Chapter Twelve

Kara had never been good at waiting.

It wasn't her style. She liked to be fighting, acting, moving. But now there was nothing else for her to do. She'd fought for Lee as far as she could, made her feelings clear to him. The ball was in his court now; all she could do was wait to see if he returned it.

But it wasn't easy, and after nine hours she was ready to kick down the walls with frustration. She'd finished the magazine she'd brought with her, and she was bored of playing patience with her triad cards. What she really needed was a stiff drink in a rowdy bar, but she was afraid to leave her cabin in case he turned up.

No, she corrected herself fiercely, when he turned up. He would. She had to believe that.

----

When the knock came on the hatch she thought for a second she'd misheard. But a moment later it came again, sounding impatient now.

She moved slowly to open the hatch, heart thumping, telling herself not to get her hopes up. It was probably just one of the crew checking she knew the evacuation procedures or something…

But it wasn't. She opened the hatch and there was Lee.

She stared at him, lost for words. She couldn't believe he was really here. His uniform was crumpled and he looked tired and irritated, but he was here.

She hadn't left it too late after all. A warm glow spread through her.

"Kara?"

She blinked. Lee was looking at her impatiently.

"Are you going to let me in or not?"

She realised suddenly she was blocking the doorway. She nodded and stepped back.

Lee followed her. He was carrying a small pack, which he dropped on the floor. He looked round at the cabin. It seemed to Kara as though he were looking anywhere but her.

"Well, here I am."

"Yes," said Kara, and stopped, unable to think what else to say. All of a sudden she felt incredibly nervous. She was afraid to speak, afraid to touch him, in case she said or did the wrong thing and frakked all this up. This was too important for mistakes.

Silence reigned for a moment. Lee still wasn't looking at her.

"I broke things off with Dee," he said abruptly. "She's gone back to Galactica."

Oh. A wave of relief and joy swept through her. Lee was frowning though, so she tried not to let her pleasure show too openly. It couldn't have been easy for him to do that.

"That must have been difficult," she said neutrally.

Lee finally looked at her, eyes burning. "Well, you didn't leave me much choice, did you?"

Kara didn't like the accusation in his tone. "I didn't ask you to leave her, Lee."

"Yes, you frakking did."

Kara bit back a retort and took a calming breath. She didn't want to get into an argument with him.

"Lee, what's wrong with you? Did you come here just to have a fight?"

Lee glared at her for a long moment, and then sighed. He blinked, and the tension seemed to go out of his body.

"I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to…it's just been a tough day, that's all."

Kara could imagine. Looking at his face, she suddenly realised he was feeling as awkward as she was. And she had an idea.

"You look like you could use a drink," she said.

He sighed heavily. "I certainly could."

"And I'm starving," said Kara. "I've been stuck in here all day, waiting for you to turn up. Let's go find a bar."

Lee nodded, the last traces of irritation fading from his face. "Sounds like a good idea."

Kara picked up her jacket and headed towards the hatch. As she passed Lee, he put a hand on her arm.

"Kara?"

She turned. His blue eyes were staring intently into hers, and she swallowed. "What?"

"Thanks for waiting."

She smiled hesitantly. "Thanks for coming."

----

They went to the nearest bar, and Kara soon realised that this had definitely been a good idea. By the time they'd found a table and ordered some food their initial awkwardness had dissolved, and by the time they were on their second drinks they had both relaxed.

"Sorry about before," said Lee. "It's just been a difficult day, what with Dee and then telling Dad..."

Kara's head jerked up. "You told the Old Man about us?"

"Had to. Only way I could swing the leave pass."

Kara felt as if a hand had clamped around her throat. "How did he take it?"

"Pretty well," said Lee, taking a swallow of beer. "In fact, he didn't seem too surprised. I got the impression that he knew more about what was going on between us than I thought."

Kara shifted uncomfortably. "Well, the Old Man's no fool. So he wasn't…upset?"

"Not really." Lee looked surprised that she'd suggest it. "He seemed quite pleased, by the end of it."

"Good." Kara felt able to breathe again.

Lee looked as if he was about to say something more, but he was interrupted by the arrival of their food. They ate quickly, without much talking. Lee seemed to be just as hungry as she was. Kara caught him smiling at her a few times, and she relaxed further.

