Happy Street – The Scheisengale
By Nidonemo
Chapter Three: My Masterpiece!
Billy burst out of the tree house and started frantically looking for Zoe, there wasn't a second to lose. He raced over to the glasses shop, and asked the toad behind the table. "Miss, have you seen Zoe? Has she been around here lately?" she shook her head, Zoe hadn't been there to pick up her new pair of fashionista shades yet. Billy looked around again, the town was small, and there weren't many places where one could lose sight of a friend.
The fox ran by every shop and stall, if he could find Zoe he would find the bird. But how would he get rid of the bird once he found it? He hadn't thought that far ahead yet. Suddenly he heard a squeal of joy in the field in front of the town. Zoe was there, a big white glop of fresh poo on her head, she was dancing and singing in circles, the ground around her was dotted in white, the scheisengale was right above her.
The bird flew in tight circles, screeching and screeching, its bowels letting loose in frequent rapid droppings all around the cat. Billy ran as fast as he could towards them, "Zoe! Zoe stop! You don't know what you're doing! Don't touch that bird!"
Zoe looked up at the scheisengale, and smiled, she opened her arms wide, accepting the rain of shit on her body and face. "Go my darling baby! Mommy wants you to share your great gift with all her friends! Go! Spread your love to my village!" with that she jumped up and slapped the bird on the rear.
To Billy's horror the bird flew high in the air and cawed repeatedly, it flew so high it was simply a shadow against the sun. Suddenly the sky was filled with globs of bird poo, plummeting down to the ground, splattering everywhere as they hit the dirt road, the rooftops, the awnings, exploding all over people's heads, covering any exposed merchandise in the shops. The town flew into a panic, people screamed in disgusted horror, they ran for cover wherever they could find it, but with no trees and the shop awnings being so small they flew towards their homes. Confused by the sudden rush of people around him, Billy became overwhelmed. A blue mother bunny ran by, dragging her screaming child behind her as she shielded her poop-covered bonnet.
The child was in tears, crying hysterically, "It's in my hair mommy! It's in my beautiful, beautiful hair!" the child couldn't have been older than 6 years old, and her short golden locks that once waved and shimmered in the Springtime sunlight were now saturated with horrible-smelling bird feces that dripped off as they ran.
Her mother tried to console her as best she could, all while dashing towards their tree house. "I know dear! Just keep running! Mommy will shave you bald when we get home! You must keep running! Don't look back! Shield your eyes!" As they fled into their home and slammed the door, a ball of feces hit it and splattered the window. The scheisengale was spinning in the air, screeching relentlessly. One of the many orbs of shit flew from its anus and hit a green pig, who was already covered mercilessly in crap.
She tried to wipe her eyes, crying and sobbing, "It's everywhere! Oh my god it's everywhere! It's in my ears! Someone help me! It smells so bad!" she then lurched forward and vomited all over her feet, green puke spattering her new shoes already peppered with speckled white bird poop. This tragedy had to stop; Billy ran down the street towards his house, he had to find something to knock the scheisengale out with.
Along the way, Billy saw a wolf on his hands and knees, being relentlessly splattered with crap as it rained down upon his back. He was about to shout to him to get inside but then he spotted a shadow underneath the wolf. The shadow was moving. As Billy ran closer he saw a smaller wolf underneath him, shivering and crying. "My love! Stop! Let us get to shelter! You're going to be saturated in shit!" she wept.
"I cannot, my dear, you will be exposed to the filth, and we just got you that beautiful dress with the last of our daily savings! I will not move! If I can save you and your beautiful clothes from this barrage of feces, I will do everything I can to try! If you leave me for some other animal who is cleaner than I after this, I understand and will still love you from afar." he said as proud tears fell from his eyes.
She wept harder, "I will never leave you! I love you so! To hell with my dress! I love only you, Sasuke!"
"Oh, Hannako!"
"Sasuke!"
"Hannako!"
"SASUKE!"
"HANNAKO!"
The lovers continued to sob and scream each other's names back and forth as Billy continued to run towards his tree house, when he reached the door he shoved it forward and found it was stuck! He shoved several more times, and looked inside. Someone had pushed all the heavy furniture up against it and barricaded themselves inside. Billy angrily pounded on the door. "HEY! What the hell is wrong with you!? Open this door right now! This is an emergency!" he screamed.
"Yeah no duh, moron! Go find some other hiding place!" a voice called back.
"There are people suffering out here! How could you be so selfish!? AND THIS IS MY HOUSE, ASSHOLE!" Billy screamed, pounding on the door.
"Not my problem! Now go away!" snapped the voice. Billy felt his face grew hot as he clenched his fists, he gave the door one final pound and looked around for another way in. Unfortunately all the windows were shut and most likely sealed from the inside. His ears perked and he heard the screaming of someone coming up from behind him. It was a purple pig, being chased by the squawking scheisengale.
The pig begged and pleaded "N-no! Leave me alone! Please leave us alone! Stop shitting on me!" as he raced, huffing and puffing, stumbling towards a house three doors down. He bounded inside, and slammed the door. The scheisengale screeched and flew into an open window on the second floor. There was a series of crashes, the sound of plates falling to the floor, the pig screaming and pleading, and then a gigantic, wet fart. To Billy's horror the windows filled with white, and a gigantic flow of feces flooded out the open window, the scheisengale flew squawking out the chimney a moment later. He ran up to the door and pulled with all his might before he realized that the door didn't open outward. There was muffled scratching and gurgling from the inside; the pig was fighting to open the door, fighting to breathe. The scratching became more and more frantic and then it ceased.
Billy's eyes went wide, he flew into a panic, he shoved and shoved at the door, nothing moved, he kept shoving until the tears in his eyes blinded him and the world became a watery blur. He pounded on the door again and again, his fists pained him, and he felt himself sink to his knees defeated, and sobbing. He felt the warmth leave his heart, his face went cold, this had to stop. This was going to stop, now.