Krillin's High School Diaries
Chapter 7: Smashmouth Football!
Now, I was supposed to go to Mr. Kami for my fourth and last period for History class, but instead Coach Hercule roughly led me through the school's hallways before the beginning of Fourth Period and out onto the Dragon High Football field outside the school. It was a bit convenient, in a way, since I planned on coming there after school, anyway, and besides, it provided a further avoidance of anymore-unwanted circumstances that could result in either my harm or death…or so I thought.
I found myself waiting in Coach Hercule's office within the Football Fieldhouse as he rummaged through a closet and pulled out some football pads, a white helmet, black cleats, white pants and green practice jersey, "This oughta straighten you up, boy! Put these on, you're going to play some real smashmouth football with the Dragon High School Shenlongs and become a man today!"
"Don't I get a little privacy?" I asked.
"YOU'LL GET PRIVACY WHEN YOU EARN IT BALDIE!" Coach Hercule yelled in my face, once again.
With a fair amount of simplicity along with a dose of uneasiness at Coach Hercule staring presence, I stripped off my clothes to my boxers and placed on my football accessories. When I was fully suited, Coach Hercule rushed me out of his office, "C'MON BALDIE! YOU CAN'T BE LATE FOR YOUR FIRST DAY OF PRACTICE!"
I ran onto the football field alongside Coach Hercule and came up to the already gathered team of my fellow student-athlete footballers, many of who were taller and bigger than me.
"NOW GET ACQUAINTED WITH YOUR NEW TEAMMATES WHILE I GO OVER THE PRACTICE SCHEDULE WITH ASSITANT COACHES KORIN AND POPO!" Coach Hercule shouted as he shoved me from behind into the crowd.
"Hey Krillin, I didn't know you were going to play football!" Goku exclaimed as he noticed me through his helmet mask right after I had ran into him accidentally.
"Well I didn't know if you were even still alive after Chichi met you this morning." I replied, regaining my composure.
"Yeah, but what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger, eh?" Goku smiled.
"Hope there's not too much truth to that…" Piccolo muttered as he approached us in his own Football gear, "…cause I will kill Chaozu and Tien the next time I see them."
"Piccolo? I heard you were suspended along with Tien and Chaozu." I spoke to the tall Namekian.
"Unfortunately, the suspension doesn't kick in till tomorrow. Apparently, the school still manages to care for our 'education' even though about half of the student body wont survive to see the end of the school year." Piccolo snorted.
"Well I'm ready to hit, what about everybody else!" Yamcha cheered excitedly as he entered into our conversation and slung his arms over Goku and Piccolo's shoulders, respectively, "Now boys…I managed to bag me a few numbers from some certain fine honeys today, watch a beautiful and exciting fight, courtesy of Piccolo, here, and last but not least, to end off a perfect day, I'm gonna show Coach Hercule why I'm gonna be the new starting Runningback this season!"
"Maybe next year, Yamcha." Piccolo muttered.
"Why?" Yamcha raised an eyebrow; "Don't tell me because of Broly? Man, that dude is overrated. Am I right guys?"
No one said a word.
"WAZZAAPP!" Tien and Chaozu interrupted the silence.
Goku managed to calmly and inconspicuously restrain Piccolo at Tien and Chaozu's entrance even though the two chose to ignore Piccolo and give off a handshake to everyone but him.
"Wow, so I guess everybody is playing Football, huh?" I asked at the sight of all my new friends.
"Yup." Goku nodded.
"Then I guess it was a good thing I ended up here, after all." I smiled.
"Maybe not, Krillin. More blood has been spilled on this field than two World Wars combined…" Piccolo spoke dryly, "…and it's all because of him." He pointed out into the distance, causing me to spontaneously look over in that direction, and I saw the same tall and ridiculously muscular specimen of an athlete that I had seen carousing with cheerleaders in the morning; walk steadily on the field, fully suited in his practice gear, as he approached the team.
"BROLY!" Coach Hercule laughed as he ran up to his star player and gave him a hug, "How's my boy doin'? Are you okay? Do ya need a little rest before practice? How bout' I call some of the cheerleaders over here to give you a massage?"
"How sickening." Piccolo spat.
"Nah, I'm good, coach. I just want to knock around some heads today, summer vacation has been long and I've been anxious to spill some blood back on the gridiron." Broly smirked.
"Whatever you say, son. We've already drawn up all the plays for ya this season, since I know you're gonna give us another State Championship!" Coach Hercule giggled.
