Author's Note:
Last Chapter! Maybe! Depending on results of POLL!
Do you want me to actually write the totally gratuitous M-rated Riku sammich scene?
Choose one: Y / N / ONLY IF IT'S TASTEFUL / PEEEEEENISES!
I also have a special treat for my faithful readers (all two of you), in the form of this sketch of Riku I did while babysitting and colored when I got home. He is in his Organization XIII trenchcoat because I am sexually excited by oversize zippers. "s16.photobucket(dot)com/albums/b16/DigitalTart/". Replace the (dot) with a ".", because this site is dicktarded and not letting me post the url properly. It's the first one on the pile.
The news that Aerith and her friends had been the ones to stop the invasion had spread almost at light speed, and once they returned from the hospital Tifa quickly found her doorstep snowed under with gifts and well-wishers. There were so many that the bar had to be abandoned and the extremely private victory party relocated to the dining room of a small hotel nearby, whose proprietor was an old friend of Tifa's and promised to keep interruptions to a minimum. Most of Midgar was celebrating right along with them, from the Shinra soldiers and socialites in the upper rings to factory workers and street kids on the ground. Fireworks popped and sizzled from the streets both above and below.
A good time was being had by all save Riku. He fidgeted listlessly with the napkinful of cocktail peanuts in front of him and watched Sora spin Kairi across the carpet in a parody of a waltz, both of their faces pink and shining from the champagne Reeve had sent over as a one-man gesture of Shinra's gratitude. Aerith was resting on a sofa in the corner, giggling at some story of Yuffie's. Cid and Barret had opened up a bottle of something much stronger than champagne and were downing it to uproarious laughter. Red was wrestling with Marlene and Denzel on the floor with Tasha as referee, while Vincent looked on and tried not to ruin his dour image by cracking a smile. Even Cloud seemed to be enjoying himself, lounging in a plump chair next to Aerith with a glass in one hand and an amorously tipsy Tifa on his lap.
But for Riku the music and chatter were draining rather than pleasant, and the thought of indulging in the food or drink everyone else was consuming with gusto made him nauseous. Almost all of them had come over at some point in the evening to try to pry him from his seat, but every time he refused as politely as he could. No matter how much fun the rest of the city was having, his heart wasn't in it, and they finally seemed to have given up. Everyone else was occupied by now. They wouldn't miss him.
He snuck upstairs to one of the big suites the hotel owner had given over to the "Saviors of Midgar" for the night. Riku didn't count himself among this exalted number, but the man wouldn't take 'no' for an answer and to avoid further confrontation, he had relented. He pulled off his shoes and lay back on the bed, nursing the tangles of guilt that had wrapped themselves tightly around his insides. When he'd first come to Radiant Garden Aerith had done her best to help him through sleepless nights and anxious days as he limped through the painful business of repairing the damage the Darkness had done to his mind and heart. And Kairi…since the battle on the rooftops he could barely bring himself to speak to Kairi. This would mark the second time she had almost died at his hands after he had sworn to protect her.
But neither of them were angry with him. No one was, not even Cloud, whose animosity toward him had ended abruptly and inexplicably in the hospital. He wanted to do something, anything, to earn forgiveness, but Sora and the others insisted unequivocally that there was nothing to forgive. They were all smiles and reassuring words, treating him as if he'd just recovered from a near-fatal illness, not almost aided in the obliteration of an entire city. He was furious at himself for it all, but no one else had the decency to be too.
He didn't have very long to spend alone with his thoughts before the door creaked open and spiky-haired silhouette appeared in the golden glow of the hallway lights. "Hey, Riku. Trying to escape?" he said.
"No, I was just—" he started.
"Too bad," Kairi said from behind him. "I know you've got a good mope going here, but I'm afraid we'll have to spoil it sooner or later. Probably sooner." They both came in and got on the bed; Kairi slipped out of her shoes and crawled across to lie down nearest the wall and Sora sat on the edge.
"I'm not moping. I'm tired," he said.
"Riku, it's nine-thirty, and you slept for hours at the hospital," said Sora. "What's bothering you so much? It's all right. We won. The Heartless are almost completely gone from here and Jenova was toasted."
"But I hurt so many people, and it's not all right," he muttered into the pillow.
"You killed Kadaj before he could do much in the way of real damage. Doesn't that count for something?" asked Kairi.
"And you didn't hurt anyone. That was Jenova," said Sora, who then lapsed into a long and uncharacteristic silence. He pulled loose the straps of his sneakers and shucked them off, then nudged Riku until he moved over and gave him some room to lie down as well.
"Can I ask you something?" Riku said.
"Hmmm?" said Sora.
"How did you know that destroying the box would free me?"
"We didn't," said Kairi. "We guessed."
"And what if it hadn't?"
"Don't ask us things like that, Riku, please," Sora pleaded. "Why are you punishing yourself? You didn't do anything wrong."
