Disclaimer: I don't own anything more than I did the last time I posted…
All The Right Reasons
Chapter 8: The Wall
The sun had just began to set over the caves, the harsh light slowly withdrawing over the large expanse of trees as it disappeared over the distant cliffs. There was a definite tension in the already thick air as Jack sat reclining against the wall of his cave, deep in thought. He had one arm slung over his pack, while the other rested just alongside the cot where Sawyer lay still unconscious.
An entire day had passed since Jack had returned to the caves with a wounded Sawyer and the newfound survivors from the tail section of the plane, but already Jack felt as though it had been too long. The task at hand had waited long enough, and he feared that if he let things go on for too long, then it would be too late. He had to go back for Kate. There was no question there.
Glancing over at Sawyer, Jack was mesmerized as he watched the almost still rise and fall of the man's chest. The life was little, but it was there. Jack had been hopeful that Sawyer would have woken up some time during the night after he had been brought back to the caves. Now though, with Sawyer still unconscious, Jack was becoming less and less sure that anything could be done for him. Jack knew that if Sawyer didn't come to within the next day, then it would be as good as hopeless for him.
With a sigh, Jack turned away form Sawyer and shifted his body over to the refreshments cart that he had been using as a makeshift medicine cabinet. He began running his fingers thoughtfully over the shelves, lightly tapping the lids of the different bottles, as though taking a mental count. He paused over certain bottles, and when he found one that pleased him, he lifted it from the shelf and set it out beside Sawyer's cot.
If he was going to leave with Sawyer in this state, he wanted to be certain that Sun would have every chance of keeping the man stable. He didn't know how much Sun knew about prescription drugs, or if she would know out of all the varieties present which to use on Sawyer under different circumstances. He intended to leave her as organized as possible. Part of Jack felt committed to stay, as though he owed it to Sawyer, but Jack knew that the situation with Kate couldn't wait any longer. He couldn't wait any longer. He couldn't leave her out there with those people anymore. She needed him, and as much as he knew he was doing Sawyer a wrong, he also insisted to himself that he had done all that he could do for the man.
Jack nearly jumped as Sawyer emitted an agonizing groan. Hastily tossing aside the medicine bottle he had been examining, Jack all but scrambled across the cave floor to get to the cot. Upon reaching the bedside, Jack looked at Sawyer expectantly, silently praying for the man to wake up. If Sawyer woke up now, then Jack could leave the camp to find Kate with a clean conscience.
"Sawyer?" Jack asked, lightly tapping the side of Sawyer's face. There was no change in him. He still lay like a stone, eyes clamped tightly closed as if in pain, his shaggy wisps of blonde hair sticking to his forehead, "Sawyer?" Jack repeated, reaching for a water bottle to apply little droplets across Sawyer's face, hoping the cooling effect would wake him.
Sawyer's body seemed to shift slightly, his face twisting as he hissed in pain, lips contorting into another hellish groan. He was gasping now, shaking and shivering much as he had the previous night upon being exposed to the cool water. The fever still had not passed, and appeared to be making another heated advance against Sawyer's already battered body. Jack's hands shook with a nervous anticipation as he reached for the nearby bucket of water, fishing around beneath the rippled surface for the soaked cloth. Pulling the wet piece of fabric from the water, Jack twisted it hastily around his fingers, ringing out the excess of water before lightly pressing it against Sawyer's forehead. The man seemed to be swimming in a pool of sweat.
Jack watched as Sawyer's lips began to sway, moving in a painful sort of motion. He mumbled incoherently. His throat was parched as he coughed and gagged in between groans. Shoving a hand beneath Sawyer's struggling form, Jack forced him into a sitting position before lifting the bottle of water to his lips. More of the water ended up splattering over Sawyer's face and chest, drizzling down his chin and onto the airline blanket around his torso, but Jack still managed to get the man to swallow a little.
After a moment, Sawyer began to settle down again, his shifting becoming more fluid and soft, his groans less agonizing. He was nearly still again as Jack moved to lay him back against the pillows.
"Sorry, man…" Jack muttered as he lightly ran a hand over Sawyer's now bandaged wound, lightly lifting the fabric to check for excess bleeding, "I know this hurts…"
"Michael tells me you pulled the bullet out with your own hands…" Jack felt the need to talk, to converse with Sawyer even though everything he had ever learned in medical school had taught him the man had no way of hearing him. Jack continued to redress Sawyer's bandage, ignoring how Sawyer flinched and shivered beneath his finger tips, "You'll have to teach me how to do that sometime…"
"Where is she?" Jack jumped at the raspy drawl of Sawyer's near dead voice. His fingers hesitated, allowing the newly constructed bandage to fall from his hands.
"W-what?" Jack's voice came in a stutter, hardly believing that Sawyer could be finding consciousness, "I didn't-"
"Where is she?" the lazy slur of his voice came more clearly this time, though he was immediately thrown into a fit of coughs for the effort. Jack watched in amazement as Sawyer's eyes fluttered open for a moment, only to close again in the flicker of a second.
