Disclaimer: I think if I owned Death Note I would also own the band BOTDF…just to see Jayy naked…a lot.

Warning: A sort-of-kinda lemon ahead.

A/N: So don't ask why this was the one to get updated…but it was. Also one of the sites Beta readers so kindly pointed out that doesn't allow the usage of copyrighted lyrics….sue me.

Song: Little House-The Fray (duh)

Into the Fray

Little House

~Mail~

I know he doesn't want me to know, to see what it is that's eating him apart and making him like he is, but I do. He doesn't know where the marks come from, he thinks it's some sick joke on my part, revenge on him for all the times he's hit me. That's why he told me to fuck off when I told him to clip his nails.

Oh, I know he wants to forget his life before me, before us, but it's just not going to happen, he has to accept what happened in his childhood and move past it, not cram it into a corner. Mello won't even tell me how his life was before I stumbled across him, but I know that's what this is from, because the marks look exactly the same now as they did then. He thinks repressing it is working, because he doesn't see what I do…

She doesn't look,

She doesn't see,

Opens up for nobody.

I'm lying in bed beside him now, watching as he slowly scratches his shoulder, an innocent little motion that no one questions, I know he's still awake because his breathing isn't quite slow enough for sleep. Watching his fingers curl, straighten, press, curl, straighten, press, and repeat is almost mesmerizing, except I know I have to stay focused.

A moment passes and he stops, I breath, maybe I'll get some sleep tonight.

Minutes later I wake because I can feel a slight shaking movement, I know what it means and my stomach clenches when I click the small light beside our bed on. What looks strangely like burns stretch over his shoulders, neat lines, three on either oozing just slightly and his fingers furiously scrapping at his side. New marks to join the old scabbed ones dotting his lower back.

I softly slide my hand under his nails, letting him pull my skin off, not moving until he is still again, looking at the mark on my hand, wondering if he'll ever notice how I don't take my gloves off anymore, if he'll ever realize that the marks are from his own insistent scratching.

Morning comes and I barely stop him from rolling over in time, the skin of his back pulls as he tries to get away from me and he feels the tender flesh pull, hissing in pain.

"What the FUCK Matt? I understood the first couple of times, but every fucking night for a month? What the Fuck did I do to you?" He yells at me, forcing himself up, but I stay silent, gloves already in place.

Mello makes a disgusted sound in his throat and turns to go, freezing when he brings up a hand to open the door. In my sleep-deprived state I forgot to wash the blood and bits of skin off his hands and I watch his eyes grow wide.

Figures out,

She figures out,

He doesn't speak about it, I don't try to get him to but he doesn't yell at me anymore and his nails are filed down these days…it just makes him crazier, his body needs something in place of the scratching.

I don't notice until I almost trip into his lap and he catches me, the smell is cloying, my stomach clenches and I back away, confused, Mello never smells so bad/odd/sickly. He gives me a weird look but ignores me again to lick at his chocolate, but I know that smell, from all the times my hands slipped while cooking, from falling through a window. It's the smell of healing flesh after a deep cut that hasn't been cleaned right.

I wait until night-time again, when his leathers are gone, though lately he's taken to wearing a shirt to bed…long sleeved.

Narrow line she can't decide,

Everything short of suicide,

Never hurts,

Nearly works

The sight of the cuts on his wrist aren't really what surprises me, it's that there's just so many of them that I can't help but wonder why. Mello's self-control isn't the greatest, but he doesn't like pain all that much and these are deep.

I don't even wait for morning, I shake him gently, his eyes snap open and there's fear in them for a moment as he looks at me, another change, before it was always a gentle flutter of lashes and a sleepy glare.

"What Matt?" He tries to sound like nothing's wrong but I can tell, I can always tell and without saying a word I touch the tip of my finger to one of the cuts. He goes rigid, closing his eyes and the words slip out, "It never hurts, almost makes me better."

That's enough of an answer for me, I have to find a way to make him talk to me, to tell me what happened to him, why he needs to feel pain. I haven't been allowed to touch him since the first mark appeared and it's killing me. I need my Mello, my Mihael, my lover back.

Something's scratching its way out,

Something you want to forget about,

Part of you that'll never show,

You're the only one that'll ever know.

