During his desert excursion Zero passed an abandoned truck, a crumpled tank and a wingless helicopter.

"Some reploids hijacked an enemy plane and escaped. Their plane went down further ahead. We've sent scouts, but there are hordes of enemies in the area."

"You call sand snakes and vultures 'hordes'? It's a hundred degrees in the shade and I'm not breaking a sweat with these things."

"Whatever you say, oh Immortal One."

"Hey, I like that name. Call me that from now on."

"Your rank will be 'Crasher' if you consume any more Cyber Elves."

"Better to be called names than to be called dead."

"You are so… you know what? Forget it. Just do your thing."

"It's why I'm here."

Getting rid of some more useless robots and using his pogo-stick/Triple Rod to break some bear traps, he came across a combat-class model styled after an ancient Egyptian god.

"I am Anubis Necromancess the Third."

"What happened to the first and second?"

The doglike robot raised his paws/hands/whatever and two zombie Pantheons emerged from the sand.

"Oh."

Although a master of puppets, Necromancess was no master of combat. He followed a boring routine of sending the zombies after Zero, who cycled through his available chips (there were only two). When Zero had knocked off nearly a quarter of his life bar with flaming Z-Saber bursts (nothing worked better), the robotic mockery of the Egyptian god melted into the sand.

"Phase shifting! Now that's a new trick. By the way, why is a boss in the desert vulnerable to fire? You don't even use elemental attacks; just sand; and you're no Gaara."

"Hey, Gaara's my idol!" spoke the voice from the sand. Pillars topped with very non-lethal spikes erupted around Zero and attempted to crush him between. He wall-kicked off and over them with impunity.

"Bah. Let's see you use Sand Funeral, furry."

"I am NOT a furry!"

Necromancess sifted out of the sand and reformed. Zero blasted him with his flaming Z-Saber, again. Necromancess threw his rod at him, again. Zero repeated his attack and Necromancess phase shifted into sand, again.

"This is boring."

After hopping over the pillars again, Zero held a charged Z-Buster until an area of sand began to shift and stir as Necromancess reformed himself. Zero fired the flaming ball into the middle, and when Necromancess became whole again, he immediately shattered. The heat had turned the sand to glass.

"Nooooo!" he wailed, collapsing into the dunes.

"You're melting, you're melting," Zero sang.

"I'll get you!"

Zero gasped and placed a hand over his pump.

"And my little human, too?"

After the angry voice faded, another voice replaced it: a pitiful, thin distress call. Zero followed it to a dropship.

"Oh. I was sure you were another maiden in distress."

The reploid soldier in green was in a sad state, the artificial flesh missing from both his arms and the servo in his left elbow was damaged; he clutched it with his right hand.

"Can you walk?"

"I… think so," the soldier offered, struggling to his feet. Zero turned and waved his hand.

"Follow me."

"Oh, okay."

Zero had not gone ten yards when he heard, "Help me…" So he turned around, and what should be pecking at the soldier but a robotic vulture. Zero shooed the annoyance away, grabbed the bigger annoyance, slung him over his back and told him to hang around his neck. The soldier stammered an okay. Zero made it back to the base's gates in less than two minutes at full speed. A team of medics were waiting there with the guards. The wounded soldier gave a little sigh.

"Thank goodness… I'm saved."

Zero unhooked the survivor's arms, but they both popped out of the shoulders and the soldier collapsed into the dust. Zero blinked.

"Well, that can't be good."

He shoved the arms at a medic, gave the thumbs up, and returned home.

888

"So you've had this Shield Boomerang for me ever since I finished one mission with the Triple Rod."

"Yep."

"Why didn't you give it to me then? I've had to deal with chain guns and Pantheons almost every mission!"

"Because, Zero, I don't like you."

"Why?"

"Remember the pogo incident? Now get out of my laboratory!"

888

"There should be a hidden base around here."

There was scorching desert sun that he didn't feel. Sand didn't get into his eyes or clothes. Everything was monitored as blips on his environment sensors.

"Well, there's a quicksand pit, and one of your guys is on the other side, blocking me from going any further. I suppose the sand pit is where this elusive hidden base must be."

