They lay wrapped up in each other for a long time afterwards, Santana's fingers trickling along Brittany's bare skin, her mind drifting back over the day. Today had been a turning point for her, so much had happened, but also so many feelings, new feelings had developed, all thanks to this amazing girl she had in her arms.
Brittany stirred next to her, lifting her chin, angling her lips towards Santana. An easy smile graced her lips and the tender look in her eyes made Santana's breath hitch silently.
This girl, her girl…..wow, she still couldn't believe it.
"What are you thinking about?" Brittany whispered, against her neck.
Santana couldn't fight the smile that appeared from the way Brittany's breath hit against her neck, hot but soft at the same time.
She tangled her fingers into Brittany's and dropped a kiss onto her nose, "you, of course," she confessed, a tint of pink making an appearance at her cheeks.
Brittany smiled catching Santana blushing and pressed further, "umm, really? Tell me more," she smiled planting an open mouthed kiss against Santana's jaw.
Santana shivered at the touch and turned onto her side leaning on her elbow so she could look at Brittany, she continued tracing patterns on her arms and followed the path of freckles, which she had grown to love.
She stayed silent for a minute, her eyes following her fingers over Brittany until she tilted her head to find Brittany looking at her, watching her intently.
"Thank you," she whispered
"For what?" Brittany asked back, stopping Santana's fingers and wrapping them up in her own.
Again Santana was quiet for a minute, "hey," Brittany whispered, giving her hand a slight squeeze, "you can tell me anything you know."
"I know," Santana smiled back, "it's just, I don't know how to explain it," her voice grew lighter as she fought for words, "you've opened my eyes, I guess," she tried. "Like, I see the sky is blue now, I hear and appreciate the way the birds sing and chirp in the morning, you know? The small things, things I never thought about or I guess took the time to notice before."
Brittany stayed quiet, letting Santana talk, she listened intently; happy that Santana was finally opening up.
"When I'm with you." She continued, looking up into Brittany's eyes, "I can actually feel my heart beat, but I can relax, I mean my body relaxes, like it's not so tense and I find myself sitting up straighter, with enthusiasm I guess, which apart from in my writing or photography, I've lacked."
Santana stopped talking again, wanting to choose her words correctly, "I've found enthusiasm for myself, my own happiness, your happiness," she answered sincerely, "I would do anything to see that smile of yours Britt, whatever it took, I'd do it, because when you look at me that way, with that smile, I feel like I've done something right."
"Ah, San," Brittany gasped; bringing Santana's hand to her lips so she could plant soft kisses there. "You've done it all yourself baby, and I'm proud of you in so many ways, but it's all down to you." She added, kissing her hand again, "you've opened yourself up to me in so many ways, let go of old habits, made memories," she smirked, "you opened your heart up to me in those letters you wrote, you asked me to be your girlfriend, it was all you San, all you needed was someone to show you how worthy you are and how loveable you are." She smiled as Santana looked at her.
Tears gathered in the corners of Santana's eyes as she processed Brittany's words, "I didn't need 'someone,' I needed you," she cried out as a tear rolled down her cheek which Brittany caught with the pad of her thumb, rubbing it away softly.
"Well I'm glad it was me San, I wouldn't want it any other way, you're all I want," she whispered, leaning in to kiss another tear that dropped down Santana's cheek.
"I just feel scared, Britt, I feel too much for you having only known you such a short time,"
"Say's who?" Brittany asked, "who says how much you are allowed to feel about me, there is no time limit on feelings San, we can't control them," she whispered, "only you know how you feel, you don't have to be scared, we are taking it slow."
As soon as she said it they both burst out laughing looking down at Brittany's naked body, "ok, maybe not in all areas, but in terms of trying to measure your feelings and only allowing yourself to feel certain amounts is crazy, I can hold my hands up honestly right now and say, Santana Lopez, I've never felt like this about anyone, even people I've been in a relationship for a year with– you've surpassed that and then some," she smiled.
Santana watched her with a wide grin, "really?" and she watched Brittany nod, "and that doesn't scare you."
"A little bit, but not in a bad way but in a super exciting way, I mean, seriously, have you seen my girlfriend?" she teased leaning in for a kiss.
Santana laughed too, into the kiss and she felt herself relax again.
"You're so smart Brittany," She spoke, looking into Brittany's eyes.
"And so are you, look how far you've come in a little over a week. Don't worry about what you feel, ok, nobody can tell you it's wrong, we feel what we feel ok?" she stopped whilst she waited for Santana to nod, when she did she continued. "I feel exactly the same ok, except maybe a little at a disadvantage." And she pouted.
"What do you mean?" Santana questioned, her brow creasing.
"Well I'm lying here all naked in your arms whilst you are fully clothed, how is that fair?" she quirked her eyebrow as a smile rose from her lips.
