Bitter suite
Chapter Ten.
Author's note, so glad that you guys and girls are still enjoying this as much as I am. There's a little bit of steam in this chapter, so look out for it :) Hono, I specialise in making people cry, who don't normally do so, trust me.
Steve slammed into the shower after his workout, turning up the heat as high as it would go to try and drown out the feelings of anger still twisting his stomach into knots. The hot soapy water unlocking the tight muscles in his back and shoulders. He sighed as he started to relax finally. He knew that he'd been completely unfair to Tony when he ahd been so snappy with him. He'd been so worried that he wouldn't pull through during his illness. Fretting so much about his suicidal tendencies and how to stop them. How to give him something to cling onto without pushing him away. Wondering how on earth they were going to get through all of this.
He wished that things were simpler, that they were just free to be in love with each other. But that just wasn't Tony Stark's style, he ahd to do everything the hard way or he didn't trust it. Steve couldn't change that part of the other's personality no matter how much he wanted to. All the solider wanted to do, was wrap his arms around Tony and keep him safe for the rest of time. If only Tony would actually allow him to do it. Hot tears merged with the scented water, his body shaking as he fell to his knees. crying with frustration. Why could Tony just not understand how much he cared for him!
Steve eventually climbed out of the shower, towelled himself and dried his tears. Pulling on his red/white and blue robe, he gingerly walked into the other room expecting another fight. To Tony passed out on the bed, his glass spilling on the floor. He sighed, "Why Tony? Why do you do this to yourself?" He picked up the glass, wiping up the spillage and returned the bottle to the shelf.
He watched Tony sleeping for a few moments, caught half way between hitting him, or taking care of him. Steve's softer side won out. He took the notepad from Tony's limp fingers, taking a glance over the technical drawings. Somewhere clearly upgrades for the suit. AS he shuffled the papers he found a detailed drawing of his bike and more upgrades for that he had planned. A tear fell onto the page, smudging it slightly. So this was the only way that Stark could show him how much he cared, well it would have to be enough for now then. Steve put the book on the night stand, and gently rolled Tony under the blankets. He kissed the other man's forehead goodnight and fell into bed himself.
(******)
Next morning Tony woke up to a tray on the side of his bed placed with coffee, painkillers and breakfast under a warmer plate. Waiting next to his notebook, and pens. Steve was already exercising in the next room giving him some privacy. They fell into a routine pretty fast of Steve working out until Tony passed out from drinking. The Steve would roll Tony into bed to sleep it off and cry himself to sleep. They never spoke, hardly ever saw each other despite the close quarters. Much to the annoyance of the observing Avengers.
Even with the limited contact the conditions were driving them both insane. Tony found himself starting to reach for the bottle and not his breakfast in the morning when he woke up. Steve found himself taking a bottle to the gym with him, drinking as he worked out. Then slowly there was less working out, and more drinking. To the point where he didn't even bother wrapping his hands to box, just started to sit on the bench drinking until he started feeling sleep. Then he would check in on Tony and fall into bed himself.
Steve sat on the bench, hand on his knees exhausted. It was barely lunchtime, and he was already on the third bottle. He reached out for it, but it had just rolled on its side and out of his reach. Steve made a grab for it, and ended up on his ass having fallen off of the bed. He started giggling, him of all people giggling like a girl. It actually felt really good to cut lose a little, really really good. He laid there for a while, in hysterical laughter at himself and their situation. If eh didn't laugh, he would end up crying again, and the tears were getting too much for him to bear.
It had been six of seven weeks now, and he couldn't take much more he knew that. He was close to suicide himself now, but there was nothing sharp enough in the room to do so with. They had made sure of that when they set it up. They didn't want either of them quitting the programme until it was complete. He just wondered how much longer it would be before they realised that it was never gonna happen and let them go again. He really hoped it was soon, he missed the outside world so much. Missed being able to go for a run in the park, or buy a newspaper, or go to the library and pick a new book out by himself. Just the simple little pleasures of life, he heard it raining out side and started to shake. "The rain cries the tears that I can not shed." he murmured, listening to the drops falling. He'd give anything to be able to run outside and stand in the cool air right now.
