All's Well That Ends Well
in which this story FINALLY ends
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When Control Freak regained consciousness, he immediately leapt to his feet, opened his mouth to yell something vastly unpleasant, then winced in mind-boggling pain and proceeded to pop all his joints back into place. From the huge crater their impact had caused, both Pinky and Brain sat up and tried to clamber out without irritating any of their internal hemorrhages. Both mice were a mass of bruises, their fur gray from use and both eyes swollen almost completely shut. The Brain's cranium looked horribly misshapen, part of his skull dented and one ear crumpled. Control Freak suspected that he didn't look any better, and this suspicion was mostly confirmed by how bad he felt.
"W-w-well," Brain gasped, shaking his head vigorously and managing to pop it back into shape, "that didn't turn out as favorably as I had hoped. However—"
" 'HOWEVER', NOTHING!" Control Freak interrupted harshly, wobbling dangerously as his lungs reinflated. He pointed a trembling finger at the mouse. "I'm th-th-through with this! All aft-afternoon we've been tryi-i-ing to conquer those stupid T-Titans, and none of your plans even m-managed to get us inside!"
"Well, we did get inside with that last one. Poit!" That was Pinky, twitching his hairless tail until he got the kinks out of it and staring innocently up at Control Freak with big blue eyes.
"BUT WE GOT THROWN OUT AGAIN!" The supervillain's voice was cracking as he shouted. He swung out both arms in a gesture of total annoyance and slight disbelief. "I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE GOOD! DIDN'T YOU TAKE OVER THE WORLD IN YOUR CART—DIDN'T YOU TAKE OVER THE WORLD?"
"We were working on it," Brain replied a bit self-consciously, scratching his head. Control Freak's mouth widened to deliver another cry—then his mouth shut. Then it opened and shut again.
"W-what?!?!" he demanded. Brain lowered his eyes, looking away.
"Well, we almost took over the world," he replied, making a quick total on his fingers, "more than seventy-eight times."
"I—you—we—couldn't—wasn't—how—" Control Freak gibbered incoherently, then ran to the Couch Potato Plasma Screen TV of Contentment and turned it back on, pressing the "power" button on the Amazing Recording Couch Potato VCR. The screen fizzled back to the still image of Pinky and Brain he'd used to beam them out, but promptly jolted to life as the tape played. It was from just past the explanation of the "harnessing a tornado" plot that the commercial continued.
"Pinky and the Brain sure are a dynamic duo," the voice-over bubbled as Control Freak stared blankly at a shot of the mice being whipped around by huge winds. "They always try to take over the world, but they can NEVER SUCCEED."
Just as Control Freak's mind tried to digest this single bit of knowledge, it cut to a clip of the two mice walking dejectedly towards a huge blue building with the words "Acme Labs" in red letters across the top. "Come, Pinky," Brain commanded, "we must return to the lab to plan for tomorrow night."
The on-screen Pinky plodded along behind his shorter companion. "Why, Brain? What're we going to do tomorrow night?"
"The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky," replied Brain as the camera moved in for a close-up, "TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"
With another shot of the new DVD set, the recording ended and the screen dissolved into static. Control Freak remained staring at the TV, all mental functions shut down. "So," he stated tonelessly as a slightly confused Pinky and Brain shuffled along the floor in front of him. "You try every night, and you never actually take over the world."
"NOPE!" Pinky chirped happily, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth.
At last Control Freak snapped. "I HATE YOU!!!!" he screeched, whipping his (somehow intact) superpowered remote out of his pocket and jamming his thumb down on the button. With a whooshing sound not unlike that of a flushing toilet, the images of the corporeal Pinky and Brain fizzled and the two mice were sucked with a slight cry back into the screen of the TV, which changed to black with a bloop.
For a few moments nothing happened, then the remote dropped to the floor with a clatter. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Control Freak shouted dramatically up through his newly open-air roof, then sank to his knees in despair.
"My life sucks."
The supervillain stumbled towards the Ultimately Sturdy Couch Potato Desk and sank into the Awesome Super-Powered Couch Potato Swivel Chair, where he buried his face in his hands and sobbed pathetically. He hadn't fulfilled the quota, he'd wasted the entire day trying and now not only was he going to lose his membership to the Coven, they were going to erase his memories of it and steal all of his fanboy memorabilia. What was he going to do, what was he going to—
Without warning the Couch Potato Laptop of Doom jolted out of "Sleep" mode, its screen buzzing to life. Control Freak sat up abruptly as the potato-colored light on the Couch Potato Ultimate Fear-Striking Webcam blinked rapidly, and without warning a live video feed of the Leader appeared on his screen.