"Right," said Lee, when they'd both finished. He pushed his plate aside and picked up his glass of beer. "Time to talk."

"Talk?" said Kara nervously. "About what?"

"About what you were going to tell me when Hoshi interrupted."

"Oh. That." Kara's whole body tensed as she remembered.

"Yes. That." Lee's voice was quiet and serious. "You said you've always loved me, Kara. So why did you tell me you didn't care? Why did you marry Anders?"

Kara stared down at her plate, gathering her courage. She wasn't sure she could do this, although she knew she had to.

Suddenly she felt Lee take her hand. She looked up, and found that his eyes were fixed on her face, looking softer than she had ever seen them.

"Please Kara," he said, fingers gently stroking the back of her hand. "I know it's not easy for you, but I need to know. I need to understand."

She nodded, and took a deep breath. She could do this.

"I married Sam because it was safe."

"Safe?"

"Safe, comfortable, easy…take your pick."

"And that was what you wanted?" She could tell he was making an effort to keep his voice light.

"Yes. No. I just…I wanted…he didn't make me afraid. Not like you do."

"I make you afraid? You?" He sounded incredulous now. "Why?"

"Because you're too much!" she flung at him. "Everything's always been too much with you, Lee. I feel too much, care too much…you get too far inside me, you always have. And it scares the crap out of me."

He was silent for a moment. Kara glanced up and saw he was looking completely bewildered. Had he really had no clue how she felt about him? Obviously not.

"But Sam doesn't," he said slowly. "Doesn't get inside you."

"No. I loved him, but…it was easier. It didn't go as deep. I knew that if he left me, I could survive it." She smiled bitterly. "I was right about that part, at least."

Lee didn't reply. He was frowning in thought; she could practically see the gears turning in that logical brain of his.

"But then…do you mean…you thought you couldn't survive it if I left you?"

She nodded.

"So you pushed me away, destroyed everything between us because you were afraid I'd leave you?" He sounded incredulous.

"Yes!" She glared at him. "Is that so hard to understand?"

"Kara…why would you think I'd leave you?" He was still looking confused. "Surely I made it clear I wanted to be with you, that I cared about you…"

"Come on, Lee, this is me we're talking about!" she snapped, suddenly furious. "Kara Thrace, the great screw-up. I always frak things up, one way or another, you know that. Look at Sam. Look at Zak." Her voice trailed away.

"Kara." She felt his hand tighten on hers. "Stop blaming yourself for everything."

She stared down at her plate, biting her lip.

"Just because things haven't worked out for you before doesn't mean they're not going to work out for us. Besides," he went on in a lighter tone, "who says it'll be you who fraks things up? My track record with relationships is just as bad."

Kara felt a smile tugging at her mouth in spite of herself. "I never thought of that."

"Well, you should have." She felt his fingers tilt up her chin, making her look at him. His eyes were intense and serious. "Kara, don't you realise it cuts both ways? That I feel as much for you as you do for me and I'm just as scared by it?"

"Oh." She stared at him as his words sank in, something beginning to warm inside her. "Really?"

He held her eyes firmly. "Really."

It gave her the courage to voice her next fear. "But how do you know it'll last? I'm not an easy person to live with, Lee, I know that. Maybe one day you'll decide it's all too much, that I'm not worth it-"

Her voice broke as she remembered the angry words he had thrown at her the day of their quarrel. You're not worth loving…

Looking at him she saw that he was remembering that too. His face was full of remorse.

"Kara, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for saying that. You know what I'm like when I'm angry - I say things I don't mean-"

She laughed bitterly. "Well, you know what, Lee? It sure feels like you mean them."

"Well I didn't." His hand was gripping hers so tightly that it hurt. "You are worth it, Kara. You're worth everything I can give you."

For a moment Kara couldn't breathe. She stared at him uncertainly. "You – you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. Kara, listen to me. Spending my life with you is the best future I can imagine, and I don't care how hard I have to work to get that. It's worth it. You're worth it."

He delivered every word with all the intensity he was capable of, his eyes focused on her face. Kara's throat closed up and for a moment she was afraid she was going to cry. She had never imagined he would ever say anything like that to her.

"Lee-"

"Believe it, Kara," he said fiercely. "Forget whatever your mother said to you and believe it."