Jack's heart pounded as he registered Sawyer's words, "You mean Kate…"
In that moment Jack didn't know what to say, or even what to do. Where was Kate? How could he begin to answer that. How could he even think that Sawyer would hear him, understand him. It was too much to say just now. It was too much to even consider. So he let the sentence hang, hoping that Sawyer would fight his fever and move fully into consciousness.
For those few moments, Jack was beginning to think that Sawyer's brief show of life had been nothing more than a tiny flicker and that he had drifted back into sleep, but then the heavy southern voice filled his ears once more, this time coming to Jack the clearest of all.
"I love her…" the words couldn't have sounded more clear to Jack, but still he didn't register them at first. He blinked in several rapid motions, hardly daring to take a breath for fear that Sawyer would continue. For fear that he would say her name. Kate.
"I love her…" Sawyer's words came again with a painful gasp as he coughed for air. Jack immediately moved forward, forcing Sawyer firmly back against the pillows, as though unwilling to hear the man's words, "I love her…" Sawyer slurred again in little more than a whisper.
Jack let himself fall back, away from the cot, against a pile of old luggage that had been torn from the wreckage. His eyes were wide as he took in several short breaths, shaking his head in what could have been many emotions. Confusion. Disappointment. Jealousy. He didn't know what to think and especially not what he should think.
He loves her…Sawyer loved her. Jack played with the idea in his mind, face contorting in distaste at the bitter flavor of the words against his lips. Jack had never considered the man that way, never thought of the two of them as being on the same plate. Never thought that anyone else could love Kate, feeling deeply for her. He hadn't thought Sawyer cared. But then there had been Sawyer's words. I love her…
There was a thickness to the air of the cave where Jack sat beside Sawyer's cot, his back to the jagged rock wall behind him. It was like a looming tension, a feeling even, one that would seemingly never leave. And in his own way, Jack hardly noticed the tense atmosphere, or hardly anything that surrounded him. The exhaustion he felt both mentally and physically was just about the only thing he could focus on.
Many of the survivors had stopped by, some just to poke their head through the mouth of the cave to check on him. Some to see Sawyer even, wondering how he was doing and wanting to know more about how he had managed to get shot. Jack knew that the arrival of Sawyer and the rest of those who left on the raft only served to fuel the obsession the rest of the survivors had for the Others.
So much had happened, and they had every right to be afraid. If Jack said he was brave, that the Others didn't matter to him, he would be lying. The truth was they worried him every bit as much as everyone else. But could he show it? Of course not. They all looked to him for guidance. For bravery. For just that tiny glimmer of hope that maybe things might just be okay after all.
Jack chuckled lightly, his face twisting into a grim smile. He couldn't help but picture the look on his father's face if the man were to see him now. If he could see the countless encounters Jack faced daily with the other survivors. The way he had to give them hope, tell them everything was going to be okay, even when he had no way of knowing that. Even when he himself didn't see a single ray of hope in sight.
"You might want to try handing out some hope every once in awhile. Even if there's a 99 percent possibility that they're utterly, hopelessly screwed, folks are much more inclined to hear that 1 percent chance that things are going to be okay."
Christian Shepard had always been critical of Jack's bedside manner. He had always said that Jack needed to give more hope, even if there wasn't any to be had. At times, Jack had even suspected that his father wanted him to lie.
"Her spine's crushed. I tell her that everything's going to be okay, that's false hope, dad.."
Jack had his doubts that his father's advice on hope had anything to do with the welfare of the patient. Somehow, Jack had always known his father's tendency, no, his need to make any situation easier for himself. That need had been what stemmed into a drinking problem, making him an alcoholic. Jack suspected it was that need that made Christian Shepard give his patients hope.
"Jack?" He was pulled suddenly from his silent reverie by the sound of his name. For a split second, Jack thought that the voice belonged to Sawyer, his mind immediately cleared when he noticed Sun standing tentatively at the mouth of his cave. He looked up at her from where he sat, momentarily startled. His eyes mirrored the exhaustion that he felt.
"Hurley said you were looking for me…" Sun continued, a shy, almost hesitant look crossing her timid features. Jack gazed at her for a moment, as if trying to once again gather his thoughts.
"Yeah…" Jack said after a moment, nodding to her. He made a move to get up and flinched at the pain that shot up his back. Every inch of his body was veering with a burning ache from Jack's recent fall, his back bearing the worst of it.
As Jack rose slowly to his feet, Sun watched him with a masked concern, gently approaching where Sawyer lay. Her eyes shifted from Jack to turn to Sawyer's till form, drifting over the man as though mentally checking him over. Though he tried, Jack couldn't tell from her face any sign of what she thought at the sight of Sawyer.
"How is he?" she asked, voice soft as her eyes fluttered back to Jack.
Jack swallowed hard, eyes falling to the floor, "It's hard to say, but there's nothing more that I can do for him…"
"Is there anything I can help you with?" she offered, obvious concern etched in her features.
A tiny smile flickered in the corner of his mouth, his eyes twinkling almost bitterly at the irony of her question. That was why he had called her here. Why he had needed her.
