Ember's Beacon

These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.

"Without a family, man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold." Andre Maurois

A/N: Thank you to all those who have taken the time for read along with me. Sorry this chapter took so long, the fun of real life sometimes :)

Chapter 2

The elongating shadows that stretched into the bay with the morning sun seemed to reflect the somber faces of the men standing before him. It had been a long hard week for them as they endured the painful duty of saying goodbye to a fellow firefighter and friend. Even as his own heart ached with hearing the soulful cries of Mack's mother Hank had held out hope that Johnny and Roy had been wrong with their on scene assumption. It had been heartbreaking to find out that the investigation had proven otherwise and they all carried sorrow and confusion knowing that he had taken his own life.

The Captain took a silent inventory of the men standing in front of him with an understanding that it was part of his job and personal sense of responsibility to help them through this crisis. Part of his training had included a basic knowledge that each man would mourn in a different way, intensity, and even duration and nothing was a one size fits all solution.

In a talk with Roy to check on the junior medic he had shared Johnny's self-perceived guilt which would only serve to intensify his feelings of anger, frustration, and failure. It was a rocky path leading to self-driven questions that more than likely could never and would never be answered. Hank also knew that the younger medic's devotion to his friends ran deep and enduring. Since Roy was Johnny's closest friend at the station he would be relying heavily on Roy to keep him posted on how things were going, positive or not. There was no doubt about Johnny's skill as a firefighter and paramedic; however, the weight on his shoulders reflected his primary responsibility as Captain which was to make sure that no matter what the man was going through the job could be done.

He cleared his throat. "We've all had a rough week and I appreciate the time you put into helping out with the funeral and house clean up this past weekend. Mack's sister told me they would be leaving to return home to Florida today and expressed her gratitude that he had so many good friends. The department chaplain will be contacting you this week to offer his services in case anyone needs to get anything off their chest. As far as here I expect everyone to be on their game and ready to work. If you can't do that then I need you to come and talk to me."

It was an unsaid given that the group was pretty resilient and wouldn't easily admit to needing outside help even if they did need it. For now he'd done all he could and there was a station to run. As the men nodded silently he knew the best thing was to move forward.

"Lopez, what's for dinner tonight?"

Marco's head popped up and he smiled. "I think I'll make my momma's enchilada casserole."

This time the head nods were a bit more eager and for Hank it was a good sign.

"Sounds good pally. Let's get busy. Last shift had a rough night and we need to work on some hoses."

Roy pulled out the trauma box and opened it up to do inventory before the shift got too busy. Making a supply list always started the day and being in a routine seemed to ease the viscous air of disquiet that filtered around them.

"Call um out and I'll start the list," Johnny said as he leaned against the squad.

"Thanks. One D5LR." He intentionally didn't make any eye contact with Johnny hoping it would keep him more relaxed and not feeling like he was in the observation ward at county lock up. Johnny was far from senseless and already knew he would be at the center of scrutiny.

"Okay. Dwyer said we were getting low on Morphine."

The tone of his voice was actually encouraging. The last few days it had been painfully obvious with how hard he was taking everything but this morning he was almost sounding like the old Johnny.

"Yea, we only have one here. We need a box of 4x4's and a couple new rolls of tape."

Johnny nodded. "Roy?"

He looked up. "Yea?"

"You know after the funeral I talked to his sister some."

Roy looked up. "Yea? She seemed nice."

Johnny agreed with a head nod. "Did you know he was seeing a psychiatrist?"

Sitting on the running board of the engine Roy gave a short shake of his head. "No, but I guess it wouldn't be something he would just go around talking about."

"I guess so." He shuffled his feet a bit. "I guess I really had no idea how bad he was doing with it all."

Roy let out a deep exhalation and looked up to his friend. "I think he was just doing all he knew to do in the face of a horrible situation. I can't," he paused and felt the shiver run through him. "I can't even begin to think how I would feel if I lost my family all at once like that."

