I know, I know. It's been too long. :(
I wish I'd updated sooner, but I'm sorry! So, so sorry!
I'll let you read now.
Chapter 2: **A Small Flashlight**
Sunny: jabububuj (Translation: Who are you?)
Random man: What? Sorry, I don't speak baby.
Sunny: Bajah! (Translation: Ugh, where are my siblings? They need to translate to him.)
**Random revolutionary appears**
Random revolutionary: DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?!
Me: Enjolras!
Random revolutionary (AKA Enjolras): Yes?
Me: WRONG SET!
Enjolras: Oh... Oops.
Me: No; you stay! You'll fit in nicely! Just not here... now.
Enjolras: Fine. **walks out**
Me: Now that that's taken care of, y'all may continue on with your story. I need to take a dinner break.
**After Dinner Break**
Me: Okay, let's get this party start- SNICKET GET OUT OF MY CHAIR AND AWAY FROM MY TYPEWRITER!
Snicket: This is MY typewriter.
Me: False. **Z-snap** Mine. Up. Must I spell it out for you?
Snicket: No need for that- You're spelling it out anyway.
Me: **spells out the words 'My Typewriter' on the convenient chalkboard and zaps Snicket back into the black hole** Now! ROLL CALL! Violet!
Violet: Here!
Me: Klaus!
Klaus: Here!
Me: Sunny!
Sunny: Baazukes! (TRANSLATION: Present!)
Me: Quigley!
Quigley: DUNCAN! VIOLET IS MINE! STAY AWAY FROM HER!
Violet: DUNCAN! I AM QUIGLEY'S! STAY AWAY FROM ME!
Me: Okay, y'all are here! Duncan!
Duncan: I feel a dance coming on! **dances happily and almost takes his shirt off, but a truck runs over him before he can**
Me: WE DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT, DUNCAN! And... Isadora!
Isadora: I'M LAST? MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!
Me: Iz, this IS NOT Harry Potter, and you ARE NOT Draco Malfoy.
Isadora: Sadly. Then I'd be dating Hermione Granger.
Me: That's not- **gets interrupted by Klaus**
Klaus: Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Isadora Quagmire, you never told me that you had a girl-crush on Hermione Granger!
Isadora: I don't.
Klaus: Then why'd you say it?
Me: I made her.
All: **look at me and start yelling incoherent things**
Me: **yells over all of them** DO YOU WANT TO BE CHAINED TO A WALL?!
All: NO!
Me: THEN KEEP YOUR MOUTHS CLOSED! Now, places, places everyone!
Duncan: IIIIIIIIII HAD A PET GORILLA!
Me: DUNCAN QUAGMIRE! DO YOU WANT ME TO DUCT TAPE YOU TO A WALL?
Duncan: NO!
Me: THEN KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED! **sends him into a black hole**
Gummy Eyeball: Ehm, Author? I'm done writing "I will not boss the author around," twenty bajillion times.
Me: One, two, three, four... No, you only wrote that twenty GAZILLION times! It must be EXACTLY TWENTY BAZILLION! **adds second piece of duct tape because clearly one isn't enough** And as punishment, Gummy Eyeball-
Gummy Eyeball: Mrmph mrmph!
Me: **acts as if nothing has happened** And as punishment, Gummy Eyeball, you will write 'My name is NOT Count Olaf, it it it is Gummy Eyeball and I will continue writing this until the author says that I am to write something different-' Oh, what is it, Eyeball? **removes duct tape**
Gummy Eyeball: You said 'it it it is.' Shouldn't it be 'it is?'
Me: No. Now listen. **reapplies duct tape** 'Until the author says that I am to write somthing different. If I don't, then I will suffer the horrible consequences.' Any questions?
Gummy Eyeball: **shakes head no**
Me: Good. Now, get writing! You have another jillion "I will not boss the author around' to write before you get started on that! **returns to typewriter**
Violet: Sunny! What's wrong!
Sunny: Bajookaboomboom! (TRANSLATION: THERE IS A HUGE LIE IN WHAT SHELDON SAID! THERE REALLY IS A TINY MAN WITH A FLASHLIGHT LOOKING FOR A CIRCUT BREAKER IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS BLACK HOLE!)
Enjolras: Can I come in now?
Me: Okay, fine. Where's Grantaire? GRAAAANTAAAIRE?!
Grantaire: Yes, O Magnificent Author Person?