Santana laughed too, "well what are you waiting for, get me naked too!"
Brittany laughed as she poked her fingers out into Santana's ribs as she began tickling her.
"Britt!" Santana screamed, "stop, I can't breath," she laughed.
Brittany eased up on her tickling and rolled on top so she could straddle Santana, but Santana took this opportunity to stare blatantly all over Brittany's body.
"Hey, quit that," Brittany joked, "it's your turn now, I want to concentrate on getting to know your body."
Santana shrugged, "Well don't be so god damned irresistible then," she smirked, letting her hands rub on Brittany's thighs causing Brittany to let out a long drawn out moan.
"If you are not going to follow my rules Miss Lopez, I'm going to have to tie your hands up," she smirked seductively, causing Santana to gulp.
"Ok, fine, you're in charge," she mumbled, watching the smug smile brighten on Brittany's lips.
Brittany brought their lips together, softly, slowly, teasing her with her lips, tongue and teeth, she grazed along her jaw and down her throat. She loved to see the reaction it had on Santana's body, knowing that no one had ever made her feel like this before.
She cursed the boys who had had their hands on Santana's body in the past and hadn't appreciated or treated her like she deserved, she promised herself that she would always show her how much she worshiped this body.
Brittany kissed her way down Santana's neck, up to her ear lobe and nibbled on it lightly to the beat of Santana's breathing.
"Sit up sweetheart," she whispered as she sat back on her legs as she brought Santana up to the sitting position, she put her hands on the bottom of Santana's cardigan and vest top and removed them together, not wanting to waste another second not looking at her body.
Two voluptuous twins greeted her held in by a hot pink bra, Brittany took the view in, her eyes closed as her heart beat raced, the temperature suddenly increased, she was torn between wanting to get rid of the bra or spend a little while longer admiring the way it pushed Santana's breasts together.
The decision was made by Santana, who grabbed Brittany's hands and brought them to her chest, encouraging Brittany to rub them, they felt soft and hot through the fabric, her fingers dived in to find her right nipple and she concluded that now the bra was in the way.
Brittany brought one hand round to the clip and flipped the clasp open with her fingers, Santana was still sat up facing her and Brittany moved forward to straddle her lap.
"Ooh, feels so good," Santana moaned into Brittany's neck as Brittany began rolling her nipples and palming her breasts.
Brittany brought her lips down and latched onto her left breast, sucking and flipping the nipple, teasing it into her mouth and blowing hot air onto it.
Santana whimpered as she gave the other nipple the same treatment. "Britt," she gasped as she began raising her hips off the ground, the feeling she felt before in the lagoon, coming back to her.
Brittany pulled back and lay her down, trailing her fingers over her abs, she hadn't gotten the chance to look at Santana when she had done this to her before, now she wanted to capture the moment, spend time on each groove of her rib cage, but Santana was becoming frustrated underneath her, she needed Brittany to touch her.
Realizing this, Brittany slid down Santana's body and she popped the button on Santana's jeans and pulled them down her legs, she was greeted my white, lacy panties with a hot pink bow on the front, they looked so pure and clean that Brittany's eyes rolled back in her head.
"You have no idea what you do to me," she croaked as she inhaled the smell of Santana's arousal, she leaned closer to stroke her finger along the spot which was much darker and covered in Santana's juices, the spot on the fabric was getting larger by the minute.
Santana lifted her hips up higher, trying to add pressure to Brittany's touch.
"So eager San," she whispered, "so very wet for me," she uttered, causing Santana's head to roll.
"Please, Britt," she begged as Brittany started planting wet, open mouthed kisses on the inside of her thighs, "I need you to touch me," she whimpered desperately.
Brittany continued with her kisses until she placed one, so delicately right on the center of Santana's pooled panties which caused Santana to jerk up into her face.
Not being able to wait any longer, Brittany peeled down the wet, white panties.
It was her first glimpse of Santana naked and the sight of her caused a moan so animal like that it ripped up her throat. She was so perfect, she thought.
She eyed Santana hungrily, her fingers finding their way to run through her folds, desperately, passionately, lovingly all at once, she wanted to go slowly but she couldn't. Her fingers teased her clit, rubbing, stroking, twisting their way up and down.
Brittany let her eyes travel up to Santana's, her eyes were closed and she seemed to be gasping out Brittany's name.
"Hey," Brittany whispered, not stopping her movements, she waited for Santana to open her eyes, "look at me sweetheart," she nudged, finally making eye contact, "How does it feel?" she questioned already knowing the answer.
"Like fireworks are exploding in my stomach," she explained between moans and her body writhing.
Brittany moved her hand lower and entered her with one finger, Santana's chest heaved off the floor at the new feeling, Brittany stilled her finger as Santana got used to the new pressure inside her.
