Life at the Kame House

Note from the Author: Holy! Holy! Holy! It's been forever since I've updated this! Look at the posting date and the updating date! Well anywho, I liked this idea so I'm going to try and continue with it. So here it is! Nonetheless, the third part of Life at the Kame House.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own DBZ or any of it's characters. I also do not own vodka or whiskey.

And now to the story…

"A letter…from the future?" I asked myself as I stared at the envelope addressed to me. Vegeta and Trunks were well gone by now.

"Well, aren't you gonna open it mom?" Gohan asks, looking at me.

For reasons still unbeknowest to me, I glared at Gohan. And then my glare turned into full on rage, "Listen, kid! This is my letter, MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! I will open it when I want!! But YOU! YOU, I let you train for three years for those stupid androids, THREE YEARS Gohan! Three years where you could've worked towards becoming a friggin' scholar! Study Gohan Study! And then…then…maybe I'll open the letter, okay?"

"Um…o…okay?" Gohan responded meekly.

The room was silent.

Now sometimes I yell, and I scream, and I complain, but you see, I do it for a reason. I mean if your husband constantly left you to go and fight and you never knew if he'd come back alive and your husband also happened to be the kind of guy that thought such miniscule things like 'camping' was more important than your son's education, certainly you'd have the right to yell and scream once in a while. But when your son is kidnapped from you when he's just a baby by the man who tried to kill your husband and you have no idea where your little baby is and what is happening to him, you not only have the right to yell once in a while, heck…you've got a full fledged lifetime membership to the 'yell and scream whenever the beegeebers you want, girlfriend' club. A damn lifetime subscription!!!! But regardless, I have no idea what made me yell at Gohan at that point. Maybe it's because I don't want to be here. Maybe it's because Goku's sick. Maybe it's because Master Roshi constantly stares at my butt and tries to take a pinch or two when he can. Maybe it's because I feel like such an outsider here, surrounded by Goku's friends and all…or for goodness sake, maybe it is because Gohan isn't studying like I'd like him too. But still…I mean even I have to admit I went a little 'crazy in noggin' on him.

"Err…ChiChi…weren't you a little harsh on the lad?" Master Roshi croaks.

"I hate you," I seethe as I make my way outside onto the patio. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Everything is stupid. Stupid ocean, stupid Kame House, stupid male gender, stupid envelope…envelope! My letter…Remembering the letter I open it. The handwriting is clearly noticeable.

Dearest ChiChi,

Well, well, I gotta say I envy you. I mean as you're reading this you still have non-tainted long raven hair, smooth, unwrinkled skin, gorgeous dark, dark eyes. And heck, probably a body to die for. But you know what? The thing I most envy you for is that you still have your family. I don't ChiChi. My husband died, oh probably 16 years ago. He died of a heart disease. He was a great warrior you know and a heart disease killed him. I always thought a great and powerful villain would kill him, but that never happened. Sounds like someone you know doesn't it? Well, it should because I'm talking about Goku, ChiChi. I guess you can call me Mirai ChiChi. I'm you, only 43 as opposed to 27. Listen, ChiChi. I know you want Gohan to be a scholar and yes, you want that husband of yours to give up fighting and get a good job. But listen to me, the one thing I regret is having taken away the little childhood Gohan had to study. He loved fighting, he adored it. But he matured because of it. His childhood was fighting and when he's not fighting he's studying. ChiChi, you and I both know his education is important, but ChiChi, he's half saiyan, don't fight an uphill battle. Let him be, accept the nature of your family. Set them free. I wish I did, and now, it's too late. They're gone. My family…it's the one thing I wish I did differently, to accept that part of them…but through this letter, I CAN change that. Take care ChiChi.

Sincerely,

You (from the future)

P.S. Don't worry about all that wrinkle and tainted hair stuff, you're still as hot as freshly boiled chow mein at 43!

"I think…I think…I think I need a drink," I say as I fold the letter and stuff it down my shirt, "Yes, a nice coffee will do it…" I slowly make my way back into the house. I was so incredibly embarrassed. I must look like a complete idiot now. The room is silent as I enter. I clear my throat, "Um…well, sorry about that guys, I don't know what came over me…" Everyone looked at me cautiously. Gohan looked up from his books.

"So mum, how…how are you feeling?" Gohan asks meekly.

"Like a complete fool, listen Gohan, sorry for yelling at you, I shouldn't have done that. Listen, put your books away, you don't need to study right now, I mean if you don't want to," I answer. Everyone looks at me like I went nuts or something, which technically I did, when I married Goku that is.

