Author's note: This chapter is a little bit more angsty than the first two, but I felt it was neccessary in this case, as each of the Avengers react differently in different situations. The victim of Tony's Starkasm in this chapter is Bruce, and Bruce isn't the kind of guy to be easily riled up by petty pranks or snarky comments, so I had to go much deeper with him to achieve the same result. This chapter was by far the most fun to write, however, and I really like the way it turned out, even going so far as to say it's my favorite so far.
Also, I just wanted to give a shout-out to special agent Ali for partly influencing my decision to continue this story. Now, onto the third chapter!
"Friend Stark, why are you green?"
Thor's confused question brought Bruce's mind back down to earth, and he looked up from his blueprints to see that Tony was, in fact, green.
His face and neck was covered in green face paint, his beard had temporary green hair dye in it (Bruce knew it was temporary because Tony would never dye his beard, he liked it too much), and he was wearing a green T-shirt.
"It's Halloween," said the billionaire, sitting down. "The rest of my costume is in the workshop, Jarvis is doing the final paint coating now."
"And what are you supposed to be?" Clint asked, jumping down from where he'd been perched on top of the refrigerator.
"You'll see," Tony said cryptically. "Right now I'm just down here because I'm thirsty. I have the strangest craving for Pepsi. Do we have any Pepsi?"
Bruce shook his head. "No," he said. "I don't think so."
"What, no way!" Tony exclaimed. He rushed over to the fridge and opened it, searching its contents for Soda. "How do we not have any Pepsi!?"
"Tasha likes Pepsi," Clint said, shrugging. "But what's the deal, I've never seen you get so worked up before. It's just soda."
Tony looked up and blinked, the words taking a second to register because he was focused on the Pepsi.
"Huh," he said. "I don't know, I guess I'm just not used to sharing my stuff a whole lot. Pepper hates Pepsi."
"What is this Halloween you speak of?" Thor asked in bewilderment. They all looked at him.
"Right," Tony said, still looking at Thor as he grabbed a Coke and began walking back to his workshop. "Bruce, explain Halloween to Goldilocks here. Clint, tell Natashalie to stay outta my stuff. I've gotta go put on my costume."
"You really want to get between Nat and her Pepsi?" Clint asked incredulously. Tony paused. "No, you're right," he said. "Never mind. JARVIS? order some more Pepsi to be delivered as soon as possible. Double the order too, now that more people are going to be drinking it. Now, if you'll excuse my, my costume awaits."
With that, he left the kitchen. Bruce chuckled and turned to Thor, who was looking at him quizzically. Right, how to explain Halloween... Way to dodge a bullet, Tony, He thought as he began to explain.
"Okay, that is seriously the best costume ever," Clint said. Bruce looked up from his notes to see Tony outside on the balcony, wearing what he could only assume was his costume.
"Oh, please, tell me that's not what I think it is," he said.
Tony was wearing a robotic Hulk suit.
"Isn't it sweet?" He called out as he walked through the large doors. "I've been working on it for months, I'm not used to making something this big!"
"Tony, this isn't funny," Bruce said, looking from the green metal fists to the parts of the legs that were painted purple.
"No, you're right," Tony said. "It most certainly is not funny. It's amazing, plain and simple. I've got the best Hulk costume in New York! Maybe even the world, though I don't know, I saw a few cosplayers in Japan that came pretty close..."
"Seriously, Tony, accepting the Other Guy is one thing, dressing up like him..."
"Would you relax? The Hulk's a hero, Bruce, I don't know why you're so against it when somebody likes him."
"But the Hulk's not under my control," Bruce argued. "If kids see him as a hero, if they start dressing up like him, idolizing him, they start thinking he's their friend. Then what happens if I lose control and they see him out on the streets, and they go up to him, and he hurts them?"
"The Hulk wouldn't do that, though," Tony said. "You might not be in control, Bruce, but that doesn't mean he's not under control. I think that he usually has a pretty good idea of what he's doing."
"But how do you know that?" Bruce asked.
Tony sighed. "For one thing, he saved my life," he said. "When he could have either let me fall or smash me. For another, he saved the lives of hundreds of civilians, when he could have smashed them just as easily as the Chitauri or any other monsters we've fought, and finally, he speaks in almost complete sentences."
Bruce was about to argue, but was surprised at the last reason. "...Really?" he asked. Tony nodded.
"I've heard him when we were out on missions," he said. "He sticks mainly to one or two word sentences, but he speaks."
Bruce shook his head. "But still," he said. "Dressing up like him is going too far."