When she lay back down, Brittany started a slow rhythm, pushing in and out, pushing deeper each time, twisting her finger in different ways, when she felt Santana was ready she added another finger, feeling Santana's wall expand to let her in. She was overwhelmed with the hot and stickiness she could feel, she wanted to taste it but she didn't want to stop.
She watched Santana who now had an arm over her eyes, Brittany leaned up and tangled her fingers into Santana's moving her arm away from her eyes.
They smiled at each other as Santana spoke, "it feels so good Britt, I'm so close."
"Let it go baby," Brittany encouraged, "cum for me San."
And her words helped her release and let go of the tightness as it flew across her tummy, holding her in time, her body shaking and trembling as curse words tripped out of her mouth whist Brittany's fingers kept up their rhythm.
Brittany's name tumbled loudly into the night air as she fell limp and sweaty and her body shook with the aftermath.
Brittany slowly pulled her fingers out and wiped them on the blanket as she crawled up to pull Santana into her eyes.
The tanned girl below her had tears in her eyes as a sob fell from her.
"Hey, what is it?" Brittany whispered, concerned she had hurt her somehow, "what's wrong?"
"Nothings wrong," Santana sobbed, "these are happy tears," she smiled into her neck, "nobody has ever took the time like that with me Britt, you were just so amazing and wow, I can't believe how you made me feel."
Brittany smiled, hugging her tighter as she kissed the top of her head.
"It will always be like that from now on San, you never have to worry ok?"
"It just feels too good to be true," she choked, letting her tears fall onto Brittany's shoulder as they wrapped themselves up in the blanket.
Brittany shushed her with soft kisses, "it is true baby, I promise," she smiled.
Santana had never cuddled with anyone naked before, it felt so good, with her tanned skin, pushed up against Brittany's toned pale skin.
She sighed a content breath as Brittany began stroking her hair.
"Was it really that bad? I mean all those times with those boys?" Brittany queried, not sure why she was asking.
Santana looked up at her and rolled onto her side, pulling them closer together.
"It was always my idea," she started, thinking back. "I was never pressured or anything. I guess in my head I just thought that with one of them I would feel something, I just had to find the right guy and then it would all be ok, but it never happened." She smiled up at Brittany, "and now, I can't even express how glad I am about that because otherwise I wouldn't be here right now." She finished kissing Brittany on the cheek.
"Did any of your friends not see how you were feeling?" Brittany asked.
"I became so good at covering up my feelings Britt, nobody stood a chance at seeing how I really felt. Quinn was my only friend really but that was weird in itself, we would bitch and fight at each other and I would always go after the guys she liked just to make myself feel better." She answered honestly.
"And then there was Puck, I guess we were kinda friends, he's the one that I dated for a while, as a cover obviously, but we'd drink and smoke and hang out and I'd let him grope me and shit and I went along with being his girlfriend. It worked for both of us and it was just easier."
"Does he know now?" Brittany queried, interested in her girlfriends history.
"No, there's no way that he can, I don't know how I'd ever tell him," she whispered.
"What do you think he'd say?"
"I don't want to even think about the people back home Britt, I mean, if everyone knew, that would mean my parents did too and I just can't comprehend that right now."
"Would it really be that bad if your parents found out?" Brittany asked, immediately noticing the way Santana's body froze.
"Yes Brittany, it would, of course it would, you have no idea what they are like, my dad especially, all he's interested in is his stupid campaign and portraying the ideal family life alongside, this would really piss him off."
Brittany leaned back shocked by the harsh tone in Santana's voice.
Noticing, Santana brought her eyes back to her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap; it's just something I can't ever see happening that's all."
"So you are never going to tell them? About you? Me? Us?" Brittany croaked looking at her the creases in her forehead running deep.
"Britt," Santana whined, "we don't have to think about all that now, let's just enjoy our time together now."
But Brittany couldn't let it go, she was more confused than ever.
"But, I don't understand, what do you plan on doing after this summer when you have to go back home and I do too? What, that's it? You'll go back to pretending? What about all the things you said about your 5 year plan and how you felt about me like 15 minutes ago? Are you just going to forget me after 4 more weeks?"
Brittany was shaking, she was so confused and she felt everything she wanted, thought she had, was slipping away.
"Britt, no, I could never forget you, you know that."
"Well I thought I did." Brittany cried out, "but now I'm not so sure, here I was thinking that we would make it work, that we would visit each other for the next year and then decide to go to colleges close together and I don't know, meet each others friends and be a real couple, God, I'm so stupid," she uttered sitting up and grabbing her clothes.
"Don't call yourself that, Britt please, just listen ok?" Santana tried but Brittany continued moving. "Britt please, just slow down, I'm sorry ok, I haven't got it all figured out yet and I want all of those things you just said too, but I don't know, I don't know how to get them." She pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes as she felt tears push their way forward. "Please Britt, please just lie back down." Everything seemed to be slipping out of her control, a few minutes ago she was blissfully happy and now Brittany wouldn't even look at her.
