*Ring-Ring-Ring. Ring-Ring-Ring. Ring-Ring-Ring*

You hear the phone going off. Probably your boss calling to yell at you again. You start to wonder whether or not you should even answer it.

You decide on no. Let it keep ringing. They can't be serious anyway. Always talking about how they're worrying about you. "Where are you? Are you okay?" Pft. Bull shit. They just want to know why you're doing things for them.

Where's the ringing even coming from anyway? It sounds like it's coming from everywhere. Perhaps from you. You look at the small black rectangle on your chest. This maybe? You pick it up, and the sound moves with it. Yup. From your bed, you throw it as hard as you can across the room. Maybe it'll shut the fuck up now that you've shown your dominance.

It hits the wooden planks attached to the wall that you have stuff on. The plank falls, it's contents dropping everywhere. The ringing stopped at least. Good. It was making your head hurt.

There's a bottle in your other hand. Almost empty. What a shame. That was some good stuff. Burns, but good. The pain feels kinda nice anyway. Like burning away the old so the new can grow. Or you're a masochist. Something along those lines.

You lay there for... let's face it, you said 'fuck it' to time a long time ago. You don't even know how long ago, for that matter. Why bother when you're just happy doing this?

You have to get up though. Get more of that bottled stuff. The stuff you had. Where's your scarf? Can't go out without your scarf.

You start getting out of bed, failing once or twice, stumbling to the foot of it.

Ah yes, your scarf. Can't go anywhere without it. If you ever do go anywhere without it, you're either dead or dying. At least from your perspective anyway. Perspective. Did you use that correctly? Fuck it. Doesn't matter. Just ignore the cold and go.

Don't fall down all these ledges. That'd be painful. Knowing that doesn't effect you when you step too hard and slip on the last one. Oh well. You're almost to that place you keep more of the bottles in. You can't remember how to get there though. Just go from room to room until the floor changes color you guess. Right now it's brown with a lot of lines going the same way.

Room to room, the floor colors change. It's never the right one though, you need white. All of these are brown. Well there's some red over there too, but still. Maybe you'll go there anyway, nice change. Head straight for it.

You look around here for a bit, and you see it. Right next to you. Theres a white floor. Stand between the divide of white and red. The metal box is over there. So far away. Just go...

The floor is cold. Must've had this room made of ice or something. Makes sense. No wonder this is where you keep the cold stuff. Just make it to the box. The thing. At least you don't need another thing to open it. Just grab the bottle and go. But there must be a blizzard inside...

Fuck it.

You grab the bottle and close it, keeping the blizzard in there. Good. Now the return trip. Should you make a plan or just go to random rooms again? Fuck. Decisions. Just go through a door for now.

Oh. The stairs, right there. Nice.

Just go back up. Careful though, mountain climbing can be hard.

Get to the top in one piece. Good. Your room's that way. Good thing too, you gotta take a leak.

Just get over there without losing your loot. Your sweet ass loot at that.

Get in, go to that other door. The door farther away, not that one. There's nothing you need in there. Close the door? Fuck it. No one's came to get you. They don't care maybe? You just climbed a mountain yourself. Nope. No fucks are given. Put the bottle on the counter across from you. Take off that thing you keep around your crotch for whatever reason. Or whatever, just don't drench them in piss. Don't feel like finding new ones.

Get rid of the door, thingy. Sit your ass down in case you need to do more than expected. Finally.

Sit there. Think. You've been active for so long, you deserve a nice break. Think about how no one's there. How no one helped you. No one came when you were wailing. Fuck. That's rough. Just sit there with a straight face. Then suddenly, he crosses your mind.

FRANCIS

You think about him. Let your eyes well up in tears. You remember his long golden locks. His accent, even thicker than yours. His lean, fit body. You can't help but let the tears run down your cheeks. Suddenly it's as if the dikes in Holland broke. Just sit there, covering them, wailing again. Why. Why did this have to happen. You didn't give him enough time to say...

You're done with that other thing. You do the thing that makes it so you can do it again later and pull your crotch covering garment back up. Where's your bottle. You need that right now. Just take it. But wait. These thoughts need to be gone. You hate them. They hate you more. Get rid of them.

That bottle. It's hard. It's made of that hard stuff that gets sharp sometimes. You gotta...

Take a swig for good luck. You don't wanna make another trip. You shoulda brought back more.

Hit the wall. As hard as you can. It hurts. But it doesn't work. That's some strong glass. They probably planned this out. Take another swig of luck, you need it more now. Try again.

The glass shatters, leaving itself in pieces all over the floor. All that wonderful liquid gold you worked hard for is down with it. There's some pain in your arms... Ignore it. Get down there. There should be some shards big enough. Just sit against the wall, all this activity is making you feel weird.

Look around and you see it. The perfect shard. Good enough angle. Nice grip. Grab it. Don't think, just do it.

Take it. Put it to your wrist. Glide across. Don't be afraid to go hard, if you feel it; it'll be over soon enough. Don't worry about the mess, that's someone else's problem. Now do the other one.

You just sit there. It's pouring out of you. You almost slump onto the floor. If the vodka got into your wounds, that'd feel terrible.

Wait.

WAIT.

What the fuck are you doing?

No. That's not how it's supposed to be done. This isn't a fucking game, and if it is then that's cheating.

Fuck. You're too weak to get up, you must've cut deep. Damn it. And the room looks like it's getting darker too.

You're not gonna live through the night. You'll barely live through the day if you're lucky. You have to do something but... So weak.

You hear noises downstairs. Screaming. Screaming your name. You can't scream back though. You can barely breathe now. If only they knew...

"Ivan!"

You see someone who sounds like your older sister burst through the door. You can barely move your head to see her clearly enough though. At least if you die now, you won't be alone. She'll... She'll take care of you.

She just left but she'll come back... you can hear her coming back now. It... It'll all be okay...

You wake up in a white room, your sisters Katyusha and Natalya sleeping in chairs to the right of you.

You can't help yourself, but you remember. You remember everything.