It may have been a little past the end of the work day when Ludwig stepped out the station and onto the city streets. He shuffled in place for a second as he debated what route to take, before just letting his feet take him where they please. If he took the long route, his mind would be able to wander and hopefully get it out of his system. 'It' being the strange fog that clouded his brain and made focusing with his usual sharp precision a slight challenge.

The traffic beside him was heavy, but flowing quickly for a Friday. Everyone wanted to get home and make the most of their weekend. Ludwig was sure they had more exciting plans than him. Weekends were for chores and errands. There wasn't much he could do from home that would help with his police work.

Maybe he could email his grandfather about his progress, but that wasn't strictly necessary. It might even bring into question why someone as pragmatic as him would bother his grandfather with something incomplete and could oversee himself. Despite the tentative feeling, Ludwig pushed it aside instead of looking into why he suddenly wanted his grandfather's attention.

He'd see him next week at work anyways. If they pass in the halls or break room. Maybe he could try and make some small talk. It'd be out of character and might annoy his grandfather, but if it stifles the strange feelings that have been stirred then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

The walk home was uneventful, just like every other day. In the end, Ludwig took the longer route if only to experience the fresh air and pleasant weather for a while longer. No chilling wind or cold clouds to block the last of the sun's rays from reaching his pale skin. After a moment the warmth settled in.

Did dead people miss things like this? Being left behind, should he feel guilty for enjoying it when others can't?

Maybe he was going through something if he couldn't distract himself during his free time.

But with how he always threw himself into his work, Ludwig was sure that having it always plaguing his thoughts was just about expected.

Reaching his apartment complex, he entered the empty lobby and headed towards the stairwell. He was able to avoid the unnecessary expense of a gym membership by avoiding the elevator, plus the set of dumbells which turned out to be a great investment. Jogging up the stairs he mentally added 'working out' to his weekend tasks. If he threw himself into his home life then maybe he'd be able to enjoy his weekend and return to work refreshed.

If only to prove his brother wrong. Of course it'll sit at the back of his mind, but as long as he focuses on something else for a while then that would be good enough for him.

It's not often that Ludwig had compulsive thoughts, and even less often he acted on them. But every now and again a good idea would cross his mind.

Well, the good idea only cross his mind after an hour or so of circling back to something he was supposed to be distracting himself from.

Not that anyone could easily get Gilbert off their minds. Evident by his own thoughtless motions and the very fact that he felt bad about it, Ludwig felt guilty for agitating his brother. In his defence, he was agitated too.

Which meant that his brother was right.

He cringed at his earlier actions. Sure he acted dumbly and rashly, all because of what Gilbert predicted.

But luckily he had an idea that would benefit them both and at least open communications again. A symbolic foot in the door that he slammed shut. An idea that intersected reconciliation with tasks he had to complete.

So grabbing the necessary supplies he took the next flight of stairs and arrived at Gilbert's apartment. Either the walls were thin or his brother had the tv at full volume. With his ironing board under one arm, a bag full of shirts in the other and an iron in one hand he carefully reached up with his free hand. As expected the polite rap of his knuckles on the door was drowned out, so Ludwig escalated appropriately. Using his favourite pair of boots he firmly kicked the door. Not enough to damage it or bother any neighbours of course, but it had the intended effect.

"I'm coming!" came an irritated voice from inside the apartment and a moment later the door cracked open.

Ludwig felt slightly ridiculous lugging the ironing stuff under each arm up the stairs but he was here now and he was sure it spoke volumes. Maybe not as stupidly loud as his tv but loud enough.

On an unrelated note, did being albino affect one's hearing? Or was it Gilbert's obnoxious but lovable personality? Ludwig feels like he should know the difference by now.

"Yes?" Gilbert's eyes stared dully ahead like he was barely resisting an eye roll. It wasn't very off-putting with Gilbird nestled in his hair.

"I'm going to iron my shirts," Ludwig stated his intentions, like the supplies he was carrying weren't enough. "I'll iron yours too."