Me: Thank you. **bows** And I need you and Enjy-
Enjolras: I see where this is headed. And the aswer is NO! NO WAY! UH-UH!
Me: You didn't know what I was going to say.
Enjolras: Isn't it obvious? You ship us.
Me: **turns to Grantaire, who is now visibly drunk** Am I that easy to read?
Grantaire: I am not certain, honestly. I think you are simple to read.
Me: That needs to be fixed.
Grantaire: I quite like that about authors. They're quite easy to read... Haha, get it!
**Me and Grantaire have quite a little laughing fest**
Enjolras: Grantaire, get out of here.
Me: If Grantaire leaves, so do you. **folds arms** And I don't care how cute you are!
Enjolras: You don't control me!
Me: Yes I do!
Enjolras: Prove it.
Me: **starts calling him Enjy because Enjolras is too much to type out** You sure you want me to prove it?
Enjy: Yes!
Me: Fine. **flicks my finger and BAM! he's tied up tightly and his mouth is duct taped.** Do you believe me now? **rips off duct tape**
Enjy: Major coincidence?
Me: Get up there and write "I will not not believe in the author" two million times because I'm nice.
Enjy: NICE?!
Violet: She could do like she did to Gummy Eyeball and make you write it twenty bajillion times.
Me: Yes.
Enjy: On second thought, two million sounds nice!
Me: Now go! **zaps him up there** We may continue.
Violet: SHELDON WAS WRONG? THIS I MUST SEE! **runs forward and, lo and behold, a little man with a flashlight searching for a circut breaker is in the middle of the black hole**
Duncan: **walks back in to the little corridor** Hey hey hey! I feel like dancing! **peels off his shirt, causing everyone to fall down an make fish noises**
Me: DUNCAN QUAGMIRE! **truck runs over him ''Without my permission'' ** PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON THIS INSTANT!
Everyone: LISTEN TO THE AUTHOR! **fish noises**
Duncan: Fine. **pulls shirt back on** You just don't like my SWAG!
Me: NO! **scrubs out Duncan's mouth** You go up and write 'Swag means confidence, NOT awesome' eleventy-seven times.
Duncan: **walks upstairs dejectedly**
Klaus: **looks impressed** I never knew that someone else knew the definition of 'swag.'
Me: **blushes** heheh... Well, I learned it from a friend.
Klaus: Well, I'm impressed.
Me: Aaaand... ACTION!
Sunny: **walks up to edge of room** banananan! (TRANSLATION: There's Gummy Eyeball!)
Violet: AUTHOR! Do something!
Me: Nah, I think I'll see what you choose to do.
Violet: AUTH-OR!
Me: No, YOU do something. I've done way too much for you people. It's time for you to start pulling your own weight around here!
Quigley: Isn't that what you're for? To help us?
Me: No; I'm here to see that you behave yourselves and stay in character. Which reminds me! Isadora, you and Klaus need to act like you're in love.
Klaus: But we're not-
Me: In my world you are.
Isadora: Fine. Klaus, let's act like we like each other. **takes his hand**
Gummy Eyeball: Aha! I figured out a way to break that horrible curse you set on me! Now I will get my revenge on you, author!
Grantaire: Hey, hey, hey! No attacking the lady, mister Eyeball!
Me: Thank you! Plus, **turns to Gummy Eyeball** I thought I told you to write until I told you differently.
Gummy Eyeball: I broke your author spell.
Grantaire: You can do that? **takes another giant drink of wine**
Me: No... You can't. Never. Nada. Nope. **looks around** Okay, you might be able to... But not that I know. **looks around** Dumbledore, you SAID that you couldn't break the spell.
Dumbledore: No, you can't. Clearly you made him break the spell, but for what reason, I don't know.
Me: Why would I have done that?
Dumbledore: I don't know, weren't you listening?
Me: No, I wasn't. By the way, Dumbles, I really like your beard. **gives his beard a playful tug**
Dumbledore: If you're going to call me something besides "Dumbledore," please make it "Professor." And don't pull my beard again!
Me: E=MC2!
Dumbledore: What does energy have to do with anything?
Me: It has nothing to do with this, and yet it has everything to do with it!
Dumbledore: You're confusing me...
Me: I'm a Ravenclaw. Our motto is "If you can't convince them, confuse them."
Dumbledore: No, it isn't. It's "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure."
Me: That's what I said! **starts Gangnam Styling out of nowhere**
Dumbledore: **facepalm**
Me: You just don't like my awesomeness!
