Totally AU, Dean came and went in the pilot, and Sam and Jess stayed home, got hitched, grew normal. Doesn't mean the demon wasn't going to come.

Hey guys, thanks again for the reviews, loving your support. This is just a quick instalment between exams and assessments. My life is getting crazier at the moment, so the updates may become few and far between, but stick with me!

Hope you enjoy this chapter, review at the end please.

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There were a few moments of awkward silence after they finished speaking, Sam clutching Jamie tightly to himself, trying to pull himself together. Dean had decided to give him some time alone, and had disappeared to buy them some breakfast.

Sam had sat on the bed, holding Jamie trying to puzzle through his thoughts. He felt somewhat calmer having heard the whole story, now knowing at least why the demon had come to take Jess. It was terrifying though, the fear he felt moving through him like ice through his veins, to realise that all along he had been the reason for it all.

There had been times when he had suspected of course, wondering as a child why the nasties seemed to come after him more than his father or Dean, considering why his mother had died over his crib, speculating about why he seemed to have stranger dreams than any of the other children at school. But there had always been an answer for these questions, he was attacked more because he was younger, not as good or committed a hunter as the rest of his family. Dean had explained that his mother dying over his bed had been accident, a coincidence that these things happened in many of the cases they worked. And the dreams hadn't come often enough to be a real bother; Sam had just marked them down to living in a more supernatural family situation then the other children at school.

But now, knowing for sure that he was the reason for it all beginning. It hit him like a punch to the stomach, the air deflating from his lungs. It was like waking up one morning to find you had murdered everyone you knew while sleep walking. He had been responsible for the death of his mother, and therefore he was responsible for the death of the man who had been his father, turning John Winchester into the driven man he was today. He was responsible for the death of the fun-loving, smiling, innocent child that Dean had been, causing him to give up that childhood in order to become both of Sam's missing parents. And now he was responsible for Jess's death.

As a teenager, in the midst of shouting matches with his father, Sam had once or twice screamed that he wished he had never been born. Now, sitting on the bed in the motel room, thinking back to the pictures of the life his family had had before he killed his mother, and remembering just how full of life and incredible Jess had been he felt it seriously for the first time.

It was a very disconcerting thought to realise that the world would actually be a better place without you living in it.

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When Dean walked back through the door carrying a bag of greasy food that would have to do for breakfast he realised that Sam hadn't moved. Jamie was asleep now, and Sam was gently rocking him, lost in thought.

"You with me Sammy?" Dean asked, dropping his keys on the table and plonking the bag of food down next to his brother.

Sam nodded vaguely, and stood to put Jamie back into his crib so he could get some food.

"If you want, when you're ready, we can both head back to the house. The fireman who was there last night said he could help us out with saving the stuff you have in there. But, if you don't want to go back there that's ok, I could head over by myself and leave you and Jamie here."

Sam took a bite of the burger before answering.

"No, I, I think I want to see the house. At least, I need to see it one more time… to help me remember her."

"Ok Sammy, but, you know, take your time." Dean paused again, unsure of how far he should push. "We may also, you know, have to start thinking about planning the funeral."

Sam nodded slowly, tears springing to the corners of his eyes. "I know. We should get that done as soon as possible. We need to get out of here Dean. Find Dad and then hunt that demon down."

"Sammy, we can take as much time here as you need. Dad will be ok."

"No Dean, you don't understand. I need to kill this thing. I need to avenge her. I need to be able to go to sleep not terrified that it's coming for my son next. James is going to grow up in a world that is safe from that demon."

Sam finished his food, and slipped away into the shower to try and wash off the smoky smell that still seemed to sling to his body.

Just after he got in Jamie woke up, and Dean was contenting himself playing 'the aeroplane game' with his nephew when his mobile rang.

"This is Dean."

"Son?"

"DAD? You're alive. Thank goodness. I tried to call you on your mobile, but you didn't answer. Are you ok?"

"I'm on a pay phone, I'm fine, I tried to hold onto it for as long as I could but it was to strong. Tell me you got there."

"I was too late. I.." He was cut off by an explosion of horrified curses.

"Sammy?" The tone of his fathers voice told Dean that if his brother had died his father would have never been able to recover.

"I got him and Jamie out of the house. It got Jess."

"Oh, thank goodness. Well, I suppose that's at least something good." John's voice had moved form devastated parent to army commander in the blink of an eye.

"I'm still in Colorado Dean, town an hour north of the Southern border. How soon can you meet me here? I think I have a lead on where its going next."

"Damnit Dad. Sammy just lost his wife" Dean hissed into the phone, "give him some time to grieve. We still need to organise the funeral, he needs to say goodbye to all the people he's friends with, take time off work. I'm not just dragging him straight away from this place because you have a damned lead."

"Listen to me Dean. This is serious. There are more important things going on here than Sammy's job. He'll understand the need for speed here. He knows the pain I felt when your mother passed now; he'll understand how important it is that we get this thing!"

Dean's heart clenched painfully at the thought that his father could possibly accuse him of not understanding pain when his mother had died. When he did respond his tone was quiet with fury.

"No Dad, you listen to me. Sammy may well understand what we went through when mum died. But I won't let him rush away and leave the life that he has been building here to chase a demon that you've been after for 20 years without success. Jamie deserves to live a normal life, the way Sam wanted him too," there was an unspoken 'the way we didn't get to', "And if that means that we take a few hours for Sam to request work leave, so that he has a life to come back too then we will take those freakin' hours. I have to go; we have a funeral to arrange."

Dean resisted the urge to throw his cell phone as hard as he could at the wall. Instead he dropped it onto the bed and turned to face Jamie, who was sucking his thumb and staring thoughtfully at him.

"I won't let them muck up your life kiddo. Don't worry, uncle Dean's got your back." He murmured quietly. I won't let them take away your chance for having dreams and a real life. I won't let you become me.

Sam opened the bathroom door, looking slightly more relaxed than he had previously.

"Ready to go?"

He nodded slightly, his still wet hair falling loosely into his face.

"Lets get this over with."

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Ok, well, there's the next chapter. I know it doesn't really seem to be going anywhere, let me assure you, it is! We shall have some serious demon but kicking in chapters to come. Lol. But all the anguish is necessary. Updates will come as soon as I find the time. Hope you enjoyed it. Review please!