#08- Happiness

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.

-Aristotle

His father couldn't have been happier the day he got into MIT. Between the bone crushing pats on the back and the mutters of, "That's my son," his father had beamed and bragged to his co-workers. Dib didn't think he had ever seen his father so happy for him before.

Gaz seemed happy too. She didn't play her video games for the entire party. Instead she sat next to her brother, sipping punch and watching the crowd move through their house with him. "I guess you did a good job," she said at the night's end, standing in the hallway as Dib went to his room.

Dib had grinned at her, running a hand through spiked hair. "Yeah, I did do good, didn't I?"

"Don't let it go to your head," Gaz had growled. Then she had stalked into her room and slammed the door shut behind her. Dib's smile had grown. His sister was happy for him too.

Even the other students in his class had seemed impressed. "Dib's going to MIT?"

"THE Dib?"

"THE MIT?"

"Wasn't he the crazy kid that was always yelling about aliens?"

"Yeah… I guess he was smarter then we thought…"

"Or maybe it's his huge head..."

At lunch, a jealous group of computer whizzes had reluctantly complimented him. "Great job, Dib." They were obviously jealous for his good fortune (they had been rejected by the school) but it gave Dib a thrill of pleasure anyway.

A girl that Dib had never seen before had hugged him in the hall. "Congrats to us!" she cheered, squeezing him tight. "I'll see you on campus Dib!"

Dib had nodded, blushing slightly. "Thanks! I'll uh… See you too…… Whoever you are…"

It was like being part of an exclusive club. He had never felt so good.

Dib had reason to be proud. After a nearly disastrous stretch in Mid-skool that almost caused him to be held back for a year, Dib had shaped up and reformed. With Gaz's threats and help he had done better then ever before. Now, he was set to graduate second in his class. The first in his graduating class was Zim, with a GPA of 4.1. Dib was positive that the alien had cheated (he had) but didn't care enough to raise a fuss. He was going to MIT! He was going to study Physics and Technology with a specialty in Artificial Intelligence. Who cared about anything else, he was excited!

The Swollen Eyeball had been thrilled for him as well. Chuckling deeply, Agent Darkbooty had congratulated him on his success and gave him well wishes for his future. "I always expected great things from you, Agent Mothman. However, this even exceeds my expectations. Good work."

He was on cloud nine. This was… it was… Everything was perfect.

Well, almost everything.

-

-

"Where are you going to kollege, Zim?" Dib overheard Gretchen asking the alien one day.

Zim had scowled up at the taller human. While Zim had somehow managed to grow over the years (Dib thought it may be because of genetic manipulation and he was right), the Irken's height had frozen at five feet making him one of the shortest in skool. Dib liked to rub in the fact that he was a full ten inches taller then the alien whenever he got the chance. The look of pure rage on Zim's face whenever he did was hilarious. "Kollege?" the alien had snapped, clutching his books to his chest and looking suspicious. "What is this 'kollege.'"

Gretchen had been surprised. "You know… Kollege! Where you go once you graduate Hi-skool."

"And what do you do at this 'kollege' place?"

"I dunno… Study more? I'm going to kollege to study nursing."

Nodding sagely Zim had wandered off without another word to the human. Shrugging, Gretchen had gone on her way. Zim was weird. He always had been. He would always be that way.

"So, worm-baby," Zim had said in way of greeting, dropping his tray on the table across from Dib's home packed lunch. "Where are YOU going to kollege?"

Dib swallowed his mouthful of cake (leftover party cake! Success had never been sweeter) and raised an eyebrow. "Why? So you can wreck havoc on my campus? No way Zim, I'm not telling you!"

"TELL ZIM!" Zim shouted, jumping on top of the table.

"No way."

"TELLLL!"

"Zim… People are staring."

"I SHALL RAIN VENGENCE DOWN UPON YOUR INFERIOR EARTH GIGANTIC MEAT DOG HEAD!"

"…."

"TELL ZIM OR FACE MY WRATTTHHHH!"

"Okay…"

"I SHALL UNLEASH THE DREADED BRAIN SLUG UPON YOUR EARTH MEATS! I SHALL TAKE- POINTY- OBJECTS AND RAM THEM THROUGH YOUR-"

"Zim, I said I'd tell you."

"HHHhhhhHHHORIBBLE EARTH-"

"ZIM!" Dib shouted, hitting his palms on the table. Zim stopped, looking down at him. "I said I would tell you already!"

