Disclaimer: I've probably written about 100 chapters worth of fanfic, maybe a little less. And most people know who I am. So I take that to mean that by now, you know that Grey's Anatomy does not belong to me. I really wish it did. I really wish that it was all mine. But it's not. Although if all my wildest dreams came true I will write for it one day. Of course if all my wildest dreams came true Patrick Dempsey would be naked in my bed. But that's a different story.

Yay! Thanks for all the amazing reviews. They mean so so much to me. Especially when I'm starting out another fiction, because it's new. And I like being told whether I should keep going or not. And from the number of reviews I got ... well I take that as a yes. But I'm really happy to see people take to this one. It different but I hope to god that it works. I really really hope that it keeps going well, because life for Meredith and Derek is going to get even more complicated. But really, doesn't it always?

So here's my second chapter.

Enjoy!

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Dear Meredith,

I love you.

I was going to draw this out, make you sweat a little, tear up a bit, and then let you know that. But I don't want you to spend the next 51 weeks planning on ways to kill me. So yes, to start off this letter, I love you. I, Derek Shepherd, love you.

You're it for me. There will be no one after you. And as much as you find it hard to believe, there was no one before you. You are it for me. You've been it for me since the moment I sat down beside you at Joe's. I sat down beside you with plans of picking up the cute blonde for a night of fun. I was hurting so much and I just needed to forget. Never did I think that all of this would follow. Never did I imagine that all of this could follow. I met you that night in hopes of forgetting my pain, but you're the one that made it dissapear. I never expected that.

But I'm more than grateful that it is what I got.

Meredith that night you told me you didn't have a story, that you were just a girl, and I said I was just a guy. Now I have a story. My story is you.

Seemingly you're not the only one that is feeling a little cheesy.

In short, when I get home in 51 weeks the first and only place I want to be is your bed. I'm happy there will be a spot still there for me.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm doing this to you again. And well, maybe I've never gone to Africa before on you, but I have left you alone a lot. And I've always been sorry about every single time I wasn't there for you. I've been an ass in the past. But this time I'm not there because I'm doing something worthwhile. At least I hope it's worthwhile. But it still leaves me feeling sorry, sorry that I'm not with you. Sorry that for the next year you're going to be alone. Again.

Although this time you're not alone. You have me. Just well, as you said, complicated.

But Meredith, thank you. Thank you for understanding why I had to do this. When my mom died last month, my world fell apart. Everything I thought I knew, I didn't know anymore. All I had was you. Which is more than enough, but I needed to escape, to get away and get my head back together. I'm not sure why I chose what I did. Besides the fact that this is something I wanted to do, needed to do, before I felt I could settle down and start my family with you. But why I felt the need to run from where you were, I don't know. And I'm sorry.

God, I don't even know if any of that makes sense to you.

But somehow I think it does.

I miss you.

God, you should see me Mer. Gone is the pasty Derek you know and love. I'm tanned. Completely tanned. I look hot, trust me, hot. Well minus the hair. Seemingly I missed the memo that hair like mine doesn't mix well with African sand and heat. I'm living in a ball cap. I've given up shaving. It's too much of a mess out here, and the girls seem to like the wild look.

Did I say girls? There aren't any. None.

It's like a different world out here. I don't even think I can begin to describe what this feels like. It's just...different. You have to see it for yourself. Maybe before the settling and the children you should do this. With me of course. It's wild Mer, really wild. And the children would break your heart. They're breaking my heart. I wish I could do something to help them all. Not just medically, really help them. I've always wanted a big family, mind if we adopt, say...100 African children? They're really cute. You'd love them.

Stop yelling and lighten up. I was joking.

50 is fine.

And really Mer, on a laptop in a bar? That is a little strange. I don't care how much you miss me, leave your mail writing to the house or the hospital. Joe does not need to see you writing to me. Which by the way, tell him I say hi back. Tell everyone I say hi. I miss them all.

Not nearly as much as I miss you.

I didn't think I'd miss you this much. It's not a normal missing, not like I think of missing you. More of a constant ache, somewhere deep down inside of me. Most of the time I go about my day barely having time to think of you, and yet that ache, it's there. Always. And then I'm in bed, alone. And it's you. You're all I can think of. All I even want to think of. And I realize that ache starts to ease, because you're there. In those moment you are with me. And then I realize I miss you. God, I miss you.

When I get back we are not spending no more than an hour apart from eachother.

Did you notice the enclosed necklace? One of my patients made it. She told me to give it to my wife, I told her I didn't have one. And then she looked at me with her big brown beautiful eyes and told me to give it to that woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And that's only you. So please wear it. Please. (I am giving you that look, the one that Cristina says makes her want to McVomit, the one Izzie calls the McDreamy look. That look. You can't say no to that look.)

Okay, it's time for me to work now. Save lives, genius that I am? Proud aren't you?

Thank you again. For understanding me. For loving me. For waiting for me. Mainly for loving me. You have every reason not to, but you still do. Thank you.

I miss you like I have never missed anyone else.

I love you like I have never loved anyone else.

Can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

Yours for Always

Derek

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

You know what I love? When I giggle and smile at my own writing. Sigh. That chapter was so McDreamy. Pouring his heart out to Meredith in a letter and missing her so much that he aches. So McDreamy. And joking about other girls, and being hot, and being a genius, and adopting 100 kids. Hehehe. I hate to say it, but I love this fic. God I'm so in love with my own work, it's wrong. I feel like Shonda.

I guess it's just hard not to love Mcdreamy.

And take a second of your day, before you review and picture him in your head. Tanned and in a ball cap. Drool.

The next chapter should be up . . .well tonight. Or tomorrow at the latest. But probably later tonight . . . in like 2 hours ish. Probably.

So . . .

Read. Love. Review.