Back by nobody's popular demand, here's another entry in my terrible fanfiction. Maybe someone somewhere might be getting some enjoyment out of this. If so, enjoy.

Chapter five
The signs

"Okay, I believe you now, kid," Roger said, "but what can we do about it?"

"All of the survivors will have to be together. Only survivors can save other survivors. We'll have to call them all to here."

"Okay, let's call them all. Who's next on the list?" Linda asked.

"Uh, let me see…Reggie! It was Reggie, that pothead. I just hope we're not too late."

-10:30 a.m. Highway 180-

"Dude, you think you should've had all that pot before you drove?" Carl asked.

"You had more! Besides, I didn't know we were gonna drive and shit. I just got a call, same as you," Reggie responded.

What Reggie didn't know was that half a mile ahead, a drunk driver plowed into a stop sign, knocking it so that it pointed almost parallel to the ground, the end about seven feet high.

"Hey, do you think that guy was right about everyone dying?" Carl asked. "I mean, that our number is up?"

"I don't know about you, but I just smoked five ounces of weed and I feel better than ever. If Death's stalking us, I'd like to see him try!"

What Reggie didn't know was that behind them, a car chase was going on and the cop had turned on his siren.

What he did know was that the cop car was pulling up behind him, and he panicked and drove off the road.

SMASH!

"Dude, you can get back on the road, the cop's - AAAAAHHH!"

The stop sign had gone through the window and impaled Reggie through the mouth.

Three down.

"And now Arianna is dead," Martin said, "and more will die if we don't stop this thing here."

Tony cut in. "Wait. You knew the streaker was performing and you couldn't call me until she died?"

"Are you kidding me?" Linda exclaimed. "You still don't believe him?"

"Chill out, drama queen! You'd have to be some sort of idiot not to believe him at this point! I'm just saying I could have used a little female nudity!"

"You people are all insane!" Danielle hollered.

"You don't believe him?" Roger asked.

"I believe him," Jason said.

"Stop it! Can't you see what you're doing? You're putting ideas in my Jason's head. Now he's going to grow up thinking Death is out to get him!" Danielle insisted.

"Wow, you are the most bullheaded woman I've ever seen!" Martin said.

"I know. If she was twenty years younger, I'd be on her right now," Tony said.

"I don't have to take this," Danielle said.

"Shut your damn mouth, Tony!" Martin said. "If you chase her away, she's as good as dead! We still have to convince her."

"Nothing you say will convince me of this crazy conspiracy theory you have!" Danielle insisted.

Just then, Carl burst through the door, dripping with rainwater. "Reggie's dead! Reggie's dead!"

"Calm down, Carl," Martin said. "Just tell us exactly what happened.

"Okay, okay. We were driving down the road, and there was a cop, and then the sign came through the window, and then he was dead!"

Linda glared at Danielle. "What do you say to that, Mrs. 'You're all insane'?"

"Nothing I can say in front of Jason," responded Danielle.

"Wait a minute. Carl, did you say Reggie was impaled by a sign?" Martin asked.

"Yeah," Carl said uncertainly.

"Through the mouth?"

"Whoa, how did you know that?" Carl asked.

"That's almost the same way he died in my vision!" Martin exclaimed.

"Come to think of it, didn't you say something to that first guy, Joseph, about a concrete block and nachos?" said Linda.

"That's right! And Arianna had her neck broken on her shirt collar! Do you know what this means?" Martin said.

"That you have far more free time than you do sleep?" Tony suggested.

"Not only are we dying in the same order, we're also dying in the same way we would've died!"

"That's ridiculous! Can't you see how crazy you all sound?" Danielle said, starting to usher Jason away again.

"Then I guess you don't want to hear how you die?" Martin asked.

Danielle stopped. "Of course not. Why would I care what you think?" she said shakily, but she didn't move an inch.

"Come on, girl, what do you have to lose?" Tony asked.

"My dignity, my grasp on what's real, my-"

"Your son, your life," interrupted Linda.

Danielle stopped. "Fine, then tell me how Jason and I die."

