"I was wondering when you were going to show up." I hear my second in command say through the speakers of the tiny DVD player. She's looking at thin air, it's quite disturbing actually. Though I don't see how her talking to her self is overly concerning, disturbing but not concerning.
"Too tired, sir" she says to the imaginary figure inside her mind…wait Sir? Her focus shifts and follows the air until it stops in front of her on the floor.
"Old habits, sorry." Ah she's definitely talking to me, now I know why this involves me.
"I've tried." This conversation is getting irritating. It's like trying to listen in to a person speaking on the phone.
"I just don't know what to do right now." That's something I never thought I'd hear her say.
"Came to give me a pep talk?" oh yes she is soo talking to me.
"Friends" ouch… that tone is unmistakable. All of a sudden I don't want to watch this and yet I can't help but lean closer so as not to miss a word.
"What if I quit the air force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse" I can taste bile rising in my throat, guilt bringing it up no doubt. And Hammonds watched this; no doubt he has a few words to say about it.
"Because you don't feel anything for me?" this is torture!
"I'd let you go right now if I knew" that easy?
"I didn't say it would be easy" she knows me that well?
"I'm trying" trying what? This is unbearable!
"Me?" what did I say!
"as long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unattainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else." Ouch! Hammond can't seriously be just letting me watch this.
I glance over at Carter. She's not looking at the screen; she's looking through it and I can tell by the look in her eyes she doesn't want to be here, how could she. She knows the other side of the conversation. No words are being said yet she looks as though she can hear them. She looks to the point of tears. What am I telling her?
"So what now?" court martial that's what.
"One last thing." There's more. Wait now Carter really is crying, she's covering it well but I can tell by the way she's breathing that she's trying impossibly hard to keep her emotions at bay.
"Never mind" wait how could that make her feel so much worse than a few lines before, she didn't say anything!
The ships shaking. She's leaving. And now Hammonds pausing the DVD. Well that was unusual!
"I think the tape speaks for itself don't you?" Hammond says sitting back in his chair. He doesn't expect an answer.
"Now talking to your self isn't against regulations but I know of a few choice people who would use this as leverage against the SGC" Hammond explains and the word Kinsey comes to mind, that snake!
"No doubt this would be brought up around the election" Hammond says. Bloody Kinsey!
"Which is why this footage is going to disappear" Hammond says with the slightest hint of a smile. Wait what?
"Doesn't the president already have a copy of the footage, sir?" Carter speaks. Damn!
"The president has asked for a copy yes, and he has a copy" Hammond nods "although that copy isn't entirely undocked"
Thank you Hammond! Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE you sir?
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As we leave Hammonds office I watch Carter gather herself and walk a head of me out the door. Everything I just heard and saw in there is playing back in my mind and I can't seem to take my eyes off of Carter. She's stoic and unyielding but I know she's aching. Something was said on that ship that I don't know about that she won't say.
Hammond made me watch that for a reason and I'd bet my pay check on that reason being a need for us to talk.
We've been dancing around these feelings for years now and it's now very clear that we aren't the only ones who know it. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure I've ever really known it or at least never admitted it to my self. Whatever it is.
Hammonds taken a risk over this, I shouldn't let him down. Something must be said.
"Carter" I call to catch her attention. She flinches.
Something about that flinch shatters any hope of my being able to say anything I mean to.
She stands facing away from me for a long moment before sighing and turning around.
"Sir?" she asks expectantly. You can do this; just tell her what you're thinking. Ask her already. Ask her what you said.
"Um…what did…?" you're choking! It's not that hard! Just ignore the look she's giving you. Ask…what the other side of that conversation was… come on. "What uh…"
"Sir?" she says impatiently. Oh god she's pissed. Whatever I said it was bad. Wait I didn't say anything! It was all in her head!
Then why do I feel so guilty? Oh screw it!
"What time did you want to go to Daniel's?" wimp!
"Sir?" she's confused? "Oh! um, well I have some things to do before I go but that won't take long. I could meet you on the surface in about half an hour Sir?" okay now that that's sorted, ask her what you really wanted to ask!
"30 minutes Carter, I'm holding you to the second" you are such a coward!
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Well thanks again for your lovely reviews. They provided sufficient inspiration for my muse…I hope.
Thank you, please review again!