~ a!n: usually I wait a little bit longer to post chapters, so that each one is plotted out and this doesn't turn into one of those 20 chapter things, but since I got such cute reviews from you guys [he's leaving for his own safety gosh you guys] I figured I'd get started a little early. As it turns out, I actually got done rather quickly, so enjoy, lovelies! ~
The waiting is torture.
She knows there are worse positions to be in; whips on her flesh, grueling work hours, no Pokemon. There are much worse sorrows, sure.
She is still miserable either way.
The day, that morning, replays in her mind every time she closes her eyes, and so she does not sleep.
"Let us in, Hilda!"
N gives her a last look before beginning his descent down the fire escape.
"No!"
A loud crash as the door breaks down and guards rush in, grabbing her arms, her feet, ripping the place apart in their search for him-
It is only when she sees her family giving her weird looks from around the dinner table that she realizes she is clutching her head tightly, her fingers mussing her precisely done hair style. In a rush, she straightens and grabs for her fork, spearing a piece of macaroni like it hadn't happened.
They say nothing.
Not at the dinner table.
Not the next day.
Not the next week.
Not the next month.
And neither does she.
She begins her re-descent into silence, limiting her vocabulary to "okay" and "no thank you" as time goes on. She is still numb. She does not feel.
She is not glad when Alder decides to set her free of his custody, realizing that she will never speak of N's whereabouts.
She is not disappointed when the house phone rings and it's just Bianca.
She is not jealous when Cheren sneaks the blonde of the trio a kiss during movie night.
If anyone is concerned, they don't show it.
The only one who tries is Hilbert. He is constantly prodding, poking like a confused Pokemon, wondering where his sister went. He probably wants to ask if she's still in there.
She wants to tell him she's not, but all that comes out is "Hilbert."
She doesn't know why she always says his name. Maybe it's because he always gives her a look that reminds her that they were once happy.
Eventually, eventually, ever slowly, she realizes that it has only been a year. She is only half way done.
She slowly comes back out of her shell.
She begins to go to the Safari Zone with the others more often. She roughs with her brother on occasion. At dinner, she begins to smile again. She even meets a boy on Route Eight who makes her laugh. His Pokemon dislike hers, but perhaps that's because they are always neck and neck in battle.
They spend days just walking. Not talking, because Hilda has reverted to her old self and her old self barely speaks more than a sentence a day. Actually, the not talking part is a lie, because he does the talking. He tells her about his day, and the funny things, and she lets out breathy laughs when she can tell he wants her to. He is her refuge when Cheren and Bianca cannot, or will not, be. He has extreme opinions, weird ones; he believes that sanity is subjective and that music is the most fantastic thing in the world. One day he solemnly tells her that he was clinically depressed for a long time, and she wonders how such a happy thing could ever be depressed.
When he kisses her cheek one day while they are picking Apricorns from a tree, she doesn't even slap him.
She tells herself that he's not a filler for N, and with the way he is, that's easy to believe. He is a rough and tumble boy, lanky and always with dirt on his face. He's the life of the party; the boys all throw their arms around him and guffaw and the girls bat their lashes, and when he looks at Hilda after he does…that, she knows that he expects her to do the same. Instead, she bites into an Apricorn and stares at him like he's weird.
The question of a boyfriend comes up one day, and she cannot even bring herself to speak. The word is caught in her throat like a fly in a spider's web.
She shakes her head.
He acts like he doesn't believe it, but really, he's thrilled, and she can tell.
"So.." He bites into a piece of fruit, and the smallest bit of juice dribbles down his chin. She resists the urge to lick it off before he wipes it away. "Really no boyfriend, huh?"
She shakes her head again.
He looks at her like he's given him an invitation before he kisses her.
She hates it, hates it so much she could cry like a spoiled child. His mouth tastes sweet from the fruit and his arms are strong from years of sports, his hair is soft under her fingers and he is a wonderful kisser, and she hates it. But she returns it in the hope that Will's kisses are just an acquired taste.
Another year passes.
They are not dating – at least, not what she calls dating. He's asked her out and she's nodded and the whole town whispers behind cupped hands about them, but they're not dating. Dating implies hope. Dating implies love. It implies that they are happy.
He may be, but she is not. Either way, he can't tell, which is good.
Another year.
She begins to hang out with Will more often, except this time they're around Cheren and Bianca. The day that Bianca says: "So…are you two, like, gonna be married or something?" in a spoiled tone is the day that she begins to hate herself.
They are officially a couple, Will and Hilda, and she begins to feel something again.
It's not positive.
Another year.
They are twenty and twenty one, now, the ripe age in which couples from her small town get married. She brings him back there to meet her mother and her brother, and they get along swimmingly. N is just a capitalized letter.
Another year.
They are married, a small ceremony in which he promises to be hers forever and she manages a few loving sentences in return. The audience lets out a coo, they kiss, and it's done. She's safe. No more wondering, no more hurt.
Their honeymoon is romantic and sweeter than his lips from their first kiss, but the entire time she is itching to take a shower. She can't recall why.
Another year.
She is happy until May, when a knock sounds on the door of their new house.
"I'll get it!" She hears Will call from the living room, followed by the sound of a door creaking and a gruff "who the hell are you?" in a voice that breaks her heart.
She is cutting tomatoes for dinner as she listens, but at the voice she stops halfway through a slice. Underneath all the Novocain numbness that she has had for so long, something twitches.
"Can I help you?" The note of anger in her husband's tone is a warning, and although she doesn't love him, she knows him. She has to step in or the other man is a goner.