"Yes, actually, there is…" Jack began, feeling the guilt and shame already begin to wash over his very being. He wondered what she would think when she knew what he was asking, "I need to talk to you about something…something important…"
"Of course…" she replied, looking curiously at Jack as she moved to come in closer to where he stood beside Sawyer's cot.
Jack swallowed hard, staring down briefly at Sun, hardly knowing where to begin. There was so much to say, so much that she needed to know. He had to tell her about Kate, how he had to go after her. How he couldn't leave her with them any longer. He had to tell her about Sawyer, about how he wasn't sure if the man would live. How he had done all that he could. How now, he wouldn't be able to do anymore because he was leaving.
"I need you to stay with Sawyer…" the hesitance in Jack's eyes was as real as the look of completely exhaustion. Sun recognized it right away, but that didn't stop her own confusion from setting in.
"Why?" she asked in shock, watching Jack intensely, "Won't you-"
"I won't be here…" And now severe guilt was added to the mix of emotions swirling within Jack's gaze, each threatening to consume him.
His confession was met by a stony silence, one that Jack was unable to interpret. Was she angry? Did she blame him? Did she think badly of him for wanting to leave? Her features gave away nothing about what she might be thinking, only grim confusion.
When Sun showed no sign of speaking, only briefly opening her mouth as if to speak, but suddenly deciding against it, Jack sighed.
"I'm going after her, Sun…" Jack explained tiredly, nervously running his fingers through his short cropped hair.
Sun nodded then, as thought being suddenly flooded with understanding, "Kate…" she breathed, her lips twisting into a sad frown. She had spent many sleepless nights thinking of what might have become of her husband, but Kate's disappearance has also weighed heavily on her mind.
"You're going to find them, the Others?" Sun asked, the fear ever present in her voice. Fear of what she didn't know.
"I have to," Jack said simply, a hint of bitterness to his voice as he shook his head, "I feel like I'm failing him, leaving him like this, but I have to."
Sun knew without asking that Jack was talking about Sawyer. What a burden it must be, she mused, to be the only doctor stranded on the island.
"You said there is nothing more you can do for him…" Sun suggested, tilting her head to gaze softly at Jack, placing a gentle, reassuring hand on his arm.
"But there should be!" Jack suddenly took a plunge, his voice rising as he nearly yelled this at her, eyes blazing, "I'm a doctor! I should be able to help him!"
"He's going to be fine, Jack. Sawyer is going to be fine," Sun said calmly, looking upon Jack with a pitying gaze that he could never recall having seen there before. After a moment, Sun knew that there was more Jack needed to hear. She just didn't know how to say it, "Kate needs you, Jack…"
"Damn it, I know she does…" Jack buried his face in is hands, rubbing at his face as he continued to speak, "I have to go after her…I just…Sawyer could die…"
"Go after her, Jack," it was as close to a command as Jack thought he would ever hear coming from Sun, the usual timid demeanor briefly vanishing. There was an intensity to her gaze now, a seriousness that he had never seen before and it was something he admired; something he respected, "What happens to Sawyer is out of your hands. Find Kate, Jack. Bring her back."
Night had fallen as Jack slinked out into the open area of the caves. There was a chill breeze blowing in the night air, it tickled against the back of Jack's neck, rustling against his loose green shirt. He had his pack slung over his shoulders and a nine millimeter stuck securely within the hem of his jeans, just within reach.
Bending down, Jack nervously tightened the thick laces of his boots, letting the legs of his jeans fall back down over them as he stooped back up. Glancing around the caves, Jack let out a sigh of relief when he found, just as he had suspected, that he was the only one still awake. The fire at the center of the caves now burned less steadily, slowly dimming down to nothing but charred coals as fresh fuel was no longer being added to it every hour or so. Even the torches that led to the paths out into the jungle were reduced to flickering embers.
Just as he was about to move towards the path that led to the hatch and out into the distant expanses of the jungle, a sound pierced the air, making Jack jump in surprise.
"Evening, Jack…" came a gruff, lightly amused voice.
Jack whirled around to meet the voice, knowing almost without looking who the voice belonged to. He turned to see Ana Lucia stepping out from behind the dying fire and into its dimly wavering shadow so that Jack could see her. Her lips were twisted into a knowing smile.
"Awful late to be going for a hike, Jack…" she commented after a moment, nodding towards his pack. Jack felt like a deer caught in the headlights, knowing that despite how careful he had been in leaving, he had been discovered.
When Jack hesitated to grace her with a response, she continued, "Well you're quiet, tonight," she muttered gruffly, as though baiting him. There was something about her banter that reminded him oddly of Sawyer. Jack quickly brushed away the thought, "And here I was thinking we could have a chat…"
Despite the harshness of her voice, the roughness of her stance, Jack sensed a nervousness about her. It was as though something was slightly off as she stepped out of some kind of perimeter she had set for herself. Out of all of the survivors, Ana had been the one to stay with him through most of the past day and a half he had spent watching after Sawyer. They had done their share of talking then, and Jack had to wonder if that wasn't somehow how she knew he would be here now.
He watched as Ana sat down on a log beside the dying fire, reaching to the ground at her feet to lift up a half empty bottle of what Jack suspected wasn't water. She gestured towards him with the bottle, swinging it lazily in the air before her as she pat the spot next to her on the log.
