Chapter Four

Kara took a deep breath as the raptor docked in the Pegasus hangar bay. She'd never expected to come back to this ship again – certainly not while Lee was still commanding it.

As she jumped down from the raptor she couldn't help remembering the last time she'd been in this hangar bay. Standing waiting for the raptor from New Caprica, bleeding invisibly from the wounds Lee had left during their final quarrel. Desperate to get off Pegasus and away from him before her resolve to walk away from him crumbled.

Now circumstances had forced her to walk back into his life, and she knew he wasn't going to welcome her. Not Lee, with his tendency to suck the life out of a grudge.

The prospect of facing him made her feel sick, and she battled an urge to get back on the raptor and flee back to the planet.

No.

She wasn't going to do that. She stuck out her chin and lifted her pack out of the raptor. She was going to fly again. She needed to fly again, and she wasn't going to let anything stop her, certainly not Lee Adama.

"Starbuck!"

Kara turned at the familiar voice.

"Showboat?"

The viper pilot grinned and held out her hand. "I'm your welcoming committee. Good to see you back in uniform."

"Thanks." Kara smiled, pleased to see the other woman. They'd got on well when she'd been seconded to Pegasus before. "How's it going here?"

"Boring as frak, but what's new?" Showboat shrugged. "Can't complain really, at least we're not getting shot out of the sky. How are things on New Caprica?"

Kara grinned. "Boring as frak. If I'm going to be bored, I'd rather be bored in a viper. At least it's dry in space."

Showboat chuckled. "I'm with you there. One taste of the weather on that planet put me off the idea of ever settling there."

"I'd stick to that if I were you," Kara advised, and picked up her pack. "So what now, welcoming committee?"

"I'll show you where your rack is," said Showboat, heading towards the hatch. "There's only four of us left in the officers bunkroom now – we may be bored up here, but at least we've finally got some space and privacy."

Kara couldn't help being slightly relieved. It was going to be odd re-adjusting to communal living again after so long; at least she could ease into it gently.

Her relief disappeared as Showboat continued. "Then you're ordered to report to Commander Adama in his quarters."

Great. Not much time to prepare herself. Kara took another steadying breath and followed Showboat out of the hangar bay.

----

Kara desperately wished she was meeting with Lee anywhere but in his quarters. Those rooms brought back too many memories of the last time she had been there, the last time she had seen him.

It was unnerving. And knowing Lee, he'd asked her to meet him there precisely in order to unnerve her. He'd never been one for fighting fair.

She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing his ploy had worked. So as Showboat knocked on the hatch and announced their presence, she composed her face into a smooth professional mask, and wished she could control her thumping heartbeat as easily.

Then she was walking into the room, and Showboat was saluting and leaving with a nod, closing the hatch behind her.

And then there she was. Alone with Lee, as she'd never thought she would be again.

"Captain Thrace." Cold and formal, just as she'd expected.

"Commander Adama."

She looked him over as he stood in the middle of the room in that familiar stiff stance of his, as if he had an iron rod where his spine should be. Fought the urge to drink him in with her eyes. It had been so long…

He looked different. He'd put on some weight since she'd last seen him. Not much, but enough that in a previous lifetime she'd have made a crack about him thinking he was too grand to use the gym now he was a commander.

But other things were familiar. The look on his face, although she was more accustomed to seeing that cold, wary expression directed at other people rather than her.

She pushed down a brief, irrational wish that she could turn back time. She had chosen to put this distance between them; she couldn't take it back now.

"Please, take a seat." He gestured to the black leather sofa and pulled up a chair to sit opposite.

Kara sat down, involuntarily recalling the last time she had sat on this sofa. How she had tackled Lee and fallen off it and ended up kissing him on the floor by the coffee table, right where her feet were now. She glanced down at them and then jerked her eyes back up, furious with herself.

There was no indication on Lee's face to show if he remembered too, though Kara suspected asking her to sit there might have been another ploy to make her uncomfortable.

"Let's get down to business," he said coldly. "When we're done, Showboat has assembled the pilots in the ready room to meet you. You know most of them already, but there are a few new faces."

Kara nodded.

"I've called a senior staff meeting at 0900 tomorrow to introduce you as the new CAG. And I'd like next week's CAP schedule by the end of the day…"

He carried on talking about rosters and reports and briefings in a flat monotone.

