walking over to Marie and Richard.

"Captains, Councilor." Marie said, glancing up at them with a small nod. "Lt. Snow's here was trying to commit suicide by opening the bay doors and deactivating the force field." she said with a small sigh looking back down at him. He hadn't moved since she had rolled him over, he wasn't looking at anyone just dull eyes up at the ceiling.

"Suicide." Picard said shocked, it was virtually unheard of in today's age.

"The death of his brother has hit him very hard sir. I can feel his anguish and grief, but he won't open up to me. He just keeps spiraling in the depths of his emotions. I have been giving him counseling since he found out, but we've made no headway." Tori said sadly looking down at the young man.

"I've shut down all computer access he has at the moment." Marie said, looking up at the medical team as they made their way over to them. "He's a danger to himself and obviously others Captain. I suggest he be put under constant surveillance or at least guard." she said standing up so the medical team could evaluate him.

"Agreed Captain. I'll make arraignments for him on Earth as well." Tori said as she looked up from Richard to Marie. She could feel a shift in her buried emotions and what she could feel was alarming to her.

"Very well Councilor. Excellent job Commander for saving him and everyone in here today." Picard said looking up at her from Richard who was now on a stretcher heading towards the medical bay.

"I thank you for your quick actions, Commander." The Farragut Captain said with a nod to her before leaving with his security detail now that the shuttle bay was staffed with fresh crew sent in by his first officer.

"Marie you..." Troi said but was cut off quickly.

"Don't be picking into my emotions councilor." Marie said gruffly then began to leave brushing past Councilor Troi.

"Marie!" James said shocked as he tried to reach for her.

"Don't." Marie said angrily, yanking her arm away from him. "James please don't." she said after a quick breath then began walking again.

"Commander." Picard said looking at Marie kind of shocked by her behavior.

Marie stopped but didn't look back. "I'm fine Captain." She said there were tears in her eyes and all she wanted to do was get to the holodeck forgetting all about the lunch she was supposed to be having with Karen and Max.

"You don't seem fine Commander Marshall. And with what just transpired here in the Shuttle Bay I'm unwilling to ignore this distress you seem to have." Picard said with an eyebrow raised.

"I understand your frustration in this situation, but I am puzzled by what I can only categorize as rage Commander." Troi said stepping forward slightly. "Why do you blame yourself?" she asked curiously.

"Counselor please leave your Betazoid powers out of my psyche." Marie said stiffly as she clenched her fists at her side still refusing to look back at them.

"It's natural Commander to feel responsible for your crew and their safety, but this trauma was not your fault. There was no way you could have prevented it and there is nothing you can do now to salve it." Picard said with a frown.

Marie looked back at Picard. "I am fine." She said never breaking eye contact with her Captain.

"What have you been doing on the Holodeck Marie?" James asked curiously as he stepped over to his wife worried for her. Something in his gut told him her Holodeck time was directly connected to this situation.

"Working out." Marie said blandly as she looked over at him.

"Marie using physical exercise to heal your mind or soul if you prefer will only work so much. You need to unload your mental load, be that with me or perhaps even your husband here. You must work through your emotional turmoil." Troi said worried for Marie. "Commander you are the opposite of Lt. Snows. He has shut down; you have become a walking time bomb. If this continues to go unresolved you will explode." she said glancing over to James, then back to Marie.

"Thank you for your concern counselor but I know my limits better than you, unless there is anything else I have things to do." Marie said glancing over to Captain Picard then back to Councilor Troi and when neither of them said anything she turned and left.

"Lt. Marshall." Troi said before he could follow her. "I meant what I said. She's very tightly wound she needs an outlet." she said then watched him leave. She looked over at Picard with a frown and a small shake of her head then headed for the medical bay.

~*~*~ Hours Later~*~*~

Marie was hot and sweaty drying her face off with a towel on the Holodeck. She had spent the last several hours sparing with the best martial artists from Earth and from Vulcan, but she still felt unsatisfied. She thought back to what Troi had said as she chewed on her lip slightly watching the river flow by in her simulation. 'Troi has never let me wrong before.' she thought with a sigh standing up. "Computer load Program Vulcan one from my Holo programs." she said tossing the towel she had over her shoulder.

The view changed to that of a house set up on a hill overlooking the Vulcan Lava Plains. The house was lovely and basic with no clutter. "Welcome to my home." Marie heard as she turned around to see Savol standing there with the basic Vulcan attire he wore when not on duty.

"Hello Savol." Marie said with a small smile.

"You seem troubled." Savol said as he motioned over to the seating area then began to walk over to take a seat.

"You've always seen through me." Marie said with a strained smile then walked over to the seating area and had a seat across from her old mentor.

"What seems to be the trouble?" Savol asked lacing his hands together on his lap as he sat there straight-backed in his seat.

Marie laced her fingers together and leaned forward, placing her arms on her legs and looked down at the floor. She took a deep breath in, held it for a moment, then let it out. "I have a rage in me that I can't quell. I've only felt this way once before, but then I had a war to work it out on. Now I don't have that luxury. I need your guidance now more than ever." she said looking up at him.

"And what exactly has brought on this rage? Before we can do anything about it we must understand it, without understanding no amount of meditation will make it go away." Savol said looking at her impassively.

"Oh, so many things built up over the last year. It's hard to know where to start." Marie said after a small sigh.

"The beginning is always best." Savol said unfazed by the news that this was more than one incident that has Marie so worked up.