"Care for a drink, Jack?" it was then that Jack noticed the slight slur in her voice and had no doubt that the bottle she held had been full when she discovered it.
Breaking himself away from his thoughts, Jack finally found his voice, "I don't have time for this, Ana…" Jack's voice was light, but held a definite tone. His intentions were firm. He hesitated only briefly before beginning to move away when her voice met his ears once again.
"That's too bad…" she chided, taking a tiny swallow from the bottle and swallowing it hard. Jack could tell she was far from drunk, but could still see the beginning affects of the liquor, "You look like you could use it…"
"I need to go," Jack said after a moment, feeling a burning need to be on his way. The sooner he left, the sooner he could hope to find Kate. The sooner she might be safe. With that in mind, he turned away from Ana and moved off towards the jungle.
Before Jack could take more than a few strides, he felt calloused fingers tighten around his arm, pulling him into a firm grip as he was pulled to face her.
"She can wait a little longer…" Ana's voice was more firm now, and it set off a sudden anger in Jack that he hardly understood. He felt it pounding hotly through his veins none the less, eyes blazing as he roughly jerked his arm out of her grasp, taking a step back.
Jack thought to yell, to say something, anything to express his anger at her insistence. Hadn't she learned anything from what he'd said over the past day and a half? They'd spent hours talking. About the island, their responsibilities. About Kate. He'd told her about everything that had happened with Kate, even mentioning what he thought he felt. And still she thought to stop him.
It was as he moved to walk away again that he watched as she threw a hand back in the blink of an eye, drawing out a 9 millimeter from the waistband of her faded jeans. She held the gun expertly before her, and Jack's mind flashed to her telling him about her time as a cop came to mind. He inwardly cursed himself for letting this happen. He should've seen it coming.
"Sit down," Ana gestured again towards the log by the fire, this time with much more incentive for Jack to listen. The hostility in her voice was obvious, but beneath it all there was a desperation that Jack couldn't quite place.
"I told you, I don't have time for this-" Jack began, this time his voice harsh and cold, eyes glaring daggers at her for pulling such a stunt. She didn't let him finish.
She took a step closer, brandishing the gun with a force about her that Jack couldn't believe, "You'll make time," it was said as an order with no suggestion in it.
Jack felt the sudden urge to laugh as she threatened him further with the gun. This was all too unreal. Of all the things he could possibly imagine preventing him from leaving to find Kate, this hadn't even crossed his mind. He found himself giving into the laughter as he chuckled bitterly at the irony of it all.
"You aren't going to shoot me, Ana," he sounded sure, perhaps more sure than he actually felt. He had been certain she wouldn't protest him going to find Kate, so how could he now be sure that she wouldn't shoot him.
She laughed at that, the laughter coming thickly from the back of her throat. Her eyes sparkled dangerously in the dim firelight, as though issuing a dare, "You're right," she said after a moment, her lips twisting into a cruel smile, "I won't shoot you. But if I wake up the Arab, somehow I can't see him pleased to find you trying to leave again…"
"I told you Ana! I don't have time for this!" Jack boomed, fighting the urge to yell with everything that he had, knowing that if he did, he'd wake up everyone else and then her threat would be real.
"And I told you you'd make time," she spoke without raising her voice, but the force was ever present, "Now. Sit. Down."
Sighing angrily, Jack followed her over to the fire. She sat first, leaning back closer to the fire as she motioned for him to follow suit. Jack took a seat on the log beside her, body tensing in frustration as he did so. He was wasting precious time.
"That's really not necessary," Jack spoke coldly, nodding his head towards the gun that she still held at the ready.
"I wouldn't want you thinking you could just walk off. Not yet.." she explained icily, never loosening her grip on the gun.
"You said you weren't going to shoot me," Jack said just as he had only moments earlier. He spoke as thought trying to assure himself of what he said. As though he didn't quite believe her. She hardly blamed him.
"I'm not," she insisted, taking a long swig from the bottle of liquor, "But the way you're headed, it'd be the easy way out…" This last part was muttered darkly, as though she was still living in some old experience.
"What do you want, Ana?" Jack pressed, hoping to put an end to this encounter as quickly as possible.
"I just want to know why…" she said after a moment, speaking as though it was the most simple thing in the world. As though it was nothing out of the ordinary for her to stop him in the middle of the night at gunpoint, "Why are you going out there? What's so special about her, Jack? What makes Kate so different that you'd go out there knowing you'll probably never come back?"
Jack was silent for a moment, and then he opened his mouth as if to speak, but then closed it again, shaking his head. He brought a hand up briefly to cover his eyes, pulling it away in frustration as he felt the sting of tears burning against his eyes.
"It was my fault…" Jack's voice shook as he spoke, the anger he had previously felt vanishing from his demeanor. All that was left was a torn sadness and the weight of guilt. He sounded as though he was in pain as he spoke, "Everything that happened to her, happened because I let it happen. I let her walk right into their hands. I knew it wasn't safe to be in the jungle alone, at night no less, and I let her go anyway. It was my fault. And now I have to fix it. I have to go after her…"
Ana listened intently throughout his speech, showing no sign of disagreeing, but still showing nothing that signified she approved either, "So you've said," she spoke almost bitterly, her lips twisting into a knowing half grin, "But I think there's more. I think that you two had something going on and now you're thinking that's all there is. You think that because she led you on, you have some kind of responsibility for her. You think you love her."