"I really don't think so," Tony challenged, but just then, Steve came running into the room, in all his Captain America glory.
"Whoa, Cap," Tony said. "Dressing up as yourself is definitely not allowed."
"SHIELD called," Steve explained, ignoring Tony's remark. "There's some kind of monster attacking Rochester. We're needed."
"Seriously?" Tony said, raising his eyebrows. "A monster attack? On Halloween? Somebody went a little overboard with their costume."
"You're one to talk," Clint said, but then Steve, who had just noticed Tony's costume, froze.
"Tony," he said slowly. "What are you wearing?"
Tony looked down at himself. "Oh yeah," he said. "It's my Halloween costume! I'm being the Hulk this year."
Steve stared. "Are you serious!?" He asked. Tony frowned. "What?" he said. "Jealous that I didn't decide to be you? Sorry, Cap, I haven't dressed up as Captain America since I was like, six."
Now everyone was staring. Tony seemed to realize what he'd said and cleared his throat.
"Well?" He said. "Are we just gonna let Rochester take care of itself? Let's go!"
"Wait wait wait," Bruce said. "Are... are you gonna change into your suit?"
"Nah," Tony said with a grin before a helmet and face plate resembling the Hulk's head assembled itself around Tony's head. "This suit isn't just for show, y'know," came Tony's voice through the speakers. "I gave it all the abilities of my other suits, it's just bigger. And green."
"Tony..." Bruce began, but was interrupted by Clint. "Wait a minute," He said. "Why'd you give your Halloween costume all the capabilities of your real suits?"
Tony shrugged. "Just in case," he said.
Clint snorted. "Just in case?" He repeated. "Were you expecting a monster attack on Halloween night?"
"No," Tony said. "It's just... I like to be prepared, that's all. What is this, pick on Tony night? The civilians down in Rochester are screaming for help, and you can bet those streets are packed with lots of little kids who would probably like to get back to begging for candy in relative peace. So can we go now?"
"Tony's right," Steve said. "We've got to move!"
With that, they all went off to save the day.
Needless to say, the Avengers won the battle. The Monster hadn't been all that hard to defeat, and the Hulk hadn't even been needed at all. So Bruce had stood back, watching the fight.
It was weird, watching the robot Hulk fight. Tony had programmed the suit to emulate the Hulk's fighting style as well as his appearance, so Bruce, for the first time, got to watch the Hulk as if he were an outsider.
He tried to tell himself that it wasn't the same, that this Hulk wasn't, as Tony so eloquently put it, a Giant Green Rage Monster. No, this was just Tony playing dress up, trying to get a rise out of him, but he could feel it working, despite how hard he was trying to fight it.
After the fight was over and the Avengers began to head back to the tower, Tony turned to Bruce with a smile. "Well," he said. "That was fun and everything, but I'm not gonna lie. I don't much prefer your suit, I think I'll go back to red and gold and leave the whole green thing in your corner."
"If only it were that easy for me," Bruce found himself snapping. He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt a surge of anger at Tony's words. He was always angry in some way or another, but this time, he was truly mad.
Almost immediately, the other Avengers all stiffened slightly, the mood suddenly tense. All except for Tony, that is. He raised his eyebrow and looked into Bruce's eyes. They were green, they had to be green. Bruce felt the Other Guy's presence so strongly that he simply had to be showing in Bruce's eyes.
He took a few deep breaths, he tried to calm himself. If only Tony would leave well enough alone for once in his life.
Unfortunately, when it came to Tony Stark, 'leaving well enough alone' was just about impossible.
"If I didn't know any better," he joked. "I'd say you were just jealous 'cause I'm just as good at being the Hulk as you are. In fact, I might even go as far as to say you were..." He paused, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. "Green with envy."
"What, you think I wanted this!?" Bruce snapped. "I'm not jealous, Tony, if I could give my 'suit,' as you call it, to someone else, I would. Heck with it, if I could simply kill the other guy off, I'd do it without a moment's hesitation. But I can't."
He could feel his heart beating faster and faster, he could feel his anger reaching new levels, the only thing keeping the Hulk back was the fact that he had to finish, he had to say everything he wanted to say, everything he'd been wanting to say since the creation of the Other Guy.
"Dr. Banner, you need to calm down..." Natasha was saying in low quiet tones. Oh, so he was back to Dr. Banner now? Figured.
