Fill The Void

Chapter 5

'I can't stand this anymore,' thought Severus. Draco and Harry could be doing any number of horrible, sexual thing with each other in the bathroom. 'And I'm just sitting here, feeling sorry for myself!'

But strangely, Severus didn't make a move towards his bathroom. As if didn't want to break some strange taboo that had settled over the bathroom door. Voices fell like the rustling of leaves, one strangely calm and reasoning, the other water and broken.

When the bathroom door finally opened, Draco came out and walked slowly down the hallway and sat in his chair. He looked tired. More tired than Severus had seen him since the final battle.

"He's alright?" Severus asked nervously. He fidgeted and shifted uncomfortably on his own couch.

Draco nodded, not looking at his godfather.

"Is he going to come out?" he questioned. Would Harry really want to come out and face this person who had made the last few minutes of his life hell?

The blonde shrugged. He didn't know or wasn't saying.

"I suppose I have to go talk to him, right?" Severus whined, dreading the forthcoming conversation he knew wouldn't end well. All the sudden, Harry Potter was the last person he wanted to face.

Draco stood up quickly. His face was red; furious. "Don't go in there if you don't want to. It's the last thing he needs." With that he was down the hall and into his room.

Now Severus felt worse than ever. What was he supposed to do?

Of course…

He had to go talk with Harry.

Did he really want to? Yes, he wanted to fix what he had obviously broken. But was Harry going to forgive him? He didn't know if he would, if he were in Harry's position.

As Severus thought about how he had probably thrown away the most precious thing in the world to him, Severus started to cry.

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Harry sat in Snape's bathroom for a long time, crying and mulling over the lost friendship and his last chance at having the man he loved. Finally, he had given up the hope Severus would come looking for him. He walked as quietly as he could out of the bathroom, hoping not to disturb Severus, where ever he was.

When Harry crept into the living room and he stopped dead. Severus was there, sitting on the couch where they had placed him, head in his hands. Crying. It reminded Harry of when Severus had kissed him. They'd both been crying then.

If Harry hadn't seen Severus cry once, he might not have recognized it now. He was hunched over, his frame shaking ever so softly. Choked back sobs escaped as Harry watched.

"Severus?" whispered Harry as he came into the living room.

The older man looked up sharply. He coughed hoarsely, "Mr. Potter," he stared at Harry, unable to think of anything else to say.

Harry looked down so Severus wouldn't see the fresh tears clouding his eyes.

"Gods Harry…" Severus was at a complete loss. What was he supposed to do about the pang of guilt he felt build up in his chest when he saw Harry cry. "I'm sorry, Harry."

He got up slowly from the couch and started to make his way towards his bedroom. Harry, realizing he was about to be left alone, quickly said, "If you don't want me here, tell me to go." His eyes were so clouded by this point that big, fat tears started rolling down his cheeks.

Severus shook his head, "I'm causing you so much pain, Harry. I just wanted to be your friend and I even messed that up. You can stay, if you want. On the couch or with Draco…I'm sure you would rather be there than with me." The misery made his voice tremble and quiver.

Then Harry was alone in the living room of Severus Snape's private quarters with a broken heart in hand. Draco's room did look very inviting, but Harry knew this was the last chance he would ever have to make things right with Severus. He did the only thing he knew wouldn't get him hurt as badly as he just had been.

Are you mad at me? Harry wrote on the parchment. A few minutes went by without a reply, but then he recognized Severus's script handwriting forming a reply.

What have I done? Harry felt as though his heart would break.

Nothing that can't be fixed between friends.

Somehow I seriously doubt your sincerity. I just…I made you promise to be just friends and then at the first test of true friendship, I stabbed you the worst way possible. I played off feelings I knew you had for me. I feel terrible.

What if I said I could forgive you?

I wouldn't want you to. I don't deserve it.

What if I said I wanted to. Not because you deserve it, but because I had my own selfish reasons.

"I would say that's very Slytherin of you, Harry," Severus replied, stepping out of his room clad in black silk pajamas.

Harry couldn't take his eyes off him. He was so happy to see Severus smirking at him, wearing something so very sexy and knowing it too. It made him gulp down a groan. But he smiled and stood up to give Severus a hug when he opened his arms for Harry.

"So you forgive a stupid, greasy git?" Severus whispered in his hair.

"If there was one here, I would definitely forgive him. If I'm forgiving you, I suppose I could forgive him too."

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Harry woke up in Gryffindor tower, though he had no recollection of how he'd gotten in his own bed. Severus had fallen asleep with him on the couch last night. Maybe he'd been carried up once he'd fallen into deep sleep. It made Harry stretch and smile, taking in a fresh morning gulp of air with new enthusiasm.