"Well, it all started when me and four others were thrown back in time. I know the Vulcan Science Directorate has determined time travel is impossible, please spare me their drivel." Marie said with a dismissive wave then rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger. "My crew could have died so many times. We were betrayed by an ally, dealt with a Mutiny which almost killed my husband, then returned to our proper time where I promptly watched Captain Kirk die, found out that the Enterprise was destroyed. Next, I had to tell a member of my crew that his brother was dead, died in a war that began and ended while we were gone. I researched how the brother died, it was a horrible move to show superiority by the Dominion destroying a disarmed, limping and retreating vessel with a kamikaze attack. And finally, a few hours ago the man who lost his brother just tried to commit suicide." she said standing up and pacing around the seating area angrily when she reached Richard's current situation.

"I believe your rage centers around the young man's death and possibly the effects it has on your crew mate." Savol said logically due to her reaction of standing up and pacing.

"Of course, it is! How else am I to feel? So much harm done for no reason, and I can't even make them pay for it." Marie said angrily then punched a wall. "How am I supposed to fix it?" she asked as tears welled up in her eyes as she placed her head on the wall she had just punched.

"You can not." Savol said simply as he just watched her curiously.

"That's not what I wanted to hear." Marie said softly as she turned, placing her back against the wall, then slid down to the floor with her knees bent up to her chest and her arms crossed on her knees, laying her head down on them.

"Sometimes life makes us hear the unwanted." Savol said as he stood up and walked over to her then kneeled down on the floor with her. "Death is inevitable, Starfleet has it's fair share. You must reach out to those around you Marie. Your human emotions are so ingrained in your species that it must be acknowledged, or you will self-destruct." he said laying a hand on her head lightly.

"I've spent my life keeping my emotions in check, Savol. Why now can I not keep them hidden?" Marie asked as she looked up at him.

"I'd say this event has hit close to home with your own experiences of loss." Savol said as he removed his hand from her head and placed it back on his lap.

Marie thought for a few moments on what Savol said thinking back to when she lost her own brother and sister. "It's been centuries since I lost my siblings, how can that be my problem. And I've seen so many families ripped apart by death in my long life, why now do I have a problem?" she asked curiously.

"I'd say you have a small connection with this crew mate of yours. You see similarities in how you responded to those deaths in this young man." Savol said as he just stared at her.

"Any suggestions on how to deal with this?" Marie asked as she rubbed her face with both hands then curiously looking over at him. She lowered her legs to sit Indian style up against the wall.

"Meditation to seek the answers you need and to bring order to chaos that is your mind right now." Savol said as he stood up and looked down at her. "Also speak with your husband, I'm assuming you've mentioned none of this with him yet. He is your partner in all things, you must rely on him in difficult times." he said reaching out a hand to help her up off the floor.

"You always know what to say." Marie said with a soft smile on her lips and she let him help her up. "I thank you and will see you later my friend. Live Long and Prosper." She said raising her hand to him in the Vulcan way.

"Live Long and Prosper." Savol said, returning the gesture with a small nod to her.

"Computer end program." Marie said then watched as the room disappeared and she was standing in a blank Holodeck. She turned and left the room and headed for her quarters with James, intent on getting a shower and maybe dinner so she could talk with him for a while.

James walked out of the bedroom area of their quarters just as Marie walked into their quarters. He looked at her curiously, honestly, he was a little salty after her brush off earlier. "Enjoy your workout?" he asked with a frown then walked over to the couch and sat down wondering if she would talk with him or just brush him off again.

"I'm sorry. I had some things to work out." Marie said as she walked over to him and sat down beside him.

"Obviously." James said as he glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye, and he noticed she had been crying.

"I've taken Richard's circumstances personal, as you've probably noticed by now." Marie said, folding her hands in her lap and looking down at them sadly.

"I have." James said raising an eyebrow at her as he turned in his seat placing an arm on the back of the couch and his knee bent on the seat cushion so he could face her directly since she was sitting beside him. He didn't want to say much because it may stop her, but it seemed she was expecting a response from him.

"You see, I shut down before too. I tried to end it all too." Marie said looking up at him with a sad look on her face and tears in her eyes she was fighting to keep from falling. "But you see I had an outlet for my rage and despair, World War 3. Richard doesn't have that, and I don't know how to help or how to fix it." she said with a sigh looking back down at her hands in her lap.

"Marie, you can't fix it, and there may be no way to help. Perhaps his family can drag him from the depths of his emotions, they are something you didn't have." James said as he leaned over and grabbed her hand holding it in his own. "You see the some of the similarities and differences but not all the differences in the two situations." he said rubbing her hand lightly.

"It's difficult to get past what is most painful. I've not really reflected on my family's death in over two centuries." Marie said with a small frown. "Savol told me on Andromeda that I was neglecting death, that I was too reckless that death is always a possibility. Death could affect others in ways I had yet to even consider. Perhaps this is what he was warning me about, perhaps this is my punishment for not taking death seriously." She said looking out at the stars through the window above the couch.

"Absolutely not. This is in no way your fault." James said sternly. "We will work through this together, the universe doesn't have it out for you." he said with a sigh dragging her face back to look at him.

"The universe...no but that blasted space wizard might." Marie said with a small shrug and smile on her lips.

"Space wizard?" James asked confused trying to think of what she was talking about. "Do you mean C..." He started to ask but was effectively silenced with her hand over his mouth.

"Shhhh. The bastered shows up like a wraith if you say is damn name. The alphabet space wizard shall not be named." Marie said wide eyed, nearly laying on top of him since her abrupt movement knocked him back on the couch. Then she giggled looking down at him, the look he was giving her was hilarious, so she let him go placing her hands on either side of his head as she looked down into his eyes. "I'm so glad I met you, James." she said softly before leaning down and stealing a kiss from him.