Kara tuned him out. Instead she watched his face intently, suddenly realising what else about him was different. It had been nagging at her ever since she entered the room. It was more subtle than the weight gain, and she wasn't sure how to describe it.

Lee just seemed…muted, that was the word. Even in stillness there had always been something restless about him, a sense of some energy simmering just beneath the surface, ready to burst out. It was one of the things that had first drawn her to him, the contrast of that fire and passion bubbling away under that quiet, controlled face.

Now that had gone, as if some vital spark in him had been quenched. His movements were slower, his eyes darker, his voice quieter – everything about him was subdued. It hurt her to see it, and hurt even more to wonder if she had caused it.

"Stinger left several evaluation reports outstanding…"

Kara clasped her hands tightly together, nails digging into her skin. Typical Lee, keeping strictly to business, acting as if there was nothing more between them. Closing everything off as he always did. But she couldn't. It wasn't how she worked.

"Lee," she said, cutting him off in mid-flow.

He looked directly at her then, for the first time since she'd entered the room. Kara wished he hadn't. His cold eyes seemed to pierce right through her, dismissing her as if she was nothing.

"That's Commander Adama to you. Captain Thrace."

"Fine, Commander." She didn't bother to hold back on the sarcasm. He deserved it for being so petty. "I just wanted to say that I didn't ask for this."

"For what?"

"To be on Pegasus. The Old Man didn't give me any other choice."

"Me either."

Something tightened painfully in Kara's chest. She'd been surprised to hear Lee had accepted her transfer, had hoped it was a sign of forgiveness. Obviously not.

She struggled on. "So neither of us is happy with this. But we have to work together, so let's make the best of it-"

"I am making the best of it." Something was building behind those cold eyes now, she could feel it. "You don't have to worry I'll let my personal feelings interfere with my job, Captain. I'll treat you the same as I do my other officers-"

"Oh, really?" Gods, he could be a hypocrite at times. "So you look at all your officers as if they're a piece of shit you just scraped off your shoe?"

"What do you want from me?" Anger was sparking in those blue eyes now, and she welcomed it. "Last time we met I thought you made it crystal clear that you didn't want anything from me at all. So nothing is exactly what I'm giving you."

Kara bit her lip, remembering the brutal things she had said. "I know. I don't expect – I know we can't be friends again-"

"Damn right we can't." His eyes were blazing now.

"But we can at least be civil."

"Can you?" He smiled unpleasantly. "I'll be interested to see that."

"So will I."

They stared at each other for a moment, breathing hard. Then Lee sighed and looked away, running a hand through his hair.

"This isn't going to work," he said harshly. "Just go back to Galactica, Starbuck. Save us both a lot of trouble."

"Nothing I'd like more," she snapped, "but your father made it clear there's no place for me there. It's Pegasus or nothing."

"Why don't you try nothing then."

"Go back to the planet? You'd like that, wouldn't you?" She smiled thinly. "Well, too bad, sir. I'm back in the fleet and I'm here to stay."

"Too afraid to go back there, are you, and face your latest frak-up?" Lee's voice was razor sharp. "Tell me, have you burnt your bridges with Anders as thoroughly as you did with me?"

"Oh, here we go." Kara sprang to her feet. "I've been waiting for you to throw that in my face since I walked through the hatch. Yes, I frakked up, Lee, just like you said I would. Does that make you happy?" She could hear her voice trembling. Even the mention of Sam's name hurt her at the moment.

"No it doesn't." Lee stood to face her. "I don't care one way or the other. Not any more."

Kara didn't want to believe that, but she was afraid it might be true. There wasn't a flicker of emotion in his face.

"I told you that I wouldn't pick up the pieces," Lee went on flatly. "Not this time. I said I was done with you, and I meant it."

Kara stared at him. His face was blank, his voice cool and even. All anger vanished as if it had never been.

Maybe he really did mean it.

Cold fingers clutched at her heart, and she struck back. "That's fine. Because I'm done with you too, just as I said."

She watched his face intently, hoping for a flicker of hurt, of anger, but there was none. He just nodded.

"That seems sensible."

Sensible? she wanted to scream. Since when have we ever been sensible?