"Sure," Gilbert let him inside the apartment. It wasn't as messy as his office but definitely lived in. Dressed in his pjs, Gilbert returned to his place on the couch and hit the remote to turn the tv off. While his brother sprawled out on the couch Ludwig spied his work clothes discarded on the back of it.

He set up the ironing board by an outlet and placed his supplies on top.

"This is how you spend your Fridays?" Gilbert asked, his tone lacking judgement.

"I like to get ahead."

Gilbert nodded, very minutely as not to ruffle his companion but Ludwig still caught it.

"What would you be doing?" he parroted conversationally.

"Hitting up the pubs," Gilbert beamed. Considering he was in his pjs Ludwig couldn't tell if he was serious or trying to get a reaction but he nodded all the same.

It's telling that he doesn't deflate at a lack of reaction. Ludwig has to remind himself not to 'tsk' and 'tut' at his adult brother's life.

Like how his Grossvater would. Verdammt. It wouldn't help if he acted like their dear Opa now.

He changes the subject.

"Bring me anything you want ironed."

"Yes, mum," Gilbert teased and grabbed his clothes hanging off the couch.

"That's 'thanks mum'," Ludwig replied sternly, though the humour was in the seriousness. It earned him a chuckle. The lightness of their interaction so far had him optimistic.

Gilbert dumped a basket full of clothes by where Ludwig had set up. By colour and fabric alone it seemed that half of them were not work clothes, but Ludwig didn't mention it.

"Are these all clean?"

"Yes mum thanks mum," Gilbert joked as he returned to the couch.

Ludwig shook his head and got to work.

He was only a couple of shirts in when he remembered Gilbert's suggestion with the case. He had seen it while watching a cold-case related thing on the tv. Currently, his brother was watching something truly brain-deadening; celebrities desperately trying to stay relevant and having meltdowns that could rival a toddler. All while in their fancy million-dollar mansions. Ludwig had blocked it out and reverted to thinking for entertainment.

But Ludwig could optimise doing chores, fixing things with his brother, and studying at the same time.

"Do you remember the name of the program you watched on old cases?"

Gilbert shrugged. "Dunno, I was just flicking through and it was on."

"Could you find it again?"

Gilbert groaned with effort as he leaned for the remote on the coffee table and started speeding through the channels.

"I think it was on this one." Gilbert stopped on a seemingly random channel playing a car renovation show then pulled up the guide. "I'll check to see if it's on later- nope it was just that one time."

"Shame," Ludwig tried not to seem too disappointed and he put another shirt aside.

Gilbert must've picked up on it and taken his phone out.

"We could find stuff on the internet and stream it onto the tv. I'm sure there's plenty of old cases that have been solved! And we'll be awesome detectives again in no time!"

"That sounds good."

It turns out there was plenty of video content on old cases being solved recently. Gilbert queued up an entire playlist, ran to get a bowl of chips and tried to beckon Ludwig to join him on the couch, but was obviously disappointed when he declined. Ludwig tried not to feel bad at the missed opportunity, but the moment had passed and he was still ironing their clothes. Besides, he was still watching with his brother.

He could tell that Gilbert was bothered by something, presumably whatever was going on between them. He appeared to be comfortably sprawled out on the couch with his legs kicked up on the armrest but having grown up with him, Ludwig could just tell that he was distracted by something.

But Ludwig decided it was best to say nothing. He wasn't the best with these kinds of things and he'd rather not risk saying something wrong and make things worse between them.

So when Gilbert pressed play, they watched in silence. Save for the consistent ironing of clothes. Ludwig let his body run on autopilot as his hands folded the freshly ironed clothes and sorted them.

The videos were actually really interesting and presented quite well. He quickly forgot about the feud between them as he was absorbed by the contents. The video would start with the information from the initial event that only the detectives knew then years later when they reopened the case with new minds and technology they finally had the full picture and the story came to a close as it was finally solved.