"You think I want this, Ana?" he asked, the anger suddenly pouring back into him with a vengeance, "She didn't deserve what happened…"
"I never said she did," Ana spoke calmly, gazing at Jack.
"But you don't think I should go after her," Jack responded, her voice holding an accusatory tone.
"I just want to know what's so special about her, Jack…" Ana repeated the words she had spoken before, this time her voice further laced with an acid bitterness, "What's so different about her that you can't have it with someone else?"
Jack froze at the question, stilled at what it implied. So she knew by assumption that Jack felt something for Kate. That this wasn't the kind of rescue he would attempt for just anyone, as much as he tried to tell himself that it was.
"I-I don't…" he began hardly sure of what to say or where to begin. The truth was, he didn't know where what he and Kate shared stemmed from. He didn't know where those silent looks they shared extended. He just knew it was real, that it happened.
"Is she really worth your life, Jack?" Ana asked, not allowing him to give a proper answer. It was as if she was sure there wasn't one. Like she thought this was all somehow in his head.
"She made it all okay…" Jack said after a moment, his eyes drifting to the dying fire as he spoke, the flickering embers reflecting in his eyes, "It seemed like everyday it was always something. Some accident, some reason for me to worry myself sick over everyone, especially her. But somehow, she made it seem okay…She made it seem like life goes on…"
For once that night, Ana was silent. She gazed on at him in feigned interest, as though she was finally getting some kind of answer. When she didn't say anything, didn't interrupt him at all, Jack continued. He shook his head, lightly chuckling as he spoke, a bitter edge clear in his voice.
"She was always looking out for me, always worrying about me the same way I was worried about everyone else," his lips twisted into a grim smile, the bittersweet feeling of memories fresh in his mind, "You know, she even drugged me once, just so I would sleep? She crushed up sleeping pills and put them in my food. All so I would sleep…"
"So what are you saying, Jack?" Ana asked, her voice hard. She looked skeptical, as though she could hardly believe that Jack thought Kate was worth all of this.
"I'm saying that its worth it," Jack said simply, voice firm, "All of it."
"Then you should go…" Ana said after a moment, that same desperation that Jack had noticed before becoming more noticeable in her voice.
Inwardly sighing in relief, Jack stood up from the log. He nodded to her briefly, not really understanding why he thought he even owed her that much. Just as he began to walk away, heading for the tree line, she called out to him once more.
"Jack…" she called out to him. He stopped, hesitating briefly before once again turning to face her. This time, he really seemed to take in her image properly as he gazed at her. She was wearing the same clothes she had worn since he had stumbled upon her in the jungle. The same black tank top and tattered jeans. Her hair was mussed and she had a weary look about her that Jack couldn't mistake. He felt a pang of guilt at being so cold to her.
Their eyes met, and she looked at him with a burning gaze, and intensity that Jack couldn't hope to match, "I'm sorry…" her voice was light this time, very nearly missing the rough edge all together, "I just…I was worried. I shouldn't have done what I did. I just wanted you to know that it doesn't have to be this way. She isn't the only one who cares…"
Jack was silent, gazing sadly at her, unsure of what he could say. He swallowed hard, watching as she slowly approached him until she was standing right before him. He looked down on her and their eyes met, once again locked by an intensity that Jack couldn't explain.
"Just remember that, Jack…" Ana said softly, a light tone that Jack never could've imagined possible for her, "Remember that while you're out there looking for her, it could be different…"
"I know…" Jack said quietly, wanting to somehow do something to break the tension, but nothing came to mind.
"Just go, Jack…" she muttered after a moment, forcing a small smile to stretch across her face as she reached out to grip his arm. She squeezed reassuringly before letting go, "She needs you…"
Nothing else was said as Jack merely nodded. She turned away from him then, going back to sit by the fire. He watched her for a moment, as though in awe as she sat there, once again turning to the bottle of liquor. She took a long swig, her eyes never turning back to meet his, never acknowledging that he was still there.
After a moment, Jack too turned away, heading for the jungle. This time, there were no interruptions and for the first time that night, he felt that at least one tiny thing was going his way.
Hours later, Jack found himself sitting before a crackling fire, the flickering light of the flames dancing in the reflection of his eyes. He had been hiking for what felt like an eternity, but he knew that it had only been a few hours since he had left camp. Still, he had managed to distance himself from the caves and was well on his own now.
Limbs aching, Jack felt a burn moving through his legs and arms. Everything seemed sore just now as the exhaustion was fighting to take over. It was why he had stopped. His eyes had begun to droop and though he wanted to get as far as he could tonight, he knew that it would be best, not to mention safer, for him to stop and make camp.