Kara froze. "How do you know-?" She tried to pull her hand away from his, but he held firm.

"I don't know anything. I've just…guessed at things over the years."

Oh. She closed her eyes, resenting the intrusion, even from him. "I won't talk about that, Lee."

"I'm not asking you to. If you ever want to, I'll listen, but if you don't, then that's okay."

He squeezed her hand, and after a moment she squeezed back.

"Kara, I don't know what else to say. I can't promise I'll never hurt you." A rueful smile passed across his face. "Knowing us, I probably will hurt you, and I'm sure you'll hurt me right back. But I can promise I won't give up on you."

He smiled at her, and Kara felt a weight lifting off her heart. He did understand. She'd never expected it, wasn't sure how, but he did understand.

"You promise?"

"I promise." He grinned. "Kara, look at what we've been through already. If I was going to give up on you, don't you think I'd have done it by now?"

She let herself grin back. "Maybe."

"Definitely. I'm afraid you're stuck with me for good."

Kara nodded. She would do this, she thought. She would take the risk, would jump and trust him to catch her fall.

"All right." She put out her other hand and he took it, seeming to know what she was thinking. "All right." Their eyes met in understanding, and her tears sprang up again.

----

Kara blotted the tears away with her sleeve. "I think that's enough talking."

"Okay," said Lee easily. He glanced over to a corner of the bar, where music was belting out of two old speakers. "How about a dance, then?"

Kara followed his gaze. There were a few people swaying on a tiny dance floor. "A dance?"

"Why not?" Lee grinned at her. "I've only danced with you once, and I've been wanting to do it again ever since."

Kara found herself tensing at the mention of Colonial Day, and Lee frowned.

"Don't, Kara." His eyes held hers, clear and steady. "New start, remember?"

Kara held his gaze for a moment, then rose to her feet. "Come on then. But you'd better not step on my toes this time."

"That was a complete accident," said Lee, taking her hand as they walked towards the dance floor. "Someone pushed me off balance-"

"Excuses, excuses," retorted Kara, feeling herself settle at the familiar banter. "I warn you, if you do it tonight, I'm never dancing with you again."

"That would be a pity." Lee pulled her into his arms, and Kara wrapped hers around his neck. She took a deep breath and let everything fade away. All the tension of the day, the churning emotions their conversation had aroused. She forgot about everything but the feel of Lee's arms around her waist and the warmth of his breath against her cheek.

They swayed gently to the music, so focused on each other they were barely aware of the other dancers around them.

"Yes," said Lee contentedly, as the song ended, "this is just as good as I remembered."

"Even though I'm not wearing a dress?" Kara grinned at that memory. "I thought your eyes were going to fall out of your head when you saw me."

"What can I say? You conceal your attractions so well…" Kara laughed and cuffed him lightly. Lee leaned closer. "Maybe you'd consider making wearing a dress a twice in a lifetime experience? If I make it worth your while?"

Kara grinned, heart soaring. She'd never imagined she could feel this happy. "And how exactly would you do that?"

"I'm sure I can think of a way." Lee moved even closer and kissed her.

Kara kissed him back, losing herself in it. The flare of heat was familiar, but in a way it felt as if it was the first time she was kissing him, because for the first time she wasn't holding anything back. She let everything she felt for him flood into the kiss, and she could feel him doing the same.

They parted only to gasp for air. They stared at each other, breathing heavily.

"You taste just the same," he said softly.

"So do you," said Kara, and pulled his head back to hers.

----

By the end of the next song they abandoned the dance floor, the tension too thick between them to stay any longer. They stumbled back to her cabin, hands locked together, pausing several times when the walk seemed impossibly long and one of them backed the other against a bulkhead for another kiss.

Finally they reached her cabin. Kara had barely pushed the hatch closed behind her before Lee pulled her back into his arms.

"You're too far away," he murmured, kissing his way down her neck.

Kara shivered. "I'm not going anywhere." She started to unbutton his jacket.

"Good." He kissed her mouth again, long and hard.

Kara caught his head between her hands, set him back a little. "Lee."

"What?" He looked impatient.

Kara bit her lip. "I…I need you to say it. I need you to look at me and say it."

"Oh." He gave her a smile that stopped her breath. "I love you, Kara."