"I wish I could believe you," he said, and to his shame the tears he had tried so hard to dam up inside a wall of stoicism broke through and cracked his words into a sob. Sora and Kairi immediately moved to put their arms around him, silently, letting the warmth of their skin and breath speak everything that need to be said. He was safe here, as safe as he could possibly be, and free from judgement and expectation—especially his own.
Once the tears started they wouldn't stop. He cried for his missteps, for his inaction, for broken promises, for the terror of losing himself in the storm, for those he made suffer, and for relief that it was over. It took a long time, but finally his breath ceased to catch in his chest and his eyes dried. He filled his lungs with as much air as they would hold and let it out slowly, savoring the sensation of lightness that had been left behind. Sora handed him a wad of tissues from the box atop the dresser. "Feel better?" he asked, when Riku had finished with them.
"Yeah. I think so," he replied. And he really did; his mind felt clearer than it had in days, the accumulated mental detritus washed away by the deluge. He wasn't usually the weepy type and felt a little ashamed to have lost control of himself like that, but at least he knew that what happened would never leave this room.
They lay together in the comfortable silence of long familiarity for a few moments before Sora spoke. "Mmmm…remember when we used to fall asleep all tangled up like this in my parent's bed when they were away visiting my cousins?"
"Yeah. A king-sized bed seemed a lot bigger then," said Kairi. "Then there was that one time when you decided to stay up watching monster movies on their big TV and got so scared you refused to do any sleeping."
"I remember that," laughed Sora. "I made Riku check under the bed and in the closet with a broomstick to make sure nothing was going to eat me. You never were afraid of the dark, were you?"
There was an uncomfortable pause. "Maybe I should have been," he said softly.
"Riku, stop it," Kairi admonished. "We've been over this. Enjoy what's here and now, don't make yourself sick worrying over things that are over and done."
"Like what?" he whispered to himself.
"That's easy," Kairi said, and raised her head to plant a passionate kiss on Riku's parted lips.
"Kairi!" said Sora as he shot upright. "How could you…mmppphh…mmmmm…mmmmm," and his anguished protests trailed off when Kairi sat up to bestow one of equal passion on his.
"You're drunk, Kairi." said Riku. "I could taste it."
"Didn't you like that?" she pouted jokingly.
"If he doesn't wanna, you can kiss me again. I'd be fine with that," Sora put in.
"No…I…that's not what I meant…oh, dammit," Riku stuttered. "I mean, of course I liked it, and I want you to do it more, preferably lots more. But you're full of champagne at the moment, and I'd like to be sure you're going to wake up tomorrow and want to do it again."
"That's really sweet of you, Riku, but I'm not that drunk, and I've been thinking about this for while—the champagne just, ummm…helped it along a little," she said, laughing slightly. "You two have been sparring over me forever, like it's a contest with only one winner. But you idiots don't seem to realize you can't 'win' me, and frankly it's getting on my nerves, because I really care about you both."
"Oh," said Riku dumbly. That option had never really occurred to him. Trying to one-up Sora over everything was too deeply ingrained, and he'd always assumed, in the back of his mind, that she was going to choose one of them some day. It would probably have fractured his friendship with Sora either way—something he truly dreaded, since he'd been tricked into it once before, and damned if he was going to go through that again. Sora's unwavering loyalty and inexhaustible cheerfulness were simply too close to his heart to give up. He cared about Sora. Very, very much, in fact. Maybe even…
"Can I add something?" asked Sora.
"Hmmm?" said Riku, and Sora bent low to press their mouths together in an experimental kiss. Riku stiffened in surprise but didn't pull away, and, emboldened, Sora slid his tongue over Riku's own, hesitantly at first but then more enthusiastically when Riku reciprocated in kind.
"You're smashed too," said Riku when Sora finally got up again, smiling a little despite himself. "But I think I liked that."
"Boys, I am shocked. Shocked," said Kairi mock horror. "You mean all that time Sora spent staring at your butt in PE wasn't because he was in awe of your incredible skill at lobbing a volleyball around the beach?" Sora's eloquent reply was to pull the pillow out from under him and throw it at Kairi's head. She giggled and grabbed her own, then took a swing at Sora, who caught it deftly and yanked it out of her hands. Caught suddenly overbalanced, she tipped forward and fell on top of Riku with a little "oof". It gave him a truly spectacular view of her cleavage.
A bright crescent smile forced itself out of the black mood he had been cultivating so carefully since he woke up, then a chuckle, then a real, hearty laugh that spread quickly to Kairi and Sora. After it died down, he said: "You know, everyone is going to be occupied for the next few hours," and slipped his hand around to Kairi's back to run his fingertips lightly up and down her spine.
"That is a very good point," she whispered into his ear.
"Seconded," said Sora.
Riku twisted the hem of Kairi's shirt in his fingers and began pulling it over her head. This was going to be an interesting night.