Sorry about the long wait and the drop off at the end of chapter 2. Thank you for reviewing to those who did. Now on with the story….
I Thought You
Knew – Chapter 3
Despite the fact she wanted nothing more than to melt in his arms, Rin managed to hold her wits long enough to push him away from her.
She managed to break the kiss for the sake of her heart, stepping back to walk away. She was scared. Sure she expected to talk to him at some point, but she wasn't prepared to do it now. Damn it she felt trapped, her eyes glanced toward the small clock.
Frowning, she looked at him. It was only two-thirty; he should have still been at work. After all Sesshomaru never missed work for anything or anyone. Rin opened her mouth to question him, but shut it quickly as an idea struck her.
Did he know? He had to, but he wasn't due home till later this evening. She planned on waiting for him to come home and notice her gone much later. He couldn't have gone home early unless…
"Kagome…" she whispered.
"Still think your going to leave me Rin?" he asked her
Rin spun around quickly to face him and her mouth parted in surprise, but not entirely because of his unexpected question. It was his appearance. She didn't really have time to study him when he first caught her by surprise, but looking at him now he looked…different. It wasn't the clothes; she was accustomed to seeing him in suits. Granted his tie was loose, his collar was undone but it wasn't Sesshomaru's clothing that was off right now. It was Sesshomaru…
His clothes were a little wrinkled, his hair was a little shaggy, and his eyes were a little shadowed, as if he hadn't gotten much sleep. In fact his whole face looked shadowed, somehow a little leaner, and a little rougher. Rin frowned with worry.
And worry she did, because Sesshomaru had never been "a little" anything. He was an all or nothing kind of man, emphasis on the all, especially where his physical appearance went.
Rin sighed, choosing to ignore the pang of concern that pinched her at seeing his less tidy than usual state. She did this for them, for him…and she would do good to remember that. Fretting about and doubting herself over her decision wasn't going to help them. Especially since Sesshomaru and her weren't together anymore.
"What are you doing here Sess?" She heard her self say.
"You're really going to stand there and ask me that?" he growled.
Rin desperately prayed she could keep her voice steady, clear and indifferent.
"I mean, I know why you're here, I just…" she began.
"You just what? Didn't think I'd find you so quickly?" he scoffed.
"No…I didn't think it would be so…" Rin tried to say.
He cut her off with a wave of his hand as he moved away from the wall he was leaning against.
"I believe you wanted to know what I was doing here. Well let's see, in the middle of closing a major deal for Tashio Inc, my sister in law runs in crying. Her behavior seemed strange but you know what was stranger?"
He paused to see if she would answer, when she didn't he continued.
"What was strange was the fact that my girlfriend of two and half years had decided to leave me. Yet she forgot to inform me of my newfound bachelorhood or the fact she didn't think I loved her." He spat.
"Not wanting to believe it, I drove home. To our home Rin only to find your things gone. Once I got over the shock, I figured you might be here so I came. I want an explanation. Does that answer your question?"
Rin eyed him tearfully. She knew that much; knew he would come throwing down her door demanding an explanation. And after this afternoon, things were about to get much worse. Nothing prepared her for this moment. Sure she practiced different scenarios in her mind, thought she had it all figured out to some degree.
But now, as he stood before her, angry and demanding answers Rin was lost. She didn't know what to say.
Correction, she knew what to say. She just didn't know how to say it. She needed to get her head straight before she explained. By the look on this face he didn't intend on waiting. Maybe she could stall for a bit? Just until she figured this out.
So she asked him, "What do you want?"
Sesshomaru looked at Rin and wondered which of dozens of answers to that question he should give her. He wanted a lot of things, actually. He wanted the merger from Naraku. He wanted to look forward to the trip to Hawaii. Hell, he wanted her home with him. Wanted to surprise her with the wedding of her dreams. Mostly, though, he wanted Rin to open her eyes and see what was so obvious to him. He loved her.
"I want you to stop this foolish idea of yours. I want you to go get your things. We can talk about this back at home" he finally told her sighing.
Rin however he noticed, didn't seem to be as open to the idea of her returning home with him, because she didn't move, didn't speak. In fact, she was looking at him as if she was kind of angry.
Rin was about to reply in terms of his demands when a wave of dizziness came over her. Quickly placing her hand on the wall for support, she tried with all her might to will the sick feeling away. She felt like she was going to faint. Taking slow deep breaths didn't seem to be working, she needed some water.
Something wasn't right, he could sense it. Something was off, a second ago Rin was angry he felt it, now her brow had begun to sweat and she looked pale.
Well, actually looking at Rin now, Sesshomaru thought she looked as white as a sheet. Was it fear? He didn't sense any fear from her.
"I need to wash my face" she said in a shaky voice.
Sesshomaru growled, so she was worried about explaining he thought.