Now Johnny looked uncomfortable with the discussion as evidenced by the furrowing of his eyebrows and the lack of eye contact. Roy knew it was time to back off and offer distraction and they returned to counting stock.

Roy stood on the edge of the concrete bridge looking down and resisted the impulse to put his arm out in front of Johnny who was leaning further over the railing and making him nervous. They stood on a county road overpass which overlooked a now washed out mountain gorge after being called out for a man down alarm. The once small creek was now a rushing torrent of muddy water from rains that filtered down through the mountains washing away everything in its path penetrating deeper into the ravine.

"Well, it's down alright," Johnny commented with a slow shake of his head.

"How'd he do that?" Chet asked as he leaned way over trying to see the man who dangled from the end of rope that seemed to be looped on his ankle.

Hank pulled on Chet's coat. "If you don't back up we'll be rescuing you next."

Johnny shook his head and yelled down again as the man flailed his arms. "Don't move!"

The distance and rushing water didn't allow them to clearly hear what the man was yelling though he did seem to hear them for the most part as they watched him grow still again.

"I'll go down," Johnny said as he pulled the repealing gear on.

"I'll do it Johnny."

He continued to buckle the belt. "It's my turn. You did the skyscraper last week."

That didn't make him feel any better though he knew his partners mind was made up and arguing would only delay the rescue. What would help was to make sure every rope was secure and that there would be no glitches during the rescue.

Pushing off the edge Johnny stayed in position until his swinging motion slowed. During that time he could see the understructure of the bridge, where the man's rope was tied off and what looked like a hikers backpack tucked into the thick bulky rafters. Once his momentum had slowed he began the descent to the dangling man below running his line parallel and about fifteen feet away.

Reaching the same level as the suspended man he could visually confirm the mass of tangled rope that was around the man's ankle and leg.

"Hey, can you hear me?" Johnny called out to the lifeless appearing body.

The voice was weak and shaky, barely heard above the surrounding noise. "Please."

"Are you hurt?"

"Yes," was all he could get out and though he couldn't see the man's face the voice was clearly full of pain.

Beginning a gentle pendulum swing he gaged the distance between them and knew there was a risk at reaching out to grab the man not knowing exactly how hurt he was. As soon as he had the chance he grabbed ahold of the man trying to minimize the jerking action as the man cried out in pain.

Once he was still he began a rapid assessment of his injuries. A quick look revealed a very dusky and abnormally positioned ankle which spoke of constriction and fracture. His hip was painful to palpation and Johnny suspected a hard yank of the fall could have dislocated or even broken it, never mind the significant potential for back injury. At the same time his mind sorted the injuries he worked at the best manner of getting the man back up top.

"JOHNNY!"

He looked up to see Roy waving then pointing gesturing under the bridge. Johnny knew instantly what the panic was over. The wearing of the rope was about to give and suddenly there was no other decision except to hold on to the man and let them be pulled up together with an urgent prayer for his own rope to hold them both. With a new found sense of urgency he slipped the belt around the man's waist and secured him to his clip then wrapped his arms around just in time to feel the full weight of the man fall into his arms. With disbelief he watched the other end of the rope fall past them to dangle below.

Each pull of progress upwards caused the man to grunt in pain. "Stop," he said with barely a whisper.

"Hang in there, we're almost there."

"The pain," he agonized.

"I know, hold on for me. We'll get you some relief soon."

"No," he groaned before passing out again.

Seeing the faces of Hank and Roy peering over the edge just above him he let out his whisper of thanks from under his breath. "The ankle is broken, maybe hip too. Back pain."

Roy understood the patient's needs instantly and pulled the backboard right beside them as they used calculated gentleness in lifting the broken man over the edge. Once Johnny was topside again he saw they were already working on stabilizing the neck as Marco pulled out IV supplies. The question of how he got there remained unanswered as he drifted in and out of consciousness while they worked. Contact with Rampart elicited orders for an IV fluids and rapid transport as the helicopter came into view and landed just up the road from where they were. Over the powerful engine noise Johnny motioned that he would go with the man as Roy acknowledge the call and began packing up supplies to meet up at Rampart.