"Santana, I just feel like everything you've said to me in the last two minutes is the opposite of what you've been telling me for the last week, I thought we were getting somewhere, I thought we felt the same, I thought you saw a future with me, because I most certainly did with you and we slept together, not just fucked Santana but passionately with feelings and now, you just roll over and tell me in four more weeks that's it?"
Santana sat still, shocked from Brittany's outburst, she had never heard her raise her voice before never mind swear but what really shocked her was how true her words were, what had Santana actually thought would happen at the end of camp? Obviously she wanted to be with Brittany, for forever actually, but when she pictured them in the future, it was always just the two of them, in a new city cut off from everyone else.
She looked up at the girl in front of her who was already half dressed and her heart broke of the idea that Brittany would leave her.
"Brittany, please, let me explain," she cried grabbing at the pale wrist in front of her, she said it with such passion and feeling that it made Brittany stop and look at her.
"Britt," her voice croaked softly when she looked into her eyes, she hated the look of hurt and anger that she saw there, they were so out of place in her favorite blue eyes. "You mean the world to me, you've got to know that, what I said, came out wrong, there is no way in four weeks time that I'm just going to walk away from you, I could never do that," she stopped to see if Brittany believed her but her facial expression didn't change, she sighed sadly, angrily at herself.
She took a breath, "This week, especially today, when I think about the future, you are in it Britt, you and me, I mean that with my hand on my heart, but what I meant was, I don't think you and me are possible living in my town, surrounded by my parents, they wouldn't let it happen. I don't want that for you, I want you to be happy, us to be happy together, somewhere where we can be ourselves and free," she choked, her emotions so strong trying to make Brittany understand.
Tears fell from Brittany's face, "so you want to keep me a secret forever?" and the hurt in her voice chilled Santana's blood.
"Britt, you've got to understand, I am coming round to the idea of telling people here and other people we meet along the way about us but my parents are different, I can't go against them like that, they will disown me."
"But how can you be so sure? Surely they just want you to be happy? If they just saw us together then they would see how happy we are," Brittany frowned back.
"Britt," Santana cried softly as a tear cascaded down her cheek, "I just know, I know them."
"Well I don't know what else to say, I need time to think about things," Brittany spluttered, "I'm so confused, I thought you felt the same way I do, I thought this was it."
"Britt, you know I feel the same way you do, you've felt it," Santana pleaded. "All you have to know is, you're the best thing that's ever been mine and I will not let you go, I just don't want to tell my parents about me, not you, about me, this is something so personal that surely you can see that, you can be patient and in a year or two, I might feel different, please?"
"What about in the meantime, I mean when you leave here and we have another year of high school, I can't visit you? Are you going to go back to Puck as a 'cover' boyfriend? I mean seriously San help me out here."
"Of course I'm not going to go back to Puck, I would never do that and I'd visit you every weekend and we can meet in the middle and we'd get through it because it's you and me and we'd make it work." Santana spoke, tears still fallen.
"I have a headache," Brittany spoke shaking her head, "I need to get some sleep, too many thoughts are whizzing round my head." She croaked quietly.
"Ok, come here, lie down," Santana offered pulling the covers back.
"No," Brittany shook her head, "I'm going to go back to the hut, I need to clear my head." And she stood putting on her shoes.
"Britt, no, please?" Santana cried, sobs falling, "don't just leave like this let's talk about it."
"We have San, and I'm more confused than ever, I just need to take a break from this."
"You once told me that as long as we were honest and open with each other we could get through anything, and here I am telling you how I feel and you're running away at the first chance you get." Santana cried, angry now.
"I'm not running away Santana, my heart is breaking into a million pieces and I need to put them all back together." Brittany answered back.
"Brittany, please, this is silly, I want to be with you, forever, I promise, I just don't want to tell my parents, surely that can't be a big surprise to you." Santana questioned.
"I get that you don't just want to call them up right this second and tell them, I except that, but in four weeks time when you leave here and they and everyone else asks how your summer was you're going to lie about and deny everything that we have, that we are? Because I could never do that Santana, these feelings I have for you, are too strong, they are real and I could never hide them."
Brittany stopped and caught her breath; "I could do anything with you at my side San, as long as I knew I had you, I'd wanna shout it from the rooftops." And she headed towards the ladder.
"Even if it meant losing your dad and Spencer?" Santana challenged.
"They would never make me choose because they'd only ever want me to be happy." Brittany answered sadly.
"Well you're the lucky one aren't you," Santana nodded sadly.
"I sure as hell don't feel lucky right now," she answered as she departed, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Britt, please don't leave," Santana tried one last time.
"I would never leave," she answered quietly, "I just need time to think."
What do you think? Whose side are you on? Let me know your thoughts!