I nudged over to Goku, "Say, Goku, since you're the strongest one in this school, how come you aren't the best player on the team?"
Goku shrugged, "Well…coach said I'm too stupid to understand football but I'm powerful and built enough to look good in Dragon High School football uniform."
"So basically you're just here to fill empty roster space, huh?" I apathetically asked.
Goku nodded, "Yup."
I rolled my eyes.
"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS, TIME TO BEGIN PRACTICE!" Coach Hercule yelled as he blew his whistle, "EVERYONE IN WARM-UP FORMATION!"
"I don't wanna do warm ups!" Broly yelled back while standing in front of the team.
Coach Hercule shrugged, "Alright, whatever you say, Broly! Everybody, let's skip to our first play of practice! Let me have my first defensive and offensive teams from last year step out!"
Players from all around me rushed on to the field, including Yamcha, Tien and Chaozu, and lined up in their formation behind the line of scrimmage. Broly, however, was the sole player on the opposite side of the line of scrimmage, facing them.
"ALRIGHT, BROLY IS ON DEFENSE AND UHH…THE REST OF YA'LL ARE ON OFFENSE!" Coach Hercule exclaimed.
"What? You mean to tell me that Broly, alone, really is our entire Defensive Team?" I yelled.
"Yeah…" Piccolo sighed, "…he's also our whole Offensive Team when he's not on defense."
"B-But, there's like thirteen people still left on the sidelines!" I stammered.
"Watch for yourself, kid. You'll soon understand what I'm saying." Piccolo replied.
I took Piccolo's advice and looked on, watching the offensive linemen as they trembled in fear when Broly squatted into a 3-point tackle position. The fear seemed contagious as it soon spread to the rest of the offensive team.
Tien and Chaozu, who, judging by their positions, were Wide Receivers, stood at an uncannily great distance as far as the opposite boundary lines, while the Quarterback was reluctant to stand behind the Center, who faced Broly directly, and call out the play. Yamcha was the sole offensive Back or player, for that matter, who stood on the field with a confident demeanor and non-exaggerated distance from the play.
"C'MON RAMIREZ, WE DON'T GOT ALL DAY!" Coach Hercule shouted at his Quarterback.
The Quarterback now known as Ramirez gulped as he leaned over the Center and reached between his legs for the oncoming hike, "DRAGON-BALL-Z! DRAGON-BALL-Z! READY! HUT!"
Almost as soon as Ramirez received the hike, Broly tore through the offensive line mercilessly with his brute and commanding strength, literally busting apart three linemen's bodies from the impact as he charged toward the Quarterback. The Fullback and Tight Ends ran away screaming while Chaozu and Tien were suddenly standing next to me as if they had been there the whole time.
The Quarterback, Ramirez, yelled in horror as he tried to throw away the football from his hands but was too slow as Broly ruthlessly tackled him, tearing off his upper body from his lower body at the torso. The football, however, was fumbled out his hands and onto the field, where Yamcha, taking the opportunity to bring some last-ditch glory to the obliterated offense, grabbed the ball and sprinted down the sideline.
"Yeah Yamcha, Go!" Goku cried.
"WHAT!" Broly snarled as he wiped the blood from his practice jersey and chased after Yamcha.
"There's, no he'll make it!" Piccolo screamed nervously.
I watched Yamcha as he narrowly closed in on the end zone with Broly very quickly catching up on him, "YEAH! I'M GONNA MAKE IT! I'M GONNA MAKE IT! STARTING RUNNINGBACK RIGHT HERE, BABY! STARTING RUNNINGBACK!" Yamcha cried out.
"THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!" Broly snickered and then blasted his body into a surge of golden-colored energy in similarity to Goku when he was in Dr. Gero's class. Suddenly, Broly teleported in front of Yamcha, obviously catching him by surprise, then grabbed Yamcha by the face mask and hurled him back across the field, like a rag doll, all the way to the opposite endzone, where his body finally stopped by hitting the base of the Goalpost after skidding and bouncing almost the full 100 yards across the football field.
"TOUCHDOWN… DEEE-FENSE!" Assistant Coach Popo yelled.
His body twitching sporadically, Yamcha moaned and foamed at the mouth as Assistant Coach Korin checked up on him at the Goalpost, "Looks like he still alive, Coach! He just needs a visit to Nurse Dende!"
