Scene Eight:
Front Steps of Forman Home
Donna & Jackie are sitting on the steps. Donna has her arm around Jackie, who has her head on her knees.
Jackie:(looking up at Donna) It happened on Halloween. I got drunk, he got drunk, and we had sex. I'm pregnant. Pretty standard procedure.
Donna:Listen, I'm sorry that everyone found out like that. But I'm here for you. No matter what. And so is everyone else. I'll make them.
Jackie:It's nice to have a lumberjack as a best friend.
Donna:(laughing) Stop calling me that.
Jackie:(laughing) You told everyone I was pregnant. I'm calling you anything I want.
Donna:(embarrassed) yeah, you're right. And since I spilled that…..I suppose I have to spill this. Umm, I don't know how to tell you this. Especially under these circumstances.
Jackie:(knowingly) Fez is with someone else?
Donna:HOW did you do that? How do you know that?
Jackie:I'm good.
Donna:Wow. How long has this been going on?
Jackie:For a while.
Donna: Why didn't you tell me?
Jackie:I am telling you. And besides, until recently….anyway, I'm not thinking about this now. Let's just get through Christmas and then we'll worry about the rest. Like what you & Eric are getting me for Christmas. They're lots of things that I want…. (Jackie jumps up & starts heading off)
Donna:like a father for your baby….
Scene Nine
Forman basement
TWO HOURS LATER. JACKIE IS ALONE SURROUNDED BY SHOPPING BAGS. SHE IS FINGERING A SMALL WHITE BLANKET. KELSO FLINGS THE DOOR OPEN AND JACKIE SHOVES THE BLANKET INTO ONE OF THE BAGS.
Kelso:Hey, I've been looking for you.
Jackie:I'm not doing it with you Michael.
Kelso:I didn't ask you that.
Jackie:What's going on then? Going to burn me?
KELSO GOES OVER TO THE COUCH AND SITS NEXT TO JACKIE. HE TAKES HER HAND IN HIS
Kelso:(seriously) I saw Fez with Fenton this morning
Jackie:You are going to burn me! You can't burn pregnant women.
Kelso:I'm NOT burning you. I didn't tell anyone.
Jackie:Oh. Thank you Michael. And I know Fez thanks you too. Have you been reading Cosmo again?
Kelso: He said it wasn't his kid. Listen Jackie, if it's not Fez's kid, you're going to need some help. And I'm good with kids. I am a kid. And I already am a father. So, would you want to do it?
Jackie: Kelso, We've already done it. And we're not doing it again.
Kelso: I mean get married.
Jackie: Michael, that is very sweet. (kisses his cheek) But no. I can't marry you. We're not in love. But thank you.
Kelso: I'm here for you. And in case you have any hormonal urges you need to satisfy, I'm your man.
Jackie:Shut up Michael!
Kelso:Still friends?
Jackie:Always.
Kelso:I can't believe you turned me down twice.
Jackie:(laughing) Burn!
Kelso:Yeah, that is a sweet burn.
Scene Ten:
That evening
Forman Living Room
Red, Kitty and Eric are watching TV
Kitty:Now how many are we having for Christmas dinner. I think I might have to make more Jell-o.
Eric:Well, You, me & Dad, Donna & Bob, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, and Kelso. So, all the usual suspects.
Red:You probably should not refer to your friends as suspects. Makes it too easy for the police.
Eric:You've been spending too much time with Hyde, Dad. you're starting to sound like him.
Red: I'm not sounding like him. This is just a fact.
Kitty:Speaking of Steven, is his father coming to dinner?
Eric:I'll ask him later. (pauses) We've had other things on our minds.
Red:None of this stuff on your minds better involve setting off that smoke detector.
Kitty:Red, it's Christmas.
Eric:Don't be silly. We took the batteries out of that thing years ago. (smiles at Red)
DOORBELL RINGS
Kitty:Shut it! Both of you.
KITTY GOES TO ANSWER THE DOOR. IT'S LAURIE, STANDING WITH A SUITCASE IN A FULL BLACK NUN'S HABIT
Red:Holy Hell (He jumps out of his chair)
Kitty:Oh for God's sake Laurie, we're not even Catholic.