"Did he say how he wound up down there?" Hank asked Roy as they packed up.

"I don't know Cap but Johnny said it looks like he had that little camp set up under the bridge. I think when the rains came through it washed away what stability he had."

"Damn lucky to be alive," Hank muttered as they headed to their vehicles. "Get us back home Stoker."

Once they were in the trauma room it was easy to see how unkempt the man was. No more than forty years old, his clothes tattered and torn, he was unshaven with a rough beard and mustache growing in, shoes with holes in them and a body that looked malnourished.

"He looks like a homeless man from downtown," Dixie said as she tried to clean off his face. "What in the world was he doing out that far?"

Johnny just shrugged. "I don't know Dix. By the time we reached him he wasn't very coherent. What ya think Doc?"

Joe Early looked at the x-rays. "You were right. That left hip took a blunt force trauma, broken ankle, spine looks okay though. I think when we get these fractures repaired and get him hydrated he'll start to wake up for us."

A sigh of relief escaped. "Good Doc."

Dixie followed him out to the hallway. "Johnny, how are you holding up?"

He knew what she was talking about and shrugged. "Okay I guess. Just still a shock I think that he could even do such a thing."

"It's never an easy thing to understand and even harder when you can't ask him the questions."

He nodded. "I just help but thinking." He paused.

She put her hand on his arm knowing where he was heading after her conversation with Roy a few days after the funeral. "You were a good friend Johnny, don't ever doubt that."

Looking into the homeless man's room he frowned and tensed up. "I didn't know he was that bad. I missed that. Like that man in there, he probably has no one and even with me being around that's how Mack felt. Alone."

"Johnny, we'll do what we can to help the man in there and you did what you could for Mack. And that's all we can do, the best we know how at the time."

Turning to see Roy walking up he stepped back from Dixie and suddenly looked uncomfortable with the conversation. Dixie took the hint and didn't pursue it anymore.

"Didn't you two get enough playing on ropes as kids Roy?"

Roy chuckled. "I leave the swinging from vines to Tarzan here. How's he doing?"

"He's heading up for surgery but Joe thinks he will be fine."

Roy dropped the backpack by the door. "I think this is all he has so figured he might need it again."

Johnny cocked his head to the side and looked incredulous. "You went down there after I left?"

Roy was a little taken aback by his reaction. "It was just under the bridge Johnny. No big deal."

"No big deal? Are you kidding me? The whole reason he almost plunged to his death was because it was unstable under there."

He took a step forward. "Look, I'm fine. Chet and Marco secured my line and it only took a couple of minutes."

"I'll be in the squad," he answered abruptly and headed down the hall and out the double doors.

"What was that about?" Roy asked Dixie.

"It's normal Roy. Just give him space."

With a nod he turned and followed his partner to the squad and climbed in the driver's seat. Johnny sat with his arms crossed and stewed.

"Mind telling me what that was about?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Roy knew it was a closed door for the moment and decided it was better to just let him be until he was ready to share what was going on in that head of his.

"Why would you take that kinda risk?" Johnny blurted out as they sat at a red light.

Roy had to reorient himself to the previous conversation. "This is over that backpack?"

Johnny turned towards him and looked furious. "This is about you risking your life for something that wasn't important."

Roy pursed his lips together in thought for a moment determined to keep the conversation calm. "Well, I figured the man didn't have anything else so it might be important to him. It might have been all he had."

It was clear he was about to say something as his mouth opened but then quickly shut without letting the thought escape. He turned back to the front window. "Next time I just wish you'd be more careful."

There were a dozen responses and retorts to that remark that filtered through his brain but Roy let it rest knowing that anything he said would only sound like he was trying to antagonize him further. He suspected it all led back to the loss he was feeling and his own close friendship they had together here. Clearly it all tied together and when strong emotions were involved often reason wasn't welcome. He was hoping that things were getting better for his friend though now he realized his judgment had been premature. It was clear that his friend was still in the beginning stages of grief with shock, anger, and guilt.