"YEAH, YEAH, ALRIGHT!" Coach Hercule sneered, "OOLONG!"
With haste faster than Speedy Gonzales, Oolong appeared before Coach Hercule at his beckon, "Yeah Coach!"
"GET A WHEELBARROW AND CLEAR THE REMAINS OF THOSE PLAYERS OFF THE FIELD, WATERBOY! AND THEN, WHEN YOU'RE DONE, TAKE YAMCHA TO NURSE DENDE, ASAP!"
"Yes sir!" Oolong saluted, then rushed to get a wheelbarrow.
I, however, stood aghast at the horror and carnage of Dragon High School football; its main executioner still standing on the field with an aura of golden energy about him, "C'MON COACH, I WANT MORE BLOOD!"
"Oh, okay, sweetheart! Just let me find a new offense!" Coach Hercule smiled.
Coach Hercule then looked at the remaining players on the sidelines, "WELL, FINDING A NEW OFFENSE WON'T BE SO HARD AMONG YOU MAGGOTS BUT WITH RAMIREZ DEAD, IM GONNA NEED ONE OF ONE TO VOLUNTEER FOR QUARTERBACK!"
"Oh, oh, can I play it coach!" Goku cried.
"What's two plus two?" Coach Hercule asked.
"Fish!" Goku responded.
Coach Hercule shook his head in pity and scanned through the rest of the players, stopping his eyes on me, "HEY, BALDIE, I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT YOU!" He pointed directly at me making me gulp, "THOUGHT I WOULD FORGET ABOUT YOUR PUNISHMENT, EH? WE'LL GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY NEW QUARTERBACK!"
"B-But, I-I...!"
"CUT THE EXCUSES, BALDIE AND HAUL YOUR BUTT OUT THERE!" Coach Hercule pulled and shoved me out to the field, "PICCOLO, CHAOZU, TIEN AND EVERYONE ELSE BUT GOKU, JOIN HIM OUT THERE!"
"Aw man." Goku sighed.
Now I was trembling as I stood suddenly as the Playmaker and number one target on the field. I watched Broly as he sadistically snickered through his facemask and stared me in the eyes while giving a 'slitting throat' gesture that made me even more scared.
"HEY BALDIE…!" Coach Hercule began, "…I WANT YOU TO RUN KAMEHAMEHA BLUE!"
"What the crap is Kamehameha Blue? Did he forget that this is my first day? I don't know any of these plays!" I yelled desperately to anyone who would listen.
"WHAT ARE YA WAITIN FOR BALDIE? RUN THE PLAY!" Coach Hercule yelled.
I sighed, "This is it, I might as well face it like a man…"
Stepping up to the new Center, I remembered Ramirez's motions and held my hands between his legs to receive the hike, "KAMEHAMEHA BLUE! KAMEHAMEHA BLUE! READY! HUT!"
As soon as I received the hiked football, all the linemen immediately ran away, giving Broly a clear path to me, "OH GOD!" I screamed as the massive and homicidal footballer lunged at me with an insidious cackle. Instinct kicked in, however, and I immediately used my height disadvantage to scamper underneath his long legs, catching him by surprise.
"WHAT THE---ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE DEFINENTLY GONNA DIE FOR THAT!" Broly growled as he turned around.
My teammates, who dared not to interfere against Broly, stood at a distance as they watched him chase me around. All of a sudden, in the middle of my flight, I heard a voice yell loud enough for me to look on ahead in the distance from whence it came and turn my attention away from Broly.
"I'M OPEN, I'M OPEN, I'M OPEN, KRILLIN!" Goku cried, standing in the middle of the field.
"WHAT THE CRAP?" Coach Hercule yelled, "WHAT'S HE DOIN' ON THE FIELD?"
Without hesitation, I chucked the ball over 92 yards to an already running Goku, who caught the ball, immaculately, in the middle of his pace with one hand before entering triumphantly into the end zone, "TOUCHDOWN!" Goku shouted happily.
Everyone else on the field, however, stood surprised, the unfathomable concept of anyone ever scoring a touchdown against Broly now thrown clear out the window. Even Broly, himself, who had stopped pursuing me, was astounded to see a victory for the opposing team, but then, in the middle of the silence, cheers broke out from among the rest of my teammates and they ran over to me for congratulations.
"Yo, yo, boyyy, that was dope, son!" Chaozu patted me on the back.
"I must say, Krillin, you're the first Quarterback to ever live long enough to create such a play against Broly." Piccolo added.