Indeed, it was. He destroyed the series of rotating blades that churned the sand around it, and a dark dank shaft was revealed.

"Here we go."

Landing at the bottom, Ciel disabled the electric trap by remote. Thanks to Totten, only softly glowing walls greeted Zero in place of bristling spikes of instant death.

"Question: Why am I killed instantly by spikes?"
"You leak?"

"Fair enough."

The whole underground base sat upon an ice lake, with minimal mechaniloid defenses and traps.

"Found the ladder. You'd think with their technology they would install lifts."

"Energy crisis, remember? The cause of this war?"

"Oh, yeah."

Ciel disabled the entrance to the base.

"Another question: if you can find and disable electronic devices by remote, and underground, no less… why do you need me to find the place?"

"Actually, I'm bouncing the signal off your systems. You collect the signal I send and magnify it so that it can disable devices."

"So I'm a walking transmitter?"

"Pretty much."

"You make me feel so… robotic."

"Hey, do your job and I'll do mine."

Inside, Zero sniped patrol Pantheons before their infra red detected him. He was inside a prison block, and located the nearest cell, peering inside.

"Ooh, a redhead."

She blinked, standing from her cot.

"Who are you?"

"The manliest robot to ever exist."

"Are you my executioner?"

"An executioner of love, baby."

"You know what? I think I prefer it inside my cell."

Zero broke the locking mechanism.

"Let my people go!" he boomed. She sidled out of the cell, keeping her body against the wall and away from him.

"Uh… there are five more of us here. Okay, bye!"

She ran for it. Zero shrugged.

"I tried."

"You scared her off."

"Is that jealousy I hear?"

"Me? Jealous of a reploid? They're the ones being mass slaughtered to conserve energy."

"Yeah, good thing you're human, eh?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Hey, do your job and I'll do mine."

Sniping the patrol Pantheons so as to maintain his cover, he freed the other six. Disappointingly, some were male.

"Drat. I thought the enemy only kept beautiful hostages."

"Uh… this leads to the elevator to the shuttle hangar," said one of the recently liberated Resistance soldiers, "A boss guards it."

"Okie dokie. Hey, wait a minute! How did you get past all those patrols? You don't have any weapons!"

"We… kept to the shadows? You're the one running around under the electric lights."

"Hah! I hide in the shadows of light."

"Right. Can you help us?"

"Not until the redheads among you give me your phone numbers."

They stared at him. One redhead ventured, "We don't have phone numbers. We live in the Resistance base."

Zero rubbed his grubby paws together.

"You're all in my neighbourhood; even better! Well, I'd best save your behinds so I can tap them later."

Zero went through the shutters, leaving the redheads feeling a little dirty. There he found a hulking brute resembling a buffalo caught in a snowstorm.

"I am Blizzack Stagroff, the best warrior of Fairy Leviathan!"

Zero's eyes lit up.

"There's a female Guardian? I guess X hasn't turned gay on me, after all!"

"How dare you attribute a human trait to our master! You will now die by my blizzard!"

Being Zero's largest opponent yet, he was also the slowest. The most impressive thing he did was jump really, really high and try to force Zero back with his blizzard cannon. Zero alternated between flaming saber bursts and great balls of buster fire, and the buffalo was soon in pieces. The one saving grace of the battle was the ice chip Stagroff left behind.

"All right, you guys can come in now."

The soldiers filed into the room, and the entire floor shuddered, rising above ground.

"Whoa! Ciel, I thought they were trying to conserve energy!"

"They need cargo lifts to the hangars."

"So… they install giant elevators for cargo but utility ladders for personnel. Ciel, maybe the reason behind the energy crisis is downright stupidity."

"Well, at least Neo Arcadia doesn't float through the sky."

"Knock on wood."

888

Zero knocked on the door again.

"Come on, baby! I won't do it again!"
Ciel, as ever, heard the commotion and came over.
"What did you do to the redheads this time?"
"Hey, it's my first time socializing, so I just followed the advice in my databanks: 'When in doubt, whip it out!'"

Ciel's jaw dropped and she smacked him over the head with her datapad.
"Ow! What? Did I do something wrong?"

Ciel walked away shaking her head.
"It's not my fault they share a room!" he called after her.