"Damn it Rin, we will discuss this one way or another." He yelled. "You're not staying here."
Rin was going to get sick she knew it. She needed to get to the bathroom.
Shaking her head, she turned and fled toward the bathroom.
"Damn it Rin" he yelled after her. Part of him wanted to follow after her but what was the point, he wasn't leaving here without her and the faster she understood that the better for her.
Running his fingers through his already shabby hair he sighed. He needed a drink. A strong one. He wondered if the liquor cabinet was stocked. Sure they hardly used the house in the past month since she moved in with him, but the housekeeper still took care of things.
At least he hoped so as he made his way toward the kitchen.
As he opened the cabinet, the telephone rang causing him to growl in its direction. Who the hell was calling her. Everyone knew she no longer lived here. Well there was Kagome. She knew Rin was here.
Sesshomaru glanced at the bathroom door. The door was still closed; he could hear the sound of running water. It rang again and he briefly toyed with answering it. But then again it had to be Kagome and he didn't feel like talking to her. He and Rin needed to talk still.
The answering machine could get it he thought with a shrug. Spotting the scotch, he smirked.
Click.
Hi. You've reached Rin. I am not in right now; please leave a message after the tone.
Sesshomaru continued to sip his scotch as he listened to the short ring then a voice.
Hi. Ms. Somotou, this is Ayame from Dr. Takanaka's office.
Sesshomaru set down his cup. He knew he shouldn't listen to a private message, but it wasn't like he could cover his ears. Besides this apparently was a doctor and Rin was looking pale. Was she sick? He thought.
…Vitamins. And iron. Dr. Takanaka was a little concerned with your iron level. The results just came in. Also, the doctor thought you might want a recommendation for an OB-GYN…
An OB-GYN? What the hell was that?
Don't worry, everything is absolutely fine, but it's always a good idea to start with an obstetrician early in your pregnancy and, of course you're already in your second month…
The floor seemed to tilt under Sesshomaru's feet. Pregnant? Two months pregnant? What did it mean? What in hell did it mean that a woman he'd slept with the past two and a half years was…
Rin flew past him and slapped the machine to silence. Her face and gone from white to red.
"I…I was going to explain and…" she looked terrified.
And with cold, relentless clarity, Sess knew. He knew exactly what it meant.
He had put a child in Rin's belly.
Rin tried to tell herself this was all a bad dream. Any second, she'd wake up, safe and in bed. No phone message's telling him what she was suppose too. No Sesshomaru Taisho staring at her like a man who'd just seen his life flash before his eyes. Most of all, god most of all no doubts of him loving her.
But it wasn't a dream.
Everything that was happening was hideously real, from the red light blinking with impersonal determination on her answering machine to the man standing in her tiny kitchen, dwarfing it with his size.
With his fury.
And she knew that he had every right to release his fury on her. She was too late and now the nightmare would begin.
"I was going to tell you everything I swear" she cried.
He growled. Now he sensed her fear. Oh she didn't know how much she should be afraid right now.
"Explain yourself" he growled.
Rin gasped, sure he was pissed and rightly so, he had just found out he was going to be a father after finding out she had left him. However, she was trying to explain if he would just let her.
"I figured with your hearing abilities you would hear me trying to explain things Sess" she huffed.
Her attempt to use sarcasm backfired. The look on his face grew even colder.
"That call?" he whispered. "You are pregnant," he said flatly
Rin said nothing. Sesshomaru took a step toward her.
"Answer me Rin!" he yelled.
"You didn't ask a question?"
His eyes narrowed, and she swore she saw a flash of red.
"I warn you, Rin, this is not the time for games," he jerked his head toward the phone.
"That message. Does it mean you are with child?" he hissed.
Such an old fashioned phrase. Another time, she might have found it charming, now it served as a reminder of how much Sesshomaru belonged in a world that she had no place in.
"Sess, I am trying to explain if you'll just listen to me" she pleaded.
"I was going to tell you everything tonight. I knew once you got home and found me gone you would find me. I had every intention on telling you everything."
He was on her before she could finish her explanation, his hands hard on her elbows as he lifted her to her toes.
"You are two months pregnant! his grasp on her tightened. "Two months to tell me I was going to be a father" he shouted.
"Sess, please…maybe we should discuss this later once you've calmed down" she said.
"You will discuss whatever I wish, when it concerns me regardless of my mood."
He lowered his head until his eyes were on the same level as hers.
"How many chances did you have to tell me Rin?"
Didn't he know how hard this was for me as well?
"I wasn't even sure myself till this afternoon. I figured…" her voice trembled.
God she hated herself for the show of weakness. She was thinking of him. Didn't that count for something?
"So this whole time, you suspected you could have been pregnant with my child and not once did you feel the need to mention it."