"I need sleep," Steve muttered, using the bench to drag himself upright. Heading for the interconnecting door, it was early too early and Tony hadn't passed out yet. In fact he was sat on his bed crying his eyes out. Steve dropped his untouched gym wear on the floor, rushing over to the other man, and throwing his arms around him. "What happened?" he asked quietly, hoping his breath didn't stink like a brewery like he thought it did.
"Get off of me!" Tony snapped, "And take that whisky breath with you!"
"I'm just trying to help you that's all." Steve said hurt.
"Oh really?" Stark bit back, "Or are you just turning into your man crush Coulson and stalking me? I know you watch me while I'm sleeping! God only knows what else you do to me when I pass out, cause I am pretty sure that I don't want to know. "
"Its not like that at all Tony, I would never do anything like that to you. God why must you take everything the wrong way!" Steve demanded.
"Then what IS it like then?" Tony snapped, downing another drink, or two.
(*******)
Watching Natasha and Barton smiled. She dialled her phone, "Its show time boys and girls." Within seconds Coulson, Pepper and Banner appeared holding drinks and popcorn. They settled down to watch the fight play out.
"$50 on Stark punching Steve." Barton started the bidding with.
"$50 on Steve kissing Tony to shut him up!" Natasha countered.
"Are we really going to bet on them like it is some sort of game?" Bruce asked, "Its not really fair on them us treating their lives in such a careless fashion. These are people, real people that we know and care for. Not just a random actor on a TV show."
Pepper smiled at him, opening her purse, "Of course we are, we worked hard to make this happen. Its fun because we love them all so much. Now $100 says the sleep together before the end of the fight."
Coulson looked at his wife to be, with a wry smile on his face trying to trump her hand. "$100 says that Stark punches Steve in the morning when he realises that they slept together."
"Oh that is just evil!" Pepper answered.
"Just how you love me my dear." Coulson commented kissing her.
The bidding continued as Bruce sat back eating popcorn and shaking his head. "I just hope that this is finally the end to this."
Banner nearly dropped the popcorn as Thor appeared next to him on the sofa. "Did I miss anything?" He asked grabbing a bowl.
"Start of bidding, what can we put you down for?" Hawk asked.
Seconds later Loki appeared behind them, looking in interest at the goings on. They all jumped to their feet to act. "Oh be calm mortals, I just wanted to see what the entertainment is that had my brother so interested. I am not here to cause any troubles." He watched in interest, "IS this a fight to the death."
"NO!"
"Shame it would be more fun if it was." Loki commented, sitting down to observe as well, "I can see why you are interested, to see which survives the attack of the other."
(******)
"Its like that I'm completely head over heels in love with you, and I can't just sit here watching you tear yourself apart anymore. It kills me that every night I have to come in here and you are passed out on the bed because you don't want to speak to me. It shouldn't be like that, we should be able to spend more then a moment in a conversation without it turning to drink, or fighting! I WANT it to be that way, like it was before you ever found out I was in love with you." Steve shouted, all levels of control gone from his pain and how drunk he was.
Tony was on his feet toe to toe with Steve, "Oh like its any easier for me to wake up every morning to hear you crying your eyes out, and getting smashed in that gym alone! Wanting to open the door and see if you are okay or not, worried you might do something Stark level stupid. Takes a real hero to hide away like that and drink himself to death. For all your high morals, you aren't any better then the rest of us mere mortals despite what my father always used to say!"
"Why can't you just accept that I am never going to leave you? That you can trust me, rely on me? And stop trying to push me away all the time with your stupid comments about my honour and your father, and the past?" Steve shouted back," There is nothing you can say which will make me walk away from you, I love you too much to abandon you when you need me. Whether you think you do or not."
"Why can't you accept that I daren't let someone else in, anyone else into my life. Everyone I do just leaves me, and breaks my heart leaving me this disgusting mess of a drunken bum, The man that I never cared for or wanted to be. Dad quit and died on me, Oberdia tried to kill me, Brody is always off doing top secret missions now he's got one of my suits. Pepper? She went off and got engaged on me. I've never been good enough for any of them. Their scorn when they look at me is bad enough, but I can't take it from you as well. Not when..." Tony trailed off weakly, and dragged the bottle drinking straight from it.
