10:19 AM

Beth was laughing merrily at the tales of the mighty Eames clan when she realized that Alex wasn't joining in.

"Alex? What's wrong? Is something that happened with your family bothering you?"

Alex, momentarily lost in thought, was slow to respond. "No…yeah…I don't know." She gave Beth a wan smile. "Helpful, huh?"

Beth smiled back. "Indecision is verrrrrrry interesting." She was trying to make Alex laugh, and it worked, but she wasn't really surprised when that short bark of laughter quickly led to tears. Silently she handed over a box of tissues and waited for Alex to finish letting it all out. When it seemed her patient was regaining emotional balance, Beth spoke. "Okay, Alex, what was that about? And don't tell me you don't know, because we both know you do."

Alex snorted. "I don't try and hide stuff from you anymore, Beth. It's a waste of time." She sighed, "It's funny, because what's upsetting me is how nice it was; being with Bobby openly, able to show how I feel. And my family really likes him and they're happy for us; my Dad even gave Bobby his version of a blessing."

"Well, those are all good things, right? What makes them turn negative for you?"

"They're not negative, they make me happy, but things aren't like that at work. Bobby and I are so worried about anyone finding out about us that we end up being colder to each other than we ever have before. It's like our connection, that thing that made us good partners, is dangerous, so we suppress it. And we end up feeling distant from each other. I actually think it affects our job performance; not a lot, not for other people to see, but I feel it."

Alex rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, and it occurred to Beth how tired she must be. The last few months of her life had been rife with emotional upheavals; not all of them bad, but still, it had to be somewhat draining. "What do you think you can do to fix that, Alex?"

"The only thing I know that will fix it is for Bobby and I to 'fess up. Go to Ross, tell our story, and let the chips fall where they may."

"So why don't you?"

Alex' voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper. "I would, but Bobby doesn't want to. He's afraid, with good reason by the way, that we'll be split up, maybe even assigned to different squads."

Beth caught her eye. "Are you afraid of that, Alex?"

She nodded. "I am, but not the way Bobby is. He went through a lot of partners before we got assigned to each other, and it was very hard on him. He wasn't able to do what he loves best to the best of his abilities. He hated it, and he doesn't want to go through that again, so…"

Beth interrupted, "You're what Bobby loves best, Alex. You know that."

Alex looked up, eyes moist with emotion. "I do know that; I just think he's so afraid of what might happen he's not paying attention to what is happening. We're short-tempered with each other, tense all day, and then we go home and try to act like we're two completely different people. And that was working, for a while, but I don't want to spend my days pushing him away, and being pushed away, when it was so…so relaxing to just be who we are together. At least it was until we found out about Jimmy making bets on us. Since then, the whole situation has gotten worse. There's a lot of tension under the surface, even when we're alone together. And I don't want that; we both deserve better than that."

"You need to tell him this, Alex. He can't meet your needs unless you express them."

Alex exploded. "Screw you and your shrink bullshit, lady! I can't tell him this. I promised him he would never need another partner, and I won't break that promise."

Beth responded calmly, "Screw you and your excuses, Detective. Do you really think telling your captain will mean the end of your partnership?"

Taken aback, Alex answered quietly. "No, I don't. I think that Ross will look at our solve rate, remember what Bobby was like to deal with when I was kidnapped, and look the other way. We'll be told not to flaunt our relationship, but we won't be forced to hide it anymore, either. And it needs to happen soon, before…"

"Before what?" Beth prompted.

"B-before his mother dies. She's dying, and he's a mess about it, and he's gonna be a bigger mess when it happens. And I don't want to be just his partner then; I don't want to go to her funeral and not be able to-to help him the way that I will when we're alone. I don't want him to feel abandoned because we have to hide what we are to each other." Her tears were threatening again, and she took a moment to collect herself before continuing. "Bobby has dealt with every single problem in his life alone. It's one of the saddest parts of who he is, and I want it to STOP. He's not alone anymore, he's never going to be alone again, and I need to make that known; to him, and whoever else is watching, regardless of what they think about it." Alex looked up at Beth, an almost defiant gleam in her eyes.

"Alex, Bobby knows he's not alone, even if you don't think he does. And whatever the both of you think about what the NYPD will do to you, I wouldn't be surprised if your relationship is already an accepted fact. You don't hide it nearly as well as you think."

Riled up now, Alex said, "What the hell does that mean? We hide it fine. It's just that my family knows me, and Jimmy saw us all the time, and…" Her voice grew softer as the facts sunk in.

Beth grinned. "And I figured it out in about 5 minutes, mostly because that kind of strong emotion is nearly impossible to suppress, but in part, because," she walked to the window, indicating the large and pacing man in front of her office building, "of that. You think Ross didn't notice that Bobby spent every night in the hospital, or that he comes here with you, or that when the two of you are in a room together you can see only each other? You're excellent detectives, I'm sure, but lousy hiders of evidence."

"Yeah," Alex admitted sheepishly. "We suck at crime."

Beth laughed, "Which means you're on the right side of it, careerwise. Now, has Bobby agreed to come back to another joint session with you?"

"He hasn't said it in so many words, but I think he actually wants to. He felt a lot better after the last time."

"Well, I'm really good at this shit." Alex laughed at Beth's cocky little stance. "Alex, why don't we schedule him to come with you next week, and we can talk about how you two will approach your captain? We can make a plan, which will probably help Bobby feel better, and maybe we can get into some of this tension between you, too. If it's enough to make you cry, it's enough to talk about with him."

Sighing dramatically, Alex said, "Well, okay, if you're forcing me, I guess I have to. Me and the big guy will see you next week." She started to get ready to leave when Beth approached her.

"I have a little coping mechanism for you, Alex, to help break the tension at work." She leaned in and whispered into her patient's ear.

Shocked, Alex gasped. "Beth! That's so…wicked. I like it." She left, swaying her hips in an exaggerated fashion on her way out, to Beth's tinkling laughter.

A few hours later…

Bobby was stunned when, in the middle of exploring a crime scene, Alex surreptitiously reached under his jacket and squeezed his butt.

Well, I don't know what that did for his tension level, she thought as she walked away, feeling his eyes burning into the back of her head, but it sure as hell lowered mine.

A/N – This is my very vague reference to "The War At Home" for this story, but as promised, it will stay firmly in the land of fluffy angst (or angsty fluff) of the personal kind. I also went back and made some minor adjustments to a few chapters, as the rerun of "Vacancy" reminded me that Alex is not the youngest sibling in her family. Damn canon. Anyway, thanks for continuing to read, and to deal with my ramblings.

PS – There's apparently a magazine called Self Healing, but I didn't swipe the title from that, I promise. And I don't own Criminal Intent, sad to say.