Chapter 10
Scene 19
Forman driveway
The boys are playing basketball
Two days to Christmas & the wedding
Fez:I cannot believe you are getting married in two days.
Kelso:He's marrying Jackie in two days
Eric:I can't believe we're having a bachelor party tonight for Hyde marrying Jackie, (dramatic pause) in two days.
Hyde:Zip it, Huey, Dewey & Louis. Yeah, I'm getting married in two days. But unless one of you wants to slurp their wedding cake through a straw, this better be the end of those comments.
Eric:Sorry, Hyde. That lack of sleep is really making you cranky.
Kelso:Yeah, Sorry man
Fez:I nominate Kelso for eating cake through a straw
Kelso:Fez!
KELSO & FEZ START CHASING EACH OTHER AROUND; ERIC & HYDE KEEP SHOOTING HOOPS
Hyde:So, bachelor party. What'd you come up with, since you missed the other one and all we did was go to jail
Eric:In light of the "No stripper" edict, which unfortunately I understand where Jackie was coming from with that
HYDE NODS
Eric:We thought we'd keep it simple…..Bowling
Hyde:Bowling works.
Eric:Beer still's acceptable though, right?
Hyde:Absolutely.
DONNA & JACKIE ARRIVE CARRYING A HUGE GARMENT BAG THEY PUT ON THE PORCH
Hyde:What the hell is that?
Jackie:That's my wedding dress. And you can't see it until Christmas. Otherwise it's bad luck.
Eric:(looks at the bag) How many dresses are in there?
Jackie:Don't touch that, dress killer. Just one. And you can't say anything that would upset me. Because I'm a BRIDE!
KELSO & FEZ STOP RUNNING
Kelso:Ooh, this sounds like fun
Hyde:I'm going to take a nap. (Starts to leave but Jackie grabs his arm)
Jackie:It'll be easier to get him while you're cranky
Kelso:How about, if that's the dress, she won't have any problems meeting that "fat & wide" part of the wedding march.
Donna:(Yelling) Mrs. Forman, I need a drink! (ENTERS KITCHEN CARRYING JACKIE'S DRESS)
Eric:(chasing after Donna) Right behind you sweetie!
Fez:Don't leave me out here with them, you sons of bitches!
Kelso:(cowering to a VERY ANGRY Hyde) I'm too pretty to die young (He starts running)
Hyde:Kelso, you're a dead man (Just when he starts to chase after him, Jackie grabs his arm again)
Jackie:It's alright Steven
Hyde:What do you mean it's alright?
Jackie:Yeah, but you can get him back tonight at the bowling alley. Right now there are more important things to do.
Hyde:(still angry) Like what
Jackie:(whispers in his ear...heads inside smiling)
Hyde:(anger leaves his face, and he smiles) Oh hell yeah, I'm marrying that girl in two days (he shoots the basketball, makes the shot, and then heads inside after Jackie)
Scene 20
Point Place Bowling Alley
Hyde's Bachelor Party
THE PARTY IS DIVIDED UP INTO TWO TEAMS: HYDE, ERIC, KELSO, FEZ AGAINST RED, BOB, WB & LEO. THEY'RE ALL DRUNK
Leo: Hey, Hyde's finally marrying Loud Girl
WB: I propose a toast
Red:To Steven & the loud one
Bob:That's just beautiful (cries on Red's shoulder. Leo hand him a handkerchief.)
WB:Don't look at me, this is cashmere
JACKIE'S HAVING A BRIDAL SHOWER AT THE SAME TIME. DONNA, KITTY, LAURIE & FENTON ARE ALL HAVING CAKE WITH JACKIE IN THE FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Fenton:Thank you for including me to your shower. You have such excellent taste. I remember from when you were registering for when this one (points at Donna) was marrying the skinny one.
Jackie:Yeah, well, the best taste she learned from me when she DIDN"T marry the skinny one
Donna:Guess that's what I deserve for following you around for THREE DAYS
Jackie:Sorry! Hormones
Laurie:No, you would have said that before you were pregnant
Kitty:It's time for games….Let's see who can make the best bridal gown. Jackie can judge it.
Donna:The pain never ends.