"I asked you a question Rin. And you will answer me! How many chances have you had to tell me?" he growled.
She wrenched free of his hands. "A hundred. A thousand. Ten thousand! Are you satisfied?!"
The expression on his face was terrifying. She didn't care. He didn't seem to care or notice how hard this was for her. This was not the future she pictured for herself at all.
"Why were trying to leave me? And with my child?" he sighed too emotional to say more.
"I didn't want you to suffer anymore. I couldn't let you comm"
He caught her again, pulled her roughly into his arms and kissed her savagely.
"Does that feel like suffering to you, Rin? Does it feel like I am lacking in anything" he asked.
"I must have been out of my mind thinking we could do this rationally and peacefully." Rin said in a small voice.
Sess glared. "I am a logical man. I just cant see the logic in your foolish behavior."
Hell at this point he couldn't see much of anything. He knew he was known as the non-emotional type but god they had control over him now.
He was not a man who fashioned chasing after women. But when those words left Kagome's mouth the chase began. He was no liar, so he didn't deny his reasons for going after her. He wanted her with him.
He wanted Rin more than he'd ever wanted a woman in his life.
Sesshomaru cursed, spun away from her and paced across her kitchen. He ran his hands through his hair and told himself he was crazy. His entire world had upended and it was a great deal to take in all at once. A child. His child. In the womb of a woman who had stirred him so that he'd forgotten everything about self control.
To hell with this. Angry at Rin for trying to leave him and withholding their child from him. Angry at himself for somehow giving her a reason to do it. He swung toward her again.
Rin backed away, pressing her lips together. "I'm… sorry?"
He was moving toward her now… "You're sorry!"
"Can you blame me Sess. What was I suppose to do when you"
"When I what?" he demanded, his body an inch from hers.
When he'd never said I love you.
When he'd taken forever to move her in.
When he'd never mentioned marriage.
When he'd broken her heart…
"Did you ever love me?" she whispered. "Did you ever love me at all?"
"You can really stand there and ask me that now?" he grounded out.
With a growl, he grasped Rin's wrist and pulled her toward him.
"Sess." Her voice was weary. "Why are you making this difficult?"
Cupping her elbows he gave her a sharp look. "You made it difficult by thinking you could ever get away from me Rin."
Rin gasped, trying to catch his hands.
"What are you doing?"
"Opening your robe," he said calmly, as he slowly untied the belt. "I want to see this pregnancy of ours."
Her breath caught as he spread her robe wide open.
"Don't…" she started to say.
"It is my right," he told her coldly.
It was. Wasn't it? The right of a man to see the body of a woman who carried his child. He knew it looked no different then it did when they made love last night. But somehow knowing now what he didn't know then, made him want to look at her.
Her belly was still flat; no sign was present that his child was growing inside. His heart constricted painfully at the thought of her leaving. There was no way he was letting her go now.
"Sesshomaru." Her voice was shaky. "Sess…"
"What?" he responded as his hand ran softly across her flat belly again.
"I think we should talk about this now." She said sounding much calmer.
"Yes," he said briskly. "We must discuss what to do now. What is right" he nodded.
What is right!
Rin stiffened as his words resounded in her head. There it was, those words she knew would come. What is right. An obligation. He felt obligated now because of their baby. Rin forced herself to choke back a sob as the last bit of heart she had left shattered.
He didn't love her and now she had proof.
Sesshomaru watched as Rin pulled her robe together. She was shaken; he could sense it, but she obviously wasn't going to admit it.
"What is right," she said, "is that we raise this child as friends not as enemies."
"Friends?" he asked in a low voice as if taken back.
"Being my friend that hard for you?" she asked.
"Plenty of couples raise children successfully without being together. Sesshomaru I refuse to stay in a relationship where I'm not loved." She added.
His eyebrows rose. "I have said no such thing."
"No, but you show it." She threw back
"I can't do it anymore Sess, can't you see that. The best thing for all of us is if I go. I never intended on keeping your child from you. Please believe me. I want you to be a part of everything concerning this baby. But you will do it without me by your side."
"Damn it," Sesshomaru snarled, grabbing her wrist, "are you insane?"
"Cause damn it Rin if you think I'm letting you leave me you are. And you further prove it by even suggesting I should consent to this crazy idea of yours."
"I'm insane because I want to share this child with you?" she huffed.
"A child's place is with its parents together Rin." He told her.
"I knew you would feel obligated." She yelled.
"I don't…" he growled
"You don't love me. And I won't live like that to satisfy your honor. Not when you'll grow to resent me."
His eyes widen.
Resent her. How the hell did they come to this. He practically worshipped the ground she walked on. Loved her with all he was. Did she really think he would resent her? Never.
How could he when she gave him so much to hold on to. She gave him hope in a world where he struggled to fit in. She gave him love, and if that wasn't enough…she gave him a child.