As his eyes began to feel heavy, drooping lazily closed, Jack let them. He let himself rest for a moment, knowing that his mind was still too chaotic to get any proper sleep. He couldn't get her off of his mind, couldn't erase the look in he had witnessed in Henry Gale's eyes when he spoke of her. It was horrifying to think that she could be in his hands.
Allowing his eyes to flutter open, Jack felt suddenly restless. Though every bone is his body fought with him to just lay down and drift off to sleep, he just couldn't. Shifting around, Jack reached behind him for his pack, hastily opening up the front pouch and pulling out the lighter that Danielle had given him.
Now here was a mystery that he was burning to figure out. Running the tips of his fingers over the protruding logo, Jack once again found himself questioning its meaning, all the while knowing that somehow, it had to be important. Rousseau had all but said so herself. She had said it would be of use to him, hadn't she? And then just by looking at her, he had known that she knew much more than she was letting on. She knew the answers he needed so badly. She had to know. But she wanted him to figure it out on his own.
And what had she meant that the Others weren't what he thought? Well, not all of them, she'd said. Like she knew. And she must, he mused, knowing that she had spent sixteen years on this island. She had known where he could find them and she had pointed the way, so then she must know more. She had acted like it anyway. But the greatest mystery was the Others. She had hinted that they were more than they seemed, and Jack had no doubt about that, but she had acted almost positively about them. As though they might be good. Now that was impossible. Good people didn't hurt others. Still though, Jack couldn't help but wonder and he knew that if all went as he hoped, he would soon have some answers.
Rain was falling all around Jack as he stumbled through the thick mass of trees. The jungle had become much more dense as he followed the rivers, just as Danielle had hinted. Despite his obvious discomfort at the situation, Jack was thankful that at least he knew he was going the right way.
His clothes were drenched as the rain continued to fall, soaking his entire body. His clothes clung tightly to his frame, leaving behind a wet residue on his skin. Large gushes of water drizzled down his face, rolling down his chin as he found to keep a steady breathing pattern.
The sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon, its rays lightly dancing along the distant hilltops. The sparkling array had always been a pleasure for Jack to watch, particularly as its dazzling effect all but tripled in the rain, but just now, Jack hardly noticed it. The sunrise had lost its luster to him, as only one thing and one purpose was on his mind. Finding Kate.
He was close. It was as though he could feel it in his bones. It was like a burning from deep within, like a constant pang of thought that refused to leave. It was just there. The knowledge that he was almost where he needed to be. That everything was going to happen soon, whatever that meant.
Shaking his head, Jack let the built up droplets of rain fly out of his hair, only to be replaced by new ones as the rain continued to steadily fall. Lifting a calloused hand over his eyes, Jack strained his eyes to look out into the distance. Gazing passed the trees and foliage, Jack realized that the plateau was now directly in front of him, just as Rousseau had said. Whatever it was she had sent him into, he should be upon it at any time.
Less than ten yards to his right flowed the two small rivers that were really more similar to creeks. Jack had been following them for several miles and was feeling a burn in each of his muscles, starting from the tips of his toes and building up as the pain traveled up his back, creating a dull ache.
His eyes fluttered in annoyance as tiny drops of rain got caught against them, sticking against his eyelids. The trees surrounding him had gotten so thick that he couldn't take a single step without first having to brush a stray branch out of his path, the leaves and vines brushing against him as he passed through.
The break in the trees came almost instantly, with very little warning. As Jack brushed a larger branch from his face, the leaves momentarily blocking his vision, he stepped suddenly into the clearing. He realized it right away as he was hit with a flood of light. When he had been in the dense jungle, very little light had managed to pass through the thick tree canopy. Now though, there was nothing but the cloud strewn sky above him.
Without the safeguard of the trees, Jack felt suddenly exposed. Vulnerable. And now the rain was falling in torrents around him, the no longer light wind whipping against his face. Perhaps it was the shock at his new surroundings, or the intensity of the rain falling upon him, but it wasn't until several moments after Jack had stumbled into the clearing that he noticed a monstrous form before him.
Raising his head, it took mere seconds for his eyes to fall on it. He gasped, his mouth hanging open in what could only be awe. Whatever he had been expecting to find, this hadn't been it. It was a massive wall, a structure unlike anything that Jack had ever set eyes on. He stumbled suddenly as it registered in his mind what it was, falling back in unrestrained fright.
There was a quality about it that Jack couldn't begin to define, his mind grasping at straws for an explanation. It was an eerie kind of sense, a ferocious character to the wall. Its size alone was enough to create a kind of awe in anyone, but across its surface were intricate designs carved into the stone, casting off an intimidating flare that Jack couldn't mistake.
Seeing such a manmade object erected in the middle of a seemingly unpopulated expanse of jungle brought Jack's whirling mind suddenly to the hatch. Breathing hard, Jack remembered his reaction to seeing the metal contraption for the first time. It had been shock, amazement even, perhaps a sliver of fear, but nothing like this. No, there was something so much more real about this wall. Something so much more threatening.
And as Jack stood there dumbfounded, hardly sure of what to do now, he knew that this hadn't been what he had expected at all. In his mind, he had pictured another hatch. A type of bunker. Some sort of military structure. Just anything but a wall of all things. And what a wall it was.