But it did leave a strange, hollow feeling. Aside from the fact that it would have been better for none of these crimes to happen at all, it somehow felt worse that half the time, the monsters who committed these acts passed away peacefully -a luxury their victims did not have- and never faced the consequences.

But apart from that it was satisfying that these cases were finally closed. And he was actively taking notes in his head. Ludwig ignored Gilbert's off-hand fun-fact comment about how there were 'way more' videos detailing unsolved cold cases. It gnawed at his stomach and didn't help the weight on his shoulders.

After a couple of videos, Ludwig was through with the clothes, having stacked them in separate piles on the arm of the couch and pushed his ironing stuff to the side. Finding it inappropriate to stand for any longer, he sat down on the couch beside his brother.

When that video finished, Gilbert paused the tv without saying a word. Ludwig glanced at him to try and figure out what was going on. He couldn't be ready for dinner, he'd have announced it while jumping up cheerily if that was the case. Instead, he reached up and scooped up Gilbert from the hair-nest and cradled him in his lap with a completely serious face. A face that was rarely used saved for the moments he actually stepped up as the older brother.

"You know what? It's not like you'll never not be my brother." Gilbert started. Then got distracted as he furrowed his eyebrows and mouthed the sentence again, seemingly stuck on the double negative 'never not'.

Ludwig could feel his guard going up. He had an inkling about where this was going and really didn't want or need to discuss it. He was doing just fine.

"Anyways you know what I mean. You can't just not be my brother. And I'm not going to ignore whatever is going on with you. I know you think you're acting normal but, uh, I feel like you've been getting more intense and angsty and stuff and you're not talking about it."

Ludwig held his determined brother's gaze with stubbornness. He was annoyed that Gilbert just wouldn't let this go.

"Look, I've seen you work other cases before and be just regular obsessive and pissed. But this is definitely different. I was just wondering if there was something more to it? Do you know if there's something causing you to get really upset?"

"No." Ludwig did his best to keep his voice level and his face completely blank. Besides narrowing his eyes, he was not engaging in this.

Gilbert's eyes flickered around his face before he sighed and turned his attention to the little bird in his hands, stroking its soft feathers as he thought about his next words.

"I've been a bit restless about this whole thing too if it makes you feel any better."

Ludwig didn't care. Well, of course he cared. What he meant was this was irrelevant. Couldn't they go back to actually doing something useful like watching the damn videos?

"Do you think it might have something to do with mum and dad's death?"

Ludwig couldn't suppress his agitation. Or the way his body flushed hot on the topic of the unspoken subject. Why bring that up now?

"You're reading too deeply into it." He gritted out through clenched teeth.

"Maybe." Gilbert kept his eyes averted and on his lap. "But maybe not. I think I feel the same."

What was his brother thinking? Ludwig was past the point of wanting to go back to where they were moments ago. He wanted to leave. His skin was too warm and the air was suffocating.

The only thing these two separate events had in common was they were both senseless tragedies. Ludwig glared but didn't trust his voice to speak. If he showed any wavering emotion then Gilbert would latch onto it and pry more.

"Come on Lutz. Just think about it."

Ludwig wanted to say that this was pointless. This was stupid. A waste of time and just made them angsty for no reason.

But he had thought about it, hadn't he? When it was dark and quiet and his analytic brain made all sorts of connections without really going through with it so he never reached the end. The conclusion.

But even if he reached it what would that change?

"This has clearly been getting to you and you can't just do what you gotta do like normal. You gotta be taking it personally in some way. For me its you're my younger brother and I'd be devastated if that happened to you -not that it would cus I know you'd beat the guy up cus you're my awesome younger bro- and I'd feel pretty bad thinking about it so I really want it to work out cus I relate to the older twin and feel bad for him, yanno? Humans connect to stuff they see all the time, like why do you think people like movies so much and stuff? I'm not saying its a movie but something about it is making you upset."