"VICTORY FOR ZIM!" the alien shouted, jumping back down into his seat. He smiled contentedly as if nothing had happened.

"Geeze," Dib sighed, rubbing his temples. "I'm going to MIT."

"MIT? What does this MIT stand for?"

"Massachusetts Institute of Technology."

"Perhaps, Malfunctioning Idiotic Termits?"

"…I just told you what it stood for."

"Hmmm… Martian Igloo Temptress?"

"… You know that problem you have with listening Zim? You still have it."

"I got it! Meat Idol Tenacity!"

Shaking his head, Dib picked up his lunch and left, relocating to sit next to Gretchen when she waved him over. Zim watched him go.

-

-

In the middle of packing, Dib realized that he hated packing. There was just so much stuff he had to bring along! But he was going to be sharing a dorm room so he couldn't bring too much stuff… That meant leaving things behind, but there was nothing he could leave behind!

Grumbling under his breath, Dib didn't even notice the breeze from the window so intent was he in debating on whether or not he should leave his Paranormal Monthly issues behind or not. Finally, he yanked the magazines from the box, put them back into the closet, turned, and screamed falling back. Zim was on his bed, grinning widely, his red alien eyes glinting in Dib's light. "God Zim, what are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?"

"Foolish human stink-beast! Why should I, the ALMIGHTY ZIM try to attack your PATHETIC, WORTHLESS, human heart?" His eyes narrowed evilly. "There are so many more… interesting places to attack the human body."

Dib stared at the alien for a moment, wondering what he should do. Normally, Zim suddenly appearing in his room and making vague threats was cause for Dib to start yelling and throwing things at the alien. This would escalate to wrestling and punching each other, some of Dib's belongings would be destroyed, Gaz would come in and punish them both, and then Zim would escape laughing about some victory of his. But tonight Dib was busy. He had to pack! He had to start driving to Massachusetts in the morning! So, instead of getting angry and yelling, Dib shrugged and started gathering up clothing to shove into an already overstuffed suitcase. Dragging the suitcase over to stand by the others at the door he glanced up to see Zim still on his bed, staring at him intently. "You still there? What do you want, Zim?"

"I have been researching this 'MIT' you spoke of, Dib-stink. This 'Malevolent Idiom Trachea' looks to be a fascinating place."

"Zim, MIT stands for Massachusetts Institute of Technology."

"YOU LIE! I know how you humans work! If that was indeed what it stood for then it would be MIOT."

"Yeah… Of course Zim," Dib said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Oh how could I ever think I could fool the great Zim? Alas. I will weep now."

Zim grinned smugly, preening with a satisfied air. Now that Dib thought about it, the alien never had learned about sarcasm. "There is no need to cry, stink-beast. You fail because you have the ALMIGHTY ZIM to contend with!"

"Thanks," Dib sighed, reaching for more clothes. "Are you going to leave now?"

"No. I wish to speak to you about this 'kollege' skool you plan to go to."

"What about it?"

"I can not allow you to go."

Dib froze, looking up from the suitcase to stare at Zim. "What the hell does that mean?"

Zim grinned, swinging his feet in the air. "It's quite simple, Dib-stink. My plans require for you to remain nearby. This 'MIT' is in a location where your stupid Earth vehicles would require a five hour 'drive' to arrive at. This is simply unacceptable, thus you may not go."

"It's not really your say, Zim. I got accepted. I'm going."

"No. You're. Not!" Zim hissed, his eyes suddenly gritted and his teeth clenched. "You will remain here in this place! So says Zim!"

"No."

"WHAT? You DARE not obey ZIM?"

"You're not my mother Zim, you can't tell me what to do."

Zim sputtered and raged, digging his claws into Dib's bed sheets and leaving long gashes in them.

"Furthermore, even if you were my mother," Dib had to say this in case the alien got any REALLY creepy ideas concerning his father, "I would go anyway! I want to go!"

"You… Want to go?" Zim was suddenly still, ruby red eyes boring into Dib's. "Why would you want to that… that… FITHY Earth place?"

"Because it'll be fun," Dib said simply, crossing his arms and glaring at the alien. "I'll finally be able to study the things I want to study. I'll be able to meet people who are interesting in the same things as I am." He grinned widely, the excitement building in him again. "It's going to be great, Zim!"

