Kurt awoke; he rolled over and fell off Rachel's futon. His heart sunk as he remembered what happened last night, he was still convinced Blaine was lying to him. He was going out with Sebastian he could feel it, Kurt needed to let go of Blaine, he just wasn't ready to, If he was honest he didn't think he ever would. He promised Blaine, years ago, that he'd never say goodbye to him, and Kurt knew it would kill him to do so- But he had to, because staying with Blaine while he was falling for someone else hurt too much.
Blaine barely slept. He'd made himself sleep on the couch; he didn't feel right sleeping in their bed without Kurt. He did however, steal Kurt's pillow to sleep with or rather to bury his face in and cry. He rolled of the couch at around 6:15am unable to sleep. He sat at the piano and tickled the ivories. tears rolled down his cheeks as his favourite memories of he and Kurt flickered on the 3D Imax of his mind.
Kurt entered work, his eyes puffy from crying, he looked pale and thin from lack of sleep. He made a bee-line for his desk keeping his eyes down, hoping to avoid contact with his colleagues. It didn't work, he had to give his designs to the art department, supervise the new photo shoot (Harriet was out today) and solve all the minor issues.
At noon Blaine phoned him, he ignored the call. He didn't want to talk to him right now, he couldn't not when he was at work. He'd breakdown again, and that's the last thing he needed to do at work, let alone on a day where he was essentially in charge. Blaine called several times during lunch, each call met with a sigh, an internal debate over whether to answer it which was usually resolved by Kurt slamming his phone down on the table. After about five renditions of this routine, Charlotte noticed something was up.
"Kurt?" she asked cautiously, he looked up sharply, dreading the obvious pending question.
"Yes" he near snapped
"What's up? You keep slamming your phone down"
"Blaine keeps calling me," he sighed "we had another fight last night… I invited him to a party and he turned me down for Smythe"
"Oh Kurt"
"He says he's not, he says he wants a quiet night in- but he's lying, I know he is"
Charlotte nodded attentively.
"I just can't trust him anymore, I mean how many other times has he blown me off to hang out with him"
"I understand Kurt. I wish I could help, make you feel better" she said a sad smile on her face.
"I hate not being able to trust him, or believe a single word that leaves his mouth… he keeps saying him loves me, that's a lie too. If he loved me he wouldn't make me feel like this, like im cheap and worthless, like these twelve years meant nothing to him." Tears pooled I his eyes "these twelve years have been the best years of my life… and it was all because of him… and I" Kurt fully broke down.
Charlotte wrapped an arm around Kurt and cradled him while hes sobbed. He cried on her shoulder for around an hour.
"I, I, I think" Kurt said when he had calmed slightly "I, m-m-might ask him f-for a-a divor-orce"
"Oh honey bun, are you sure?"
"n-n-no, bu-but if he'd b-be happier wi-with som-omeone else, then I-I-I'll bre-break my-my heart, He al-all rea-ready di-did… bu-but lea-leaving him wi-will be th-the hard-ardest th-thing I'll e-ever hav-ave to do"
"Oh Kurt, I'll be here for you- help you through it…"
"Th-thanks. Um, Lotti?"
"yeah?"
"would you like to come to the party tonight? I don't know many people there except Jeremiah, and I expect Matt"
"Sure sounds fun" She smiled.
bMeanwhile/B
When Blaine entered the office he was met with looks of pride and fear. His spat with Sebastian yesterday was the talk of the office, everyone seems weary around him now. Kelsey ushered Blaine into his office, she could see he'd been crying and had barely slept.
"What happened" she demanded when she'd closed the door.
Blaine sighed, he hated that she could read him like a book.
"Kurt and I had another fight last night, it was only a small one and we kinda made up… but I think hes thinking of leaving me" tears rolled down Blaine's cheeks
"why do you think that, peanut?"
"Because I goddamn broke his heart… and last night he called me and sung 'Barely Breathing'… It sounded like he was going to ask for a divorce"
"Oh honey" she said, wrapping an arm around him "What did you guys fight about?"
"I-I didn't want to go to this party he invited me to, so I said I was hanging out with work friends and he jumped to conculsions and thought I was going out with Smythe and I know I shouldn't have lied, I just wanted a night in alone…"
"Oh Blainey" she cooed.
"how can I make it up to him, I just want one more chance"
"you could surpise him at the party? serenade him… you're good with those things"
"yeah I guess I could. Thanks Kels"
Kelsey and Blaine spent the rest of the day planning what Blaine was going to do at the party tonight. Kelsey gushed about Darren, how he'd taken her on the best date last night; hed taken her to her favourite french restaurant, and for a romantic stroll in the snow in Central Park. Blaine smiled, happy that his best friend was happy- but he was also saddened as he remembered He and Kurt used to be like that, more flashbacks flashed through his head.