It hit him then, in that moment of utter terror, looking up in a dazed awe at the wall, that this was real. All of it. It was all happening. Kate was here, somewhere. Somehow, this wall had something to do with her captors. He was close. So close. And the tension in the air, clouding his lungs, the intensity coursing through his veins, it was all too much.
Reaching gingerly behind him, Jack reached back and pulled out the nine millimeter from within the hem of his jeans. Feeling the cold metal in his hands surged his adrenalin rush even more, causing the blood to pound furiously in his ears. He held the gun in front of him as he looked around the clearing cautiously. Waiting. He gripped at the handle firmly, slipping his middle and pointer fingers securely over the trigger.
Almost shakily, Jack took a step into the clearing, ducking his head as he moved passed a protruding tree branch. It was eerily quiet just now with nothing but the wind blowing and the rain falling. Jack could hear the wind as it blew through his hair, stinging as it bit against his face, humming in his ears. The silence magnified the noise of every falling drop of rain, and Jack could have sworn he could count them all.
Slinking along the line of trees that surrounding the clearing, Jack stayed just behind the foliage. He walked cautiously along the line, not daring to set even a toe out passed the trees. He imagined that a people that was wise enough to live behind such walls must also be well guarded. Though he hadn't spotted any, Jack assumed that there had to be sentries.
Countless questions were swirling through Jack's clouded mind as he fought to stay on task. He found that he had no idea how he was going to handle this. The wall was massive. Terrifying. And utterly hopeless and foreboding. How was he supposed to get passed it? There was no way he could think to get inside. And supposing he did? What could he hope to do then?
But despite his thoughts, Jack just kept on walking. Like he had a plan. Like he knew what he was doing. He surveyed the wall and the clearing as he continued to walk around its perimeter, never allowing his grip on the nine millimeter to waver.
The stone wall had two massive swinging doors. Taking in their image, Jack realized that they had to weigh tons and it made him wonder how whoever lived within those walls managed to open them. Off to the sides of the doors, Jack saw a guard tower to each corner. Exactly what he had been looking for. The two towers stood, if possible, even higher that the top of the wall itself. Rather than being of stone, they were made of a tough looking lumber with a thatched roof. They were supported by large beams of wood that Jack suspected were constructed out of entire trees. Large ones, at that.
And despite all that was on Jack's mind, he couldn't help but wonder how these people had gotten stone and mortar out here. On an island in the middle of nowhere. An island that no civilized person seemed able to find. Every detail of the wall and the guard towers screamed of civilization. Of a professional.
Crouching down amongst the foliage, Jack carefully edged forward, gun in hand. The rain had calmed significantly now, and was little more than a light drizzle against his face. Letting out a breath, Jack focused on the watch tower nearest to him, hoping to catch site of a guard. After a moment, Jack noticed a dark silhouette leaning against the back of the tower. The roof above the figure threw a shadow against his form, so that Jack could hardly make out any of the person's features.
But Jack didn't turn away. Instead, he kept a steady gaze on the figure, as though waiting for something he was certain would happen. And it did. After a few moments, the figure moved lazily forward, stopping at the front of the tower to lean over the edge, arms resting securely against the rim of the tower's sides, as though staring over a balcony.
Jack's mind was in a whirl, heart pounding madly within his chest as the figure came into full view, the clear light of morning falling over his features. As the light fell over the figure's face, Jack knew right away that it was a young man, perhaps even a boy that stood up there. He couldn't have been more than seventeen, if even that, Jack mused. He was tall with a stalky build. He looked big for his age. Strong. He had big hands, his knuckles white as he gripped the railing of the tower.
The young man had a tumble of smoky brown curls that fell down into his face, almost covering up his eyes. He had sparkling blue eyes, clear as the morning's light. Jack found himself staring, having hardly imagined the and Other to look like this boy did. Young. Innocent. Could it be that someone like this boy was responsible for kidnapping Kate? Was this the face of the Others? And then Rousseau's words rang sharply in Jack's mind.
"They are not what you think…Not all of them…"
Those words had struck him as an odd thing to say. But the had resounded in his mind like an echo immediately after they had left her lips.
"What are you saying?"
Like so many other times in his life, Jack had been unwilling to let himself understand what she might have meant. And even now, he wasn't sure that he did.
"You will understand in due time…"
Heart pounding, Jack couldn't tear his eyes away from the young man, the Other, who stood on the platform. He knew then that though he still didn't fully comprehend Rousseau's words, they were at least ringing true in his eyes now. And he had to wonder if he was staring into the face of what he had been so sure was nothing but evil. He had as much as told Rousseau they were just that, anyway.
"And what do they seem to you, Jack?"
She had asked him with a complete sincerity to her voice and Jack had almost questioned himself in that moment, suddenly unsure.
"They're evil…They take people, innocent people, and they hurt them…What they do, it isn't fair and I don't understand it…"
His voice had shook with the uncertainty that he had felt. And from the look she had held in her misty blue gray eyes, she hadn't missed a beat of it.