Jackie:Lumberjack
Donna:Midget
BACK TO THE BOWLING ALLEY…
Fez:Everyone. I have an announcement.
Eric:(hiccups) I thought he couldn't marry Fenton.
Hyde:(laughing) I just hope Fenton isn't pregnant too.
Fez:Fenton & I are moving to Canada after the wedding.
Eric:Whoa, Fez, isn't this a little sudden.
Fez:Not really. They have different candy up there. And strong beer.
Hyde:Well then, I propose another toast. To different candy. And strong beer.
All:TO DIFFERENT CANDY & STRONG BEER (They all drink)
Hyde:Hey, WB I gotta talk to you about something…it's a surprise for Jackie. (Hyde grabs WB around the shoulder & they walk off for a few minutes)
Fez:Isn't that sweet….a Father/Son chat on the eve of his wedding
Kelso:I think it's a little late for the sex talk Fez; she's already pregnant
Fez:Yes, but it's still sweet
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE BRIDAL SHOWER…
LAURIE & FENTON ARE DRESSED AS BRIDES. THEIR "GOWNS" ARE MADE OUT OF TOILET PAPER. THEIR DESIGNERS ARE DONNA & KITTY. JACKIE IS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT EVERYONE & TAKING PICTURES.
Laurie:Mom, she's getting as bad as you.
Donna:If that's the case, I'm never having a baby.
Kitty:Oh yes, you are.
JACKIE LAUGHS EVEN HARDER
AND WE'RE BACK AT THE BACHELOR PARTY
Bob:Ok, it's time to take this back to the ranch. (Looks embarrassed) Please take me home, I'm sleepy. (Everyone starts taking off their bowling shoes)
Kelso: (picks up two bowling balls) Look guys, my balls have holes in them.
Hyde:(jumps up) I've been waiting for this all night (He frogs Kelso, who proceeds to drop both bowling balls on his stocking feet.
Kelso:Owwww! Hyde…...
Hyde:Then shut up!
Eric:(dramatically) Let us return to the residence and retrieve our women
Red:Eric…. (Gestures towards Fez)
Eric:Ok, Let us return to the residence and retrieve our women & Fenton
Fez:Yes, the retrieval of the women, and Fenton.
WB:(to Red) You white folks throw some strange parties.
Red:Come on Grandpa, Let's get these two kids married before they give birth in my basement.
BACK AT THE FORMAN'S……THE SHOWER HAS NOW MOVED INTO THE KITCHEN. EVERYONE IS HAVING TRIPLE SCOOP BANANNA SPLITS. CIRCLE CAM AROUND THE TABLE
Kitty:I love being married. Almost as much as I love chocolate fudge on ice cream.
Fenton:A minute on the lips, forever on the hips.
Donna:I don't want to hear about it. I've been helping with this wedding and I deserve a little something.
Laurie:THAT'S why you're with my brother. (everyone looks at Laurie) Hey, I haven't taken my final vows yet.
Jackie:This has been the best shower ever…presents, games, friends and a burn on Eric….from a nun
THE BOYS ARRIVE HOME SINGING…. "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST"
Red:Come on Kitty….let's go to bed. Nothing these dumb asses do tonight is going to upset me.
Kitty:Ok, but just so you know we only have one roll of toilet paper. (Red looks at her strangely)
Donna:Eric, I have to talk to you about something.
Eric:Anything you want, m'lady!
Donna:This may be easier with you on. (They leave for upstairs)
Kelso:My feet hurt
Hyde:Go soak them in snow
Kelso:FINE! (He leaves waddling out the door)
Fenton:Is he really going to do that?
Fez:Who can tell, it's Kelso. Let's give him a ride home. (Fez & Fenton leave)
Jackie:(puts her arms around Hyde's neck) Did you have fun at your party honey?
Hyde:Party's not over yet….(smiles at Jackie)
Jackie:Steven! You're never going to get any sleep, you know.
Hyde:I'll sleep when I'm dead…Let's go baby…(scoops her into his arms and they take off for the basement. Hyde comes running back upstairs in a minute and grabs the whipped cream can from the banana splits and runs back downstairs)
Christmas Eve is coming…..along with the surprise of Jackie's life
Hint: It's not Pam!