"You told me to move on, and I have," he said quietly, eyes fixed on her face.

She had told him that. She had no right to be hurt by this, no right at all.

"So I think it would be best all round if we stay out of each other's way as much as possible."

"Fine by me," she said stiffly. If that was the way he wanted to play it, then fine. She wasn't going to embarrass herself by protesting.

"Good," he said. "If that's all, Captain, I'll see you tomorrow at 0900."

The dismissal was clear in his voice. Kara bit her lip at the insult. How dare he brush her away like that? An angry retort was on the tip of her tongue.

Then she looked at his face and bit it back. She recognised the expression in his eyes all too well. He was daring her silently, daring her to snap back at him, to tell him where he could stick his dismissal. She suddenly realised that the easiest way for him to get rid of her was if she did just that, if she let him goad her into open insubordination.

She wasn't going to let him win as easily as that. So she swallowed her anger and nodded, and was rewarded by a brief flare of disappointment in his eyes.

"Yes, sir. 0900." She saluted smartly and he blinked.

----

Kara paused in the corridor outside his quarters, gathering herself together.

At least it was over. And it hadn't been so bad, had it?

The worst bit, she thought, distantly and painfully, the worst bit wasn't that he had been so cold, so remote, so fiercely unforgiving. No, the worst bit was the warm glow that had kindled within her at seeing him again, at just breathing the same air as him again.

And even worse was the fact that she couldn't extinguish it. What an utter fool she had been to think that she had ever been free of Lee Adama, even for a second.

----

After a few moments she forced herself to push it all away and head towards the ready room to meet the pilots. Find refuge in her work as she had done so often before.

Halfway there she turned a corner and found herself face-to-face with Anastasia Dualla.

Another meeting she would have preferred to put off as long as possible. Kara groaned inwardly.

"Starbuck," said Dee pleasantly. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I heard you were back."

"Dee." Kara nodded. "I hear you're the XO now. Congratulations." She could be pleasant too, even if it killed her.

"Thank you." Dee was looking wary.

"And congratulations on the engagement," Kara forced out. She wasn't going to let Dee think she was jealous. Just because Lee had asked Dee to marry him, had obviously thought she was worth loving-

The thought of them getting married still shook her. She'd always thought Lee was only using Dee as a substitute for her – gods, he'd almost admitted as much during their last quarrel. But the news of his proposal had changed all that. She knew Lee took the idea of marriage seriously, after what had happened to his parents. Maybe he really did love Dee after all.

"Thank you," Dee said smoothly. "The wedding's not far away now, you know-" She broke off, looking awkward. "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't – that was tactless of me. I heard about-"

"Not at all," Kara ground out, choking back an urge to punch Dee in the jaw. Don't you dare patronise me.

Maybe the urge showed on her face, because Dee blinked and changed the subject. "So, have you seen Lee yet?"

"Yes, I've just come from a meeting with him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a briefing with my pilots." Kara started to turn away.

"Leave him alone."

Kara swung back, her jaw dropping. "Excuse me?"

Dee's chin was up and her eyes hard, all the smooth veneer stripped away. "You heard me. But I'll repeat it. Leave Lee alone."

Kara fought to keep a grip on her temper. "Where the frak do you get off, saying something like that? What happens between Lee and I is none of your business."

"Yes, it is." Dee tilted her head defiantly, refusing to back down. "Who do you think had to put him back together after what you did to him?"

Kara reeled inwardly. For a moment she couldn't breathe. "You mean he told you what-" The thought of it cut her to the core.

"No, he didn't," said Dee. The agonising pressure in Kara's chest lifted. "I don't know exactly what happened when you quarrelled, and I don't want to. But I could see clearly enough how much you'd hurt him. I'm not a fool, Starbuck."

Kara struggled for a reply.

"It took him a long time to get over that," Dee went on calmly. "But he has. He's happy now – we're happy. And the last thing he needs is you screwing up his life again." She leaned forward, staring coolly into Kara's face. "So as I said – leave him alone. If you care for him at all, just leave him alone."

With that she turned and walked away before Kara could reply.

Kara stared after her in shock for several moments. She'd never have believed Dee had it in her to stand up to her like that. She could almost admire her for it, for protecting Lee like that.

She wished she didn't. And wished even more that every word Dee had said hadn't been right.