"Perhaps they are…But then again, perhaps they aren't…"
As her words continued to ring clear in his mind, Jack shook them away, banishing them from his thoughts. He couldn't think about this, not now. As much as he wanted to consider that some of them may be good, that he might even be wrong about them, Jack knew that it wasn't an option just now. He had to hate them. All of them. To get Kate back, he couldn't afford to hesitate for any reason. Not even for innocence.
And that was the thought that scared him. Never before had he felt murder in his heart. Not once in his life, not even on this island, had he considered murder in cold blood. Shedding innocent blood. Killing even with a shadow of a doubt. And it scared him. It brought the grim picture of Kate with her toy airplane to his mind, her fingers gripped tightly around it as she lazily simulated flight. He saw the cold look in her eyes that slowly faded into a look of such intense emotion that he could hardly comprehend it. That was the affects of murder. Cold blooded killing.
Jack was so caught up in his own thoughts that he had hardly noticed his position. He had made himself just visible from within the foliage, no longer hidden by the dense confines of the trees. Jack jumped back at this realization, shrinking away as though he had been burned. It was this sudden movement that made Jack look up and it was in that moment that he met the boy's eyes.
He watched, as if in slow motion as the boy's eyebrows curled in confusion, gazing in what could only be amazement at Jack. His mouth dropped open slightly, watching Jack almost curiously, as though frozen to the spot. It was in that moment that Jack slowly drew away, hoping that he wouldn't draw the boy out of his trance until he had managed to get away.
But then Jack watched the boy's ice glaze over, becoming cold and glassy as they fell to the nine millimeter lodged securely within Jack's grip. The boy's face twisted into sudden understanding and before Jack could think to move, the boy had dove expertly for a nearby rope, tugging it with all his might. A loud bell immediately began to clang, sounded an alarm.
Jack cursed under his breath at his own stupidity. Why had he allowed himself to be seen? His body tensed up, momentarily frozen as he realized that they would be coming after him now and he would have run, leaving empty handed. It took him only seconds though to bolt back into the trees, running with all of his might to get away from the pursuit he knew would be coming any moment now.
And it did, much faster than Jack had ever though possible. They came at him like a storm, a fury of whoops and calls as they went. They ran with a swiftness that was unimaginable to Jack, moving so smoothly that their feet made very little sound. Jack recognized the stealth that he had expected.
His mind was in a fury as he ran, determined to get away. Not only for himself, but for Kate. If he was captured, then she would have no hope. And he wasn't even sure that capturing was what was on their mind. Though they moved far too quickly and everything was too chaotic for him to properly tell, he could see that they all carried rugged looking spears, but deadly ones none the less.
His legs burned in protest as he pushed himself harder, mind blacking out from the exhaustion. His breaths came hard and strong, but they were never enough to fuel him for this kind of pace. Jack soon began stumbling, and he felt his body giving way. He couldn't give himself over though. He had to keep going, even if it killed him.
The first of them to reach him hit with a force that he could hardly comprehend, bounding into him with a fully executed tackle. Before he had even hit the ground, another of them barreled forcefully into him, knocking the wind out of him as they fell into a tumbling pile onto the jungle floor.
He coughed and gagged, unable to breath as clumps of dirt were forced into his mouth as his face was pressed into the jungle floor from the fall. He barely felt the weight of the two men come off of him, the pain was already too great.
It hardly registered in Jack's mind as he was firmly gripped by the shoulders and roughly rolled onto his back, the pain tearing through his upper body like wildfire. He winced, unable to stop himself from groaning at the ache. He coughed, wheezing as he came up short of breath.
They didn't hesitate at his coughing fit, but proceeded to pull his arms none too gently whichever way they pleased, several of them securing him as they bound his arms and legs. He didn't have the strength to fight them away and found that he could hardly move.
Every muscle in his body tensed at once as one of them shoved a dampened clothe in his face, forcing it roughly over his mouth and nose. Against his will, Jack inhaled, the strong scent of whatever was on the cloth nearly overcoming him. It smelled very similar to rubbing alcohol and it took only a few moments before he felt the effects. His eyelids became suddenly heavy, his entire body going tense. If it was possible, he felt even more exhausted than before.
As his eyes fell lazily closed, Jack felt himself being pulled roughly to his feet, one of them tightly gripping him at each arm. His head fell to the side, and someone pushed it violently up from behind, steadying him. They were talking now, and though their voices came clear, Jack's mind was falling too quickly into a thick haze to comprehend their words. He couldn't begin to fight it as he felt a thick fabric being shoved over his face. It surrounded his entire head and it itched against his skin and had a terrible stench. Jack realized that it was a bag.
A deep sleep finally over came him as they began to move, dragging him along, his body gone limp. The last thing that came to his mind was perhaps the clearest of all. It was an image of Kate, her eyes shining brightly at him from a dim firelight. Her lips were twisted into a rare smile, the contours of her face illustrating a relaxed look. He tried to call her name then, the image biting away at his consciousness, but it was to no avail. He had passed out within seconds, his captors dragging him along through the jungle and back to the wall.
A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked it! Don't forget to review because I always like to know what you think about my fic. Any suggestions or constructive criticism is always encouraged, and I really do appreciate it too. Thanks for reading!