"Thanks mum, well, actually I think I'm going to turn into the sack, I gotta go to the lookout tomorrow so I better get some rest," Gohan states as he leaves the room.

I sigh and sink down onto the ground, "Master Roshi, I really need a drink, you got anything? Preferably strong…very strong."

Now when I say drink, I tend not to mean alcoholic. I meant coffee or tea, something just to get into my system. But it turned out coffee meant vodka at the Kame House, and well one thing led to another and well…

"And then I was all like…like…'hey green man, you…you do nuttin' but mope around…you get a driver's liscense you hear me you cucumber…"

"Haha, Piccolo's a cucumber," Yamcha laughed as he sloshed his whiskey all over his front.

"More like a pickle if you ask me!" Krillin added drunkenly.

"I didn't know…giggle giggle vegetables can drive?" I laughed. That's so funny, I can just imagine my garden a traffic jam with vegetables trying to get to work.

"It's your story ChiChi!" Yamcha yelled, "You're the one who said Piccolo is a cucumber and that he…that he…aww crap, what were we talking about?" What were we talking about?

"Uhhh…" Master Roshi moaned on the ground, "Who painted the roof rainbowy?"

"Goku is great in bed," I added as I smiled into thin air. Yes Goku truly was great in the sack. Hmm…Goku…

"I know," Krillin added.

"How…how'd YOU know?" I slurred glaring at Krillin. That little tramp, I knew he had the hots for my Goku.

"Because I've seen him wear red, geez…" Krillin hiccupped.

"I didn't say red, I said bed!" I argued.

"Listen slut, I don't think you should come 'round here anymore, you only bring troububble uh…troublem…uh you know what I'm saying and you know what???" Krillin yelled.

"What?!" I challenged.

"And take that whore there with you!" Krillin exclaimed glaring at me while pointing at Yamcha.

"I ain't no whore, beeatch!" Yamcha slurred, while downing another flask of whiskey.

"Kami, I'm tired," I moaned, "You wanna see my bra?" After all it was pretty. People like pretty things right? Pretty things make people happy. Besides I like making people happy. That's why they call me ChiChi Happy Son, well maybe not…but they should.

"Hell yeah," Yamcha exclaimed trying to keep his eyes focused on me.

"Uhhh…" Master Roshi groaned, still flat on the ground, looking next to him he grabbed the leg of the coffee table, "Well…heh heh…hello there Cell, you're looking pretty darn fine tonight…uhhh…"

I began to unbutton her dress, that is till Oolong stepped in, "Alright, alright, I'm not usually the mature one here, but ChiChi as much as we all want to see your chichis, you're gonna regret this tomorrow morning."

"Shut-up you porker, all you…all you peoples been treating me like I'm some kinda witch," I declared as I unsteadily stood to my feet, "well, I'm not! I'm just as hot as Bulma, you know! I can dance, I can dress, I can wear make-up, I can sleep around. Hell, if I put the moves on Vegeta he couldn't resist me, so shut-up all of you!!"

"You can…sleep where?" Krillin pondered.

I grabbed my vodka from the coffee table and took a long swig of my drink, "Around! You know? Like everywhere?"

"Eh?" Yamcha asked after taking yet another large gulp of his beverage.

"Well not around so to say…actually I only slept with my husband…but I'm still as hot as chow mein at 43," I pronounced difficultly, "I wonder what the androids look like? Am I an android?"

"Chow mein…" Master Roshi moaned, "You like chow mein, Cell?"

"What is this stuff anyway?" I asked as I looked at the vodka in my glass, "I had like a gazillion of them…hehe…gazillion…what a word…gazillion…ha ha!" I then became very serious, "Aww…I think…I think…I think I'm gonna sleep," I declared as I tumbled backwards and passed out on the living room floor.

"Where'd she go?" Yamcha exclaimed as his whiskey split all over the floor, "Where'd she go?"

"Maybe she had to find her bra?" Krillin asked.

"Oh yeah," Yamcha murmured as he rose to his feet, looking down onto the ground he spotted ChiChi passed out, "Ah, there she is!" Yamcha then proceeded to trip over ChiChi before he too blacked out.

"I like red," Krillin sighed before he too passed out, overtop the coffee table.

"I think I need a drink," Oolong moaned as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Damn it Cell! I asked you if you liked Chow Mein, don't make me Kamahamahehe you to kingdom come!" Master Roshi cried out.

I think it was safe to say the Kame House was silent the rest of the night, well except for Master Roshi trying to strike up a conversation with Cell. If there was one lesson I learned on that second day at the Kame House, it was 1) if you're depressed drinking doesn't help and 2) never drink at the Kame House…especially something really strong.