When their next shift arrived Roy entered the locker room to find Marco and Chet trying to pry information out of Mike regarding his weekend adventures. The mood was lighthearted and he knew for them life was going on. His weekend had been spent doing yard work at the house and not surprisingly he had never heard from Johnny. It wasn't like they did daily phone calls or anything just with three days off they would often catch a game and a beer on one of the evenings. From his end the silence had been unnerving and it had taken all Roy had to let Johnny have his space.

When everyone headed out to the bay for roll call Roy's concern grew. "You guys seen Johnny?"

Mike nodded. "Yea, he was here when I got here out there checking the boxes with Jackson."

Roy mumbled his thanks and headed out to the roll call and sure to his word Johnny stood there already waiting and ready to go. Once the morning routine was finished they gathered in the day room for coffee and a surprise treat.

"Hey Cap, where did all the muffins come from?" Chet asked as he reached for a large blueberry one that looked delicious.

"Glad you asked that Kelly," Hank started. "Those are from the teachers at Carson Elementary."

Chet immediately put the muffin down and backed away from the table. Hank smirked and shook his head. "Easy there Chet. You're off the hook. It's Johnny and Roy's turn."

Johnny's mouth was already full of blueberry when he sat back in the chair with a disappointed look on his face. "Awww, Cap," he mumbled.

"Don't Awww me, your turn. You know the drill."

They both shot a glare to Chet who was now laughing as he picked up a muffin in each hand. Johnny stood up and picked up four of the muffins which cut the laughter short.

"Hey," Chet whined.

Johnny raised his eyebrows. "Don't 'hey' me. We'll be busy earning these so we'll just take them now before you inhale them all."

Roy shook his head. "Let's get going partner. We have just enough time to get supplies before heading to the school."

"Don't tell me you enjoy this," Johnny grumbled as they pulled out supplies from the squad and hauled it all inside.

Roy shrugged. "Teaching is a part of the job I don't mind."

"And every time we come I seem to be the one that gets pranked."

With his back turned, picking up boxes, Roy smiled. "Well, you are the most practiced at it."

"Funny Roy, funny."

Once inside they set up in the drama room and waited the group of fifth graders to come in. It was a service that the county fire department did for the schools and though they enjoyed sharing what they did with the kids it was often a challenge. Attention spans were short, restlessness was quick, and it being an adventure was an understatement.

As the group of kids began to filter in the men stood at the ready in their best professional stance. The class teacher came up front and encouraged everyone to settle down and listen as she pointed out the loudest and threatened them with removal of recess. Johnny's raised eyebrows made Roy grin.

"Don't worry partner I won't take your recess away," Roy chuckled.

The return glare spoke of reprisal in his future and he quickly redirected his attention to the dim roar that came from the crowd.

After being introduced by the teacher Roy began the instruction on what they did and what their titles were. Normally he took the role of telling the paramedic side of their jobs then Johnny would discuss fire safety. Randomly calling up kids they tried on oxygen masks and their favorite part was getting to hold the defibrillation paddles.

"Zzzztttttt,"the little boy sounded as he pretended to zap a fellow classmate.

"Easy there partner," Johnny called out as he gently took the paddles away from him. Knowing the machine was turned off wasn't completely comforting to him even though Roy's look of amusement reminded him they were kids after all.

"Can we put them on you?" The innocent little face asked him with a smile.

He was shaking his head before any words even came out. "Oh no, why don't you just let me have those."

The little girl giggled.

Johnny sat back and watched the kids as Roy continued his first aide talk with some delusion that he could make sure everyone was behaving. They were all between ten and eleven years old, a pretty even mix of boys and girls with little clique that grouped together in their own whisper circles. Johnny watched as two boys seemed much more interested in a couple of girls than Roy while one was apparently pocketing all the chalk he could find.