Dumbledore: **ultimate facepalm**
Me: Bah, you are no fun at all!
Dumbledore: I'm out. **apparates away from set**
Grantaire: Buzzkill.
Enjolras: I'm done!
Me: Okay, get back down here!
Enjolras: Is Grantaire drunk again?
Me: I think so... Grantaire?
Grantaire: **starts Gangnam Styling** Salaga doola witchiga spoola Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo!
Me: Yes... He most definitely is. **smiles because drunk Grantaire is funny**
Enjolras: He's not drunk, he's normal. He does that all the time.
Me: Oh... Just to be safe... **flicks finger and sends all the alcohol in the room up to the top of the room, where it dangles out of sight.
Enjolras: Careful because he may just start having withdrawl symptoms. Then you don't want to be around him.
Me: Okay. Now, let's get back to the story. Places, places everyone!
**Everyone stops conversations and heads back to where they were standing**
Enjolras: What about me and the drunk over there?
Grantaire: I'm not drunk... yet.
Me: Oh... Grantaire, you over next to those EMPTY wine casks and you, Enjolras, get over near, ehm... Next to tiny man with a flashlight.
Tiny man with a flashlight: Tiny man with a flashlight has a name!
Me: What is your name, tiny man with a flashlight?
Tiny man with a flashlight: Gavroche!
Me: Oh! **watches with a weird expression on her face as Grantaire hugs Gavroche**
Gavroche: What's my place?
Me: You'll see. ACTION!
Gummy Eyeball: Well, now for my revenge on you, Author!
Grantaire: No attacking the lady, Mr. Eyeball.
Gummy Eyeball: My name is Count Olaf.
Me: Did you get nothing from that long sentence I asked you to continue writing?
Gummy Eyeball: No; you freed me form your author-curse after that!
Me: Oh... Okay. Well then. Umm... Grantaire, you call him Mr. Eyeball.
Gummy Eyeball: NOOOOO!
Me: Better than one fanfic I saw. Your name was Crap Oatmeal.
Gummy Eyeball: I don't even like oatmeal!
Me: ACTION!
Gummy Eyeball: She's not a lady, she'll shred your skin for soup!
Me: I OBJECT! I wouldn't shred Grantaire's skin. He's got too much alcohol in him, the soup won't be good! I'd use yours instead, Eyeball!
Gummy Eyeball: NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!
Me: No problemo. **truck that killed Duncan earlier now murders Gummy Eyeball** That was easy!
Violet: She helped us again!
Me: You're welcome! **bows**
Klaus: Yay! Isadora, let's shower her in her favorite books!
Isadora: And white chocolate, peppermints, and fudge!
All: YEAH!
Grantaire: And wine!
All except Grantaire: No! **random, odd exclamations, one of them being "Monkeys like peppermints!" and a response that I won't write in**
Me: Guys, get to the throwing of the wondrous goodies at me!
Duncan's ghost: Can I come back now?
Me: **smooths his shirt down and wipes off dirt from his face, almost like his mother would** You look sleepy, Duncan.
Duncan's Ghost: I am. **yawns** But I want to come back! Please, pretty author lady? **sits on rug next to me**
Me: Poor little Duncan. Come here. **lifts him up, noticing that he's much less light while he's in his living form, and laying him on a Duncan-sized bed that I magically conjured up for him**
Duncan: I want to be a boy again! **half closes his eyes**
Me: **smiles, knowing the feeling** It's okay. Sleep, and you'll wake and realize that you aren't a ghost after all.
Violet: **yawns** I'm sleepy, too!
Klaus: Me too!
Sunny: Ootem (TRANSLATION: Me too!)
Quigley: What they said!
Isadora: Listen to Quigley!
Me: Don't worry, my children.
Grantaire and Enjolras: What about us?
Gavroche: And me!
Me: Don't you worry, either. **spreads arms wide** Beds for all! **beds exactly the right sixe pop up for everyone, plus a crib for Sunny and a little basket that hooks on to the canopy of my bed for the typewriter so Snicket can't get to it**
All except me and Enjolras: **crawl into bed**
Enjolras: How can I be of assistance?
Me: Just go to bed. **smiles at him, then walks around folding back blankets and adjusting pillows, finally crawling into bed after brushing Duncan's hair off his face** Cut.
I know, it's over so soon! I'll be updating ASAP, though, so don't worry! As soon as I get chapter 3 finished!