"I need to find out where it is. I'll text Lotti"
b Hey, Lotti- Blaine/b
What do YOU want-L
b You hate me don't you? look im planning on surprising Kurt at the party tonight. I need the Address-B/b
you think?! and I thought you had plans with SMYTHE?-L
b well I Don't! I hate the guy… just Please Lotti? please, I want to at least try to fix things… I don't want to lose him-B/b
Well you should have thought about that before you fucked another guy!-L
b I ficling lnow thst!/b he texted back through tears
What? okay, okay, I'll give you the address its 616 Draper Road in Brooklyn, I cant say how he'll react when he sees you there-L
btjanka…./b
He wrote down the address sobbing, he left work early on account 'he didn't feel too good'. He went home and prepared what and how he was going to serenade Kurt.
When Kurt arrive back home he was surprised to see Blaine sat at the piano.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out with 'Work friends'" said Kurt, sounding disgusted.
"I said I wanted a quiet night in" said Blaine quietly
"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever Blaine." said Kurt still mad at him
"I am, I'm just staying in, I just want some time to myself, its been a very long week" Blaine lied, trying to sound convincing he didn't want Kurt to figure out he was going to the party too.
"Hmmm" said Kurt, reconsidering whether or not Blaine was lying, part of him was starting to believe him.
"Yes"
Kurt finished getting ready doing his hair. He came out in his grey skinnies, a plain white shirt and black blazer, On his lapel the Hippopotamus head broach Blaine had bought him for Christmas the year they met. Blaine turned as Kurt cleared his throat.
"How do I look?" he asked, he liked getting Blaine's opinion on his outfit.
"uh, um what?" said Blaine staring, Kurt looked stunning. he loved those pants and that Blazer made his abs look amazing.
"What do you think of my outfit?" asked Kurt, trying not to laugh.
"You look amazing Kurt"
"Thank you" Kurt blushed.
"Seriously" Blaine walked over to Kurt "You look beautiful"
Blaine looked in to Kurt's wanting to kiss him so much.
"Um, Thank you Blaine. are you sure you don't want to come?"
"Um, yeah, sorry, Kurt I just need a quiet night in tonight, I have a review on this new book anyway" He smiled weakly.
"Oh, okay, well I'll see you later then?"
"Yeah"
Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek.
"Love you."
"Love you too, Kurt"
Kurt left reluctantly, really wanting Blaine to come with him. It had been ages since they had been to a house party together, He really missed Blaine, he felt so disconnected to him and he hated that. He wished so much that they could go back to how they were, before Kurt found out, before Blaine even started the affair.
"Kurt!" Jeremiah exclaimed when Kurt entered the large apartment.
"hi" said Kurt smiling weakly.
"No husband then?"
"No, he didn't want to come, I invited him" said Kurt sadly wishing Blaine was there
"Hey Kurt" said Matt cheerily.
"Hey Matt" said Kurt, putting a fake smile on his face.
Jeremiah saw straight through it and jumped up on stage and began to sing, badly.
Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Looking back at sunsets on the East side
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly
Kurt smiled as Jeremiah danced on the stage singing at the top his lungs. He pulled Kurt up to dnace with him, Kurt laughed as he did so. He couldn't help wishing Blaine was here singing this song to him.
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Oh no, oh no no no
Oh no, oh no no no
"There we go," said Jeremiah, "that's a real smile"
He nudged Kurt's shoulder.
"Okay okay" Kurt smiled.
"Now, Kurt you need to sing"
"oh, no, no ,no"
"Oh come on Kurt" pleaded Jeremiah "You have to sing something, you have an amazing voice"
"I'm really not in the mood to sing" said Kurt, really not wanting to.
"Pleeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeee Kurt?" begged Matt, "Please, just one song"
"No" said Kurt "I don't feel like singing"
"You, know it's the best way to express feelings" said Jeremiah "It might make you feel better"
Kurt glanced around the room, for an alternative conversation partner. His eyes landed on a short man with dark curls enter and his mind changed.
"Okay, I'll sing."
Kurt got up on stage, and began to sing, not taking his eyes of Blaine.
Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,
there's just no gettin' over you
Blaine heard Kurt singing and watched him, Kurt was always so stunning when performing. It had always fascinated Blaine, Kurt always conveyed such emotion when he sung. Blaine started to really listen to the lyrics, he could hear the pain in Kurt voice, the pain he'd put there.
I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around
and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else
for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside I'm out of my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you
Kurt stared at Blaine, trying to convey that he really meant what he was singing. He love Blaine, despite the pain he'd caused him. He'd always loved Blaine.
My head is saying "fool, forget him",
my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you
He got off stage after his well-deserved round of applause, Blaine walked towards him.