Right, Gilbert had all those years of therapy that taught him how to spew out stuff like this. There was no way Ludwig would be able to pinpoint a reason so quickly like Gilbert and then actually put it into words. His feelings always felt too messy so he pushed them aside.

Ludwig really just wanted to stand up and storm out of the room but he knew that would make for an awkward future. The guilt would surely settle in as soon as he slammed the door. Gilbert was just trying to help him.

Maybe the reason he was getting so worked up at it just being acknowledged was because Gilbert was right.

There was something wrong with him. He was broken. And everything that happened recently only brought it out.

But that meant being a little bit vulnerable. And that only irritated him more.

Gilbert started speaking but he cut him off.

"I'm thinking." Ludwig snapped. He expected Gilbert to snap back but he never did. Ludwig shamefully kept his gaze turned away, fixed on the doorframe on the opposite wall.

He didn't want to be vulnerable. He knew that much. But why did it matter? It was only him and his brother. Gilbert didn't seem to care much about vulnerability. He never tried hard to be manly or hide tears. He said what was on his mind even if it was about his feelings. Ludwig didn't think less of him. So by that logic, Gilbert couldn't think less of him without being a hypocrite.

It was still new territory, but Ludwig was surprised to actually find himself relaxing a little bit as there was no judgement.

Okay, so what bothered him about the case that made his usual workstyle so difficult? He mentally raked through what parts had stood out to him about the case and made a list.

-Vargas dying.

Well, anyone would be disturbed by the nature of his demise. That couldn't be it. Sure his parents had died, and Vargas had died. But so had many others. He had been on murder crime scenes before and was able to operate how he should.

-Tapes of the family.

He had actually seen their agony. But even without the tapes, he could imagine it. Because he had felt it. When his parents died.

Fuck. Gilbert was right.

No. That couldn't be it. In the past, he worked with family members of murder victims. He managed to keep a level head then.

He clenched his jaw in frustration and tried not to let it show. Seriously, if it wasn't those old dusty tapes then what could it be?

Oh yeah, the fact that the case was old. He remembered he felt a bit sombre at imagining it was covered in dust and forgotten about.

-Old, cold case.

Vargas died a long time ago. So did his parents. They'd all be older now if they were alive. But instead, they're dead. They've been dead for a long time.

He supposed it was different from fresh crime scenes, fresh victims and fresh trauma. Fresh tears choking those who were only just left behind. The dusty casefile came to mind. It was pushed aside, forgotten, left behin-

No. Vargas's family were left behind. A long time ago. Those tapes definitely had something to do with it. Maybe knowing, years and years later from the time of the recording, knowing that the case went cold and the family grew old and Vargas' grandfather died without answe-

The tapes weren't fresh but the despair imprinted forever was. But Ludwig already knew those feelings. He was always confronted with grief whenever he had to take a statement from someone who was left behind too soon. He was always confronted personally when he thought of his own parents. He knew grief, but why was it different this time?

Right, he was going somewhere with the forgotten file. It was dusty, a sign of its age. He had a problem with its age. The file was the summary of a life cut short and never justified. It was pushed aside, forgotten, and left behind.

Vargas was left behind, wasn't he? His time was cut short and everyone he knew moved on. The world kept turning. His family got older without him. Time kept turning. But even if his killer was caught he'd still be dead. Even with justice, he'd still be left behind. Why pursue justice at all?

Those tapes - he feels bad for the Vargas family because he is the family. He felt like that. He still feels like that but he just never noticed. Never allowed himself to notice because what right does he have when his parent's death wasn't left up in the air the same way Vargas' was?

His parents were left behind... he thought the living were the ones left behind when tragedy struck, but as time passed- The dead were left behind. Stopped by time that kept marching forward. Each day was a step that took him further and further away from his parents and he could never turn around. Was he scared of time? Ludwig recalled when he was a child, adults would always say that time got faster. He was a smart kid, he listened to the experiences of those older than him to learn more. He'd known from a young age that he was running out of time.