Martin began. "Well, Jason dies after Tony, with a sharp plastic fragment in his brain. Then you die in either an explosion or by catching on fire, I can't remember which. After that, Linda dies when a water bottle knocks her down and the goalpost crushes her. Next Carl dies after he's crushed by a seat, and Jesse is stabbed. Then I die when a piece of steel is lodged in my brain."

"Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going."

"Wait a minute," Tony said. "You told them how they die, and you told me I die next, but you didn't say how I died. So let's hear it. How does this one bite the dust?"

Martin bit his lip. He had been afraid to say this one, for he knew it would only drive them apart. "Carl accidentally knocks you down and your skull is crushed by a football helmet."

For once, Tony's laid-back smile vanished. He looked at Carl like someone would look at a ticking time bomb.

Realizing the situation and what it implied, Carl attempted to make amends. "Hey, man, it's not like that. I don't want to-"

"Stay back!" Tony yelled, and he ran away from them as fast as his legs could carry him, which, for a football player, is very fast indeed.

Carl looked at Martin. "Oh my. Do I really kill him?"

'"It isn't your fault," Martin said quickly. "You were freaking out because you had just seen Reggie die."

"Excuse me," Roger said. "I don't mean to interrupt, but do you have any idea when I'm supposed to die?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure about that, but I think it'll be right after Tony, since he's the one that saved you," Martin said.

"Speaking of Tony, we'd better get out there and make sure he's okay," Martin said."

"I thought Carl was the one that killed him. Wouldn't it make more sense to stay away?"

"Carl is going to stay away from him. The rest of us will have to tag along. If something does happen not involving Carl, we'll be there to stop it."

"Wait, so now you're going to shun this man just because of your fantasy?" Danielle asked. "What if that man Tony never dies and he never sees him again?"

"Then he'll be better off," Linda responded.

"Well I, for one, am staying with him," Danielle insisted.

"Okay, you can stay with him. That might actually be better," Martin said, "In case some accident gets us killed. Now, let's-"

"Wait a minute. Has anyone seen Jesse?" Carl asked.

"Now that I think about it, he didn't show up here at all," Roger said.

"Well, I called him, same as everyone else," Martin said.

"Wait! Isn't that him?" Linda said, pointing towards the door. Sure enough, Jesse came through the door, dripping wet with a giant sandwich board that had a bunch of smeared blurs on it.

"I got your call," he said hoarsely.

"Where have you been? And what's that supposed to say?" Danielle asked.

"It says 'I hate Niggers', or at least it did before the rain washed it away. I've been yelling it, too, but my voice got hoarse right away."

"What? Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Roger asked.

"Yes! Of course I was trying to get killed! I've been committing suicide all day!"

"What are you talking about?" Martin asked.

"I tried to hang myself with my bedsheets, and the knots slipped off! I drenched myself in oil and tried to light myself on fire, but I ran out of lighter fluid and the wind blew out my matches! Then I tried filling my bathtub and dropping a toaster in, but the tub sprung a leak! I jumped off of seven different buildings, and I landed on an awning every single time!"

"Why did you keep trying?" Martin asked.

"I told you. I lost my family and my money, and you said we were all going to die anyway, so I figured I might as well get a head start," Jessie rasped.

"It doesn't work that way. I told you, we die in the exact same order as we did before. You die second last, and nothing can change that."

"Hold on," Carl said. "What if he did die before he was supposed to?"

"It would mess up Death's whole plan," Linda said.

"Not to mention save whoever hadn't died yet," Martin said.

"Okay, I'll just try harder. Does anybody have a knife, or-"

"No!" Martin yelled. "You died impaled by your knife in my vision, and that's the way you're supposed to die now!"

"So? As long as it's out of order, it shouldn't matter how I die."

"I know, but what if you just fatally wound yourself and don't actually die until you're supposed to? It would be a giant waste."

"I guess so," Jesse said.

"Excuse me, but aren't we supposed to be saving Tony?" Roger said.

"Oh, yeah! Okay, here's how we're going to do this. Linda and Roger, come with me and help me save Tony. Danielle and Jason, stay with Carl and make sure nothing happens."

"And what about me?" Jesse asked.

"Do whatever you can to kill yourself!"

ere...