He's still not opening up, not speaking to me hardly after a couple days and I realize I'm going to have to do this the hard way, the one I hoped to avoid.

"Mel?" He's sitting by the counter, eyebrows furrowed as he looks over some spreadsheet or another for his "job" and at my hesitant call he looks over at me as I stand fidgeting.

"Yeah, what's up?" He sounds kinder than he has in a long while and I almost forget trying to make him talk. Almost.

"I need to know Mel. What happened to you before I found you?" I try to be gentle first, because I don't want to fight.

"Nothing Matt." His voice is cold, his face perfectly blank but there's a warning in his eyes, one that I promptly ignore as I get too close to him.

"No Mihael, not nothing, something. Tell me damnit, or I'm leaving because I can't take this anymore." I didn't mean to say that last bit, like I could leave him, but it just rolled out, fitting into the sentence perfectly.

His eyes grow huge and suddenly he's clinging to me, holding me as tightly as he can, "No…Mail please, Mail I do-I didn't you can't…I need you!" I return the embrace, not as tightly of course but still, I return it, somewhat surprised by his reaction.

"Mel, calm down." I murmured soothingly, "just tell me what happened, I'm not going to feel any different about you if you do, no matter what I'll still be yours okay?"

Mello doesn't answer and things stay quiet for a long moment, just his ragged breaths as he holds me close, desperately. "Okay." He lets go finally and looks me in the eyes, "but you're the only one that will ever know this part of me."

I know what it is he's giving and I nod, smiling gently and patiently waiting for him to tell me, because I know he will.

Take it back where it all began,

Take your time would you understand,

What its all about

Something is scratching its way out,

Something you want to forget about

He pulls away and leads me to the couch where we sit side by side, his body just brushing mine, all tense muscles and taut nerves.

"That night…when you found me…I meant it to be my last." He takes a deep slow breath and looks to me, "I felt so disgusting, like I was covered in the grime, the black awful stench of my life and no matter how hard I rubbed it wouldn't come off. I couldn't wash it off, or scratch it away so the only thing left to do was shed my body and hope that the dirtiness wouldn't follow my soul."

At least that explained why scratching of all things and I kissed his hair, "Why did you feel like that love?" I prodded, the rarely used pet name helping him relax some.

"Because my parents…they sold me every night, to strange men I'd never met, to women who were to twisted to have any shot at a normal relationship…I never complained or tried to stop the things that happened and I…" He stopped to take a shuddering breath, memories clearly in his eyes, making my heart lurch painfully.

"I slept with both of my parent's and they made me rape me younger sister, that was when I couldn't take it anymore, during the day I was expected to behave like the prodigal son and be perfect and angelic and at night all they wanted was a whore who would spread his legs for anyone with money."

He shuddered against me and one hand wrapped around his rosary, "I almost killed them when I left, I know my sister died…Matty I've sinned so much." His words were getting softer and softer, despair in his eyes.

Mello closed his eyes to try to block the tears, my own vision was blurred as I pulled off my gloves to be able to really touch him, cradling his face with care and kissing his lips as softly as I could.

"I can't make it go away by saying it but…I'm sorry Mel." I kiss his cheek and then whisper in his ear gently, "You don't have to do this by yourself you know."

No one expects you to get up

All on your own

With no one around.

He trembles as I kiss every bit of him I can and when I strip us both he seems uncertain but doesn't try to stop me.

I've always topped him but now I want something different and I know he didn't expect it when I straddle him and push myself down on him, swearing at the ripping feeling in my lower half.

"Mihael…Mihael look at me." I wait until clouded sapphire eyes met my own blue ones, "I love you, I don't care what happened before, I just care that right now I can feel you inside me, that I have you in my life."

He's crying again as I ride him and we make love, slow and passionate dragging out our climax as long as we can.

When he comes, screaming my name and gripping my ragged hands, kissing the places he's scratched open, I know that we'll be okay.

A/N: Meh. SO CLICHÉ! But, I didn't know what else to have happen soooooo…. Before you tell me how scratches don't look like burns realize that my back is covered in them right now so HA! Oh yep and I made my Beta profile finally :3

Also:

SHOULD I PUT ANY STORIES ON HIATUS?

Do you think I'm making the songs and the stories fit together?

Am I projecting too much of myself on the characters?

Review? :3