Ludwig duly noted his body felt tingly. He couldn't even see where he was. Nothing existed outside his mind. Was he breathing? He paused for a moment. No, he wasn't. Ludwig was sure he should be a bit more concerned, but it wasn't like he was really in his body anyways.

There was a weight on his shoulders and head, pushing him back into his body. He realised that there was something soft in his hands. With great effort, he ran his thumb over it. Whatever was weighing him down rumbled and tightened as it wrapped around him. It was pulling him away, and Ludwig was more than happy to get away from the heavy revelations.

Right, he should probably get himself under control again. He knew where he was. He could feel his body was still sitting on Gilbert's couch. He forced his eyes to come back into focus from where they were resting on the coffee table. He blinked the fuzziness away until the edges of the table were sharp again. His hands twitched, wanting to rub at his dry eyes but reminded that he was holding something. It was fuzzy, but not because of his eyesight. It was yellow and was moving by itself...? Oh, a bird. Presumably Gilbird. Well, obviously Gilbird. He was at his brother's apartment and there was only one bird there so, duh Gilbird.

But where was Gilbert? How long had Ludwig zoned out for? He looked down at the bird snuggled in his hands as if he'd be getting any answers from the feathered thing.

The weight rumbled from behind him, vibrating as it spoke.

"I really think Opa dropped the ball by only making me go to therapy."

Oh, the weight behind him was Gilbert hugging him and the rumbling was him speaking. How had Ludwig missed that?

"I'm going to warm up some pizza for us," Gilbert added, unbothered by a lack of response.

As soon as he was gone Ludwig missed the warm weight grounding him. Really, he knew Gilbert hadn't gone far but he missed him anyways. There were sounds behind him - cupboards being shut and the microwave being started. Ludwig couldn't turn around though. Stuck in place, he busied himself with touching the soft feathers of the small pet in his care. He could feel himself zone out again as he rhythmically stroked the bird. No wonder Gilbert really loved Gilbird. He was small and soft and cute and blurry-

Ludwig had to stop himself from zoning out again. With great effort, he reigned his focus back in. He pulled one hand free from the feather trap and rubbed his face roughly. He blinked his eyes again and ran his fingers through his hair without caring about how messy it got. It was the end of the day, and probably already messy from being used as a headrest.

He could smell the pizza before he heard the microwave. It wasn't what he had planned to have for dinner but he wasn't going to refuse. The couch dipped as Gilbert sat next to him, his legs crossed and knee overlapping with Ludwig's thigh, much closer than they would usually sit. Gilbert scooped Gilbird from his resting place and replaced him with a warm plate of leftover pizza. Ludwig automatically took the pleasantly warm plate and watched as Gilbert put the bird in his hair-nest and sprinkled some birdseed for him to find. Every time Ludwig saw him do that he had to restrain himself from commenting about just how unsanitary that is, even if Gilbert showers daily.

"Cheers to supreme pizza!" Gilbert held up a slice and moved it like one would toast a drink before stuffing it into his mouth.

Ludwig obediently grabbed his own slice of pizza and took a bite. It tasted alright, even though it wasn't strictly healthy. But he was sure one odd meal wouldn't hurt and he had other things to worry about. Like what just happened at what was going on? Was Gilbert going to say anything? Ludwig kept his eyes down, not wanting to take the risk to peek over at his brother. At least he had the goal of eating dinner, which should give him enough time to recover and gather himself. At least both of them were content to eat in silence - silence if you ignore the crunch of bird seed.

He had only just finished the last slice when the plate was being tugged from his hand and Gilbert was gone. Ludwig loosened his posture and sunk into the couch. He could take this opportunity to retreat but he knew that was a cowardly idea. He'd be feeling just as numb alone in his apartment, if not worse.

Gilbert was back, surprising Ludwig by wrapping around him from behind again. He rested his chin on his younger brother's head and looped one arm around his front in a backwards hug. His free hand reached down and dropped Gilbird into Ludwig's lap. The bird didn't seem fussed at the treatment.