"Please finish the sentance, Tony." Steve said icily calm all of a sudden.
"No, I am just being stupid."
"Tony, finish the sentence truthfully like you were just going to, I am begging you."
"I CAN'T!" Tony snapped, the glass bottle shattering in his hand he was holding it so very tightly. He didn't even notice it gashing his hand as it fell to the floor.
Steve grabbed Tony and slammed him against the wall, holding him there with one arm pinned against his throat so the Billionaire couldn't move and escape this. It didn't stop Stark struggling and kicking him, or biting his arm to try and get free. "For the love of God Tony, finish the fucking sentence before I bash your brains in! I NEED to hear the rest of those words. I can't breath right now, I need to know what you were going to say. PLEASE!"
"Because I'm a stupid old man, and I'm falling in love with you!" Tony bit out tears in his eyes.
Steve's blood froze, "Please tell me that you mean that." Tears falling fast, at the words he had waited so very long to hear, that he needed to hear so badly. The ones he never thought he could hear from Tony's lips, he never thought he deserved to hear them.
"I mean, I think I'm in love with you Captain Smart Ass." Tony said, "I can't image ever spending a day of my life without you being by my side. That it kills me every morning to wake up without you in my bed with me. That the first morning when I woke up in your arms was the happiest I have ever felt in my life. That I know its wrong, and stupid, and not my usual style, but when I look in your eyes I know that I have come home. You are the only person I have ever felt truly safe with. The only person to be able to tear down every wall in my heart with a simple glance. The only person to ever see the truth of Tony Stark, not the carefree, drunk, playboy I show to the rest of the world. You know the hurting, broken, exhausted man underneath it all. The one who is desperate to be loved, and that is the scarcest thing I have ever admitted to anyone my whole life. So go on, just walk away from me like everyone else always does. I know its going to happen, I'm not worth anything and I am certainly not worthy of the love of a great man, and a hero like you."
Anything else negative and degrading he might have said about himself, was stopped by Steve pressing his lips firmly against Tony's. A kiss so full of passion and need that it was nearly tearing him apart. He had one kiss, one tiny moment to show the hurting man how much he cared, and he wasn't going to waste it. He'd finally been granted another chance to make Tony and himself happy, he couldn't know if he would have another, so he had to make every single second of it count, before Tony crawled off back to bed with the bottle and his dark emotions. He couldn't bare it if Tony cried himself to sleep one more night, he ahd to try and fix him as best he knew how.
Their tongue's tangled in the impassioned embrace, it was so like the kiss in the hospital, but at the same time so very different now. Tony had finally accepted his feelings and who he was, and that was a wonderful precious gift that Steve would treasure until he's dying day whether they stayed together or not. Steve tangled his fingers in Tony's hair, holding onto him to keep him in that kiss as long as he could. he was so trying to hold on and not start moaning like a cheap bitch. It was like the whole world had stopped around them and there was nothing but him and Tony now.
Long moments later, the Cap pulled away breathing heavily. He had only broken the kiss because if he didn't, he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen to his brain. He felt boneless, like hew as about to collapse. They looked into each others eyes, both afraid of the others reaction. Steve coughed and tried to clear the eerie silence. "Too much?" he asked softly.
Tony shook his head, "Not enough, nowhere near enough. You could kiss me forever and I would never get tired of you." He grabbed the sides of Steve's face and brought his lips crushing back onto Steve's. A kiss so feral, it brought moans from both of their throats.
Then the blinds shut hiding the Avengers view of what was going off inside. "OH!" Tasha complained looking up.
"Agent Romanoff, I think they are due a little privacy don't you?" Nick Fury asked from the doorway, casting a dark glare at Loki being there.
Grudgingly they all agreed, and slow dispersed. Smiling Fury pressed a hidden button on the desk to release the door controls to the other apartment.
"I wonder how long it will be before they realise they are free?" Hawk asked, setting off a whole new round of betting.
Fury laughed, taking a peek around the curtain to make sure all was still well. Blushing, he pulled away and followed the others. "I give it 48 hours." he said dryly, "Minimum."