"I thought you wanted to have quiet night in" said Kurt smiling.
"I got lonely, I've missed you"
"I'm glad you decided to come, Blaine, this is Jeremiah and of course you know matt" said Kurt gesturing to the men respectively "Jeremiah, this is my husband Blaine Anderson"
"Nice to meet you" said Blaine extending his hand to Jeremiah
"Anderson? Blaine Anderson as in from the New York Journal" said Jeremiah shaking Blaine's hand.
"um, yeah I guess I am" said Blaine smiling slightly.
"Hi Blaine"said Matt smiling
"Matt, my man…. how are you?"
"I'm alright thanks" he said smiling.
"now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to sing to Kurt" he said as he climbed on the stage, he put on his song and started to sing.
A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
As Blaine sung tears rolled down his cheeks, hed really, really fucked up and he'd do everything and anything to fix this. It killed him that he'd hurt Kurt this badly, he didn't deserve to win Kurt back, but if he could, hed hold on forever and never hurt him again.
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
Kurt smiled as Blaine finished the song.
"Blaine" Said Kurt, his hands clasped to his mouth. "that was lovely"
Blaine smiled. "I mean it, every word… I really will do everything and anything to get us back to how we were"
"I know, I love you Blaine"
"Love you too"
Kurt, Blaine, Matt and Jeremiah spent the rest of the evening chatting, laughing and singing. Both Kurt and Blaine had missed this, just hanging out with each other like they used to before this whole mess.
At around ten Lotti arrived, Kurt left to talk to her. Blaine's eyes caught glimpse of Sebastian on stage, he began to sing Michael Jackson's I Want You Back. He stared at Blaine the entire performance, when the song came to a close he walked over to Blaine.
"Blaine baby," said Sebastian "I want you back… you deserve better… you deserve me"
"You cant have me back because I was never yours!"
"Please, I think he's ready to divorce you anyway- I would if I were him, my little whore"
"Even if he does, and I don't blame him-ive been an asshole, I would never get back with you"
All of a sudden Blaine found Sebastian's lips on his, He panicked, he was scared and felt sick. He tried to push Sebastian away, Sebastian kissed him aggressively biting his lower lip. Sebastian moaned into Blaine's mouth, Blaine was terrified, he could breathe he felt dizzy and like he was about to faint.
It was at that point when Kurt returned, he stood in shock staring at the scene that was before him. Blaine and Sebastian, lip locked Blaine's hand, placed on Sebastians chest. In that moment Kurt decided, It was time, this hurt too much he couldn't stay with Blaine, Blaine obviously loved Sebastian and didn't love Kurt any more. All he said after the song was a lie, Kurt knew it, he was a fool to Believe Blaine after all he'd done and lied about.
Blaine looked in Kurt's direction, Kurt turned and ran. Blaine finally managed to push Sebastian off. This whole situation was all fucked up, he'd broken Kurt, he loved Kurt more than anything. He knew he'd probably blown it but maybe if Kurt would give him a chance to explain?
"Back off and leave me the fuck alone" screamed Blaine as he slapped Sebastian.
Sebastian cradled his swollen cheek while Blaine ran out to the street to find Kurt, he needed to explain. He couldn't believe he'd blew his final chance… maybe it wasn't too late.
"Kurt, wait, Please? in need to explain" said Blaine almost in tears.
"Save it Blaine… I'm going back to Lima… this is too hard and its not working, we cant fix this… especially since your not in love with me anymore" said Kurt, fighting back the tears.
"I still lo-"
"No, you don't… otherwise you wouldn't have kissed him just now."
"Kurt, please let me explain?"
"Goodbye Blaine, I'll send the divorce papers over from Lima… Just know that I love you, I always have and probably always will… but you'll be happier with him obviously… theres nothing i wouldn't do for you to be happy… so here's me breaking my heart for you"
"Kurt, no please?" Blaine begged. " you said you'd never say goodbye to me"
"I never thought you'd make me feel like this, that you'd cheat on me. Relationships, hell, marriages are about trust and I don't trust you anymore!" Screamed Kurt tears rolling down his cheeks.
"none of it meant anything, I love you more than anything"
"You and me, we used to be together" Kurt began to sing. "Everyday together, always"
"I really feel " Blaine Joined "That I'm losing my best friend I can't believe This could be the end"
Kurt continued.
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
They both sang the chorus as Kurt walked away from Blaine.
bDon't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening /b
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
bDon't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining/b
Don't tell me cause it hurts b(no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?
bDon't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining/b
Don't tell me cause it hurtsb (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts! /b
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
bDon't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak, /b
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good b
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts /b
Kurt turned and ran home to pack. Blaine sank to his knees sobbing, he'd lost his final chance… He'd lost everything.