"I know you and Opa think that you're so tough, bruder," Gilbert spoke softly and brought both arms into the hug. "But that doesn't mean you don't have to feel nothing."

"I do feel things." Ludwig's voice felt rougher than usual, but he resisted clearing his throat knowing it would just make the situation look worse.

"Okay, well, you don't have to act like you don't feel anything. Like you're emotionless 'n stuff."

Ludwig didn't know how to respond. Was there something else they could talk about?

"Do you feel like you don't know how to?- how to show emotions?" Gilbert prodded.

What a silly question. Of course Ludwig knew how. You just did. You just acted on the emotion and then you were showing it. Gilbert probably just assumed he didn't know because he kept himself in control.

"Of course I do."

"Then you know it's okay? Even if you have to act like a brick wall to the world you know it's okay with me?"

Well obviously it was 'okay', but Ludwig had standards. Personal standards at least. He wouldn't hold anyone else to them.

Gilbert sighed before he could reply.

"I haven't told you I'm still in therapy."

Oh? Ludwig thought he'd stopped when he was a teen. Did Opa think Gilbert needed more? Or did Opa not know about it? Probably the last one, since Ludwig didn't even know. Was there a reason he didn't know? He felt... bad at the idea that it was hidden from him like it was something shameful. The way his brother had said it like it was a confession indicated some level of hesitation, before deciding 'oh what the hell'. Earlier he had said that Ludwig wouldn't stop being his brother, so tonight he wasn't going to be mincing words.

"How long?" Ludwig found himself asking. If he could get some more information then he could figure out why Gilbert was bringing it up. And why this was the first he's heard of it.

"Only a couple of years ago, not when we were all still living together."

"Why?" It was blunt yet vague but Ludwig knew Gilbert would know what he was asking.

Gilbert cackled. "Nothing has to be wrong with you to go to therapy. Nothing even happened. I just thought I'd be for the best. I mean, in our line of work there's a reason we have these resources cus some of the stuff we work on is fucked up but yeah I just wanted to have some help to make me the best most awesome version of me possible! I can't hold myself back because I'm self-aware and stuff."

Ludwig hummed in acknowledgement. He supposed it seemed reasonable. Even if his brother just pointed out 'their line of work', that would've been enough. But still, a couple of years and he was being told now?

"Does Opa know?"

Gilbert definitely hesitated then.

"No." Gilbert breathed. His hold tightened. "Please don't tell him."

Ludwig furrowed his eyebrows. Before there was a possibility of this being an open secret, a secret because it just never happened to come up. But now?

"I mean, he doesn't need to know," Gilbert added. "I wasn't really keeping it from him."

Ludwig wondered if this was where he offered reassurances, or something. This was new territory. For now, it seemed he was safe to just sit here and see where this went.

"Actually I was." Gilbert spoke quickly like he was trying to get it out. "I was because... I was..."

"Why?" Ludwig thought about offering Gilbird, knowing how the little pet would comfort his brother. But Gilbert's arms were tight around him, for whose comfort was unknown at this point even though they were both happy with the arrangement.

"This might seem like a lot, yeesh I don't know how to start." It felt like Gilbert was pushing himself further into his younger brother. Like he wouldn't hug him again after this. Actually, Ludwig couldn't recall the last time they'd hugged. He'd never kept track of something like that before. Probably months ago. Likely at Gilbert's insistence. Ludwig's stomach felt a bit weird at the thought.

"Don't say anything until I get this all out. I gotta do it while I still have guts. Then we can confront it however you want."

Ludwig hummed in agreement. Confronting things was something he could do. Isn't that why he came to his brother's apartment in the first place? That felt like ages ago now. And he didn't really confront him, just offered to iron his clothes. Maybe he couldn't confront whatever Gilbert was going to say. But right now he was boxed in by his older brother and didn't have the strength to leave.

