Dedicated to my favourite Squirrel and Voldy, who requested some Squirrelmort and have got it. (They've also been nice enough to review my stories, so please read their stuff because it's really good!)

The Hogwarts Express was waiting on the platform. Another school year had ended. It was time to leave.

The gang were already on the train, split up across the compartments.

Hermione Granger was sat in one compartment, reading the Daily Prophet, with her boyfriend leaning against her side. It had taken a near-death experience, but now both of them knew what the other meant to them, and nothing was going to change that. He had stayed by her side all the time she was unconscious and only left when Madam Pomfrey made him. And Draco Malfoy was still by her side now, with an arm around her shoulders and his head leaning against her. Hermione smiled at him and turned back to her Prophet. She read something that made her pause, then frowned as she read it again.

"Draco, have you seen this?" Draco sat up straight and read the story over her shoulder.

"This has to be some kind of joke!"

Hermione stood up. "I have to show Harry this. He won't know!" Together they made their way down the carriage.

Fred and George were sat a few compartments down from Hermione and Draco with some of their classmates. Lee Jordan was in there, and Alicia Spinnet. And there, leaning against the window was Katie Bell, sat next to George and holding his hand. It had taken a few secret meetings and days out in Hogmeade, but the two of them were now a confirmed couple, and Katie was going to be spending some time at the Burrow in the holidays.

Opposite Katie and George were Angelina and Fred, who were sat nowhere near as close to each other, and they certainly weren't holding hands. After a few failed attempts at sneaking away to make out, Fred had decided that he wanted to step back from this 'relationship' because they were going too fast for him. So Angelina started going out with Lee instead, and Fred has realised a little too late what he'd lost.

This was what Hermione and Draco burst into, looking for Harry. Everyone looked up at them.

"I…um… Have you seen Harry?" Hermione blushed at all of the stares.

George spoke. "I think he in the next carriage down. I doubt he'll want anyone to disturb him and his girlfriend." He smirked.

"He'll want to see this" she showed them the article.

"What?"

"No!"

"This can't be serious!"

"This has to be some kind of joke!"

Hermione smiled. "You see what I mean though? Harry needs to know this!"

George nodded and passed back the paper. "I'm fairly sure I saw them get on together in the next carriage down. The compartments might have been full in there though."

The next compartment held Neville and Luna. They had reached a kind of middle point, deciding to just be friends for the holidays, and then see where they stood. They'd spent too long hiding things from each other for their relationship to last, but they'd know each other long enough to stay friends, and both of them hoped that they'd be able to start again.

Hermione paused at the door to their compartment, wondering if she should tell them, but changed her mind and moved on when she saw the third person on the compartment. Ron Weasley had left the hospital wing after he and Draco had taken Hermione there, unable to stay in the same room as his rival. When Hermione had left the hospital wing, they'd had a few fights, and Hermione couldn't bear to be anywhere near him anymore after the things he'd said. Even Harry had got sick of his best friend's snide comments. Ron saw Hermione pause by the door, but didn't look up. He didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore. He had to move on.

Hermione passed by Cedric as well, but didn't even consider stopping to talk to him. She didn't like Cedric. In fact, no one liked Cedric except himself really. Even Cho had given up on him. She now preferred the company of her friends and schoolmates and her new boyfriend, who adored her and always had.

Finally, Hermione and Draco reached Harry's compartment, where he was sat with his girlfriend. They hadn't gotten together straightaway after that fateful game of Truth or Dare, but Harry had gone up to the Astronomy Tower to think. It was there were he realised who really meant the world to him, and he had found her to tell her so the next day. And there she was, sat next to him. Ginny Weasley. Hermione probably would have thought that they were the happiest couple in the school if it weren't for her and Draco. She sighed as she paused at the compartment door. She really didn't want to interrupt them, but Harry needed to know this. She pushed the door open, and they both glanced up.

"I'm really sorry, Harry, but you have got to hear about this." She and Draco entered the compartment and sat opposite the couple. She passed over the paper.

Harry read out the article.

"Voldy announces engagement"

Ginny looked up, "What? Seriously?"

Harry laughed, "Yes, and there's more.

"Lord Voldemort, otherwise known as the Dark Lord, You-Know-Who, or Tom, has announced today that he has recently been in a serious relationship with well-known brain and two-faced loser Quirinius Quirrell. Voldemort is quoted as saying "Quirrell's the best, you know. Man, we've been really close for a while. After all, I spent most of a year leeching of his soul. We've been rollerblading, and been to the movies, and lately we wanted something more." The wedding is to take place next year, and the happy couple have decided to take a flat out together in London. The Daily Prophet has also been told that among those invited to the wedding are Albus Dumbledore, who has been asked to bring the Sorting Hat and Scarf of Sexual Preference along, as well as "that Mudblood, Granger", "the blood traitor Weasleys" and "those losers, the Malfoys"

"The Prophet also dared asked the 'Dark Lord' whether his announcement would have any effect on his plans to take over the world, enslave all of the Muggles, and kill Harry Potter. Lord Voldemort seemed to find this an odd question, the Prophet can reveal, saying "Why would that make any difference? I'm the badass Dark Lord! I'm going to kill Harry Potter and marry my favourite Squirrell- I mean, Quirrell!"

Harry looked up from the paper.

"What's the world coming to?"