Zim frowned, playing the shredding bits of Dib's sheets. His face lit up as a thought finally hit him. "Ha! Foolish Dib! If you go, then there will be no one to stop my BRILLIANT PLANS! You hand this planet over to me! VICTORY FOR ZIM!"

"As if," Dib snorted. By this time he was pretty sure Zim couldn't conquer a coat hanger, much less the Earth. "I'll have Tak's ship with me, Zim. If I see you up to anything too bad I'll be able to stop you anyway. Well… Unless it's exam week… Then Gaz can stop you."

Zim made a gagging noise deep in his throat. "Ugg, the Gaz-sister… At least you will be there most of the time, correct Dib human?"

"Should be."

"Should be? You are not sure?"

Dib shrugged. "I dunno Zim, kollege is hard. I might be too busy to come out every day."

"WHAT?" Zim shrieked, his hands clenching. "Too busy? How can you be too busy for ZIM? ZIM IS ZIM! You… You…"

"Kollege is important!" Dib protested as the alien stopped mid rant to stare at him. "Real important."

"More… Important then Zim?"

Hesitating, Dib shifted his weight from foot to foot and thought. Sure, Zim was a threat to the safety of the world, but he had been a threat for over six years and nothing had happened. He threatened defeat and an armada, but nothing had ever come of it. Dib had the suspicion that Zim may have even saved the Earth once or twice… Sure, the alien was still an important part of his life, but it was time to start looking towards the future. He couldn't chase after Zim forever.

"Yeah. It's even more important then you."

Dib hated the crestfallen look that came over the alien's face at his words. But why was he so upset anyway? It wasn't like Earth was the only thing Zim had in the universe! There was that stupid robot and his entire species and… other stuff… Zim was just playing some sort of warped mind game with him!

Zim looked over to the tall human, a nearly pleading look in his eyes. "I… I don't want you to go, Earth-stink."

"What?"

"ZIM WILL NOT REPEAT HIMSELF!" Came the sudden shout before Zim lapsed back into sullenness.

Dib sighed. "Why don't you want me to go, Zim?"

"I… Have come to enjoy our little battles Dib… If you leave for this 'kollege' many opportunities will be lost… The total takeover the world shall be too easy with you not around."

That was quite possibly the most pathetic excuse Dib had ever heard. Sighing again, he crossed the room and sat next to Zim on the bed. "Look Zim, I'll miss you too, alright? But that's no reason to go all… emotional on me. We'll still have our battles. Plus, I'll be back for summer semester and holidays."

"ZIM WILL NOT MISS THE HORRIBLE EARTH FILTH!" Zim shouted, jumping away to point dramatically at Dib. "I just don't want my victories come too easily, that's all!"

Rolling his eyes, Dib jumped off the bed and started packing up his boxes again. "I'm going Zim," he said in dismissal. "There's nothing you can do to stop me."

"We'll see about that!" Zim growled, spider legs emerging from his Pak to carry him out the window.

"No! Wait!" Dib shouted, suddenly lunging for one of the legs. Zim stopped, midway out the window and looked down at the human, antenna glinting in the moonlight. "I… You… Please don't mess this up for me, Zim. I really… really want this."

Without a word, Zim pulled himself free and disappeared into the night. Frowning, Dib closed the window and went back to his packing. He had a bad feeling about this. A bad, gut wrenching feeling that twisted him up inside. If he didn't know any better he would have said it was guilt.

-

-

"Drive safely son," Professor Membrane said, catching Dib into a bone crushing hug. "And remember; don't pick up hitchhikers, hookers, or drug addicts."

Dib blushed, fighting to free himself from the embrace. "I won't."

"I guess this is goodbye," Gaz growled, the GS2 curiously absent from her hands. "Don't do anything too stupid in kollege. If I have to come bail you out you'll feel my horrible wrath."

Dib smiled, giving his sister a quick hug. She stiffened and clenched her fist and he let go, nearly jumping back. "I'll be good."

The car was packed and full of gas, Tak's ship safely in a trailer to be pulled in back. He had his dorm room number, directions to campus, and a storage shed lined up for the Irken ship to be stored in. He took a deep breath. He was ready.

His family waved until he was out of sight and that's when the lump began to form in Dib's chest. He was doing it. He was really doing it! He was so… crying. He was crying and he had to pull over for a moment on the side of the freeway. Rubbing his face with his sleeve he grinned and put the car back into gear.