"I guess I just felt ashamed if he knew cus I feel like he'd see that as some kinda weakness and yeah... I don't want him to think that I'm weak when you look so strong. But you're not strong. You- urgh."

A moment of silence passed and Ludwig wondered if Gilbert was going to say anything else. It stretched on a moment longer before Gilbert broke it.

"You should've been sent to therapy too. Both of us lost our parents and you were younger than me! Both of us got our world shattered! Just because you're all gruff and tough and robotic and everything like Opa doesn't mean you were coping. And now you never learnt to cope only that you had to be fine because Opa thought you were fine. Fuck even Grossvater should've got therapy! He lost his kids! But he was an adult so it's on him for not giving himself time to grieve but he took that from you!

"Also therapy has helped me kinda put into words how our family relationships are all kinda fucked up. Like Opa couldn't relate to me and how I reacted to my parents dying so he puts me in therapy? Well I mean obviously parents dying is therapy worthy- urgh hold on."

Gilbert muttered to himself, too quick to make out words.

"He thought you'd be fine so he left you on your own! Like just because the both of you have kinda similar personalities, I thought there was something wrong with me because I was stuck in therapy and you didn't have to go to therapy. But now that I'm an adult I can see that's kinda fucked up, y'know?"

Gilbert chuckled but it was humourless.

"Except you probably don't. I noticed that when you don't know how to do something you put a lotta pressure on yourself and get in your head and that's probably because you were taught from a young age that you just had to sort things out yourself. And you probably don't know how to show emotions or you feel like you aren't allowed to because I'm emotional and I got sent to therapy and you aren't and you didn't get sent to therapy so it probably reinforced the idea that you can't let anything show! You just had to be like Opa."

Gilbert was out of breath at this point but he continued his rant.

"I hope this is making sense in your thick skull. An adult decided I needed help but not exactly because my parents died but also because they died. No, it was because I was foreign to Opa he thought that I needed the extra help? I mean, I did. We both did. But he could've been more present at the time too.

"Anyways, he's an adult and decided you didn't need help. And you probably assumed that he knew best and didn't get you help because you didn't need it. Cus you were tough..."

Gilbert signed deeply as his breathing balanced back out. At this point, he was holding onto Ludwig like a lifeline, not that he minded though.

"Got it? Rant done, thanks for listening. My therapist helped me put this all together and made it sound much better. That probably came out as a big mess but you've always been smart. Basically, you should open up to someone. Doesn't have to be a therapist! I know that would probably be scary or whatever. It could just be your awesome big brother! You trust me, right? We've always had each other."

Ludwig's mind was still racing to digest everything. Even though he'd like nothing more than to reject or ignore it, it had made some sense. But how did that tie into the case work? Did Gilbert just want him to tell him what he was thinking? He feels sad because Vargas died a long time ago and his case got shelved and his family never got answers, instead they got old and died. Even saying it like that didn't make it sound right. He didn't think he'd ever have the right words and would fall short.

Gilbert was growing tense behind him and Ludwig realised he was supposed to respond.

Thinking back as he replied to each point. What was this, an email? Maybe if he pictured it like one it would make it easier. Familiar. Cold professionalism as he addressed each point.

"Yes we've always had each other, that won't change. I trust you. I won't tell Grossvater about the therapy. You're not weak. You bounce back. Objectively yes, losing parents as a child should warrant therapy for any child."

Even to his ears, it sounded weird. Too bad he couldn't edit his words like he would an email. Maybe he should add some personal feelings to it. Isn't that what Gilbert wanted? For a bit of honest vulnerability? Ludwig could try. After everything his brother just shared he could at least try. Maybe he should think about how watching Gilbert get therapy when he didn't. Not that he had to think much since Gilbert was right.

"You were right. About childhood therapy. I thought I didn't need it and you did."

Ludwig shut his mouth. No use parroting back Gilbert's words. Maybe he should just credit everything Gilbert had picked apart.