His eyes held such sadness as his gaze rested on her belly. It pained him to think of his child growing up like he did. No child of his would ever experience life without both of them together.
Rin noticed the look of sadness as it came over him and she growled. How dare he pity her. She was not about to let him feel pity for her situation.
"I don't need or want your pity, Sess. I don't want everything from you except your promise that you'll agree to this and forgive me in time."
Her tears fell on his hand and he wanted nothing more than to kiss them away. To assure her that he loved her.
He would love her for the rest of his unnatural long life. He had never been surer of anything else. And she was having his child.
Oh yes. Her defiance. Her passion. Her determination.
An inadvertent smile lifted the corner of his mouth. If ever a man wanted sons, even daughters Rin would be the one to bear them. Such fire. Such courage…
His breath caught.
Yes, sons, daughters. He wanted lots of kids. And he wanted them with Rin.
Suddenly he knew what he had to do. He let go of Rin's hands. A roll of paper towels hung over the sink. Reaching up he torn off a few sheets and handed them to her.
Only to have her shove them away.
"I just said I don't want anything from you!" she growled.
"Perhaps you'll make an exception," he said calmly, "considering your nose is running."
She gasped in embarrassment, grabbed the towels, put them to her nose and gave a long, noisy blow.
"Much better,"
"Good. I wouldn't want to offend your lord's delicate sensibilities." She said.
Her voice was shaky but he could tell she was maintaining her self control. He was glad too cause after what he was about to tell her, she would need it.
"Rin, sarcasm doesn't become you"
"Such perception!"
"But sarcasm aside, it's inappropriate to address me by my title."
Rin just looked at him not knowing what to say so she burst out laughing.
"Once upon a time, you demanded it" she said.
I do not believe in such formalities any longer." He said, cursing himself for a fool because he knew damned well a man couldn't sound more formal then he did right now.
Pausing, he took a deep breath and prepared himself.
"Rin, pack your suitcase" he said.
"Were you not listening to me Sess. We're over. I won't return with you" she whispered.
"I didn't mean that." He sighed.
Clearly confused she looked at him frowning. "Then what?"
"You need a suitcase Rin because you will be accompanying us to Hawaii as planned."
He watched her open her mouth to retort but cut her off.
"This whole idea was brought on by my lack of love for you is it not? You will come to Hawaii with me. Give me a chance to prove you wrong."
Rin went eyed wide. This had to be a trick. He would lure her back in, sweep away with her heart and then everything she knew would happen. No she wouldn't allow it. For all three of their sakes.
"No," she said shaking her head. "I can't"
Growling his eyes flashed red. "You can't or you won't?"
"Both. I can't be hurt anymore and I won't hurt you." She cried.
"Give me the chance to prove that you're wrong. You owe it to me. But most importantly you owe it to our child."
Her eyes flashed with anger.
"And then what? What happens when it doesn't work." She cried out.
His eyes closed, and Rin wondered what he was thinking. Before she had the chance to ask, she found herself looking into his amber eyes. What she saw scared her. He looked defeated.
Sesshomaru never looked defeated. He never had to, he wasn't one to lose.
"If by the end of the trip you are not convinced of my feelings," he paused seeming to struggle with his next words, "I will agree to your demands."
Without waiting for a reply he turned and walked out leaving her to stare at his retreating back shocked.
"We leave in three days, be ready to go. I will grant you your space till then"
It was the last thing she heard before the slam of the door met her ears.
It wasn't till he was on the porch did he let the small smirk fill his face. He had her now; let her believe he would agree with her demands if it got her on that plane. He knew he should have felt bad about lying to her but he didn't. He was not a man who liked to lose and he wasn't about to do it now. She was his. His soon to be mate, and the mother of his child. He would do whatever it took to convince her of his love. Starting with a wedding. It would be his ace in the hole for sure.
"And then what? What happens when it doesn't work?"
Her words resounded in his head only to have him release a small chuckle as he made his way to the black escalade.
It didn't matter what, he thought. Cause either way she was leaving that island his wife.
He left well over ten minutes ago yet Rin still stood firmly rooted in front of the bay window. She had watched him drive away and the tears still refused to stop. Their conversation didn't go as she planned. He never even had given her a chance to explain anything. Not after hearing about the baby that was.
Sighing she rubbed her belly. Now she had to go to Hawaii. She didn't want to go. No good would come from it, but she knew him enough to know he would leave her litle choice. So tonight she would pack as planned.
She knew he didn't love her, hell he had never even utter those three words to her in their whole relationship. How the hell was a trip going to accomplish what those little words would have?
Yes. All he would have had to say was I love you and that would have been the end of it all. Because she knew if he'd had she would have given him everything…
Well Chapter 3 guys…Please review and let me know. I promise chapter 4 will be out sooner.