She enters into the foyer and sees him, but she doesn't stop until she's by Will's side and hanging lovingly onto his arm.
N's face makes her want to die.
"Hilda?" His voice is soft, and she realizes that he's real as she takes him in. He looks…oh god.
He dressed up for her.
His hair is cut short, and he wears a dress shirt and slacks, which is so out of character for him. He is pristine, and he outshines Will.
But she is still on the latter's arm.
"So. I see you were the one who found a pretty blonde thing." Will is not blonde, and he's really not pretty, but the words make her throat constrict.
No. She can't.
She is happy now. She has a husband and her dreams are filled with a bouncing baby with her eyes and it's father's smile. Her house is clean and her life is perfect and he cannot do this to her.
She doesn't answer.
"I'm sorry, my wife doesn't talk much." Will's words, attempting to be polite an effort to make up for her lack of answer, but they are more painful than he realizes. He has killed two birds with one stone. The words wife and doesn't talk much are his downfall.
She can practically see N putting them into an equation. If you leave your soul mate alone for six years, what is the probability of her finding another man?
She almost laughs at her shit effort of trying to think in mathematical terms. Old Hilda would have laughed, anyway. New Hilda wants to cry.
She is seconds from doing so before she realizes that N has just pinned Will against the wall. His voice is savage, raw, as he yells profanities in the brunet's face. How long has it been since he's screamed like this?
Never, she thinks. He has never screamed like this.
She watches in a daze as Will gasps for air under N's forearm, frozen in time, before she acts, shoving the green-haired man into the kitchen so they can speak alone.
"What the hell do you think your doing?!" She speaks with such ferocity that she feels like a champion again.
"What am I doing? What are you doing?! I waited for you! I waited and I come back and you've got some farmer on your arm, telling me that you're his wife!" He has never sounded so angry, so passionate in his beliefs. Her heart gives a tiny little thump.
"Because I am his wife!"
He draws back, and they fall into silence.
"What's his name?" His voice is calm, even, measured out. He does not want to upset her, even now.
"..What?"
"What's. His. Name." When did he learn to sound threatening?
She sighs, happy to have such an easy answer. "Will. His name is Will." She realizes the mistake of putting affection into the words when she glances back up.
"And you…l-lo-" he clears his throat, unable to use the word. "You care for him?"
She considers it. "I don't..y'know. But I do care."
He almost seems satisfied with the answer before she becomes furious with realization.
"You yelled at me."
He is surprised, and she sees that he's lost the ability to hide it. "What?"
"You. Yelled. At. Me." Suddenly she is screaming, pushing him away. "I waited six goddamn years for you! Six years, not one, not two, SIX!" her voice shatters on the last word. "What do you want me to do, join a convent every time you leave the region? Because it's not like that. It's never going to be like that. I waited, and waited, and you never came back, so I gave up." She draws in a breath to yell some more when she feels eyes on her back, and she turns to find Will looking at her like she's a phoenix, burning bright right there in his kitchen, and N is a fire extinguisher.
She huffs, throwing herself into his arms, in need of the comfort he so tenderly gives.
She can hear the rumble in his chest as he tells the other man to get the hell out, and she can smell N's scent as he passes by. The door slams, and she is numb again.
That night, Will hears her sobbing through the darkness and pulls her tight, instead of letting her have her space like he usually does. She digs her fingers into his damp shirt, breathing deeply to get past the hiccuping sobs. He smells like sweat and soap, not a hint of outdoors-y smell on him. Good. She doesn't need any reminders.
"He was important to you."
She nods vigorously before realizing he can't see her. "Y-yeah." A pause as she considers just breaking the ice now. "I love him."
Will sighs, as if he knew all along. "Yeah."
She glances up. "You're not surprised."
"From the moment he looked at you, I saw it. Of course I'm not surprised." He wraps her up tighter, as if he knows that this is the last time. "If you love something, set it free, I guess."
A hummingbird seems to fly around in her chest, and she snorts as old Hilda leaks through. "You don't sound very eager."
She hears him chuckle. "I love you. Am I supposed to be eager to be letting you run off to someone you love more than me?"
It sounds so harsh, put like that, but she can't deny it. So she touches his face instead, her hand cupping his cheek. "Hey. Don't talk like that. I still care about you a lot, or I wouldn't have married you." She feels him nod under her hand, but she's still not convinced. "Besides. I'm still staying here for tonight, because I'm always freezing and you're always hot as hell."
He laughs, although it's dejected and broken. "I wish I could take that a different way."
The sound of skin coming into contact with skin breaks the air, and he nearly whimpers at the slap.
"Don't get ahead of yourself." As if to make up for the pain, a soft pressure comes down on his cheek.
"Good night, Will."
"Good night."
He doesn't sleep a wink, and neither does she.
[]
The next morning she is gone, her feet barely touching the ground as she runs to the Pokemon center. Maybe if she's fast…
But instead of seeing a relaxed, early morning center, she sees one with flashing blue and red lights. Her heart catches in her throat.
They've found him.
~ a!n: anyone here watch Hannibal? Because if you do then you know that Will is supposed to look like Will Graham, who is just so sexyfine I can't even
Anyway.
Hope you enjoyed. I really like doing cliffhangers, because if I forget where I'm at for the next chapter, I can just look back at the last one. :D I hate reading them though. Go figure.
Reviews make me happier than a Pikachu on drugs, so please leave me some so I have an excuse to do another chapter early!
Ta-ta! ~