A taller young boy who wore an obvious look of trouble and seemed older than those around him was busy tormenting the girl sitting next to him. Johnny would call it tormenting as he poked, pushed her books in the floor, flipped her hair and seemed to take great pleasure in doing anything possible to annoy her. Although she remained quiet her look wasn't one of submission to the bullying, more like defiance that burned in her eyes. Johnny smiled as he though the clock was ticking down on when she would repay the attention. He could see it in her face, she was plotting.

Roy clearing his throat brought him back to reality and he easily slid into his own talk with information on what firemen did, the equipment they used and describing the situations they might find themselves in. This was the part that typically the boys to show more interest at least for a little while. Part of his demonstration was pulling up one of the boys to put on the turnout gear but this time as he eyed the group the young girl, who now had scissors aimed at her stringy blonde hair, caught his attention and he pointed to her.

"You," he suddenly called out.

The bothersome boy next to her stood up and looked eager to move up front.

Johnny shook his head. "No, her."

Her head shot up and met his eyes with a look of bewilderment. "Me?"

Again he nodded and motioned for her to come forward then took pleasure in the look of disappointment that her tormentors displayed.

She was petite and seemed small for her age, wearing nice but unexceptional clothing of a flower print dress and sandals. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail that left trailing strands around her face. Standing up and moving to the front the other students grew quiet as they watched her like she was walking into traffic and they debating stopping her. It surprised him how unfriendly they were as they stared at her. Her approach was confident though she remained quiet and he caught the glare she returned to her classmates that snickered at her now.

Johnny greeted her with a smile.

"These are the tanks we wear to provide oxygen while we are in a fire. Want to try them on?"

Lacking excitement for the opportunity she still shrugged and answered him. "Okay."

As he helped her into the oversized turn out pants, coat, boots then tanks and mask she took the growing weight without complaint.

"Now tell me if this is uncomfortable for you," he said as he tightened the mask and let the oxygen course through for her.

The room remained quiet as they watched her waiting for a sign she would bolt or cry or maybe even fall over. But she did none of the above as she held her ground and did exactly what he told her. Pulling the equipment off he continued to talk to the room describing how each piece protected their lives.

When the overhead bell range the teacher clapped her hands and instructed the class to say thank you which was accompanied with applause and a generally good response. Johnny helped the young girl climb out of all the gear as he told her thank you for doing such a great job.

"You're welcome," she said with a gentle smile.

"I'm Johnny," he paused with raised eyebrows and an encouraging look.

Her smile faded and she tilted her head slightly. Realizing what he wanted she pressed her lips together as she seemed to contemplate her desire to answer.

"Embury, everyone calls me Ember though."

"Interesting name," Johnny said with a smile. "I guess you were the perfect one for me to have demonstrate today huh?"

Her smile quickly disappeared. "I don't like it when people make fun of my name."

He picked up on the serious nature of her tone and face.

"Well, I wasn't making fun of it. I think it's a nice name and I also think you did a very good job helping me today."

A small smile came to her face. "Thank you."

The teacher's quick grab of her arm sent them both hurrying towards the door. "Next class Ember, hurry."

The busy teacher turned back to the medics. "Thank you so much fella's. I think the kids really enjoyed it today."

Roy turned towards her with two hands full of equipment. "Our pleasure."

She was quickly out the door heading towards another group of students in the hallway who were laughing and pointing in their direction.

"Not bad," Roy said as he passed a box to his partner to load into the squad.

Johnny smiled and nodded his head in agreement. "Yea, definitely worth the muffins."

Roy closed and locked the compartment before pausing in front of Johnny. "Well," he hesitated.

"Roy?" Johnny said nervously. "What did they do?"

Roy walked around him and pulled a large piece of paper off his back that said KICK ME. Johnny snatched it out of his hands and promptly wadded it up into a ball.

"Those kids….."

Roy chuckled. "It was still worth the breakfast and besides, I think you made a new little friend."

Johnny followed his eyes to see the little ponytailed girl watching them from a second story window.