He let out a bitter laugh. "You don't understand anything about what my life has been like," He said to Tony, ignoring Natasha's warnings. "You can't even begin to comprehend what I go through on a daily basis. You tell me you think you'll leave the whole green thing in my corner? That this is just some game, some suit you put on for a few hours, 'till the novelty wears off and you can go on your merry way? I can never step out of the ring, Stark."
"Bruce..." Steve said quietly. Huh. At least he still considered him worthy of a first name.
But Bruce wasn't finished. "I can never be too careful, I can't ever let loose, I have to constantly watch myself, check myself, fight with myself, to try and keep the Other Guy from breaking through. You drink away your problems, I've seen you do it. Drown yourself in alcohol until all your reservations are gone. I can't do that. My reservations are the only thing keeping the monster from being unleashed."
"Well said," Tony said when he was finished. "Nicely put, the wording was great, I liked how you used my boxing analogy to prove your point, and the bit about the monster was especially congruent to your argument. The delivery, however-"
That was as far as he got, though, because right at that moment, Bruce felt the Hulk break free from his control and he knew no more.
When Bruce came to, he was in the Avengers Tower, lying on his bed and wearing tattered pants (Tony was working on pants that could expand to Hulk-size and still be there when Bruce returned, but they still got a bit ripped when he changed) and a new T-shirt.
He groaned and got up, slipping on a new pair of shoes before leaving his room and hunting down the rest of the group.
Finally, he found Clint, Steve and Thor sitting around a table in one of the kitchens, drinking coffee.
"Good evening," Steve said, looking up from a newspaper. "Feeling better?"
"How bad was it?" Bruce asked. Better to get it all out as soon as possible, rather than beat around the bush and imagine the worst.
"Lost the quinjet," Steve said nonchalantly. "You tore a wall out when you transformed. But we managed to land fairly safely. Scared the pilot half to death, though..." Steve gave a sort of half smile as he gazed blankly at the floor, probably remembering the look on the pilot's face.
"And... Tony?" Bruce prompted, fearing the answer but needing to know.
"Tony's fine," Clint said with a smirk. "Luckily, he managed to get the helmet activated right before the punch landed."
"Oh no... I hit him?" Bruce asked, sitting down. Thor nodded. "It was well justified, I assure you. He had no right to speak as he did."
"Yeah, but justified or not, I still hit him..." Bruce said. "You sure he's okay?"
Steve smiled and gave a small nod. "He's perfectly fine," he said. "Pepper insisted he get checked out as soon as we got to the tower, he didn't get so much as a bruise."
"Wow..." Bruce said. "The helmet was really that strong?"
"Not exactly," Clint said. "You should see it, it's smashed to bits, Hulk pulverized the thing!"
"But... I thought you said..." Bruce started, confused. Steve sighed and put down his paper. "The Hulk only hit Tony once," he said. "And personally, I think he pulled his punch quite a bit. That stunned Tony for a second, and the Hulk ripped the helmet right off his head. Then he went to town busting the helmet."
"He what!?" Bruce exclaimed. That had never happened before.
"Yeah," Clint said. "Tony thinks it might have been some sort of redirection. The Hulk didn't want to beat up Tony, so he channeled his anger at the helmet."
"Wow..." That was all Bruce could say. "How did Tony react?"
"That was the strange part," Steve said, frowning a little. "He laughed."
"He what!?" Bruce found himself saying again.
Thor nodded, also frowning. "He simply sat in his seat and laughed," the Norse god admitted. "He laughed all the while as the Hulk destroyed the helmet, and even well into after the quinjet had made its landing. He only ceased once the Hulk had finished and returned his attention to friend Stark."
"Uh-oh," Bruce said. "Then what happened?"
Clint smiled again. "He talked," he said. "The Hulk talked to Tony."
Bruce leaned forward. This was too unreal. "What did he say?" He asked.
"He said: 'Stay outta my stuff'." Clint said.
Bruce felt his mouth drop open. If possible, it would have gone all the way to the floor. "No way," he said quietly. "He... he made a joke!?"
"Yeah, he made a joke."
Everyone turned to look at the doorway, where Tony was smiling at Bruce, most of the green paint scrubbed off of his face, and his beard dyed black again. He walked over and sat down next to Bruce, clutching a Pepsi in his hand.
"What'd I tell you?" He said. "The Jolly Green Giant has quite the sense of humor, stealing my line and using it against me. But hey, lessons learned, right? You learned that the Hulk is a lot more in control than you thought, and I learned that the big guy and I have something in common."
He took a swig of Pepsi and smirked at Bruce. "Neither of us like to share."