Written by me.
Potter,
You have got to be kidding me.
When I got this letter I was lying on the floor somewhere completely still and your stupid ruddy owl pecked me until I took the letter from her. You should really think about getting a new one, this one is tempermental.
As for who and what I am doing, that's my secret. Okay, so it's more like I've been avoiding my mother and remainining annoyingly celibate, but still. My secret.
Won't your aunt think it odd when you leave for Hogwarts? I mean, with you being dead and all, the sight of seeing you walk out of your room looking fine and dandy would shock me.
Actually, just the sight of you shocks me. Honestly.
And I don't know what gives you the idea that I would touch your disgusting cousin, and the mere thought of you being stuck with him sickens me. Don't worry my princess, I will come to rescue you soon. Never fear.
I didn't write you because I completely forgot you existed. 'Harry Potter? Who in the devil is that?' I said when I recieved your letter. 'Oh, he's that annoying scrawny sod with horrible hair and even more horrible specs' I answered myself, and then I decided to write you back.
Aren't you proud of me?
And I am so totally not making a face. Even if I was, it would be beautiful. You know you miss me. You're pining, right now.
And please, for the sake of everything good in this world, shower. For me.
Grudgingly yours,
Draco
P.S. I do miss you, you sod.