"Control Freak!" the Supreme High Potentate snapped, glaring at the screen through his black mask. He still hadn't shaved since the last communication all those hours ago.
"M-m-my Leader!" Control Freak stammered, making the customary salute with his right hand. "I—I can explain everything, I—"
"Don't speak, blubbering fanboy!" admonished the Leader, and once again everything he said was transcripted as type in a text box in the corner of the screen. "I, your LEADER, wish to speak to you!"
"Y-y-yes, my L—" the supervillain agreed before remembering the no-talking directive, then clamped his hands over his mouth and nodded.
"Very good." The Leader reclined in his own swivel chair on the screen, narrowing his eyes importantly. "Control Freak, the Couch Potato Counsel has been discussing the matter of your missed quota, and we have come to the conclusion—"
Control Freak winced, shrinking back into his chair. This was it.
"—that you should be immeasurably rewarded."
There was a clatter as Control Freak painfully banged his knee against the Ultimately Sturdy Couch Potato Desk in surprise. "I—I—what?"
"Worst listener EVER," the Leader grumbled, glaring at Control Freak and folding his arms over his immense bulk. "Yes, Control Freak, REWARDED. Although you have missed your quota three times this past Couch Potato-y Year of Evil Deeds, the Counsel has voted to make an exception to the mind-wipe directive due to your massive contributions to the Couch Potato community. It was YOU who brought 'Teen Titans East' into the public eye, giving the entire Coven a whole new group of figureheads to arrange relationships between. As well, you allowed for an occurrence where Más and Menos were actually temporarily COMPREHENSIBLE! And so, for that, we are momentarily disregarding your failure to meet quota and are presenting you with a complimentary DVD set, all expenses paid."
Control Freak was completely stunned, but was jerked out of it at the sound of whirring above him. A small metallic apparatus with a propeller at the top was lowering itself into the Couch Potato Lair, a small cardboard package clamped between two metal rods. "Oh, and by the way," the Leader continued, "your secret base is showing."
As the screen winked off again, Control Freak's eyes were focused on the flying gizmo when the two rods suddenly split apart and dropped the package. Gasping, the bulky supervillain dove out of the Awesome Super-Powered Couch Potato Swivel Chair, managing to catch the parcel before it hit the floor. He didn't even notice as the carrier device flew up and out of the Couch Potato Lair, he was so intent on whatever the leader of the Coven had sent him. Ripping the duct tape off the flaps, Control Freak tunneled furiously past mounds of packing peanuts until he felt the rectangular edge of the DVD set, then he swiped away the Styrofoam chunks to reveal his gift.
Pinky and the Brain volume one.
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Back at Titans Tower, a shrill scream pierced the glass of the immense windows, making Cyborg look up from a miniature airplane he was assembling. Beast Boy paused his GameBoy, and both Raven and Starfire floated out of Raven's room where they'd been meditating. "What is the meaning of emulating the cry of a Slor Beast's young?" Starfire inquired, touching down on the floor.
Cyborg glanced out the window, rubbing his smooth head. "Sounded like someone in trouble."
Robin stepped out from the hallway. "The computer says that nothing's wrong, though," he remarked, double-checking it on the huge plasma screen by the circular couch. He stepped back, ruffling his spiky black hair. "Yup, everything's under control."
Cyborg inadvertently snorted. "Hey, 'control', reminds me of Control Freak!" he chuckled. "You sure kicked him out good this afternoon, Robin. I didn't see him come back at all today!"
Raven glanced up from beneath her deep blue hood. "Hmmm," she noted, her voice rasping slightly. "He usually returns after he's defeated."
"He didn't, though!" Beast Boy sniggered, thinking of the chubby supervillain. "He was nowhere near Titans Tower at all!"
And so the teenaged superheroes returned to their pastimes, completely oblivious to the misery occurring in a certain secret Couch Potato lair below the city.
They're Pinky,
Control Freak and the
BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN
BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN
NARF!
THE END