"You were right about the cold case. I was upset because it was old. It happened a long time ago and our parents died a long time ago- I don't-"

He definitely preferred emails. He contemplated for a moment how to continue before settling on just wrapping it up.

"Everything you said sounds correct."

Gilbert was silent, likely thinking Ludwig was going to say more. Either he was being manipulative for more or just really supportive. Ludwig tried not to let the pressure get to him as he cleared his mind and thought if he needed to cover anything else. Their relationship with their Grossvater? Maybe he could bring some new perspective to the table and assure Gilbert that Opa didn't see him as weak.

Ludwig couldn't speak his thoughts as he thought them so he took a moment to put them together. Gilbert waited patiently, and Ludwig really appreciated it. He just hoped his listening to his brother's rant was just as supportive.

"You were correct in your assumption that I don't know how to act how I feel. But you do. I always thought you were Opa's favourite. Because you're funny, optimistic, carefree and, well, unlike me. He thinks highly of you. He's... soft? He'd give you anything and protect you from anything. Of course that extends to the both of us but I know he's more mindful of your workload than mine and tries to keep the sensitive cases away from you because he doesn't want to upset you."

Maybe he could see how Gilbert would see that as their grandfather finding him weak. But he didn't know what words to say to make him think otherwise.

Gilbert took a big breath in and exhaled slowly.

"I always thought you were the favourite. Cus you two are just weird in the way you are, y'know? Why would he take me seriously when you're my little bro! I always felt like I was acting too silly but that was just my personality. I mean, sure I acted up sometimes but I just wanted his attention. I know he doesn't really think less of me, at least not consciously. It's just my irrational insecurity that makes me think he looks down on me and thinks I'm weak cus I went to therapy on my own. I'm sure he really wouldn't give two shits but we don't really talk to him much outside work so I've never brought it up to find out."

Well, how could he respond to that? They both thought the other was the favourite because of their own personal shortcomings.

"Maybe we should speak to him." Ludwig realised that was too vague. "Opa. Outside work. I thought about it after watching the Vargas family tapes and it made me sad to learn their grandfather died."

He tried not to feel like a four-year-old communicating and cringe. Gilbert was never not going to be his brother. And despite how their grandfather seemed to have dropped the ball during their childhood, he was never not going to be their grossvater.

"Yeah I'd like that." Gilbert hummed, the vibration tingled his hair.

Neither said anything more, either waiting for the other or thinking about what else to say. The silence stretched on for several minutes but wasn't uncomfortable at all. Now having gained a new understanding of his brother, Ludwig honestly felt better.

Gilbert sighed and stood up straight, stretching out and popping his joints.

"I reckon that we've covered enough for tonight." He ruffled Ludwig's hair in a way that ensured it was a mess. "We'll definitely have talks like this again. But that was a lot. How about a drink?"

Considering he already cheated on dinner, might as well make the day a cheat day. Or maybe he wanted to spend some more time with his brother, despite his exhaustion.

Either way, the next couple of hours were spent with a cold drink in hand and mindless tv playing in the background. The only brief moment of awkwardness was when Ludwig said goodnight and tried to initiate a hug. Which was so out of character for him that Gilbert didn't know what was going on or what to do and tried to hi-five him. He was sure his brother was thinking the same thing when he planned on blaming it on the drinks.

When he laid to rest in his own bed a couple of hours after his bedtime, he was glad he was able to achieve his initial goal for today, even if it wasn't done in the most conventional way. He had a lot to get through and uncover, but he was tough and he had his brother in his corner

AN;

Damn sorry about the wait I hope no ones invested in the story ahaha. I really, really didn't mean to go so long without updating. You wouldn't you believe how much trouble I had with this fic when my computer crashed and fucked up the file and I had to figure out how to recover it only to find that I had lost some of the work. So I had lost motivation...

Dw I'll never abandon this and I have plans for the next case. I'm trying to wrap this one up first.