"MAKE WAY MAGGOTS!" Coach Hercule yelled as he pushed through the crowd of players to approach me, "Well I'll be…Baldie, I never knew you had such an arm and field vision! Here I was trying to punish by making you take some hits on the field when all along you were a short and balder version of Peyton Manning! Congratulations, you've just earned a starting spot as Quarterback on the Dragon High School Varsity Football Team!"
Goku, making a return from the end zone, arrived before Coach Hercule with the football in his hand just in time to receive his own praise, "HA, HA, AND YOU! YOU'RE NOT SO DUMB AFTER ALL, SON! Albeit that you weren't in the original play…YOU STILL PROVED TO ME THAT YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF FOOTBALL SENSE!"
"Does this mean I get to play more!" Goku smiled.
Coach Hercule rubbed his chin, "What's three minus three?"
Goku paused for a second, "Jupiter?"
Coach Hercule shrugged, "Eh, close enough. Yeah you'll get more playing time."
Coach Hercule then turned to Assistant Coaches Popo and Korin, "All right, fellas, let's take em' in."
"Wait a minute…" I began, "…is that it? Practice was less than thirty minutes."
Coach Hercule smirked, "Don't worry about it, Baldie. As long as players like you and Broly are around, we don't really need to spend long hours practicing like normal teams. Besides, I have to stay after school today to try out the new corpses, I mean, players, who want to join to the Varsity Football team."
Assistant Coach Popo put his hand on my shoulder, "Well, would you like the honor to end practice in the huddle?"
I smiled modestly as I took off my sweaty helmet, "Well…alright, I guess."
I reached out my hand as everyone grouped in the huddle and added theirs, "SHENLONGS ON THREE! ONE…TWO…THREE!"
"SHENLONGS!" The whole football team yelled in unison before breaking up and running off to the Fieldhouse.
Goku, with his helmet already taken off, patted me on the back, "Nice pass, Krillin."
"Nice save, Goku. You literally saved my life out there!" I laughed.
As Goku and I remained on the field by ourselves, a huge shadow abruptly overcastted me and I looked up, to see a bitter-faced Broly glowering down at me, "No one has ever scored a touchdown on me before…"
I gulped as drops of cold sweat trickled down my forehead, but then, all of a sudden, three girls came from nowhere and ran up beside Broly,
"Hey Broly, we were watching you from the stands, hope ya don't mind." One smiled.
"Yeah, who's your new friend? He's awesome from what we saw." Another giggled, looking rather amorously at me.
"Uh…he's…Baldie! Yeah, Baldie! That's what everyone calls him, he's our new Quarterback." Broly cleared his throat as he changed his conduct.
"Ouuu, a Quarterback!" One, a girl with light blue hair, cooed, "My name is Marron, Baldie or should I say…'cutie'?"
I began to blush making the three girls laugh.
"I think we all need to meet together someday to get more…acquainted, eh Broly?" One of the girls wrapped her hands around Broly's waist.
Broly grinned, "Hey, whatever you say Ceripa."
One of the girls brushed on Goku, "Hey there, big boy, my name is Princess…Princess Snake, want to have some after school 'lunch'?"
"Lunch? SURE THING! But can I bring my son with me?" Goku smiled.
"Son?" Princess Snake gasped and shrunk away.
"But anyway, Broly, we'll see you and your friends later, bye!" Marron smiled as she, Ceripa and Princess Snake walked away.
After waiting for the three girls to reach far enough of a distance, Broly returned his gaze back to me, but this time, with a wide grin, "DUDE, YOU HAVE GOT TO COME HANG OUT WITH ME SOMEDAY! You, and me together, could get a lot of lovin' from all these High School chicks! Trust me…these girls love their football players!"
I chuckled softly, "No thanks, I've already got a girl that I'm looking at and I wouldn't trade her for any other girl."
Broly shrugged, "Hey, more girls for me. But I have to admit, you're pretty cool, Baldie, it's almost hard to believe that I tried killing you, right now, when I really should be trying to kill Kakarot, here."
"Why does everyone always want to kill me?" Goku sighed.
"But I'll see you two later!" Broly bellowed as he ran off towards the Football Fieldhouse, leaving me and Goku by ourselves on the field, once again.
"You know what, Goku?" I asked.
"What?" He replied.
"I think I felt one of those girls grab my butt before they left."
END OF CHAPTER SEVEN