#06- Rain

He hated it. HATED IT! He hated the sound it made when it hit the windows of his house. Hated the crashes and booms of 'thundard' that came with it. Hated the way it burned his skin.

HOW DARE IT BURN THE ALMIGHTY FLESH OF ZIM!!!!????

Rain. His mortal enemy...

Wait... The Dib-stink was his mortal enemy!

Rain. His OTHER mortal enemy...

Of course he had long ago learned how to prevent the burning sensation. The cure had come as a direct result of his SHEER IRKEN BRILLIANCE! Paste! Paste had been the cure! And unlike the filthy meat cure for the germs (stupid, STUPID germs), paste had fewer side effects. It just dried out his SUPERIOR Irken skin causing him to have to take the time to bathe more often.

Which was what he was doing now. Sunken in, so the goo came just below his eyeballs, he was silently glaring at the crashing, banging, HORRIBLE noises the Earth storm was causing on the surface. That's it. He wasn't going to skool today. He was sure that the Dib-beast would take this opportunity to rant to the class about Zim's SUPERIOR Irken being, but Zim had long ago lost the fear of his classmates learning his mission. They were too stupid. The entire PLANET was too stupid. There was only the Dib-beast and once he was out of the way... VICTORY FOR ZIM!!!!

The loudest crash yet rocked his base and Zim shivered in his goo bath. Stupid Earth rain... His Tallest had been surprised when Zim had told them about this HORRIBLE substance that often fell from the Earth sky, but Zim knew that had just been an act. His Tallest HAD to have known about this... Water substance. They had sent Zim to Earth because of it! To test him! To let Zim show that he was the most MIGHTY INVADER EVER!! So, he shouldn't BE afraid of this rain (not like he was! Zim was not afraid!), he should be studying it! Learning its weaknesses so he could DESTROY it!

YES! That was the key! Earth was covered in this... Water. By Irk, humans were almost completely MADE out of water! His Tallest, knowing of how deadly this horrible substance was, must have sent Zim to destroy the water, thus destroying a threat to the MIGHTY IRKEN EMPIRE!

"GIR!" Zim shouted, leaping from the bath and grabbing his Invader's uniform. "Come to me! We must PLAN!!!!"

There was a series of bangs then Gir fell from the ceiling... into the undrained bath of goo. Jumping out, his eyes crimson, he saluted sending green goo everywhere. "Ready to serve, my master!"

Pulling on his gloves and boots, Zim grinned widely. "To the OBSERVATION PLATFORM! We must search out the secrets of this 'Rain' so that we may rid the world of all water! TO VICTORY!!!!"

Eyes going blue, Gir stared up at his master, tears in his eyes.

Seeing this, Zim hesitated. He had been planning to run out of the room, his evil minion following while they both cackled insanely the entire way to the teleporters. However, it looked like his servent was going to ruin those plans... Yet again... "What is it, Gir?"

Gir sniffled, a big tear cutting through the green goo and splashing on the ground. "We's can't destroy the waters mastah!"

"And why not? They are a serious threat to our mission!"

"But I likes them!"

"TOO BAD! Now Gir, TO THE TELEPORTER!"

"But whats about the flowers?"

Zim blinked, staring at his servent. They were supposed to run out of the room to plot! Not talk about Earth flora! "What ABOUT the flowers, Gir?"

"And the anima-mals? And the bees? And the pigs? I LIKE PIGS!"

"Yes. Yes you do. But we are not going to destroy the pigs, Gir. We're going to get rid of all the water. The pigs will be fine!"

"But the planet has a delicate ecological balance. By destroying the water, we destroy what protects and sustains the environment. With no water, plants will not be able to photosynthesize ceasing the release of oxygen into the atmosphere. With oxygen dwindling, ozone will not be able to form, allowing deadly cosmic rays from the sun in. The Earth will become irradiated and all life that hasn't died of dehydration will perish of radiation poisoning! It would be the end of the world!"

"..." Zim didn't know what to say. "Yes. Yes I knew all that..." the alien finally said, staring into Gir's brightly glowing eyes. "And the destruction of the world is GOOD! ...Right?"

"NO WATER MEANS NO MUD! I LIKES THE MUD!!!!" Gir wailed, latching onto Zim's head and beginning to cry hysterically.

That was more like it. "GIR! Get off me!" Zim shouted, fighting to pry Gir's gooey body from his head. When he was unable he threw his hands up in disgust. "Fine! I'll leave the rain alone! My Tallest would want a far more honourable victory anyway! Earth plants can not produce enough of a fight to save themselves!"

Gir continued to wail.

"Gir! I said I wouldn't destroy the rain!"

The robot stopped crying. "YAY!" it shouted, leaping off Zim's head and back into the tub of goo. "THE MUDS ARE SAFE!" he cried, doing what looked to be a mix between a victory dance and laps in the goo.

Zim shook his head in disgust. "I can still formulate a biological weapon which will affect all Earth life, causing their stupid HEADS to EXPLODE, right?"

Gir blinked up at his master. "Will the explodies make waffles?"

Sighing in disgust, Zim left the room to go to his lab.

The rainstorm was still going on overhead. It was too bad about that water plan... It would have been BRILLIANT! But nothing was worse then making his robot slave upset... Not that Zim cared! It was just... HE DIDN'T CARE! DIDN'T CARE HE SAID!!!!

A crack of thunder echoed through his base and Zim shivered.

Stupid robot...

Next up: Chocolate