Well, this was it. His first time away from home. He'd never even gone to summer camp before and now he was off to kollege. Suddenly Dib wished that he had taken up his father's offer to have one of the lab assistants drive him to MIT. Glancing back into his rearview mirror, Dib saw the skyscrapers of his hometown fade away.

So this was what it was like to be happy…

-

-

Epilogue of sorts….

You know all those happy thoughts Dib had? The ones that thought kollege would be a better place? Well he was wrong.

Kollege sucked.

The dorm room was tiny, his roommate was a pig, his food was disgusting, and the people here were all jerks. It was only his second day of class and Dib was already ready to go home or go postal and blow up campus. Maybe he would do both.

Zoning in his astronomy class, Dib didn't even hear the reason why the voice had started ranting. He had just heard the sudden shout ring through class and perked up, staring in shock at a suddenly familiar head down in the front row.

"YOU LIE! YOU LIE!" the voice shouted, breaking off the professor's dull lecture. "Pitiful human COW! Does your species not know anything? The universe is a marvelous THIRTY BILLION years old not a PATHETIC thirteen poINT SEVEN!"

"No way," Dib muttered staring down at the black head of hair below him. "No fucking way."

"You do not believe me? FOOLS! With SUPIEROR Irken technology, our scientists have… have… I mean… I'M HUMAN! YUP! ABSOLUTLY POSITIVELY HUMAN!"

His head sinking down to his desk, Dib began pounding his head on the desk over and over again. This couldn't be happening to him. Why? Why was Zim here? Things had been going so… Well, as things had stood everything had sucked, but Zim was sure to make it worse!

So intent on bashing his brains out, Dib didn't notice when class ended or when Zim walked back to stand over him, a puzzled look on his face. "Dib-human," he said when the boy hadn't stopped his incessant pounding. "What are you doing? Is that some sort of bizarre and foolish Earth ritual?"

Dib stopped his pounding. Rubbing his sore forehead he glared up at Zim. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what are you doing here? Are you… Stalking me or something?"

"Stalk? Why would the MIGHTY ZIM stalk such a WORTHLESS, UGLY being such as you?" Turning his nose up, Zim smirked. "I had always planned on moving my base to a location such as this upon the completion of 'Hi-skool.' In fact, I had such a move planned out BEFORE I even arrived on the FITHY STINKHOLE! Since such is the case, it is YOU who is stalking ME!"

Dib blinked up at the alien, a look of quiet horror on his face. "I have an alien stalker."

Zim frowned and cleared his throat. "In any case, I can not be bothered by you right now, Dib-human. My 'major' of something called 'New-Clear Engination' calls me and a must be off!"

"Nu-Nuclear Engineering?" Dib shouted, suddenly alert and on his face. "You… I see your evil plan, Zim!"

"Plan? What plan? I have no plan!"

"Oh, shove it!" Dib said, a grin crossing his face. "You're planning on using nuclear weapons to destroy the Earth!"

Zim grinned back, edging towards the door. "And what if I am, Dib-stink? Like you would ever be able to stop me!"

"Bring it on."

-

-

"So you see, if we order the shielding system from the Irken and then get the black hole reactor from those Vortian refugees on T'Pau we'd save about 3,000 monies."

Jas nodded at Liz's figures. "Either of them offer any warranties? I don't want a repeat of the self aware computer incident."

Liz snorted. "Irkens offer warranties? We'd be lucky if-"

"GET BACK HERE ZIM!"

"YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME, EARTH WEASEL! VICTORY FOR ZIM!"

Jas and Liz silently cut off their conversation as they watched the short green student bowl through a group of grad students. He was closely followed by a taller boy with a strangely enormous head.

"HOW CAN YOU CLAIM VICTORY? YOU HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING YET?"

Then they were around the corner and out of sight. Jas sighed and shook her head. "Freshmen."

Inner Critic: How could he have looked through the rearview mirror and seen his hometown? There was a trailer in the way!

Me: It was alien magic! ALIEN MAGIC I SAY!

Oh, as for the Jas and Liz thing at the end... Originally I was going to write a full length fanfic about Dib going off to college and running afoul of a secret, alien based, society that lurks on campus. Jas and Liz were going to be the sole members of said society. If you like them, they'll probably be the stars of the upcoming theme, Secrets. If you don't like them then... Skip theme 12 when it comes out.

Chocolate is almost done. Yay! Dance! I have two exams this week (one on Tuesday and one on Wednesday) so it shouldn't get posted tonight, so expect it tomorrow maybe.

Next up: Chocolate