Kara felt a shudder of relief run through her at the words. She knew how he felt, he'd shown her how he felt, but she'd still needed to hear them.

"I love you," he said again, kissing her shoulder as he unbuttoned her shirt.

"Lee..."

"I love you." He pushed her shirt off her shoulders and began to work on her bra, moving his mouth lower. "I love you," he said again, kissing her breast as she arched against him.

They moved to the bed, shedding clothes around them, and between every kiss, every caress, he told her he loved her. Kara's heart was so full that her throat ached and she couldn't speak. She spoke through actions instead, exploring the well-remembered lines of his body, stroking and kissing him relentlessly until he surrendered and shuddered against her.

She found her voice finally as she pushed him down on the bed and settled herself over him.

"I love you, Lee," she said, and lowered herself onto him. He gasped and closed his eyes, but they opened again a moment later, and fixed on hers.

"I love you," she said again, and repeated it on every thrust, her eyes never leaving his. She could see everything she was feeling reflected in those blue eyes. It felt as if the strength of their shared emotions was filling every inch of her, warm and fierce and dazzling, as if there was no distinction between them, not any more. As if she'd never be alone or separate again.

When the end came, they gasped the words together.

----

Lee woke slowly. He blinked at the unfamiliar room, wondering where he was. Then he remembered, and a smile spread across his face.

Kara.

He hadn't thought it was possible to be quite so happy. He finally had what he'd always wanted, and it was worth every minute he'd had to wait for it, everything he'd suffered through for it.

He turned over, meaning to take up where they'd left off last night, and found the bed was empty.

He blinked. He sat up, his heart starting to thump rapidly, and looked around the room.

She wasn't there.

Calm down, he said to himself, trying to control his breathing. She's just gone to the bathroom, that's all. She hasn't left.

She hadn't. She wouldn't, not after all they'd said last night.

Surely she wouldn't?

He couldn't help remembering the last time. He'd been so sure then, and look how that had turned out…

Then the bathroom door opened, and Kara walked into the room.

She smiled at him. "Hey, you're awake."

Lee tried to smile back, but he couldn't quite manage it. He felt sick with relief, and his hands were shaking slightly with the release of tension.

"Morning," he said, trying to cover it.

But this was Kara. She knew him too well to be fooled. She stared at his face, and her smile dropped away.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Lee," she said warningly. "Tell me."

"It's nothing," he protested. "It's just... you weren't here."

Kara sat down beside him on the bed, suddenly pale. "You thought I'd walked out on you."

"Kara-" Lee didn't like the look on her face.

"Didn't you."

"Only for a moment. I didn't really-"

"Yes, you did." The look of hurt on her face cut him to the heart. "How could you think that, Lee? How could you think I would do that to you after all we said last night?"

"Kara!" He moved towards her, cursing himself for being such a fool, but she turned away.

"How is this going to work between us if you don't trust me?" she said quietly, her voice low and anguished.

Panic swirled in Lee's stomach. He couldn't let her pull away from him like this, not now. He reached out and gripped her bare shoulder.

"Kara. Don't let me frak this up."

She turned, face blank with surprise. She stared at him for a moment, her eyes softening slightly.

"I thought I was the one who always frakked things up," she said finally.

There was a hint of a smile round her lips, and Lee took heart from it.

"I think that's a skill we share," he said ruefully. He slid his hand down her arm to brush against her fingers, and after a moment she opened them, let them twine with his.

"I'm sorry, Kara," he said firmly. "It's just…it brought back bad memories, waking alone." He leaned forward and kissed her shoulder. "Come back to bed."

He pulled back the covers and felt relief shudder through him when she nodded and slipped in beside him.

"I'm sorry, too. For giving you those bad memories." She lay on her side facing him, and reached out her hand to gently cup his cheek. "I'm not going to run away from this, Lee. Not any more. Believe me."

He nodded. She'd believed him last night; it was time for him to return that trust. It wouldn't be easy, and it would take time to grow fully. But he could make a start.

"I believe you," he said, and turned his head to kiss her palm.

Kara smiled. "We're going to be okay," she said softly. "Aren't we?"

Lee smiled back. "Yes. I really think we are."

The End

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Author's Note: Thanks very much to everyone who has read and reviewed this story, I do appreciate it. Hope you all have a happy Christmas and New Year.